Shed first slept with Jared to keep him with her. Had been consumed with the idea of impressing him. Had worried about what she looked like, what she'd done, what she'd acted like, nearly every time since.
Everything about sex with him had been complicated.
From the desire to use it to bond him to her, to the trauma that had come as a result, to the way she'd felt like... like she was constantly paying penance for what she'd put them both through. And in fairness to him, he hadn't told her any of that. Had never said he needed it-as payment or anything else—it was just all this inadequacy in her.
Somehow, it had always been about him. About her desperate need to keep him with her.
But this was about her. Because she didn't need to create any kind of feelings in him. He just felt them.
And if she felt a burning, bright piece of guilt embed itself in her heart, she decided to go ahead and ignore it.
Because it had been fifteen years, and maybe she could have something else. Something for her.
And no one ever had to know.
So she reached forward and put her hand on his chest. And her heart was slamming against her breastbone, heat igniting in her body as she made that first contact. And suddenly, he wrapped one strong arm around her waist and pulled her flush against his body. He was hard. And hot.
Everywhere.
And she felt like she was going to... To... No.
Standing there in the bar being held up against this stranger's frame. She had never been this close to an orgasm this quickly in her entire life. Not ever.
"We can do a whole date if you need to," he said, his voice rough. "I'll buy you dinner. Whatever you need. Whatever it takes."
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23
MAISEY YATES
"I don't need that," she whispered. "I don't need a drink either."
"T'll pay the man," he said. "We can be on our way."
It was so casual, and at the same time, anything but. The tension vibrating beneath the words was radiant with heat.
She wouldn't have been surprised if it left visible waves.
"I have a motel room," she said, her lips feeling numb, her tongue clumsy. "Just up the street. We can... We can go there. Now."
She had never done anything like this in her life. It was reckless. Crazy. But, she was reasonably certain that he wouldn't murder her, since he apparently came to this bar frequently enough that people would know him. And he came back to it. And... She should be fine. She was willing to excuse anything right now. Absolutely anything.
Whatever got her out of here. Whatever got her in his
arms.
Because he was the reason. He was the reason she was here tonight. This was the reason.
Yes, the relationship with Jared had ended because of him.
Because she had let it be exactly what it had always been.
Had ignored the fact that she had changed and he hadn't.
While she'd built shrines to the relationship that she wished it were. While she honored an investment of time that truly wasn't worth honoring. That only she cared about.
The truth was, his cheating had been the line in the sand.
But there had been a moment right before that echoed in her head.
A birth for one of her clients.
The father on his phone, standing propped up against the wall while the woman was helped primarily by Mallory and her best friend.
I don't know why she's with him.