13
In the evening, I accompanied a client to dinner.
It was already quite late when we finished, and I was exhausted. So, I returned to my rented one-bedroom apartment.
Although the apartment is small, it provides me with a sense of relaxation.
As I lay in bed, I suddenly realized that I was living comfortably in my rented home. Why should I go and live in a big house?
If I move, I'd have to spend two or three hours commuting every day. In that huge house, I'd be too lazy to clean and I'd just be eating, doing laundry, and sleeping alone every day.
Why should I go through all that trouble?
So, I made a firm decision to go and retrieve my things the next day.
It was almost midnight when I was still preparing my meal for the next day.
Recently, I've been finding it difficult to get used to eating takeout food, so I've been cooking my own meals in the evening and reheating them at the office during the day.
After finally finishing my preparations and lying in bed, I noticed that Gu Xiao had sent me a message.
"Why aren't you at home?" he asked.
The message was sent half an hour ago.
Has he gone home? That's really unexpected.
After some thought, I replied, "I'm here, not there."
Almost immediately, he sent back a single question mark.
I took a deep breath. Was he so stingy with his words now that he could only send a symbol?
"Tired," I replied, imitating his brevity.
He didn't reply again.
Exhausted, I didn't think much more about it.
The next day after work, I took a woven bag and headed over to Gu Xiao's house.
After packing up my things quickly, I was just about to leave...
The door opened.
It was Gu Xiao's mother.
"Auntie," I blurted out without thinking.
As soon as I saw her expression change, I realized that I had spoken incorrectly.
We haven't seen each other since that unhappy encounter at my house.
Calling her "mom" was just too much for me.
"Are you... planning to leave?" She walked in, changed her shoes, and sat down on the sofa.
"I, I think it's a bit far from here, and commuting to work is a bit of a hassle, so I'm planning to move back," I said truthfully.
"Have you and Gu Xiao been fighting?" she asked me.
"No fights," I said, closing the door and putting down the woven bag. It looked like I wouldn't be able to leave anytime soon.
"If there's no fighting, why did he call and ask me to come over?"
"Ah?"
I was a bit confused.
Did Gu Xiao ask his mother to come over? Why?
"There's really no fighting," I said, feeling a headache coming on. "Actually, he hasn't been back at all. Don't worry, I haven't had any interaction with him, so there's nothing to fight about."
But I found that the more I explained, the more complicated it became.
Because his mother was looking at me with a strange expression.
"You've been married for a week or two, and he hasn't been back?"
See, here's the problem.
On second thought, if he doesn't want to come back, I can't force him to. What does it have to do with me?
"Yeah, he's busy," I said, hanging my head.
His mother frowned deeply and took out her phone to call Gu Xiao's father.
Embarrassed to listen, I stood aside pretending to clean up.
"He hasn't been back.
"I told you so.
"What kind of marriage is this?
"Forcing the child to not even come home."
I heard a few snippets of their conversation.
She's right. What kind of marriage is this?
I don't know.
It seems like there's no difference between me now and when I was single, except that I feel nauseous every day and I don't have to worry about arranged meetings anymore.
What does marriage look like? I really don't know.
But as for whether this marriage is worth it?
I think it is. I've kept my child, married the person I want, moved into a big house, and my parents seem less worried about me.
But sometimes when I'm walking alone in the dark or cooking and washing dishes, I feel like something is missing.
Mrs. Gu Xiao called me out after the phone call.
"How's your health recently? I feel like you've lost some weight," she said.
"I'm fine," I replied.
"How much did you weigh before getting pregnant?" she asked again.
"94 pounds," I answered.
"And now?"
I hesitated for a moment, then nervously said, "92 pounds."
Yes, I've lost 2 pounds in over three months of pregnancy.
I can't eat much and everything I eat comes back up.
Plus, I'm running around all day in different stores, exhausted.
"You've lost weight while pregnant?" She looked at me in surprise.
What can I say? Is it my fault for losing weight? "I guess I'll gain it back later," I said.
"Give me your mother's number," she said, pulling out her phone.
I had no choice but to give it to her.
They added each other as friends and started a video call.
I sat there obediently, listening to their advice.
"Whose child loses weight while pregnant? Can this child get enough nutrients?" His mother seemed concerned.
"I always call her to eat more, but why is she still losing weight?" My mother was also worried.
I sat there, feeling a headache coming on.
"If you have time, one of you should come and take care of Jia Jia," his mother suggested.
"No, really no need," I quickly refused.
But they ignored my words completely.
"My husband is not young anymore and he's busy at the hospital. I can't come over. Gu Xiao is also very busy in the emergency room and can't even take care of himself. So we're wondering if one of you can come to the city to take care of her."
"We understand, but her younger sister needs constant care," my mother explained.
Yes, Chen Yu needs someone to watch her 24/7. She can't take care of herself and can easily fall into a ditch or a pool if no one is paying attention.
My mother definitely can't come.
My father works on a construction site every day, earning money for the whole family. Chen Yu's monthly medication costs 2000 yuan, so he can't stop working.
I've thought about this before. I even want to save more money so that when the baby is born, I can go to an affordable maternity center by myself.
"But what about Jia Jia? Look at her, alone and skinny like this. Will the baby be healthy when it's born?"
"Auntie, I can take care of myself. You don't have to..." I didn't want to put any more burden on my parents.
I called her the wrong name again, which annoyed me.
"Alright, every family has its own difficulties. I see you're holding something and about to leave. Gu Xiao isn't coming back, and you're pregnant. What are you doing? If that's the case, why did you try so hard to keep... the child is innocent."
"I'm getting old and can't handle you and Gu Xiao anymore. Do whatever you want."
She sighed, put some seafood into the fridge, and left.
I stood there, dazed.
Did I try so hard to keep the child? Did I force your son to go to the civil affairs bureau or something?
Gu Xiao hasn't accompanied me to any prenatal appointments in over three months of pregnancy. Why is he feeling sorry for himself?
I sat on the sofa, sulking.
Life seems to always be against me, and I can't find an escape.
14
After all that commotion, I decided not to move after all and continued commuting a few hours a day by subway.
One day, after work, as I walked up to my apartment door, I saw a worker standing there, holding a plastic bag.
As I got closer, I realized it was my dad.
"Dad?" I thought I might be seeing things.
He was dressed in long pants and a long-sleeved shirt, and his smile was slightly reserved.
"Why are you so late getting off work?" My dad quickly came over and took the groceries from my hands.
"I had to run to a store and got delayed," I explained.
I noticed he was still wearing a safety helmet, clearly indicating he had just come from the construction site.
Once inside, he placed the groceries on the shoe cabinet and whispered, "I found a job in the city."
"Oh? What kind of job?" I asked, slightly surprised.
"Painting walls for someone renovating a storefront. It's not far, just around here," he said with a smile.
"So you can come over often?"
"Yeah."
As he spoke, he stepped back outside and began to take off his jacket and pants right there at the doorstep.
"Dad, why don't you come inside to change? Why are you standing outside?" I urged.
"I have a set of clothes on inside," he said, pointing to the T-shirt he was wearing. "The clothes from the construction site are dirty."
"It's okay, just wash them," I said, a bit impatiently.
But he simply put the clothes in a plastic bag and left them outside the door.
"They'll dirty the floor," he said, pointing to the pristine floor inside.
"No, they won't!" I exclaimed, feeling both frustrated and worried. "If you leave your clothes outside like that, someone might take them."
"They're not worth much, no one will take them," he said.
Then he took off his shoes and walked barefoot into the house.
"This house is quite spacious," he commented.
"Don't walk barefoot, put on these slippers," I said.
"Alright, I'll rinse my feet first," he replied, grabbing a pair of slippers and heading towards the bathroom.
I looked at the plastic bag at the door, feeling a mix of emotions.
I followed him inside and watched as he quickly rinsed his feet, dried them, and then put on the slippers.
After that, he took the groceries I had bought and went to the kitchen to start cooking.
"Let me do that," I said.
Truthfully, my dad doesn't often cook at home.
Unless we have a lot of relatives visiting and there's a big occasion, my dad will take charge of the cooking.
So, I noticed that he wasn't very skilled at washing vegetables.
"You should rest," my dad insisted, refusing to let me help and burying himself in the cooking.
Unable to persuade him, I stood in the kitchen and chatted with him.
"Dad, are you going to be in the city for a while? Will Mom be able to handle things at home alone?" I asked.
He paused for a moment.
"She's been much more obedient lately, your mom can handle it," he said.
"Oh."
"So, how long are you going to be in the city?"
"A few months," I replied.
A few months? In my memory, my dad always did renovation work nearby so he could take care of the family.
The city is different from the countryside. It takes several hours to get back home.
How will he manage both?
That evening, as I ate the meal my dad had cooked, I felt a sense of happiness, but at the same time, a vague feeling of unease.
Before going to bed, I called my mom and she finally told me the truth.
"What coincidence? Your mother-in-law called and asked us to take care of you. Your dad has been tossing and turning for several nights, asking around to find a renovation job in the city. He deliberately found a place near you to make it easier to take care of you."
Upon hearing this, my heart skipped a beat.
"I've told you, I can do it, but you won't listen."
"As parents, who doesn't worry about their children? Your dad was afraid you'd feel委屈 over there alone, so he hurried to cook for you. Your mom hasn't even tasted your dad's cooking that often in her whole life."
"But what about you at home?" My voice choked up.
"What can we do? We still have to live. Don't worry about us at home, just take care of yourself and the baby."
After hanging up the phone, I lay in bed, thinking about coming home at night and seeing my dad standing at the door. I don't know how long he had been waiting there with his things.
Thinking about how stubbornly he insisted on changing his clothes outside, afraid of dirtying the floor.
It suddenly dawned on me that even though I live in this big house, my dad knows better than I do whether or not I'm the master of this house.
That's why he felt so uncomfortable and couldn't do as he pleased.
He struggled to find work in the city, wearing dirty work clothes after work and enduring countless snide remarks while commuting on the subway.
He only cared about me.
Thinking about this, my nose twitched, and the tears couldn't help but spill out of my eyes.
I suddenly felt like a failure.
I don't know why I insisted on keeping this child, why I insisted on marrying Gu Xiao, what my obsession over these years was all for.
I was too selfish.
After crying for a while, I realized it was almost 1 am. Frightened, I immediately stopped crying.
I still had to get up at 6:30 in the morning, take the subway, and catch the 8:30 attendance check.
I got up, washed my face, and fell asleep immediately.
As an adult, even crying isn't something we can do as we please. What am I being sentimental about?
15
In the following days, I led a comfortable life.
Every day after work, my dad had already prepared the meals, so I only needed to eat and didn't even have to wash the dishes.
I had made an appointment for the Down's syndrome screening on Friday.
I planned to get the screening done on Friday afternoon and then go back to my hometown together with my dad after he finished work.
When I went to the hospital, I bumped into Gu Xiao again.
However, this time he wasn't wearing a white coat, and he was standing in the obstetrics and gynecology department, almost as if he was waiting for me.
"I heard from my mom that you've lost a lot of weight?" He looked me up and down. "I don't think you've lost any weight at all."
He was right. Because my dad cooked several dishes every day, I had noticeably improved in complexion over the past few days.
I wanted to snap back at him, but then I realized that there was no need to strain our relationship and make my parents worried. So, I held my tongue and walked past him.
As soon as I took a step forward, he grabbed my hand.
"Do you really not want to see me?" He asked me expressionlessly.
"I'm going for my check-up. Can you please not waste my time?" I didn't want to talk to him.
"Alright." He let go of my hand and finally softened his tone. "You go inside to get your prescription. I'll wait for you here."
"Why are you waiting for me? Aren't you supposed to be at work today?"
He's always so busy, so why is he so free today?
"It's a holiday today."
That's why...
"Wait a moment." I turned and walked inside.
It's good to have someone run around and pay the fees for me. I didn't need to get angry with him.
The Down's syndrome screening only required a blood test.
While Gu Xiao went to pay the fees and accompanied me for the blood draw, his colleagues at the hospital all looked at him with surprised expressions.
"Who is this, Dr. Gu?"
"Is she a relative? You're even accompanying her yourself."
"Why isn't Dr. Gu at work today?"
...
Everyone was teasing him, and I nervously awaited his response.
However, he was like a man without a care in the world and didn't answer at all, just smiling.
He didn't want to make our relationship public.
I felt a little sad, but only a little.
"Are you upset?" He asked me without lifting his head as he used a cotton swab to stop the bleeding.
"No." I lied.
"Don't pay attention to them."
"Okay."
He threw away the cotton swab and looked at me seriously. "This job as a doctor is very stressful, with a lot of gossip..."
I didn't say anything.
That wasn't a reason for him not to disclose that he was married and I was his wife.
I knew that he just wanted to maintain his single image.
"What do you want to eat?" He asked me.
"I'll cook at home myself." I pushed him away. "I'm leaving."
"You..." He followed me and finally sighed, grabbing my hand and trying to comfort me.
"Why are you pulling me?" I struggled to free my hand, but he held on tighter.
"Why do you say that?" He asked me in return.
"Are you not afraid of your nurse sister seeing us now?" I didn't hold back my words.
You didn't dare to hold hands in the hospital, but now in the underground parking lot, where no one is around, you dare?
He looked at me and suddenly started laughing, without saying anything, just laughing there.
I felt like he was mocking me, so I got angry and stamped on his foot.
He let go of my hand in pain.
I didn't bother with him and continued walking forward.
He didn't follow me either.
As I walked further away, I heard his voice behind me.
"Chen Jia, enough is enough..."
I turned around and saw him standing in the distance with a haughty expression, looking at me.
In truth, I was hesitant. Rationally, I knew I should get along with him well since we were already married and he was the person I liked.
But the reality was that I was angry with him and couldn't control it.
I would get angry when I saw Doctor Liu showing interest in him.
I would also get angry when I saw those nurse girls behaving sweetly in front of him.
And I was angry when I saw him not wanting to make our relationship public.
But...
It was me who forced him to marry me with the child.
He doesn't like me.
Regardless of any aspect, it was my own choice.
I could only be angry with myself and couldn't blame anyone else.
With that thought, I turned to leave.
Suddenly, I felt my body lighten, and I was lifted into the air.
"Gu Xiao, you..." I realized that he had walked over and picked me up horizontally without my noticing.
"Why are you so light?" He ignored my struggles and asked me, bending down.
Our breaths were too close, and my heartbeat suddenly accelerated.
"Put me down." I intended to snap at him, but somehow, my words came out in a different tone, almost sounding like a whine.
I felt annoyed.
When he heard me whine, he seemed flustered and froze in place, holding me without saying a word.
After a few seconds, he carried me slowly towards the black Mercedes.
He freed one hand to open the passenger door, kicked it open with his foot, and then bent down to gently place me inside.
After putting me down, he didn't leave but leaned over towards me.
I nervously held my breath.
But he only reached behind me to pull the safety belt and carefully help me put it on.
"Get out now!"
I turned my face away from him.
But he didn't move.
"Expecting something?" He paused and asked me with a smile.
"I'm not expecting anything," I retorted, but as soon as I turned my face, I almost bumped into his lips.
Scared, I immediately shut my mouth and didn't dare make a sound.
He still didn't move and just lowered his eyes to glance at the position of my lips for a second before withdrawing.
"Let's go home first." As he pulled away, I saw his throat move slightly.
I didn't say anything, my heart was beating so fast, and my fingers were clutching my clothes tightly.
Later, every time I thought of this scene, I would laugh at myself.
It wasn't my first kiss, and we had done everything, but I was still nervous like a girl just starting to fall in love. I really looked down on myself.
16
On the way home, we still didn't speak to each other.
He drove while I played on my phone; our roles were clearly defined.
But in my mind, I couldn't stop replaying his earlier words, "Let's go home first."
Go home, and then what?
There was no then. Once we got home, he lay down on the sofa, picked up a book, and started reading, expecting me to cook dinner.
I was really annoyed.
"I don't eat coriander," he said, furrowing his brows as I brought out two bowls of noodles.
I...
"Then eat your noodles and leave the coriander," I said, handing him the chopsticks. He really thought he was the boss.
He stared at the noodles for a few seconds, sighed, and said, "It has a weird taste."
He was really hard to please.
I didn't want to be annoyed to death by him, so I had to use the chopsticks to pick out all the coriander and put it in my bowl, pushing the noodles towards him.
He still didn't move.
"There's also spring onion," he said.
"You don't want the spring onion too?"
"Yes, I do," he smiled at me.
I...
If he wanted it, why did he say anything?
I buried my head in my noodles and ignored him.
He ate slowly, chewing each noodle carefully. By the time I finished, he was still eating.
"Eating slowly helps with digestion," he explained, looking at me.
I was speechless. I never noticed before that he had so many quirks.
After he finished eating, he went to wash the dishes.
At least he had some conscience!
"Is this cupboard a bit too high for you?" he asked, looking around the kitchen as he washed the dishes.
Yeah, he said I was short, I knew that.
"It's okay."
"Why don't we have any green plants in the house?" he looked around again.
"If you like them, go buy them yourself. I don't have time," I said truthfully.
I finished work late every day and didn't have the energy to buy plants.
Of course, I probably didn't consider this place my home and didn't have the heart to decorate it.
"There aren't any of your books in the study," he said again.
"I don't read books," I said, brushing him off.
I found him strange today, making conversation when there was nothing to say.
"Won't the baby need to read books in the future?" he asked me with a smile.
I froze.
Baby?
To be honest, I hadn't thought that far ahead, nor had I imagined him and the baby sitting on the carpet reading books while I cooked.
But suddenly, when he mentioned it, the image came to mind, and I felt a strange emotion in my heart.
That emotion gently brushed past the tip of my heart, leaving a soft and tender feeling wherever it passed.
At 15 weeks pregnant, I finally felt it for the first time - I was pregnant, and there was a small life growing inside me.
It was slowly growing.
"I don't know what books to buy," I said awkwardly.
But he reached out and gently touched my head.
"We can go shopping together when we have time," he said.
I awkwardly avoided him and said, "Okay."
After that, I went to my room.
But he came in after washing the dishes.
"Why did you choose this room?" he asked, looking around.
"I like small spaces when I'm alone," I said.
It gives me a sense of security.
"Alone?" he snorted slightly, sounding displeased. "Where am I going to sleep?"
"Sleep wherever you want..." I said, realizing my tone was too sharp, so I added, "The master bedroom is ready with new sheets and blankets, you can sleep there."
I guessed he was tired too; his dark circles seemed even heavier each time I saw him.
He looked towards the direction of the master bedroom before finally sitting down beside my bed.
"Let's squeeze in together," he said casually, but I felt a moment of nervousness.
"It's too small, you should sleep in the other room."
This was a 1.5-meter bed, and he was 1.88 meters tall. I worried it wouldn't be big enough for him.
He didn't speak, just took off his jacket, sat down, and finally looked at me with a funny smile.
"What are you afraid of?"
"Afraid? Of what am I afraid!" I snapped.
I didn't know what I was afraid of myself.
Six years ago when we were dating, we only held hands and kissed. We never had anything substantial before breaking up.
That time at the class reunion, I had a few drinks and in the dark, with a surge of impulse, I threw caution to the wind and jumped into it.
In broad daylight like this, it really... felt awkward everywhere.
"I'm going back to my dad's hometown later," I blurted out nervously as he lifted the blanket.
He paused, "When?"
"5 pm."
He raised his wrist to check his mechanical watch, "That gives us enough time, it's only 2 pm now."
Enough time? My scalp started to tingle.
"You take a two-hour nap, and I'll wake you up later," he said, sitting beside me and covering me with the blanket.
"Oh, and what about you?"
"Me?" He picked up a medical book at random, "I'll read for a bit."
Read? He just wants to read?
I was overthinking.
I gripped the blanket, wanting to bury myself inside it.
"Or do you want to do something?" He chuckled from outside the blanket.
"No, I'm sleeping, don't talk to me," I covered my head.
"Alright, I'll wake you up when it's time. Sleep well." His voice softened.
After a few minutes of indecision, my mind started to blur, and sleepiness overcame me. I closed my eyes.
In a daze, someone kissed my forehead and sighed, "It's only three months, it's not very stable yet."
I tried to figure out who was speaking, but before I could, I fell asleep.
17
When I woke up, he was already gone.
I walked into the living room and saw some plastic mats spread out. Following the line of sight, I saw him barefoot, crouching on the floor, piece by piece, putting them together. The afternoon sun fell on him, and I felt a bit dazed.
Time seemed to have gone back to the days eight or nine years ago.
Back then, I was a freshman in college. Because of my younger sister's issues, I had a big fight with my family.
"You're the one who wanted to have a child. Now that she's like this, what's the point of crying? Why did you have her?" I shouted at my mom on the phone.
"Mom doesn't know what happened. When she was born, she was so cute. How... how could she have epilepsy?" My mom sobbed inconsolably on the phone.
"You ask me what to do, how do I know? I'm only 19, how do I know what to do?" I sat by the basketball court, crying while talking on the phone.
"The doctor said it can't be cured, and she'll be like this for the rest of her life. Jia Jia, Mom regrets it, Mom really regrets it. Mom shouldn't have followed others and had a second child. The doctor said your sister won't live past 20."
"Regret? It's too late!" I hung up the phone.
Sitting there alone, my heart was filled with anxiety and anger.
Life was hopeless.
I remember, when Chen Yu was just born, I hated her and wished I could choke her to death.
But she was so small, and every time I wanted to pinch her, she would smile at me.
I would curse her in my mouth, "You idiot."
But this little idiot would smile at me whenever she saw me, and her little fleshy hands would grab onto me and not let go. No matter how hard my heart was, it couldn't resist a few-month-old baby.
While I said I hated her, I secretly amused her and always snuck her all kinds of little flowers. Wherever I went, I thought about bringing her something nice to look at.
I hated her for stealing my parents' love, but I also thought about waiting for her to grow up and competing with her fairly.
But how could I have known that she was really an idiot, how could I have known that she wouldn't live past 20?
That afternoon, I cried for a long time by the basketball court, unable to understand this fate.
Then I looked up and saw Gu Xiao. I didn't know him then.
He and several medical students seemed to have just come out of the lab, passing by the court.
They didn't notice me.
Somewhere along the way, Gu Xiao stopped and crouched down.
Several medical students gathered around him shortly after.
I watched for a long time before realizing that they were performing CPR on a little bird that had fallen from a tree.
I was curious and also found it somewhat funny.
Who knows how long that bird had been fallen? How could they possibly bring it back to life?
However, a cheer erupted from that side.
I saw the bird on the ground standing up unsteadily. After standing for a long time, suddenly it flapped its wings and flew away.
I was stunned by this scene.
The miracle of life created by these medical students brightened my eyes.
Life suddenly seemed less hopeless and a hint of expectation began to arise.
Later, I learned his name.
His name was Gu Xiao.
I often saw his name on the confession wall.
As I recalled these memories, I realized that my eyes were moist.
I quickly turned away and wiped my tears.
"Awake?" Gu Xiao also saw me, but he didn't come over and continued laying out the mats.
"Why are you doing this?" I adjusted my emotions so he wouldn't notice anything unusual.
"The floor is too slippery, and it won't be safe for you later when your belly gets bigger. Also, it won't be safe for the baby when it's small." He spoke calmly, but I heard warmth in his words.
"It's not going to happen that fast." I walked to the sofa and sat down to play on my phone.
"I know," he replied. "But I might not have time later, so I'm doing it now when I can."
"Oh."
I knew he was busy.
I didn't expect too much from him.
I didn't tell him that I didn't need him to be with me all the time, revolving around me. I was already touched by the fact that he came back occasionally and did something like this.
I also didn't tell him that I actually wanted to have a daughter who looked like him and would keep me company.
And I didn't tell him that I hadn't forgotten about him all these years.
I was afraid of scaring him.
Just being like this, plain and simple, was good enough.
18
When my dad came back and saw Gu Xiao, he was quite surprised.
"Dad," Gu Xiao called out quite casually.
"Yeah," my dad's expression was unnatural, but when he came over to help me carry the packages, I saw that his eyes were moist.
He must have been happy.
On the way back to our hometown, my dad was initially quite reserved.
Gu Xiao is a cold person, but that's just his nature. He's not bad at finding topics to talk about.
"That family's house looks quite nice," he pointed to a villa-like house beside the rural road.
"It was built a few years ago. It used to be a mud house that collapsed during an earthquake, so they rebuilt it," my dad showed some interest. "Things have changed so much in the past few years. Look over there, there used to be a pond where all the kids in the village would swim in the summer. Now it's a road."
"Oh?" Gu Xiao looked at me with interest. "Did Jiajia go there when she was younger?"
"Yeah, even when she was a big girl, she still went to swim there. One time, her clothes were taken away and she had to stay in the water for half a day until someone from the village found her and came to tell me to get her clothes." My dad talked about my embarrassing childhood without any hesitation.
My face turned red instantly.
"Really? How old was she then?" Gu Xiao's smile was quite restrained.
"Around 5 or 6," I said casually.
"Sixth grade in primary school? She was 12 then, not 5 or 6," my dad corrected me seriously.
Me: ...
"Dad..."
"12 is quite old," Gu Xiao couldn't stop laughing as he drove.
I wanted to find a hole to hide in.
I didn't want to say anything anymore.
On the way, it was mostly them two talking. To be more precise, it was my dad talking endlessly about my childhood while Gu Xiao listened quietly, nodding or smiling or asking a question or two.
I felt like I was a bit redundant.
They could talk about my antics for the whole night.
When we got home, my mom had already prepared the meal, but Chen Yu was nowhere to be seen.
"Where's Yu?" my dad asked.
My mom avoided his gaze. "She's in her room."
"It's almost time for dinner. Why is she still in her room? Go get her and tell her to get ready for dinner," my dad said as he was about to go and call her.
But my mom looked embarrassed.
I sensed that something was wrong.
"You guys go wash your hands first. I'll go get her," I took a bottle of Wangzi milk and walked with my mom to the room.
"Chen Yu, open the door. It's your sister," I knocked on the door.
It took a long time for the door to open, just a crack.
Usually, if I bought Wangzi milk back, she would be overjoyed.
Because her epilepsy had affected her brain development, even though she was 10 years old now, her IQ was still only that of a one or two-year-old, and she couldn't speak.
I pushed the door open and saw her crouched in the corner, looking very afraid. I offered her the Wangzi milk, but she didn't even stretch out her hand to take it.
I had never seen her like this before.
I looked at my mom. "What happened?"
My mom didn't say anything. She glanced at the door and whispered to me, "That single man in the village...he hit your sister."
"Hit?"
I looked at Chen Yu. Although her IQ hadn't improved over the years, her height had already reached 160 cm. She had bushy eyebrows, big eyes, and...
Suddenly, something clicked in my mind, and my heart skipped a beat.
"Did he just hit her, or did something else happen?" I asked my mom in a low voice.
My mom was visibly terrified and quickly covered my mouth, "Just... just..."
"Tell me the truth!" I tried to keep my temper.
"She came over and he touched her... just touched her," my mom said, tears streaming down her face.
My anger flared up instantly.
"Don't tell dad about this. He has a temper, and if this gets out of hand, how will the child survive? How will she ever face people again..."
"And don't tell Xiao Gu. How will he look at your sister? How will he look at you..."
My mom grabbed me and begged me in tears to keep it a secret.
From what she said, it seemed like the man had only touched her once. She promised to be more careful next time and ensure it wouldn't happen again.
Seeing my mom like this, heartbroken over her daughter being bullied and afraid to speak up, it hurt me deeply.
I suppressed my emotions and took a long time to calm down before joining my mom for dinner and helping clear the table.
From start to finish, I didn't say a word.
After dinner, while Xiao Gu was showering, I told dad that I wanted to go for a walk alone, to stroll on the road outside our house.
Before leaving, I took a wooden stick from our doorstep.
I used to be afraid of walking alone in the dark.
But this time, the 100-meter walk from our house to the bachelor's house, pitch-black and desolate, didn't faze me at all.
The bachelor was already over 50 years old.
Until now, I had always considered him a hardworking and honest uncle.
So, every time he passed by our house, I greeted him politely.
When I arrived at his house, he saw me standing at the door, and his chopsticks fell to the ground in shock.
"Jiajia, you're back," he said, putting on a smile.
"Yeah," I managed a smile and walked towards him slowly, "What are you having for dinner? It smells delicious."
"Just some stir-fried green peppers with meat. The place is a bit small, so please have a seat," he politely offered me a stool and even wiped it for me.
I stood there, unmoving.
He still looked as honest and unsophisticated as ever.
I couldn't understand how someone I had once respected could do such a thing. It was completely beyond my imagination.
"Did Chen Yu come here a few days ago?" I asked bluntly.
He froze.
"Yeah, yeah, she came over and begged me for some candy," he said, avoiding my gaze.
He was quite short, and standing next to me at 165 cm, he didn't even reach my height.
SLAP!
I raised my hand and slapped him across the face.
He was stunned, completely unprepared for it.
When he recovered, he stared at me with wide eyes, furious.
"Jiajia, what are you doing!" He shouted at me.
"Nothing much," I replied with a smile, "Next time she comes asking for sugar, don't let her in."
"Are you out of your mind? I just gave your sister some candy, did I do something wrong?" He seemed ready to confront me.
I understood; he felt embarrassed for being challenged by me.
"Whether you did something wrong or not, you know it well. I warn you, if you dare to lay a hand on her again, I'll send you to jail."
"Are you out of your mind? You can't just spout nonsense. Believe me, I'll gather the whole village to mediate this." He glared at me furiously.
"I must be out of my mind! If you provoke me, I'll burn your house down." I was infuriated. "You're still a welfare recipient, living off the government. Trash like you should just disappear!"
"You've gone mad!" He charged towards me, ready to engage in a fight.
Suddenly, a force pulled me to someone's embrace, and a hand reached out above my head, effortlessly grabbing the single man's hand.
A familiar scent enveloped me.
Gu Xiao?
"Who are you?" The single man grimaced in pain, but didn't beg for mercy.
"Her husband," Gu Xiao exerted a bit more force, causing tears to well up in the single man's eyes.
"Let go of me first, you two are teaming up to bully me..." His face turned red with anger. "It was your sister who hit me first."
"I didn't see that," Gu Xiao said calmly, "I only saw you hitting her."
"I haven't hit her yet!" He stomped in frustration.
"If you had, your hand would have been broken by now." Gu Xiao coldly pushed him away, and he fell to the ground.
Then, he started crying and lamenting, pouring out a string of grievances.
I didn't want to give him any sympathy. I grabbed a stool and threw it at him, saying, "There won't be a next time."
After saying that, I walked out of the door, with Gu Xiao following behind.
I didn't speak to him; I was afraid he would ask me about it.
I didn't want him to know about those despicable, shameful, and dark aspects. I was already low enough in front of him, I really didn't want to...
He followed me silently, without saying a word or asking me anything.
But halfway through, he suddenly grabbed my hand, pulling me into his embrace. No matter how I struggled, it was useless. He didn't let me go, just pressed my head against his chest, comforting me with his repeated strokes on my head.
"I won't ask you, don't be afraid."
"Don't go out alone, I'm afraid I won't be able to reach you in time."
His chilly voice echoed above my head, and tears streamed down my cheeks uncontrollably.
Later, I cried until I was tired, and it was already late.
He squatted down, carrying me on his back towards home.
I didn't resist, nor did I have the strength to resist.
Lying on his back, step by step towards home, it reminded me of when I was a child, sick, and the hospital was too far from home. My dad used to carry me like this, circling around the house over and over again.
Later, when we had Chen Yu, my dad couldn't carry me anymore.
When Chen Yu cried at night, my dad would carry her around the house again and again.
It was a whole night each time.
Now I'm 28, Chen Yu is 10.
My dad is old now, unable to carry anymore.
I sighed.
Unfortunately, time can't go back.