Raj was enjoying his peaceful morning in the kitchen, wearing just his underwear and an oversized t-shirt, stirring eggs in the frying pan while humming "Lose Yourself" by Eminem.
"His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy…" he hummed while shaking the pan.
"There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti…"
Out of nowhere, Raj's phone buzzed on the counter. He glanced at the number and frowned. Howard.
"Mayday, mayday!" Howard's voice came through loud and clear as soon as Raj picked up. "Sheldon's going to call. No matter what, Raj, don't pick up!"
"What?" Raj could barely hear as the signal started to break. "Howard, the line's cutting out!" He waved the phone around, trying to get a signal.
But before he could understand what was happening, Howard's call dropped, and soon after, the phone buzzed again. This time, "Sheldon" flashed on the screen.
"Raj, I'm terribly ill. A deadly flu. I'm finished," Sheldon's melodramatic voice came through as Raj answered.
Raj looked at his breakfast, then at the phone, already planning an excuse. Any excuse.
"Uh… I-I'm… busy, Sheldon," he stammered. "I have to… take my… cat… to the vet!" He paused, realizing he didn't have a cat. Damn.
"But I need someone here!" Sheldon whined.
"Oh… I think… Sheldon? Can you hear me?" Raj made the classic interference sound, as if the call was failing.
"Crrk— You're cutting out— crrk— horrible reception, crrk—"
"Raj! I can still hear you!" Sheldon insisted.
"Sorry, Sheldon…" Raj hung up, breathing a sigh of relief.
Raj put down the phone, relieved for a second, but then he heard the doorbell ring. He frowned. "It can't be…"
He opened the door, and sure enough, there was Sheldon, scarf wrapped around his neck, looking utterly desperate.
"Rajesh, you hung up on me," Sheldon said, clearly offended. "This is not the kind of behavior I expect from a friend."
Raj crossed his arms and sighed. "Sheldon, seriously, you've got a cold. You're going to survive."
"It's not just a cold!" Sheldon insisted, pushing his way into the apartment. "It's a particularly virulent strain that, if not treated properly, could evolve into… well, something worse!"
"You're going to burn through my patience before you burn out your neurons with that crazy theory."
Sheldon ignored the comment and went straight to the couch, throwing himself down dramatically. "I need care. Ginger tea, hot and cold compresses, and a strict monitoring of my symptoms."
Raj rolled his eyes and turned off the stove. "If you think I'm doing that, you're more delirious than you seem."
"But Howard ignored me! Leonard's out of town! And you…" Sheldon paused, looking Raj up and down. "You're my only hope."
Raj shook his head. "Seriously, man? Just because they ditched you doesn't mean I'm turning into your personal nurse."
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POV Howard
Howard was sitting on his bed, back to the door, shirtless, with his laptop on his legs. The glow from the screen lit up his face as he browsed tech forums, and, of course, some other less reputable sites. "How can someone be so annoying?" he thought, still frustrated with Sheldon.
"How does he manage to be a tyrant, even with a cold?" he thought, opening a new tab to try and forget the stress.
Suddenly, the familiar shout echoed through the house:
"HOWARD! I MADE LASAGNA, ARE YOU COMING DOWN TO EAT OR SHOULD I BRING IT UPSTAIRS?"
Howard groaned, rubbing his face. No matter what he was doing, he always had to deal with his mom yelling from across the house.
"MOM, I'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES, I'M ON A DIET!" he yelled back, not taking his eyes off the screen. "AND NO, YOU DON'T NEED TO BRING ANYTHING UP!"
The few seconds of silence were a relief. But, of course, it didn't last.
"BUT IF YOU DON'T EAT, YOU'LL LOOK LIKE A SKELETON! NO GIRL WANTS A SKELETON, HOWARD!"
He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Mom, that's exactly what's stopping me from getting a girlfriend, my weight."
At that moment, Howard glanced at the clock. It hadn't been long since he talked to Raj, and he knew Sheldon had probably gone through half the numbers on his contact list by now.
"If that insufferable guy calls again, I'm not answering. Better deal with my mom yelling than handle him."
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POV Leonard
Leonard was in the living room, flipping through channels, but his mind was elsewhere. He knew it was only a matter of time before Sheldon tried to drag him into the drama of his "deadly flu."
"Why is it that every time he gets sick, it feels like the whole world has to stop and take care of him?" Leonard thought. He remembered the last time Sheldon caught a cold – it was a nightmare. Sheldon demanded homemade soup, specific tissues, and the worst: complete control of the thermostat.
"The worst part is, he becomes even more insufferable… more bossy, more dramatic… more Sheldon than usual," Leonard reflected, putting the remote aside.
He looked at his phone on the coffee table, expecting it to ring any second.
"I'm not falling for that again," Leonard murmured to himself. "This time, Penny can take care of him. After all, she's the one who gave him the cold."
He smiled at the thought of Penny trying to deal with a sick Sheldon. She definitely didn't have the patience for it, but Leonard couldn't deny it would be fun to watch – from a safe distance, of course.
At that moment, his mind started wandering to the idea of escaping. Maybe if I pretend I have something urgent at work… no, he won't buy that. He knows I don't like working overtime.
But then, as if telepathically summoned, his phone began to vibrate. "Sheldon" flashed on the screen. Leonard looked at the phone, then at the door. Now or never.
Without a second thought, he grabbed the phone and threw it onto the couch, quickly heading for the front door. Sheldon would keep calling, but Leonard already had his plan.
He had sent a quick message before leaving the house: "Sheldon, had to leave town for a last-minute conference. I'll be back in two days. If you need anything, ask Penny!"
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POV Penny
Penny wiped the bar counter with automatic movements, distracted by her own thoughts. She had no idea what the guys were up to today, but to be honest, she didn't care much either.
"I swear, if I have to serve another Asian chicken salad today, I'm going to lose my mind," she muttered to herself, tossing the cloth over her shoulder.
She glanced around the restaurant, watching people chatting and laughing as if everything was fine. As if the world wasn't falling apart outside, or in her case, as if her acting career wasn't stuck in the same place.
"You can be anything, Penny," she grumbled in a low voice, mimicking her mom's tone. "Then explain to me why I'm still serving fries instead of being on a stage?"
She huffed and grabbed the empty tray, walking back to the counter. She couldn't even remember how many auditions she had been to that week. Five? Six? All with no call back. Being an actress seemed like an increasingly distant dream.
She grabbed a cup of coffee from the counter and took a sip, looking at the clock on the wall. Two more hours and her shift would be over, and she could go home and, hopefully, forget for a while that she hadn't made it in Hollywood yet.
"Maybe I should try something else… I don't know, work on an indie film or something," she muttered before being called to pick up another order. "If only I could get a real chance."
She sighed, throwing the tray over her shoulder and walking to serve another table.
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POV Raj
Raj had his hands firmly on the motorcycle's handlebars, feeling the wind hit his face as he sped through the streets of Pasadena. The tight helmet almost muffled the sounds around him, but not enough to block out Sheldon's voice from the backseat, cutting through the air with a stream of complaints.
"Raj, are you sure this is safe?" Sheldon asked for the fifth time in less than two minutes. "You know, maybe the fact that I agreed to ride this motorcycle indicates that my illness has already reached my brain. It's the only logical explanation."
Raj rolled his eyes behind the visor. "Sheldon, you agreed because we need to get to your apartment. You're welcome."
"But I could have called a taxi! Or better yet, an ambulance. I'm sure that would have been more comfortable. And safer."
"Sheldon, we've been over this. I can't take you by ambulance just because you have the flu. Besides, you're not dying."
"How can you know? I could be. This cold wind on my face could be worsening my condition. Maybe it's making things worse."
Raj sighed and sped up slightly, as if trying to outrun Sheldon's constant murmuring. "I told you to wear more than just a coat and scarf, but no, you insisted on looking like a Victorian postman."
"Rajesh, I'm not dressed like a Victorian postman," Sheldon retorted. "And honestly, the more I think about it, the more I believe my condition could actually be worse. I think my mind is deteriorating. I would never agree to ride a motorcycle if I were in my right mind."
"By the way, you're going too fast. This isn't safe for a brilliant mind like mine. Or for a… reasonable mind like yours."
Raj: "I think the one with the deteriorated brain is me, for agreeing to bring you like this. And I was enjoying my morning so much before this."
"Funny, I was thinking the same thing. What led me to agree to this nonsense? Has my flu already affected my judgment to this extent? Or am I in some sort of fever-induced delirium?" Sheldon continued philosophizing, holding the helmet with one hand as if the wind were going to rip it off.
Raj quickly glanced at him through the rearview mirror. "Maybe your logic was blown away by the wind."
"Perhaps. Or maybe the survival instinct is making me rethink all my choices. Starting with this one," Sheldon said, still trying to adjust the helmet as his voice grew louder with the wind blowing harder.
"Relax, Sheldon, we're almost there," Raj replied, taking a turn a bit wider than necessary, just to hear Sheldon let out a sound that was a mix of a scream and a gasp.
"You're going to kill us! I knew it! My survival instinct was right all along. We're on the brink of tragedy, and it's your fault, Rajesh Koothrappali!"
Raj just shook his head, laughing softly. "Either way, at least you won't have to worry about the flu anymore."
"Oh, excellent! A bad joke while we're heading toward an inevitable disaster. I knew I should have taken a taxi."
Raj kept driving, already seeing Sheldon's building in the distance. "You'll survive, man. Now stop complaining and try to enjoy the ride."
*****
Raj parked the motorcycle in front of Sheldon's building and turned off the engine. As soon as he took off his helmet, Sheldon was already starting his usual rant.
"I still don't understand why we came here," Sheldon complained, clumsily dismounting the motorcycle. "At your apartment, there were all the basic necessities I would need to survive this deadly flu. Filtered water, clean towels, access to soup delivery… what more could a dying man want?"
Raj looked at him and smiled. "That's where you're wrong, my friend. Today, I'm not going to babysit anyone."
Sheldon blinked, confused. "But you brought me here, which means you're already taking care of me."
"Not exactly," Raj replied, pulling his phone from his pocket and quickly typing. "I brought you here because I had a better idea. I'm not going to spend the whole day serving ginger tea and checking your temperature."
"So who's going to take care of me? Leonard is out of town, and Howard ignored me. Penny is the least qualified person for this task." Sheldon crossed his arms, clearly offended at the thought of not having his friends at his disposal.
Raj gave a mischievous smile. "Relax. I've already taken care of that." He started sending messages to each of his friends.
Message to Howard:
"Howard, dude, you won't believe it! I found a rare and limited edition of the 'Gundam' robot you've always wanted! But there's a problem… the delivery is NOW, and you need to be here to pick it up. It's one of those limited-time offers, so you have to come as fast as possible! Trust me, it's worth it. — Raj."
Message to Leonard:
"Leonard, I need you here immediately! There's a physicist visiting the building, and he says he has a new theory on black holes that hasn't been published yet. He's looking for someone to review his work before submitting it to Physical Review Letters. You're the only one who can understand the level he's proposing. If you don't come soon, you'll miss this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity! — Raj."
Message to Penny:
"Penny, you won't believe it! Remember that movie producer I told you about? He's here at the building, and he just told me he's looking for an actress for his next big film. I said you'd be perfect, and he's willing to meet you NOW! But he won't wait long, so hurry up! — Raj."
Raj hit "send" with a satisfied smile, putting the phone back in his pocket.
Sheldon, who had been watching the interaction, frowned. "What did you do?"
Raj winked at him. "I just ensured I won't be dealing with you alone. The rescue team is already on the way."
Sheldon stared at him, incredulous. "Rescue team? I don't need rescue, I need specialized care!"
"Oh, and you'll get that… just not from me," Raj said, opening the building door and gesturing for Sheldon to go up the stairs. "Enjoy the house, my dear."
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As soon as the door opened, Howard rushed in with a confused yet excited expression. "Raj, where's the 'Gundam'?! I came as fast as I could, man!"
Right behind him, Leonard appeared, looking around with furrowed brows. "Okay, Raj, where's this mysterious physicist? If he really has a new theory about black holes, I want to see it with my own eyes."
And last, Penny entered the apartment, slightly out of breath. "Okay, Raj, where's this so-called producer? And please tell me he's real because I quit my job to come here."
Raj looked at the three of them, then let out a light laugh and said, "Surprise! No robots, no physicists, and definitely no producer."
He made a grand gesture with his hands, indicating Sheldon, who was sprawled out on the couch as if he were about to faint, wrapped in a blanket.
"Ladies and gentlemen," Raj began, adopting a dramatic tone. "I called you here today to discuss the stone in our path." He pointed to Sheldon. "This man came to my apartment wanting me to take care of him! The question is: who gave him my address?"
Penny, Leonard, and Howard exchanged glances, surprised. Leonard began to look a bit uncomfortable and tried to hide it by turning his face away. Raj, of course, didn't let it slide.
"It was you!" Raj exclaimed, pointing directly at Leonard with a triumphant expression. "Traitor! How could you give me up like that?"
Leonard raised his hands in defense. "Look, Raj, I've been taking care of Sheldon for years! He gets unbearable when he's sick. I just wanted a break, just this once."
Raj shook his head disapprovingly, but before he could respond, Penny stepped forward. "Oh, hold on. If anyone has to take care of him, it should be you, Leonard. After all, you guys are best friends."
Leonard scoffed and crossed his arms. "No, no, no. If anyone should take care of him, it's you, Penny. You're the one who passed this flu to him, remember? That makes you responsible."
Penny crossed her arms, clearly irritated. "I didn't know that sneezing near Sheldon came with a babysitting contract, Leonard."
At that moment, Howard jumped into the discussion. "Hey, guys, calm down. Let's take it easy. No one here wants to take care of Sheldon, that's obvious. But we have to figure this out somehow."
"Thanks, Howard," Sheldon said from the couch, his voice sounding even more dramatic. "You are finally understanding the gravity of the situation."
Raj rolled his eyes and sighed. "Alright, the fact is, no one wants this responsibility. So, who's going to be the martyr this time?"
Sheldon interjected, "If that's how it's going to be… I suggest we do this fairly."
The four of them looked at him. "Fairly? What do you mean?"
"Simple," Sheldon replied, sitting up straight on the couch. "We'll play a game. A game will decide who will take care of me while I'm sick."
Penny immediately shook her head, backing away. "Oh, no, I'm out of this."
Raj, with a mischievous smile, crossed his arms and made a "Cluck, cluck, cluck," imitating a chicken.
Penny turned and looked at him incredulously. "Did you just go 'cluck cluck' at me?"
Raj, not missing a beat, did it again. "Cluck, cluck, cluck."
"You don't have the guts," he teased.
Penny huffed, annoyed. "Do you think I'll fall for that dumb trick?"
Raj just smiled and repeated the chicken sound, crossing his arms.
Penny turned and pointed at him. "Okay, you want to play? Then I'll play."
Sheldon, already excited about the idea, stood up. "Great! Let's do this the right way. A good old game will decide our fate."
They sat around Sheldon's coffee table. "Now, the game we'll play will be 'Parcheesi.' It's simple, strategic, and doesn't require much physical effort, which is perfect, given my weakened condition."
Penny rolled her eyes as she sat down. "Alright, let's get this over with. The faster, the better."
Sheldon, with the Parcheesi board meticulously set up on the table, began distributing the pieces to everyone. "The game that will decide who will take care of me requires skill, strategy, and most importantly, a lot of luck. And, of course, I am the most skilled and lucky one."
Penny crossed her arms. "Okay, Sheldon, but why not a game we know, like poker?"
Sheldon scoffed, visibly offended. "Penny, poker is a game of chance. Parcheesi is a game of pure logic and skill. Exactly the type of activity that will put your true competence to the test."
Howard murmured to Raj, "As if we needed more proof that he's a pain."
Sheldon ignored them and began to explain the rules. "The objective is simple: each of us has four pieces. We move the pieces around the board until we reach the 'safety zone.' However, pieces can be captured and sent back to the starting point if you land on the same space as an opponent."
Raj looked at the board and then at Sheldon. "And what's the difficulty in that?"
Sheldon puffed out his chest, ready for his usual monologue. "Well, Raj, the difficulty lies in the strategy of blocking and capturing. Moreover, the cards of fate—the luck, as you call it—are controlled by the roll of the dice, which makes me, an innate player of probabilities, the best competitor here."
Howard rolled his eyes, but Penny was already out of patience. "Let's just get on with it. I have better things to do than lose to you in a game I've never heard of."
The game began, and Sheldon, of course, played with almost robotic precision. His dice always seemed to be in his favor as he moved the pieces with the confidence of a master. Leonard, on the other hand, was already frustrated at being repeatedly stuck at the start, unable to leave the base.
"This is ridiculous," Leonard murmured, looking at the others. "He plays like a robot."
Howard had already lost two pieces to Sheldon, who sent him back to the beginning.
Sheldon said, "You know, Howard, this isn't personal. Just a reflection of your weaknesses as a player."
Howard shot him a glare. "Sheldon, if I had the strength, I'd knock those pieces over and declare moral victory."
Sheldon replied, "You are free to fantasize, but the scoreboard says otherwise."
Raj, who had been desperately trying to avoid Sheldon's attacks, said, "This can't be right, Sheldon. You can't be this good."
Sheldon smiled smugly. "Actually, Raj, when it comes to board games, I'm more than good. I'm unbeatable. Now, watch as I move my last piece to the safety zone."
With a final move, Sheldon won the game, ending what seemed like torture for his friends. He raised his hands in celebration. "And that's it, folks! Supreme victory!"
Penny looked at the board, incredulous. "This is a joke, right? All this for you to win and, in the end, still choose who will take care of you?"
Sheldon crossed his arms and gave a satisfied smile. "Exactly. And, as the winner, I have the privilege of deciding." He paused, observing the tired faces of his friends. "So, I've decided that all of you will take care of me."
Leonard facepalmed. "I knew this was going to happen."
Howard threw his hands up in defeat. "He cheated! I'm sure he cheated!"
Penny said, "Seriously, I can't believe I fell for this."
Sheldon replied, "Perfect! Now that you all have agreed to take care of me, we can proceed with the care plan. Penny, you can start with some ginger and honey tea."
*******
Sheldon was lying in his bed, wearing a victorious smile. Penny, sitting next to the bed, was reading a cookbook with an expression that suggested she'd rather be anywhere else. Howard, rubbing Sheldon's stomach with the same look of disgust as before, murmured to himself.
"I can't believe I'm rubbing the stomach of an adult… especially Sheldon."
Leonard and Raj entered with two bowls of soup. Leonard, sighing, handed one bowl to Sheldon. "Here's your soup, made exactly as you requested."
Sheldon nodded. "Great job, Leonard. Raj, your task of blowing on the soup until it cools is still on the table. I can't risk burning my tongue."
Raj began to blow on the soup with disdain. "This cold should've left you voiceless; that would be a blessing for all of us."
Penny looked up. "Sheldon, for the love of God, do you want me to read the whole recipe or can I skip to the cooking part?"
Sheldon replied, "Patience is a virtue, Penny. Read everything."
Howard, still rubbing, grumbled, "Can someone remind me why I agreed to this?"
Leonard, placing the soup on the bedside table, answered, "Because he beat us at a stupid game. This is our punishment."
Sheldon simply closed his eyes, a satisfied smile on his face. "Ah, finally, I'm receiving the care I deserve. Now, if someone could adjust the thermostat to 23.5 degrees Celsius, that would be perfect."
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A/N: I'm not sure if this turned out well; I confess I ran out of ideas. The only thing that came to mind was to create something like this. Remember, this is just a base chapter, totally a slice of life. When I mentioned I would make total references to the series, I meant it; sometimes the chapter won't have a fully planned or very important plot for the fic, but it's interesting to see the group dynamic, right? I hope you enjoyed it. (Remember, don't use logic in my chapters; they are purely based on my fertile imagination.)
A/N: Missy Copper will appear soon. Are you ready? :D