"I can't. I look ugly when I cry."
"I promise you're going to be fine," Alexander said. "Can you look at me please?"
Selena sniffed. She raised and fell her shoulders, wiped her face again, and slowly turned to face Alexander. Her skin took a red tone, her nose was red, and it reminded Alexander of Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. A smile crept on his face at that comparison.
"You're laughing," Selena said, using a hand to cover her face.
"I promise you I'm not," Alexander cleared his throat and watched her with keen eyes. "Are you okay?"
She bopped her head. "I just wished I beat the living daylights of Valentin."
"Do you want to sue for sexual harassment?" Alexander asked. He couldn't explain the anger he felt toward that guy. He wanted to deal with him himself.
"No," Selena said without thinking. "It'll just be one giant mess that will spill over into the media. I know I'll be the villain. I really don't want to talk about him, Alex."
"Fine," Alexander acquiesced. "How about we go have our seats and talk without all the yelling?"
He gestured in the direction of the living room. Selena seemed hesitant, her eyes roving over Alexander, as if suspicious. He made no move to rush her, and when she did finally move, he followed after her.
They took their seat on the couch, and Alexander peeked the time on the wall clock. It was a few minutes past 9 p.m. None of them said a word for a while, and Selena's phone rang, piercing the silence. "Mum" flashed across the screen this time.
"You should let her know you're okay," Alexander suggested.
"I can't deal with anyone right now. I'm exhausted."
"A text will do."
Selena waited for the call to end as if contemplating whether to pick it up or not. She decided to text instead, and her fingers worked in a frenzy on the screen before she locked her phone and set it face down.
"Good," She drummed on her thighs. She tried to smile at Alexander but decided to drop her lips. "So, uhm, yes, the talk."
"Why?" Alexander asked.
"Why what?" Selena was confused.
"Think it was okay to invite me over when you just wanted to use me," Alexander said.
"I…"
Selena's words didn't come out because she could remember the conversation that had happened between them in the garage.
"I had to invite you here tonight," her voice cracked on the last word, and she swallowed the painful lump in her throat.
"To use me, right?"
She remembered the pain and irritation on his face and the disgust she felt for herself afterward.
"Is it worth it?" Alexander had asked, his voice lower. She looked at him then. "Is it worth proving to him that you're over him? Is that how you want to live your life?"
"Selena?" Alexander pulled her out of her train of thought. Selena shook her head, and her eyes started to leak its faucets again. Exactly how horrible had she been to him? She was seated in his living room and felt safe, and even among his friends. He's done nothing yet everything wrong came from her side.
"Selena," Alexander's tone was more alarmed this time.
"I can't keep…crying," More tears pooled in her eyes. "I'm not trying to…"
"It's okay, take your time," He said.
Selena willed the tears to stop and saw a box of tissues in her line of vision. She thanked Alexander and blew her nose, and her crying reduced a notch.
"I just…" She began. "...ever since that day you faked being my boyfriend, seeing him and Pamela like that just sort of…" She tried to find the right words. "...wanted to show I've moved on too. So i felt I had to prove it at any chance I got."
"So why not come clean to me with your intentions?" Alexander asked.
"I thought I'd appear as beggy or even worse, pathetic to you," She gave an honest answer. "You had just gotten me the opportunity to sign off that legal case with Liam, another favor felt like asking too much."
Alexander nodded, keeping his eyes on nothing in particular.
"I would've said no," He said. "I would've told you it wasn't worth it."
"I know, I did something stupid," She gave out a relieved sigh. "But what hurt me even more was seeing you hurt and disappointed in me." The tears threatened to fall again, but she blinked them back. She closed up the space between them and placed a hand atop Alexander's own.
The tingling sensation was back at once, but she ignored it.
"I'm sorry," She said, her eyes holding his blue ones. "And I mean it with my heart. I'm sorry for the jealous things I said to you in that bathroom and for the entire LeCroix thing, and I do hope you'll forgive me. I'm sorry for expecting you to move past it like I just said, it was really insensitive of me."
Alexander gave her a small smile. "You forgot to add the horse race tournament."
"Oh, I'm not sorry for that," She took her hand off his. "I had fun grilling you in front of your friends."
Alexander chuckled at that, and Selena joined him. It was all it took for the tension between the two of them to disappear, evaporating under one sincere conversation.
"So?" She prompted.
"So?" Alexander asked.
"Am I forgiven now?" She asked. Her heart took a little pace when he didn't reply.
"I'd say about 65%." He said.
She blinked. "What?"
"Let's hope time works its trick on it," He rose. "You're above average, so you're good."
"Huh!" Selena clucked her tongue. "You're such a diva."
"It's at 60% now."
"You're the best," Selena said through clenched teeth. Her gaze went over to the clock. Alexander saw the reluctance to leave in her eyes, and the next words that came out of his lips just fell on their own accord.
"You can spend the night in the guest room if you want," Alexander said. She whipped her head to look at him, surprised. "You can shut out the world till the morning. It's all up to you."
Selena fiddled with the end of her sleeve. She stared at her phone, then back up at Alexander. A soft smile broke out on her lips, and Alexander thought she looked very beautiful at that moment.
"Thanks, Alex," She said.
"I'll go get started on dinner," He said, rolling up his sleeves. "Make yourself comfortable, you can watch a movie or something".
"Or I could help you out." She said, pushing herself to her feet.
"No," Alexander stopped her. "Let's make sure the night ends on an accident-free note okay?"
"You're such a…"
"Want it to go lower than 60%?"
Selena gave him a tight grin. "I was going to say "Such a sweetheart."
Alexander left the living room and headed to the kitchen to cook some pasta. As he put the pot and water on fire, his attention went over to Selena. She was curled on the couch, watching an anime movie, and looked engrossed in it. He waited for the water to boil and put the pasta in. A strange feeling of normalcy washed over him, and for one night in a long while, he liked the company over his solitude.