In the Frozen mountains to the far north sat a cave.
The Hero of our story, after traversing the freezing mountains on his quest to prove himself as the rightful ruler of the entire world, has entered the cave to speak with the old hag inside.
Inside the cave sat a shop stand, the stand was made of wood and was only barely visible from the meager sunlight entering the icy cavern and a single lamp.
Our Hero and his trusted companion have entered the cave to buy supplies for their legendary journey.
The Hero was covered almost head to toe in white fur, his tail swishing behind him gently in the chill winds of the high mountains, his companion, a talking cloud wearing a suit, followed close behind him.
"Well met, Shopkeep," The Storm King said casually as he looked at the shopkeeper of the icy cavern.
An Old Tortoise woman, her green scales already dulled and greying from age, something rare to see in the long living species.
"Yes, That's right, I'm just a simple Shopkeep, No funny business here, just a standard old hag," She said in her raspy old-hag voice, her eyes orbs of shining gold, her shell covered in a large black cloak.
"Standard?" The Storm King asked.
"Bog Standard," The Shopkeep answered.
"Well that aligns with the vibe I was getting," The Storm King said, most likely not thinking about how suspicious a shop in a dark and cold cave is, especially when none of the wares were visible on the stand, "Which was like, Normal Kinda' vibes,"
"I'm Glad you picked up on that," Shopkeeper Kasa said, her smile barely visible under the dark cloak covering most of her face, save for the glow of her golden orbs.
"Sir, Something seems off about this old hag," The Storm King's trusted companion and right-hand man, Strife the whatever-he-was said as he held his chin in thought and looked at the ancient Tortoise.
"What do you mean?" The Storm King asked him to elaborate.
"Yes... Why do you say such things? I'm run of the mill..." Kasa also asked, shrugging with her shoulders under the cloak.
"Listen to this," The Storm King told him with a smile on his face.
"I'm definitely not a Demon or a Ghost in a clever disguise," The Tortoise hag told them.
"Why would she clarify that?" Strife asked out loud, "Isn't that strange?"
"Are you still off in your fantasy world?" The Storm King was starting to lose his patience with how his companion was acting, "No Listen-" Strife tried to explain only for The Storm King to but in.
"She's Normal, Dude, Open Close," He pointed at Kasa."Cookie Cutter Old Hag, Selling Wares, In a Cavern,"
Kasa once more returned to the conversation, "Speaking of wares, traveler, Might I interest you in an apple?" She held out a single red apple in both her clammy hands, a purple skull shaped stain covering the apple as if someone poured grape-juice all over it.
"Woah!" The Storm King exclaimed in amazement, "Is that a skull on it?"
Kasa paused at The Storm King's words, "Uh..."
"No, Listen," The Storm King explained, "I'm into it," He pointed at the Skull Apple with his long furry hand, "That's cool as hell."
"No Red flag there, sire?" Strife asked as he Looked at The Storm King in astonishment.
"Strife, I swear, If you don't let this go you can wait outside the cavern,"
"But-" Strife tried to Defend himself, only to get cut off by the old hag, "Yes... Dismiss the cloud, your one lifeline..."
"A-Are you hearing this Sire?" Strife asked.
"What? The Lifeline thing?"
"Yes!"
"Dude, My Grandma said that," The Storm King explained calmly, not bothered by what was being said by the old hag in the cavern.
"w-what?" Strife asked quietly, not believing what his King was saying.
"Every Grandma's said that, It's right out of the... The Grandma book,"
Kasa smiled as she heard The Storm King arguing with Strife, "Here Traveler, Take the Apple, as a gift from me!" She said, her raspy voice stretching as the words left her lips.
"See, now we're cooking," The Storm King smiled as he readjusted the gold and ruby crown on his head, "Free apple, haunted cavern, absolutely bog standard old hag,"
The Storm King touched the apple with the skull on its surface and immediately exploded into a black cloud of smoke in the shape of a skull.
Dead.
Strife looked at the pile of clothes laying where The Storm King previously stood, before opening his mouth, "So I was correct-" "YOU WERE CORRECT!" Kasa yelled at him, her Golden orbs now flaming as if they turned into portals to the depths of hell itself.
The Storm King then proceeded to walk back into the cavern as if nothing happened to him, quietly pick up his clothes from the frozen floor, wipe off the dust that used to be his own body, put them back on, and turned to look at Kasa.
"Hey... So... I'm back, Take 2, Rolling again." He said as the two other people in the cavern looked at him in astonishment.
"Good to see you," Kasa exclaimed with a smile, her flaming eyes now back as simple Golden orbs.
"Hey, so I just want to clarify the whole Standard Old Hag... Thing. That was an act?" The Storm King asked the Tortoise.
"It's pretty good, right?" Kasa said as she smiled at him.
"It's so convincing," The Storm King smiled as he said, ignoring the look of astonishment on Strife's face, "You look..." He paused to look at the Hag, at her long dark cloak and her eerie smile, her hunched posture and eye of full Gold, "Totally normal."
"I get that a lot," Kasa smiled hearing the compliment from the Young King, Young in comparison to her, at least. Thirty years old is a baby in comparison to her own age.
"So you're probably gonna' try and offer me the apple again," The King said.
"Maybe!" Kasa responded, shrugging with her shoulders and holding her hands up as if to say 'What can you do?'
"But see, I'm wise to your tricks, so I'm simply not gonna' take it," The Storm King said, awkwardly looking away from her.
He actually did think the apple looked cool and is bummed out that he can't take it with him on his journey.
Kasa smiled as she leaned forward on her desk, "But what if I offer you... This Banana!" She once again took out a fruit with a purple skull stained on its surface.
"Wohohoho, Wait, now hold on!" The Storm King laughed as he saw the fruit, with its cool purple skull and DEFINITELY NO POISON!
"Sire! You can't fall for this again!" Strife exclaimed as he watched his King consider the option before him.
"A Banana's a whole different story," He smiled as he leaned to get a closer look at the purple skull on the banana, clearly more visible on the yellow of the banana than on the red skin of the apple.
"It still has a skull on it!" Strife said, pointing at the offending fruit.
"Hey, man," The Storm King lifted his hand up to stop Strife from talking, "Skulls are a natural part of the human body," He explained, confusing both Strife and Kasa as to what a Human is, "It just lets you know how natural, and organic, the Banana is."
"And not a drop of poison in it!" Kasa added with a smile.
"No poison? This is fantastic news," The King cheered, Strife tiredly responded with "Sire, Please..."
"How much are you asking for the Banana?" The Storm King asked the Hag, ignoring his right-hand man.
"What if I told you..." Kasa began, "Also free."
"Boy!" The Storm King cheered, "This is a great day! First the free Apple, then the free Banana, It's all uphill from here!" He touched the Banana.
And just like with the Apple, The Storm King exploded into a skull-shaped cloud of smoke and died.
Only for The Storm King to once more walk into the cave as if nothing happened and pick up his discarded clothes from the floor.
"Boy, do I feel like I have egg on my face," He said quietly as he sighed with disappointment at once more falling for the skull-covered fruit.
"I haven't even done the egg yet!" Kasa smiled.
"See, That's the kind of stuff I'm talking about, You're going to try and sell me an egg, with a skull on it." He said, looking straight at the old hag's golden orbs.
"That's a weird thing to assume," She said, quietly hiding a white egg covered with another purple skull behind her back.
Suddenly, The King got an Idea.
"What if I were to trade YOU something?" He asked.
"A Barter, hmm...? I do love to barter..." Kasa whispered in thought.
"I've got a ton of crap in my pockets, let me just..." The Storm King took off his heavy snow coat and started searching through its pockets.
"Some planks... A little bit of sand... Rubber chicken... Chess set... Slingshot made of candy... A bologna, sorry, Half a bologna sandwich... An old TV guide... Green Bell Pepper, no that's worth nothing... Jewels!" He exclaimed when he finally found something to trade, taking out a small pile of gemstones and jewels from one of his many pockets.
"What's your take on jewels?" He asked as he showed the old turtle a handful of shining gems.
"You'd think I'd be into them as a Shopkeep," Kasa began, "But I'm not a big Jewel gal,"
The Storm king nodded in understanding, "You know, that's fair, they're kind of overly... shiny."
"Shiny and heavy!" Kasa complained, stretching her back with a loud groan indicative of her ancient age.
"Well... I do have this jar of honey, What can I get for this?" The King asked as he took out a glass jar filled with rich golden honey.
"Honey you say?" Kasa asked as she grabbed the jar to take a closer look.
Only for a buzzing sound to come out from a dark corner of the cave, growing louder by the second.
"Oh no! My pet bees!" She yelled in terror as a swarm of finger-sized bees flew at her and stung her all over her body, Lifting the honey from her hands as she fell to the floor, and flew away.
As the body of the Old Hag hit the floor, a sound echoed from behind her stall as a magical door that was hidden under an illusion suddenly appeared.
"Sire, you did it!" Strife cheered as the next step of his king's journey opened up before him.
"I killed an old woman!" The Storm King ignored what his companion said and looked in shock at the body of the centuries-old tortoise on the floor in front of him,
"Yes Yes, but you still solved her puzzle, Sire," Strife tried to explain, only for The Storm King to start crying.
"I killed an old woman with bees!" He cried as tears rolled down his cheek.
"She was a Demon," Strife told him, "It's fine."
The Storm King sniffed as he looked down at the body of the old hag.
"Sure, we had our ups and downs, But I-"
"She Poisoned you!"
"I still liked the gal!" The Storm King said.
"TWICE!"