The author sat at his desk, fingers flying across the keyboard. He was so close to finishing not one, but two epilogues. After weeks of painstaking revisions, late-night brainstorming sessions, and an unhealthy amount of caffeine, the finish line was in sight.
Author (excited): Muttering to himself "Yes, finally! Just a few more sentences, and I can upload these epilogues..."
He allowed himself a brief moment of triumph, imagining the relief of hitting that 'Upload' button and finally giving his readers the ending they deserved. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to type the final words.
And then, with a loud BANG, the door to his office swung open, slamming against the wall.
Author (groaning): Muttering under his breath "Shit. Here he is again..."
Without even turning around, the author knew exactly who had just barged in. He could feel the chaotic energy filling the room, the kind that only one person—or, rather, one merc with a mouth—could bring.
And yes it was Deadpool, leaning casually against the doorframe, grinning like a kid who'd just found the cookie jar.
Deadpool (grinning): "Helloooooo, author! Did ya miss me?"
The author didn't even bother turning around. His fingers paused over the keys, tension visibly building in his shoulders.
Author (deadpan): "Nope. Yada. Nope. Not even a little bit."
Deadpool's grin widened as he sauntered over, completely ignoring the warning signs of the author's rising frustration. He leaned over the author's chair, peeking at the screen.
Deadpool: Teasing "Aw, come on, don't lie. I know deep down you love it when I pop by. Keeps things interesting, doesn't it?"
The author finally turned his head, glaring daggers at Deadpool. His patience, already paper-thin, was practically disintegrating.
Author (gritting his teeth): "Interesting? Rather than miss you... I want to kill you."
Deadpool gasped dramatically, clutching his chest as if wounded.
Deadpool: Over-the-top "Ouch! Right in the feels! Here I am, just trying to brighten your dull little life, and this is the thanks I get?"
The author, fighting every urge to grab the nearest heavy object and hurl it at Deadpool's head, took a deep breath.
Author: Sarcastic "Oh yeah, brightening my life. I was so close to uploading these chapters! Now, thanks to you, I'll probably have to rewrite half of them because I'm too angry to think straight."
Deadpool hopped up onto the desk, sitting cross-legged as if he owned the place, knocking over a few papers in the process.
Deadpool: Shrugging "Rewriting's part of the process, right? Consider me your... inspiration. You know, like a muse."
The author's eye twitched.
Author: "Inspiration? You're the opposite of inspiration. You're the embodiment of distraction!"
Deadpool grinned even wider, swinging his legs like a child on a swing set.
Deadpool: "Hey, distractions aren't always bad. Besides, when was the last time you wrote a Deadpool-centric chapter, huh? You know the fans are dying for more of me."
Author (muttering): "I'm dying for a restraining order, if anything."
Deadpool: Ignoring him completely "Ooh, let me guess! Is one of the epilogues about me? Are you finally writing my origin story where I get to be a samurai? Or a cowboy? Or... both?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
Author (firmly): "No. And no."
Deadpool's face fell into an exaggerated pout.
Deadpool: Whining "Aw, come on! You owe me, boss! I've been waiting for my solo novel for months. You keep promising me something, and then, boom! More chapters for the other characters. What about meee?"
Author (snapping): "I never promised you anything! You just made that up!"
Deadpool paused, tapping his chin in mock thought.
Deadpool: "Wait... so you're saying... the idea for a Deadpool novel isn't in your brain? Well, that's just sad. I could have sworn I was the main character of your life."
Author: "You're the main character of my nightmares."
Deadpool rolled off the desk, landing with a flourish.
Deadpool: Dramatically "Then let's make those nightmares into reality! Starting with—"
Author (cutting him off): "Deadpool. Get. Out."
Deadpool (with a grin): "You know, I'd love to... but you still owe me. Until I get my spotlight, I'm afraid you're stuck with me!"
The author let out a long, defeated sigh, his shoulders slumping as Deadpool danced around the room. There was no escaping him. Not now. Not ever.
Deadpool (playfully): "Don't worry, I'll help with those epilogues! Just add a little chimichanga fight scene, maybe a cameo from Wolverine, and voilà! Bestseller material."
Author (resigned): "I'm going to lose my mind."
Deadpool winked, giving the author a playful salute before heading toward the door.
Deadpool: "Already did, buddy. Already did."
As Deadpool vanished through the door (for now), the author stared at his computer screen. He lifted his hands to the keyboard again but paused, realizing he no longer remembered what he was writing. With a deep breath, he muttered under his breath:
Author (grumbling): "Why do I even try?"
Author's Note: "Well, there goes another productive day. I swear, next time Deadpool shows up, I'm changing the locks. Again. See you all next time, assuming I survive this insanity."
Deadpool (from outside): "You won't!"