The author sat at his desk, focusing on editing his latest chapter, when suddenly he heard the unmistakable sounds of an anime battle scene blaring from the living room. The familiar energy beam charging sound echoed through the walls.
Deadpool (off-screen), Excitedly "Kamehame—"
The author's eyes widened in alarm. He shot up from his chair, storming into the living room.
Author (shouting) "STOP! That's copyrighted!"
Deadpool paused mid-pose, his hands still glowing with imaginary energy. He slowly turned around, a cheeky grin spread across his face, completely unfazed by the author's frustration.
Deadpool; Grinning, still frozen in his Kamehameha stance "Oh, hey there, boss! Didn't see ya."
The author pinched the bridge of his nose, already exhausted from the mere sight of the mercenary lounging on his couch. The TV screen was blaring some iconic anime battle, and Deadpool was surrounded by a mess of snacks — popcorn, chips, and empty soda cans littered the floor.
Author: Groaning, exasperated "Why are you here again, you son of a—"
Before the author could finish his sentence, Deadpool cut him off, casually tossing a chip in his mouth.
Deadpool; Nonchalant "Oh, come on, I'm just watching some anime. You know I love anime."
The author stood there, slack-jawed for a moment. He glanced at the TV, which was showing the final moments of a climactic fight scene. Then, back at Deadpool, who was watching like a kid on a Saturday morning, completely oblivious to the chaos he always caused.
Author, sighing, trying to stay calm "Anime... okay, okay. Sure, fine, whatever. Just keep it down."
Deadpool's eyes lit up with excitement. In one swift motion, he pulled a manga from behind his back like a magician revealing his latest trick. He shoved it in the author's face with a proud grin.
Deadpool, holding up a manga "Speaking of anime, did you know they made a manga about me? Deadpool Samurai! Look at this work of art!" He pointed at the cover with exaggerated pride, showcasing himself in a heroic pose, samurai sword in hand.
Author; Barely glancing at it, dripping with sarcasm "Yeah, yeah, good for you, motherfucker"
Deadpool, feigning hurt, clutching his heart "Ouch! Aren't you happy for me? This is, like, my magnum opus! The culmination of all things Deadpool!"
The author rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might get stuck. He was used to Deadpool's antics by now, but somehow, every visit seemed to chip away a little more at his patience.
Author, flatly, clearly over it "Yeah, sure. Happy for you. Woo-hoo. Now get the hell out of my house."
Deadpool didn't move. In fact, he just grinned wider, clearly enjoying how riled up the author was getting.
Deadpoo, Unfazed, as always "Whoa, whoa, slow down, tiger! No need to be all grumpy. I'm just about to finish this episode. After that, we can read my manga together!" He waggled his eyebrows and gestured to the empty spot on the couch next to him. "C'mon, it's a real page-turner."
The author stood there for a moment, completely dumbfounded. He glanced at the door, wondering if he should just leave his own house to get some peace. But no, this was his house. He wasn't going to let Deadpool win.
Author (muttering under his breath): "Why do I even bother..."
Deadpool, of course, heard him.
Deadpool, Leaning back on the couch, throwing popcorn in the air and catching it in his mouth "Bother? Nah, you're just lucky to have me around. Think of me as... comic relief! Every serious writer needs a little break, right? You're welcome!"
The author just stared at him, contemplating his life choices. He could kick him out — again — but knowing Deadpool, he'd be back within minutes, if not seconds.
Author (gritting his teeth): "Yeah, well, this comic relief is about to lose his head if he doesn't leave."
Deadpool didn't even flinch. He lazily waved his hand as if dismissing the threat.
Deadpool: "Blah blah, violent threats, yada yada, we've been through this before. You love me, admit it. Without me, this place would be so boring."
The author opened his mouth to respond but quickly realized there was no point. Deadpool lived in his own world, one where logic and reason had no place.
Author's Note: "Why do I keep letting him into my house? Honestly, no idea. I hope you enjoyed today's chaotic interruption. See you all next time — assuming Deadpool hasn't completely driven me insane by then."
As the author turned to leave the room, he heard Deadpool shouting from the couch.
Deadpool: "Sanity's overrated anyway!"
Author. Muttering under his breath, already halfway out the door "I'm going to need a new lock for that door..."