Author: Sipping coffee, sitting in front of his computer "Hello, guys, it's Saturday, and like I said, it's my break day. So today, we're going to have an extra chapter where I'll talk about some things related to my story."
Just as the author was getting into his groove, the door—clearly marked with a giant sign that read "No Deadpool Allowed"—suddenly flew open with a loud bang.
The author didn't even flinch. He knew who it was. He always knew.
Deadpool: Striding in with dramatic flair "I told you to create me a novel!!"
The author took a long, slow sip of his coffee, not even looking at Deadpool.
Author: Calmly "Did I say that?"
Deadpool: Nodding furiously "Yeah, you did!"
Author: Raising an eyebrow, still not looking up "No, I didn't. Check your mind. See if I really said those words."
Deadpool froze, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. He crossed his arms and then, with exaggerated concentration, pressed a finger to his temple. After a few moments of intense thinking—complete with sound effects like whirring gears and beeping noises—Deadpool's eyes widened.
There it was. The author hadn't said anything about writing him a novel.
Deadpool: Pointing dramatically at the author "You sly fox."
Author: Finally glancing at Deadpool, smirking "I know."
Deadpool: Throwing his hands up "You think you can outsmart me? This isn't over!"
The author calmly took another sip of his coffee, unfazed.
Author: Casually "It's Saturday, Wade. Break day. No Deadpool allowed."
Deadpool's eyes flicked back to the door, where the "No Deadpool Allowed" sign hung mocking him.
Deadpool: Pouting "Rules are meant to be broken."
Author: Shrugging "Not today, they aren't. Come back Monday."
Deadpool: Backing out of the door dramatically "You haven't seen the last of me!" He paused, pointing two fingers at his eyes and then back at the author. "I'll be back"
Author: Grinning slightly "Sure. See you Monday."
With that, Deadpool reluctantly left, leaving the author to enjoy his quiet Saturday once again. At least, for now.
Author's Note: "Well, that was today's extra chapter. As promised, Saturday is my break day, but Deadpool apparently didn't get the memo. See you all on Monday, when the chaos inevitably returns!"
Just as the author finished typing the last line, the door banged open again. This time, Deadpool wasn't empty-handed.
Deadpool: Grinning like a maniac, holding the decapitated skull of Old Man Logan "Guess who's back, baby!"
The author's coffee cup slipped from his hands, smashing to the floor in a dramatic slow-motion moment. His jaw dropped.
Author: Shocked "You motherfucker! That's Old Man Logan! He died sacrificing himself for us! How can you disrespect such a legend?!"
Deadpool: Waving Logan's head around like a puppet "Well, since someone didn't write me my own novel..." He spun the skull in his hands "I figured I'd improvise! Maybe make this guy my new... uh... 'companion.' If you know what I mean." He winks with an exaggerated smirk.
The author's face contorted in pure disgust.
Author: Pointing, enraged "You sick fuck!"
Deadpool: Laughing wildly "What? I'm just being resourceful! Recycling the classics!" He held Logan's skull up to his ear like a phone. "Oh? What's that, Logan? You think the author should totally write my novel? Wow, what a surprise!"
The author buried his face in his hands, groaning.
Author: "I need stronger coffee... and maybe a restraining order."
Deadpool: Still talking to the skull "You hear that, Logan? We're too iconic for him to handle. It's the price of being legends."
Author's Final Note: "So, uh... that happened. I'm starting to think I may never get a peaceful Saturday again. Maybe next week? See you all on Monday... Fuck Deadpool"