I have no idea why I keep doing this.
I feel like I've just plowed a cooked seed, resulting in decaying remains by autumn. So, it seems that the relationship with B was wrong from the beginning, leaving me feeling like Sisyphus, endlessly pulling the rock.
Sometimes I feel like my mind is sick. The feeling of pain is addictive, or perhaps I enjoy being a martyr. Taking the moral high ground gives me a comfortable feeling of self-loathing and cursing.
I hate our disabilities and hesitations. Why can't I have a healthy relationship? Jealousy and pain are suffocating.
Psychologists say that people should not sleep after experiencing sadness, as trauma will be more impactful. So every time I tear up, staying up late becomes the accessory.