Why is my life so miserable? Is it because I committed a terrible sin in my past life and the Moon Goddess cursed me in this life to make me pay for my past life's sin?
When did my life start to go downhill? Definitely after my eighteenth birthday. No, it started way before–when both my parents died in that car crash when I was just six years old.
My misfortune didn't stop there.
As werewolves, it was in our nature to seek comfort in numbers, to seek out a pack.
However, I somehow landed in the Small Paradise Orphanage located in the neutral territory, a territory which none of the packs claimed. Meaning that we orphans didn't automatically belong to any of the packs, we had to get adopted by a family belonging to a certain pack.
To my ill luck, I was that child who always got overlooked by couples who were seeking to adopt. I can't blame them since I was too scrawny for my age, too undesirable in the eyes of those werewolf couples who wanted a strong child.
I tried to be content thinking that everyone in this Small Paradise belonged to my little pack.
I met my best friend, Julia Rossetti, in this orphanage. She loves me as if I were her younger sister. Ms. Pride has also been kind to me ever since I came to this orphanage. She is the closest thing I have to a mother.
Even after quite some tragedies in my life, I tried my best to be happy. No, I was happy.
I've always had a positive outlook on life.
As I grew older, I went about my life, working part-time at a local diner to support my High School fees. In my free time, I followed Julia around like a pup.
However, things didn't stay the same. I knew the true meaning of loneliness when Julia was scouted by the Helblaze pack–the pack closest to the neutral territory our orphanage lies in–after she had her first transformation more than two years ago.
She was a sweetheart for insisting on living in the neutral territory instead of the pack territory just to stay close to me. A part of me wanted her to stay here. But I couldn't selfishly hold her back. Besides, staying here wasn't an option.
Separating from Julia was excruciating for me because I felt as though a piece of my heart was cruelly torn away from me.
That was when I actively took the initiative to join the Helblaze pack. However, they showed reluctance in letting me join the pack stating that they weren't sure about my lineage–if I truly came from a line of a werewolf family.
Thus, I waited. I waited to turn eighteen so that I would finally get my wolf.
For two years, I daydreamed about finally getting accepted into the same pack as Julia. I planned my elaborate career path–joining the pack as an omega caretaker and rising through the ranks to become an experienced nurse one day.
The much-awaited day arrived sluggishly… and went away like a puff of smoke.
Nothing happened.
Actually, a lot happened.
My hopes and dreams for my future came crumbling down because I was supposed to be blessed with my first transformation on my eighteenth birthday like all the other werewolves, but I wasn't.
I felt betrayed by the Moon Goddess. I felt as if she shot invisible bullets through my forehead and brutally murdered my soul.
It left me in pieces–so many pieces that I was still slowly trying to gather them.
I had my hopes up when someone said that they had their first transformation on the first full moon after their eighteenth birthday. That full moon also passed uneventfully. Not just one, but six full moons have passed by since then.
Still nothing…
That sliver of hope in me has long been snuffed out.
These days, I've started doubting my childhood memories. Before I turned eighteen, I was absolutely sure that my parents were werewolves. But now, I wonder if my fragile childhood mind fabricated those memories to fit into this supernatural world I was currently in.
My alarm clock suddenly blared, jolting me back to reality.
I heaved an exasperated sigh.
Another sleepless night.
I blankly stared at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was four in the morning.
I let it ring, not because I was inconsiderate of my roommate's sleep, but because I felt so exhausted that even raising a hand to turn off the alarm was too draining of a task.
"Valerie, turn that thing off, will you?" My roommate groaned in a reprimanding tone.
"Right. Sorry," I croaked and then forced myself up from the bed.
After turning off the alarm, I grabbed my toiletries and dragged myself to the common bathroom of the orphanage. I turned on the lights–which almost blinded me–and stood in front of the mirror.
I barely recognized the reflection staring back at me.
At this time in the past, I used to see an energetic brunette girl in a silk pajama set with a high ponytail and a cute pink spa headband staring back at me. But now, all I saw was a haggard girl in an old loose T-shirt with messy hair that had lost its shine.
I pinched a lock of my hair and took a mental note when I noticed several split ends, 'I need to get a hair appointment soon'. My hair was long enough to make a bun without the help of a hair tie or claw clip, so I did that.
I quickly brushed and washed my face to get started for the day.
I would have taken a bath as well, but the solar water heater broke down a few days ago. I don't like bathing in cold water this early in the morning.
"I will bathe after returning from the shift." I sighed and aggressively patted the towel on my face.
I then grabbed the sink and leaned forward to get a closer look at my face in the mirror. "My dark circles! I'm close to looking like a panda now. Tsk! Julia said in the letter that she would visit me at my work today. I'm going to get scolded by her."
I rubbed the corners of my eyes and spoke to my reflection, "I will hide them by using some concealer. She won't notice if I put on some light makeup, will she? Well, I will get that answer when I meet her later."
I returned to the room and turned on my side of the bed lamp. Miranda let out a disapproving groan and angrily covered her face with the blanket.
I sat down in front of my small mirror to do my makeup while ranting in my head. 'It's not like I chose to work this early. I need to work this shift to make it to school on time. Besides, I wouldn't need to turn on the light if I had been blessed with a wolf. But then again, I wouldn't still be here, disturbing Miranda's sleep, if I had been blessed.'
I didn't know when I fell into the rabbit hole again but when I snapped out of it, I was holding my makeup brush and staring blankly at my makeup kit.
I inhaled sharply and quickly pressed my phone's button to check the time. 'Shit! It's already 4:30.'
My six-hour shift at the diner would start at 5 AM sharp, and it took me about 20 minutes to walk there, which meant I had exactly 10 minutes to finish my makeup, get dressed, and step out of the door.
I had to hurry, despite wanting to curl up on the bed for the whole day while binge-watching a comedy series or a period drama. I didn't want to lose my job.
Now that I think about it, I did that quite frequently after my worst birthday to drown my sorrows.
The series and dramas didn't ease my pain. The pain was constantly there, relentlessly gnawing away at my skull, growing in intensity every day. After all, how could such an agony disappear so easily? The agony of not knowing who or what I truly was, not knowing if I did something wrong to anger Her.
However, as long as I numbed my mind by diverting my focus on series and dramas, I could escape from my unpleasant reality… at least until the night came along, and with it came the shapeless monsters of my imagination, eating me alive from the inside, suffocating me.
'Shit! Focus, Valerie!'
I finished putting on my eyeliner. I didn't care if one looked thicker than the other. I dabbed my favorite shade of lipstick–Innocent Kiss–with haste. I then changed into a decent white shirt and a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans, grabbed my purse and phone, put on my jogging shoes, and dashed out of the room.
As I ran down the stairs, I saw Ms. Pride lounging in the living area reading a paper and sipping her tea like always. I had no idea how she got the energy to wake up this early in the morning even when she didn't need to.
"Careful, Vallie!" she exclaimed when I missed the last step and almost tripped.
I gave her a lousy smile and kept rushing towards the door. "Good morning! See you later, Ms. Pride."
"Laters. Be back in time for lunch." She reminded me like always.
She started saying that after she found out that I had been losing a lot of weight because I had been skipping lunch and dinner. She used to come to my room with a plate of food whenever I didn't go downstairs to the dining hall.
She has always been taking care of me in my darkest of times.
If I were in any other orphanage, I would probably have been kicked out immediately after I became a legal adult. However, because of Ms. Pride, I still have a roof over my head. When she asked me to continue living here until I saved enough money to move out, I shamelessly accepted her offer.
"I will. Julia might also drop by to say hi," I shouted and breezed past the small front yard of our orphanage.
When I was halfway to the diner, the corners of my eyes caught sight of a tall and bulky man in a sleeveless hoodie and shorts running past me.
'Was that…'
I turned my head and looked at that man, he was already far away for me to see clearly. But I could recognize those clothes and that build anywhere. For the past few weeks, he has been visiting our diner almost daily to grab coffee after finishing his morning run.
Yes, that was Magnus Helblaze, the alpha of the Helblaze pack.
When I saw him for the first time in our diner, I almost forgot how to breathe, not because I was swooning over him like some of his crazy fan girls, but because I hadn't expected in my wildest dreams that I would meet someone of his status in our small roadside diner. And definitely not in those clothes… dripping wet with his sweat.
As soon as I reached my workplace, I changed into a pair of heels that I kept in my locker, put on an apron, and got ready to welcome customers.
"Hey, Val." Samantha, my co-worker, joined me an hour later and excitedly whispered to me, "Oh, I can't wait to see Alpha Helblaze. These days, he is my sole motivation to wake up in the middle of the night and get ready for work."
I let out a soft chuckle seeing her excited and jumpy this early in the morning. "Waking up at 5:30 isn't called waking up in the middle of the night, Samantha. But I get you." I winked at her. "If only he didn't already–"
I abruptly stopped speaking when the doorbell dinged and I got overwhelmed by the Alpha's masculine scent.
He swiftly strode inside the diner and towered before the counter, positioning himself in front of Samantha. His captivating voice then pierced through the silent diner.
"Can I get my regular coffee?"