Day 63: A Knight's Solitude
Eli's breath came in short bursts as he stood alone in the street, watching the retreating figures of Vince and his crew disappear into the city's ruins. His heart was still racing, the adrenaline from the fight pumping through his veins, though his face remained hidden behind the rusted knight's helmet. He hadn't wanted that fight—but these days, the wasteland left little room for mercy.
His fingers tightened briefly around the hilt of his knife, and he let out a slow breath, trying to steady his thoughts. The street was quiet again, empty save for the distant echo of crumbling buildings and the occasional gust of wind. Alone once more, Eli's mind wandered, his thoughts dark and conflicted.
"You made it out alive," he muttered to himself, his voice echoing hollowly within the confines of his helmet. "Barely."
Eli had been alone for too long, talking to himself more often than he'd care to admit. Maybe it was the helmet, the isolation it offered—cutting him off from the world, even from the wind and noise of the ruins. Or maybe it was the constant running. Running from others, running from himself. Running because it was all he was really good at.
He wiped the blood from his knife on the edge of his tattered coat, his hands shaking slightly from the aftermath of the fight. He wasn't invincible, and he knew that. Dodging bullets wasn't a possibility—he wasn't some kind of unstoppable force. That's why he had to stay smart, had to use the environment, had to avoid getting pinned down. He'd gotten lucky today, but luck wouldn't always be on his side.
"Who were they?" Eli whispered to himself, the taste of copper on his tongue. He wasn't sure what kind of gang Vince and his men belonged to, but they had the look of organized raiders. The kind of people who ruled by fear and control.
He sheathed the knife and began walking again, his thoughts turning inward, toward the people he had left behind. Luke and Cass. Eli's jaw tightened as he thought of them, a wave of guilt rising up in his chest. He had left them. Abandoned them. For what? To prove something to himself? That he could survive alone? That he was better off without them?
He shook his head, trying to push the thoughts away, but they kept coming back, stronger this time.
"They're probably better off without me," Eli muttered, his voice barely audible beneath the helmet. But even as he said it, he didn't believe it. He wasn't better off without them. He missed them—more than he would ever admit. Luke, with his steady leadership, always trying to keep the group together, always trying to keep hope alive. And Cass… Cass, who had always seemed to know more than she let on. She had her secrets, and sometimes it felt like she was carrying the weight of the entire world on her shoulders. But she was strong. Stronger than him, at least.
Eli stopped walking and leaned against the crumbling remains of a building, letting the cool shade wash over him. The helmet felt heavy today, more than usual. He reached up, touching the cold metal of the visor. It had become his mask, his way of hiding not just from the world, but from himself. Beneath the helmet, he was scarred—physically, mentally. The burns from the Listener still marred his skin, and no amount of armor or bravado could change that.
He had wanted to come back a different man, stronger, better. But instead, he'd found himself in the same place he always was—running, surviving, scraping by. The only thing that had changed was the distance between him and the people who had once trusted him.
"Luke… Cass…" Eli said their names aloud, as if speaking them could somehow summon them back into his life. He imagined what they were doing now, if they were even still alive. Had they gone on without him? Had they found a better way to survive without him holding them back?
He doubted it. They weren't the kind to just abandon people. Cass had saved him more than once, pulling him from situations that he never should've survived. And Luke? Luke had seen something in him, something worth protecting. But Eli wasn't sure if he believed it.
"Maybe I should go back," Eli muttered, the thought striking him like a blow to the gut. He had left because he thought it was the right thing to do—he thought he was protecting them by leaving. But what if he was wrong? What if, by leaving, he'd only made things worse?
His fingers clenched into fists, his mind torn between the urge to return and the fear of facing them again. What would they say if he did come back? Would they even want him? Or would they turn him away, tell him that he'd abandoned them when they needed him most?
The guilt gnawed at him like a living thing, twisting his thoughts. He hadn't been there for them. He had run away. And now, the thought of going back felt… impossible.
But staying alone like this? Wandering through the wasteland, fighting off raiders and scavengers, always looking over his shoulder—it wasn't living. It was just delaying the inevitable.
"They don't need me," he said again, trying to convince himself. "They're better off without me."
But even as the words left his mouth, he could feel the truth pressing down on him. He didn't want to be alone. He wanted to see them again, to know that they were okay. And if he could help them, even if just a little, maybe he could make up for what he'd done.
Eli stood up straight, pulling the helmet's visor down to cover his face fully. "I'll find them," he whispered, more to himself than anyone. "I'll find them, and I'll… I'll fix this. Somehow."
It wasn't much of a plan, but it was all he had. The thought of returning to Luke and Cass felt like walking into a storm, but Eli had faced worse. And even if they didn't forgive him, even if they didn't need him anymore, at least he'd know. At least he'd have tried.
He started walking again, this time with purpose. His body ached from the fight with Vince's men, and his mind still spun with doubt, but he kept moving forward. For once, he wasn't running away. He was running toward something.
And maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance for redemption.
As he moved through the ruined city, the helmet shielding him from the world, Eli couldn't help but wonder what would happen when he found Luke and Cass again. Would they accept him? Would they even recognize him after everything that had happened?
One thing was certain, though: Eli wasn't going to stop until he found out.