Day 51: The Weight of Loss
The morning light crept into the museum, casting pale beams through the cracks in the boarded-up windows. The atrium, now a fortified shelter, was quiet as the group began to stir, each person slowly waking from a night of uneasy sleep. The exhaustion from the battle the day before still weighed heavily on them, but there was a brief moment of peace, a moment where they could almost believe they were safe.
Sarah was one of the first to wake. She pushed herself up from the floor, wincing as her sore muscles protested. The events of the previous day played back in her mind like a bad dream—the looters, the bloodshed, the desperate fight to reclaim the museum. She glanced around at the others, taking in the scene.
Cass was already awake, sitting quietly with her back against the wall, her eyes distant. Luke was sprawled out near his bow, his face etched with lines of fatigue. Raya, who had fought so fiercely the day before, was curled up in a corner, her body tense even in sleep. Ben was nestled close to Cass, his small form tucked into her side, seeking comfort in her presence.
Derek was awake too, his eyes heavy with the weight of everything they had been through. He had been an outsider, a newcomer to the group, and while he had fought alongside them, there was still a gap—a distance between him and the others that hadn't yet been bridged.
Sarah noticed something was off. The space where Eli had been was empty, the blankets and makeshift pillow untouched. A feeling of unease settled in her chest as she looked around, trying to spot him, but he was nowhere to be found.
It was then that she saw it—a small pile of supplies neatly placed where Eli had slept. His backpack, clothes, rations, all carefully arranged. And on top of the supplies, a folded piece of paper.
Sarah's heart sank as she reached for the note, her fingers trembling slightly. She unfolded it carefully, her breath catching as she began to read the words scrawled in Eli's handwriting.
---
I'm sorry.
I can't stay. I can't be part of this group anymore. I thought that killing the looters would make things right, that it would fix what's been broken inside me, but it didn't. All it did was make me realize how far I've fallen.
I'm not the person you knew. I've become something else, something I don't recognize. I killed them not just because I had to, but because I wanted to. I wanted to feel something—anything—that would make the pain go away. But now, all I feel is guilt.
I'm leaving because I don't want to hurt any of you. I don't want to bring the darkness inside me into this group, into this place that you've all fought so hard to protect. You deserve better than that.
Please, take care of each other. You're stronger together, and I know you'll survive. I'm sorry I couldn't be the person you needed me to be.
—Eli
---
Sarah read the note twice, the words blurring as the reality of what it meant sank in. Eli was gone. He had left them, left everything behind, because he believed he was a danger, that he didn't belong. She looked up, her throat tight with emotion, and saw Cass watching her, the same concern mirrored in her eyes.
"What is it?" Cass asked, her voice low, but there was an edge to it, a sense that she already knew something was wrong.
Sarah handed her the note, unable to speak. Cass took it, her eyes scanning the words quickly. Her expression hardened, but there was a flicker of pain behind her steady gaze. She read the note in silence, the weight of it settling over her like a shroud.
Luke stirred next, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He noticed the tension in the room, saw the way Cass and Sarah were looking at the note, and frowned. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice still thick with sleep.
Cass didn't say anything. Instead, she handed the note to him. Luke took it, his brow furrowing as he read, his eyes growing darker with each line. When he finished, he looked up, his face a mix of frustration and sorrow.
"He really left," Luke said, the words heavy with disbelief. "He really thought he was better off on his own."
Raya woke then, her senses sharp as she picked up on the shift in the room. She moved closer, her gaze narrowing as she saw the note in Luke's hand. "What is it?" she asked, her voice tense.
Luke handed her the note without a word, and Raya's eyes scanned the page quickly, her expression hardening as she absorbed the meaning. "Damn it, Eli," she muttered under her breath, anger and concern warring in her tone. "Why didn't you say something?"
Derek, who had been watching from a distance, sensed the tension and approached cautiously. He was still an outsider in many ways, not fully part of the group, but he could see that something serious had happened. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice tentative.
Cass looked at him, then back at the note. "Eli's gone," she said simply, the words carrying a weight that hung in the air like a heavy fog. "He left us a note… He thinks he's a danger to us, that he can't stay."
The gravity of the situation settled over the group like a thick blanket. The realization that Eli had left them, not because he was afraid, but because he believed he was a danger—because he couldn't bear the darkness that had taken hold of him—hit them all hard.
"He left everything behind," Sarah said quietly, her voice trembling slightly. "Except his knife. He… he doesn't want to hurt us, but he's still out there, on his own."
Cass sighed, folding the note carefully and placing it back on the pile of supplies. "Eli's been struggling with something we couldn't reach. He thought killing the looters would fix things, but now he sees that it didn't. He couldn't see a way forward here… so he left."
Luke shook his head, frustration flashing in his eyes. "We should've seen this coming. We should've… done something."
Raya's expression darkened. "He didn't give us the chance. He made this decision on his own."
Sarah felt a pang of guilt as she listened to them. They had all been so focused on survival, on fighting the immediate threats, that they hadn't seen the battle Eli was fighting inside himself. He had been right there with them, but now it felt like he had been a world away.
"We need to find him," Luke said, his voice resolute. "We can't just let him go off on his own. He's not thinking clearly—he needs help."
But Cass shook her head, her gaze distant as she looked at the empty space where Eli had been. "If we go after him now, it might only make things worse. He left because he thought it was the only way. We have to respect that, even if it hurts."
Sarah looked at Cass, seeing the sadness in her eyes, the burden of leadership weighing heavily on her. Cass wasn't just their leader—she was their anchor, the one who kept them grounded, who made the hard decisions. And now, she had to make the hardest one of all: to let Eli go.
Jay, Mae, Dom, Sara and Blake all fell into a heavy silence, not knowing what to say. The weight of Eli's absence settling over them. The battle had been won, but at a cost they hadn't anticipated. They had lost one of their own—not to the horrors of the outside world, but to the darkness that had taken hold inside him.
Sarah couldn't help but wonder if they could have done more, if they could have reached Eli before it was too late. But the truth was, he had made his choice, and now they had to live with it.
As they began the grim task of preparing for the day, the weight of Eli's decision hung over them like a dark cloud. The museum, once a place of refuge, now felt emptier, colder, without him. And as they went about their tasks, each of them carried the silent burden of his absence, the knowledge that they had lost something precious—something that might never be found again.