Chapter 83: A Reawakening.
"What dream do you have?"
When we were kids, our dreams were boundless. Some wanted to be engineers, others doctors, police officers—each one filled with the kind of ambition only a child could possess.
"I want to be a professional football player!"
I remember the childlike enthusiasm in my voice when I said that. But where others were met with encouraging smiles and nods of approval, I received something entirely different.
"Saiku-kun should consider pursuing another profession, one with a better chance of success."
The words were meant to be helpful, but to my young ears, they sounded like a death sentence to my dreams. I didn't recognize the look in their eyes back then, but now I know it was pity—pity for the kid who dared to dream something so out of reach.
"Eh~ I think the teacher is right. Why waste your life on something so foolish?"
I wanted to argue, to fight back against their words, but the rules had been ingrained in me since childhood: Never talk back to your elders. Talking back meant punishment.
Yet, deep inside, the dream refused to die. No one encouraged me, no one supported me, and I was left alone to bury my dreams beneath the weight of their expectations. They told me to focus on my studies, to secure a good future so I could provide for the parents who had "worked hard" for me. That was the purpose of my life, or so they said.
After school, I would watch kids my age playing together, laughing and sweating in the heat of a game. I wanted to join them, to feel the thrill of the sport I loved. My feet itched to move, to run, to kick, but I always stopped myself and returned home.
From home to school, then from school to home.
That was my routine until the day everything changed.
"Attention everyone! The captain of the U-20 team will be visiting us, so prepare yourselves!"
The announcement sent waves of excitement through the students. The captain was coming, someone who was only a few years older than us but had already achieved what we could only dream of. But while everyone else scrambled to show off their skills, I sat on the bench, the shadow of my teachers' scornful eyes keeping me rooted in place.
But then the captain approached me. He asked why I wasn't playing, and I gave him a weak excuse. He didn't accept it. Instead, he pushed me onto the field, ignoring the protests of the teachers and the curious stares of my peers.
"Anyone who can nutmeg me will get a chance to join the team."
His challenge sent the other kids into a frenzy. One by one, they tried and failed to outmaneuver him, each attempt met with a swift counter from the captain. When my turn came, my heart pounded in my chest. I charged forward, gently tapped the ball between his legs, and ran around him to retrieve it. Without thinking, I kicked the ball into the goal.
For the first time, I felt something close to pride.
The captain smiled at me and announced that he would be speaking to my parents about my future.
"No, we don't want him to go there," they said when he arrived at our home. I wanted to argue, but their glare silenced me. The captain placed a hand on my shoulder and stroked my hair gently.
"Tell them what you want to do."
What did I want to do? The answer had been buried deep inside me for so long, hidden beneath layers of fear and doubt.
"I…"
The words stuck in my throat.
"I… wa…"
I tried again, but still, nothing came out. I was too scared.
"I… want… to…"
Then, I felt the captain's warm hand on my back, and I looked up to see his encouraging eyes.
"I want to become a football player!" I shouted, letting out every ounce of emotion I had kept bottled up for years.
"But we thought of a good future for you…" my parents protested.
"That's a good future for you, not for me," I replied, my voice trembling but resolute. "Please understand, I don't want to say this, but I really want to!"
"We worked hard for you, and this is how you repay us?" they shouted. The words hit me like a sledgehammer, making my blood run cold and my heart nearly stop.
I looked at the captain, who nodded at me, silently telling me to continue.
"You've always considered your own dreams, but have you ever thought about mine? What I want to do?" The words poured out of me, a flood of anger, sadness, and frustration. "I wanted to be on TV. I wanted to be famous. I wanted to play. I wanted to have fun! I didn't want this life! You could have put me up for adoption! Why didn't you do it? I didn't want to always be studying!"
As I spoke, my voice grew louder and stronger. For the first time in my life, I was speaking for myself.
"And that's his decision," the captain said, bowing his head slightly. "We'll be taking our leave now. Thank you for your time."
"You can't take him away!" my parents yelled.
The captain turned back to them, a foreign expression on his face that I couldn't quite read. He said something I didn't understand, and I watched as my parents' faces changed. They didn't argue anymore. The captain took my hand and led me away.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him as we walked.
"Remember when I pushed you onto the field?" he replied, a distant look in his eyes. "I could tell you had a hidden talent, something that had been suppressed for too long. I wanted to give you a chance."
He paused for a moment, then continued, "I was in a similar situation once. I'm a defender now, but I always wanted to be a forward. That dream was crushed by the people around me. So I decided that if I couldn't be a forward, I would be a wall that no one could break. That's what drives me every day."
He looked up at the sky, a small smile on his face. "I didn't want flowers like you to be crushed before they could bloom. I promised myself that if I ever found someone in your situation, I would help them grow. I would protect that flower with everything I have."
Then, as if to lighten the mood, he chuckled and said, "So, what's your name?"
I looked at the ground, then back up at him. "Kagami… Hirokima Kagami."
He laughed, as if understanding the significance of the name. "Alright, Kagami. What do you want if you pass the entrance exam for the U-20 team?"
I thought for a moment, then grinned. "A lotus tattoo!"
"Is that so? Then a lotus tattoo it is! Do your best!"
Since that day, I vowed never to stop learning, to always push myself forward. But along the way, I lost sight of that and started copying others. Yet, even then, I managed to rise to the top.
Now, in the present moment, as I face opponents who are constantly learning and evolving, I realize that I need to keep up with them. And I must thank him for helping me find myself again.
"Thank you, Chabashira Haruto, because of you, I've found my spirit once more."
'Gaslighting… what a low way to win a football match. What an evil person he is… seeing him lose would be a good show…'
"Bruh, I tried gaslighting, yet now you've got yourself a newly found spirit!" Haruto's angry face made me chuckle.
"It was effective," I admitted honestly. "I almost cried if not for those words reminding me of who I am."
Haruto looked at me with an expression of disbelief. "What?"
"I'm Hirokima Kagami, the striker of the Japanese U-20 team!"
With all my strength, I launched the ball toward the goal, using a newly created shooting technique that came to me in that instant. I knew it wouldn't succeed, but it would leave a lasting psychological impact on my opponent.
Haruto jumped into the air, his fingers grazing the ball. Despite his average height, I thought he wouldn't reach it, but something unexpected happened.
"Damn him…" I heard that mix-breed curse under his breath as he landed near me.
"This is absurd…" I muttered, watching in disbelief.
"Sorry, but I don't want the effort to be wasted."
Out of nowhere, a player with long red hair that reached his hips appeared, his green eyes capturing the essence of nature. With incredible control, he caught the ball mid-air with his foot, halting its trajectory toward the goalpost. The sheer precision and reflexes required were terrifying.
He landed gracefully, the ball at his feet. Without hesitation, he kicked it toward the other end of the field.
"Sorry, but the victory will be ours," he said as he sped past me. Everyone, including me, chased after the ball, but despite the missed goal, I felt something stir inside me. I was glad to have scored a goal for my team. I felt something, a emotion that was familiar to me , one that I felt only when I did a great result.
Joy.
I am alive.
At this moment, I am indeed alive.
Everything else fades—the noise, the people, the world itself. All that matters is the rhythm of my breath and the pounding in my chest. My body aches, muscles burning, but it's a sweet kind of pain, the kind that tells me I'm here, in this moment.
Alive.
Not just existing. Not just going through the motions. But really, truly alive. Every breath, every heartbeat, every ounce of energy coursing through my veins, it all means something. It all proves that I'm more than what they said I could be.
This is life.
Not the life they wanted for me, but the life I chose. The life where I'm more than just a name, more than just a boy with a dream. Right here, right now, on this field, I am everything I ever wanted to be.
Alive.
And that's all that matters.