Picking my steak with my fork, I gazed around the booth to see what my friends were up to. Ilmestys was reading a book written by Kuzunoha Mihiro, a famous Japanese author from the 1800's. Zephyr chatted with Jasper as they shared a meal of Roasted Shrimp Quinoa Spring Rolls. In conclusion, everyone was busy with their own things.
I wanted to speak to someone about last night. It was eating me alive the longer I kept it to myself. I didn't want to suddenly join Zeph and Jas's conversation nor did I want to bother Ilmestys. She seemed so engrossed with her book I'd feel bad if I cut her train of thought.
"My mom came home drunk on the evening of Tuesday three weeks ago," I blurted out, both hoping they did and didn't hear me. To my surprise, they heard me, their heads turning towards me as if they caught me committing a murder.
"Your mom drinks?" Zephyr was the first to speak.
"Yeah. She used to drink a lot when my father left. As I grew older, she seemed to stop. This was the first time she came home drunk after 8 years." I explained.
"What else happened?" he continued to question.
"Well, she came home with a married man and she mistook me for my dad," I recounted. I tried my best to remember the highlights of that evening.
Jasper whistled, a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. "Sick woman! Wrecking the marriage of another man." He laughed.
Zephyr slammed his head on the table. "Now I have no chance with Daze's mom! She's probably going out with that man!"
"That's weird," Jasper commented with disgust. He looked away and contemplated what Zephyr said, keeping silent.
Ilmestys leaned close to my face. Her olive eyes are wide and bright, slowly blinking. She pursed her lips while raising a brow.
"What?" I asked, my back against the window panes because she forced me so far back. "What is it?"
"Do you look like your father, by any chance?" She finally answered after some time. Surprise would be an understatement of what I felt about her question. Even Zeph bounced off his seat to tell Ilmestys off.
Zephyr screamed, "Don't you just!-" I raised my hand and shook my head. He sat back down and grumbled unintelligible words.
"My mother always tells me I look like my father. So did my grandparents and mutual friends." I explained. "I never saw him so I never got to confirm. Why, though?"
"Maybe she stopped needing to drink to see your father in her dreams, because she finally saw him in you," she remarked and then proceeded to sit back down. "Now that's just me. I don't know about you, though!"
Jasper cackled. "No way you thought that and managed to say it aloud. That's just hilarious!" He continued to howl.
Zephyr casted me a worried glance. I returned a smile towards him and he laughed with Jasper. Ilmestys ignored their laughs and continued to read her book. I still don't get what was nice about reading a fictional book about a god trying to overthrow the heavens.
I leaned over Ilmestys's shoulder to take a peek of the page she was reading on, I read a few paragraphs that stated;
"You are my servant. You will serve me until you and I may no longer reincarnate. Why is it that the servants of the other gods seek their masters even after a thousand years have passed?" Shangqi Ke exclaimed, his hands tightening around Jiang Qi's wrist on the wall.
Jiang Qi pursed his lips, quivering from the pressure he put on them. "Why don't you have them as your servants if you're so envious?"
Shangqi Ke staggered. His mind and body rejected the idea of replacing Jiang Qi as a servant. "But I want you," his voice came out in a breathy whisper.
"Dang, that's so gay," I commented. Ilmestys nodded and flipped the page, saying, "I know, right?"
After lunch, we all parted ways. Without anyone or anything to distract me, my mind returned that evening. What Ilmestys said didn't help either. I kept thinking about it until I arrived to my classroom.
My mind was out of it the entire time in class. Everytime a teacher asked me a few questions, I couldn't answer them. I couldn't even understand their English most of the time. At some point, I got yelled at for spacing out in the middle of class.
I excused myself to the bathroom, slumping my way there as I almost crashed against the lockers.
Did my mother ever love me? Has she only ever loved, cared, and fawned over me, all because I look like my father? Is that why she always says I have red eyes, despite having brown eyes?
No, it wouldn't make sense why a few people would comment on them being red, if they never met my mother in the first place. I assumed it was her delusions, but delusions shouldn't jump to other people. Unless everyone was in on it?
I shook my head, slapping my cheeks. I shouldn't entertain such thoughts. But the idea remains in the back of my head. What if she loved me, not as her child, but as a replacement for the father I never knew?
I stare at myself in the mirror. My eyes blazing in a red hue like the sirens of an ambulance rushing through the streets of Bluris as it carries the body of a beloved. I lean to my left as my hand creeps up to the dark eye bags underneath my eyes. I rub the spot my mother did all those weeks ago.
A shrilling scream echoed in the hallway, accompanied by the violent pop of a gun. My blood ran cold. Was this a school shooting? Is it an act?
I couldn't figure out what was happening from inside the bathroom. My mind wouldn't allow me to peek out the door to check. Instead, I ran into the furthest bathroom stall and hid in there. My heart was beating so loud, my fear of getting caught increasing.
I don't want to die.
I'll die before I get to reconcile with my mother.
I'll die. I'm gonna die.
My phone chimed with a notification. I struggled to get my phone with my shaking hands and lowered the volume. I checked to see what the notifications that almost had me caught were about. It was from my friends.
Ilmestys ( NOT GODDESS!! ) :
> Are you guys okay?! I hear there's
shooter in the Junior building!!
Zephyr ( Red Blood Cell ! ) :
> SHUT UP ION WANNA GET
CAUGHT WJSVAH TEXT LATER
Jasper ( Druggie ) :
> were FINE. were in the classrooms
Daze ( Me ) :
> WHY WASN'T I INFORMED THAT
THERE WAS A SHOOTER
BEFOREHAND?!?!?!?!!!
Jasper ( Druggie ) :
> uhm technically 🤓☝️ you dont
know it about until they appear
Zephyr ( Red Blood Cell ! ) :
> Not helpful
Daze ( Me ) :
> I'M IN THE FUCKING
BATHROOMS
Jasper ( Druggie ) :
> what.
The door to the bathroom was forced open with a kick. I had to hide my phone, and I made the fatal mistake of hiding it too fast. The shuffling of my clothes alerted the shooter, and he began searching through the stalls. He kicked down every stall, slowly inching towards mine.
My hand clasped tightly over my mouth and nose, preventing a single breath of air from escaping my lungs. Cold sweat ran down my forehead. My body is shivering. I couldn't think of how to get out of this situation.
Should I make a run for it? I could burst out the door and attack the shooter. No, I shouldn't be impulsive. He might have a quick reaction time and shoot me dead.
Bang! A bathroom stall was kicked open.
I could crawl underneath the stalls, but it would alert him and shoot me. I won't be able to move away in time due to the stall walls pinning me down. Even if I climb up and hop from wall to wall, he still could see me and shoot me down.
Bang! Another bathroom stall was kicked open, getting closer to the one I am in.
Any other person in this situation would fight for their lives, some possibly doing the solutions I thought of. But I'm a coward. I hope to be saved by anyone as I stay seated in the area where I am safe. A coward shivering in fear, soon to be found dead in a bathroom stall.
Bang! The violent pop of a gunshot rang through the enclosed room, followed by the sound of a body dropping to the floor. Blood began to creep into my stall from the gaps of the stall walls. I could hear the shooter walking away. As he closed the door shut and stepped out into the hallway, I breathed a sigh of relief.
My chest trembled as my breath exited my lungs. As I looked down to the blood on the floor, I felt guilty for making noise and became the reason for this person's death. It hadn't dawned on me that I was at fault, until my sneakers touched the blood running across the white tiles. I was at fault?
Fuck.
I shivered on the closed seat of the toilet I sat on. I stare at my reflection in the blood of an innocent person. If I hadn't moved, would they still be alive? What kind of person could he or she have been? Have I met them?
"Is anyone here?!" A voice echoed from the depths of my mind. My body is floating in a dark abyss. I was naked. My clothes are floating somewhere behind my head. I was trapped in the darkness of my own mind.
"Oh gods, someone is here. Call the paramedics!" Another voice rang out from my mind. It was a strange tune, like the bark of a hyena.
"Check the other stalls!" The same voice rang out. That was when the door to my stall was opened. I stared at the cop who flashed a light into my eyes. "Hey, are you alright, kid?"
I burst into tears. The events were so overwhelming. My fear prevented me from moving, but the relief broke me into pieces. They say when you think your life is nearing an end, you'd see images of it flashing before your eyes. No image appeared.
I don't know what is worse. Was it my blind hope that I'd live, or to think I never cared about my life until I nearly lost it?