As fast as I could, I purchased the beef and pork for Mrs. Del Monte and dashed out of the fresh store. As I made my way back to the restaurant, I could not do as much as ignore the remarks from two women who wouldn't stop gossiping about some 'Matilda' whose daughter was a slut.
Just when I brushed past them, they at first whispered to each other about the stain on my uniform– unknown to them that my ears were catching their words as silently as they came.
"Do ladies these days now move about with sperm stains?"
"Tsk, I told you the world has become immoral! Matilda is an example."
Well, this was me quoting and mimicking their words as I walked back to the restaurant. Those women did not stop at my stained uniform. They said I smelt like sour sperm too.
Argghh! If only I could–
"Breathe Cosima, breathe." I cautioned myself, my hands lugging up and down as my chest heaved.
I decided to forget the old gossip while I promised myself to wash and soap my body later when I returned home.
As I passed by the Zentury modeling agency again, I took one more glance at the now less crowded entrance. The press, every one of them was gone. It was almost as though they only came to interview that elegant man and no one else.
I remember the name the reporters had shouted after him. "President Zen" I whispered to myself, my index finger going into my mouth.
How good would it feel to be in the arms of such a man? Imagine him herding me on his broadened chest while his hands went to my waist...
"Yeah, and your obese body would drain the life out of him." I chastised myself. "Wake up Cosima!" I further slapped my chubby cheeks.
Not gonna happen, so why dream or wish for it?
I continued to hop to my destination while the nylon bags in my hand danced and sang along with the rhythm of my movements.
By the time I got to the restaurant, Mrs. Del Monte was already throwing a fit because of my lateness. Apparently, customers who wanted beef burgers were in line, waiting for their orders but I had taken longer than usual.
"You don't do anything right do you? Do you?!" Mrs. Del Monte started to holler as the last customer went out of the door after futile attempts to make him remain.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Del Monte, I —I…" I began to stammer while my voice broke, unsure of the lie to sell out.
Damn me! I should have thought of one before coming into the restaurant.
Pointing at Susan, "You, come here." Mrs. Del Monte ordered.
Abruptly, Susan opened the counter and stepped out. "Collect the nylon bags from her." the older woman further addressed Susan.
Susan, reluctantly, yet obeying the boss outstretched her hands which I dropped the PP bags on. "It is the early days of the month right?" Mrs. Del Monte asked me with a dangerous calmness.
By now, the restaurant was devoid of customers. The only persons present were Charlotte who was standing beside Susan behind the counter. Perhaps Mrs. Del Monte had ordered her to stand as a substitution for my absence when the orders got too many for Susan to tend to. And there was Dane who had his neck stretched out of the accountancy kiosk, prying into the scene.
Susan was there of course, and there was me and Mrs. Del Monte looking into each other's eyes. Except mine had a nervous melancholy while hers held a dominant glee.
"I will pay you for the services you rendered since the beginning of the month. After that, get out of me restaurant and stop ruining me business!" she shook and stormed to meet Dane.
"You pay her and see to her exit!" she bitterly instructed and began to walk back inside the corridor behind the counter.
I took steps forward to seek pardon but Mrs. Del Monte's ladle was held out. "You stay out of my face or we both end up in jail for breaking the heads of one another!" harshly, she warned me.
This wasn't happening to me, was it?
I was not losing a source of income when I had not even saved enough to pay my dues for last month's mortgage. Now, what will I present to the loan sharks when they come banging on my door?
Perhaps, if I did not eat, I would have enough to set them off. But inner strength fuels the outer one. How do I intend on working without eating?
"Mrs. Del Monte, please—" With tears in my eyes, I ran behind the counter to plead more intently but Mrs. Del Monte would have none of it.
She shut the door flat in my face whilst yelling so loud, that we could hear her regardless of the barrier of the door.
"Somebody remind me not to hire a fat girl next time!" were the words from her until from behind the door, it became silent.
I remained transfixed in the spot. I lost a job because I had been childish enough to play a beauty game with a voice in my head. A voice made up. Had loneliness worn me out exceedingly that I allowed myself to play away from reality, and thus, reality reminded me of its sharp presence.
"I'm sorry Cosima. I hope you find a new job soon." Susan consoled me. My tear-stained eyes turned to Susan. "Really? Do you think I can find a new job soon? Don't you think I'm too fat to be employed? Tell me, don't you not?" I was falling into a trance powered by frustration, sadness, and anger.
Susan couldn't meet my eyes as she turned to Charlotte for help.
Charlotte on the other hand remained silent with pity in her eyes.
If pity could be stored, I'd have a room full. I've gotten too much of that my whole life.
"How about I go help you talk to her?" Susan offered.
Charlotte interjected her notion. "You do know Mrs. Del Monte's motto, right? I think it explains Cosima's chances in this situation."
"There is no pity in business. A business person who pities is a failed businessperson." Dane recited the motto for me as if I didn't know it.
"As if I don't know!" I yelled at him and the movement of his gum halted.
I had actually thought nothing could make Dane stop in his motion while chewing gum but I was wrong. A pained yell from me froze his mouth.
So, I would return home and await my faith when the loan sharks arrived.
One by one, my eyes scrutinized my ex-colleagues.
"I will be back." I began a vow with my fists clenched beside me. "I will be back and that look of pity I see in your eyes will turn to that of envy. I promise!" I screamed before storming out of the restaurant.
I was about to pull the door open when a customer did. The devious look I gave her earned me a second glare from her as I walked past her.
"You haven't returned the uniform, Cosima!" I heard Dane's voice shout from behind.
Arrgh, Mrs. Del Monte's pawn still had the guts to question me about the uniform.
I stood, pulled off one of my sneakers from my feet, and opened back the door.
"You all can kiss my feet!" I screeched before throwing the worn-out sneakers inside the restaurant.
Alas!
Definitely not what I had planned, the sneakers hardly kissed the head of the customer.
"Ouch!" I heard her pained whimpering and then, I took to my heels without looking back.
The grunt from Susan echoed in my ears until I was out of earshot. "Cosima!" she hollered.
That, for some reason, sent satisfaction to the unjust feeling I felt.
"Let them pay for the damages with the meager pay they were going to pay me," I smirked to myself as I walked home with one-legged sneakers.
If that system ever talked to me again, I would break off its head. If it meant breaking my head to break the head of the system, I'd still do it.
Wait a sec, I promised those clowns I would be back to turn the look of pity in their eyes into one of envy.
Well, who keeps promises these days?
Definitely not me!