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Arthur Ishviel POV...
Waking up, I find I'm the only one not awake and everyone's looking at me. I slowly sit up, ending my time of leaning on Valory. Valory sighs, the emotions behind the sigh unclear to me.
I yawn, brushing off the front of my pants casually and covering my lap with my hands out of necessity. Damn you, natural phenomena occurring to men! How could you do this, my own body?! JUDAS!
Either way, it's another day of ignoring my problems.
"Morning everyone," I comment, rubbing my eyelids slightly to shake off the tiredness. Even in my sleep, I don't feel rested. I don't dream. "We should be there in a few hours, right?"
"Oh, yeah," Valory confirms, giving a nod before clearing her throat. She pats her lap slightly, looking a tad irritated even though I'm not leaning against her anymore. "Well, it's more like an hour or so, but still."
"Alright. I'm gonna get up and get a few steps in," I stand up, putting my hands in my pockets. I think for a second on a nice way to say what I want to, but come up empty. "Please don't follow me, k?"
Before I can receive confirmation from any of them, I step out the door and onto the gangway platform. I close the door behind me, leaning against the railing.
You know what would be nice right now? Cigarettes. I haven't been able to smoke since I was paralyzed in my first life because I didn't have arms, but they would be nice. I wonder where I could even find nicotine in this world...
Then again, I don't remember being anything but stressed and anxious when I was able to smoke, so it's probably a bad idea.
I pull something out of the satchel I brought with me, a pen and a new journal. Fortunately for the real Arthur, I filled up his journal with new experiences that he never got. Now I'm starting a new one, just for me.
I open to page 26, the page I'd written up to by now, and stare at the blank paper. I don't know what to write about... everything seems so overwhelming.
My mind flashes to Baldwin, to my sword, to the moment I ended everything he could've ever had. I want to vomit, to hurt myself, to do anything except be healthy. I don't deserve good things, he did.
I stole Baldwin's entire life in a single fight, an act that I'll undeniably have to do again once I leave the academy. If I want to save the world from whatever threat is coming, then I need to be ready to end life... but I don't think I can.
I transfer the words to the page silently, my handwriting plain and unsophisticated. Maybe Baldwin has been like the original Arthur at one point, innocent and happy.
Maybe I should've just ran instead of engaging in a fight, like we all said we should. Maybe I should've stopped Valory before she hurt him like that. After all, that butterfly effect is what made me kill him. No, no deflecting guilt. It's my fault that he died, plain simple, and now I have to-
I run out of room on the page, sighing to myself and closing the book. For a second, I consider crying to lessen myself of some sorrow, but I don't. Despite my insistence on not crying, I spot a drop of liquid hit the page near the bottom.
I touch my face lightly, feeling a damp trail before looking up to the sky. A clear blue, not a cloud in sight.
I'd rather cry at the ocean than here. The ocean is the only place my tears feel small.
I put the journal and pen back in my satchel, wiping my face on my sleeve and putting on a neutral expression. I have to be strong, for them and the world.
I watch as the apparition of the sword grandpa appears on the train platform opposite to me, leaning against the railing as he looks at me. He doesn't say anything yet, maybe waiting for me to say that I'm fine to talk.
When I don't, he decides to do it for me and speak.
"So... I saw that you pulled off the technique yesterday, huh?" He starts, focusing on something other than the main subject matter. His brows are furrowed, almost in worry... like he cares or something.
"Yeah, I did," I sniffle slightly, nodding my head and trying to get back into a stable emotional state. He sighs, looking at the rolling landscape that the train passes.
"I'm proud, boy," He gives me a word of affirmation, a rare thing from him. I watch him rub his neck before he speaks again. "Sometimes... when people are angry, they say some things that they don't really mean and... I've been angry for a long time."
"Hah," I chuckle slightly, sniffling a little to myself before wiping my eyes. The laugh was probably a defense mechanism to stop me from crying. "I could tell."
"I know," Responding with a nod, he stands up and vanishes from his spot before appearing next to me. "I get that I've been on and off with the whole teaching part... and that I haven't been a great person in words either."
"No shit, dude. You told me to kill myself like 5 times."
"Ahem," He coughs, trying to get back on subject. "The point is, now that I'm calm, I want to say sorry for saying all of that to you and treating you like a tool."
"I'm calling bull, old man. No way you can push your ego aside enough to apologize," I remark, punching him softly in the shoulder. He grunts softly, a frown showing on his face whilst a melancholic smile shows on mine. "What's the agenda? Why are you talking like you care?"
"Is it that hard to believe?-"
"Yes, absolutely."
Before I can continue the conversation, we pull into the city of Cleras once again and arrive at the train station. Even though we're just in the train station, the city seems more crowded.
It's people of different races and cultures, mostly adventurers, from orcs to gnomes. By far the most cultural diversity I've seen in this world, there are people standing on boxes with papers in hand.
It's like the city has seen an upturn in excitement since the day we've been gone, but what could possibly be the cause for this? It makes no sense to me, unless it had something to do with the attack on Castle Ironholt a while ago.
Cleras couldn't be preparing for war, could it?
I turn around and walk through the door into the train car, my face finally returning to a sense of normalcy. I stretch slightly, walking over to the group and clapping my hands.
"Who's ready for ~School?!?~" I ask cheerily, knowing that it's the complete opposite attitude they likely have. It's fun to annoy people.
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