* * *
Standing at the station, I find my hands shaking just barely as we wait. Valory, Gram, Pierce... we all made it out, but I don't know why. I'm assuming they'll tell me eventually, but I don't know why.
Maybe they'll eventually explain it.
"Arthur, can you let me look at the relic again?" Gram asks, standing to my right as we wait for the train.
I don't think anyone knows what exactly I did, what I'm now dealing with... and they don't need to. This is my battle, my sin.
"Sure," My voice is hollow, almost. A ghastly level of tiredness that I didn't know I could experience.
I take the pendant in my hand, lifting it up towards him but not separating it from myself. He looks upon the amber sword pendant with curiosity, perhaps a little bit of wonder absent from myself.
Every once in a while, the pendant lets out a faint and dull glow, but it's barely noticeable if you weren't specifically watching for it.
"So... we got the relic, but what do we do with it?" Valory asks, hands in her pockets. It's a weirdly casual stance considering her usual attitude, but maybe she just has to readjust to being snooty.
"Arthur found it. Let him keep it," Surprisingly, Pierce vouches for me to keep the pendant. Finders keepers overrides his elf racism, it seems. "If we needed to do anything with it right now, we would know."
I begin to tune their voices out, simply staring down at the tracks in silence. The clouds above me are forgotten, the ground below me studied with ruthless intensity as I rummage about my own thoughts.
I have things I need to do, but I need a break... I need my home. I need to go home to my parents, the ones that love me unconditionally. I need sanctuary and protection.
A feeling of grief hits as I think that. That's probably what Baldwin was thinking when he died, yet I think I'm worthy of it. I'm reprehensible.
My left foot feels light, as if ready to spring forth and lay myself on the tracks. I wish I had the courage to do it anymore...
How I found it in me to jump that day is a mystery. Right now, I just feel... empty, mostly. I wish it was raining.
"So... who's ready to go back to school?" Gram asks, a general vibe check question to see how everyone's doing.
"I'm going to take a week off," My voice cuts out first, as if eager to show how awful I feel.
Silence overtakes after I murder the vibe in cold blood, like I said something completely divisive. Gram looks at Valory and Pierce before looking back to me. The train finally pulls into the station as he puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Arthur... are you okay?"
"No," I say, not even bothering to look over at him.
I then wordlessly walk into the train car and take a seat in one of the corners, curling into a ball on the seat whilst hugging my knees. They all follow into the cabin, taking their seats not far from me. Valory is the closest, whilst Pierce is the farthest and Gram is in the middle.
The conductor walks into the cart and, before he can actually ask for my ticket, I hand it to him with a blank gaze. He looks a little weirded out, but takes it.
"Thank you, sir. Have a nice trip..." He mutters before moving on to everyone else.
Once again, I tune it all out and stare at the ground. In no time, I feel the train shake and start up before the scenery out the window starts to change. Looking over at Valory, I notice something... strange. A grey and translucent window hovering in front of her, like a status window.
I consider just writing it off, but this is new. Maybe it's a side effect of 'solidifying my existence'. That's neither here nor there though, so back to reality.
"Valory... do you have a system window open right now?" I ask quietly, my eyes going from the window to her.
"..." She slowly turns to look at me, locking eyes before I see the window close. "No, why?"
"Valory, I can... I can see them now," I say, sitting up and putting my hands on my thighs. She's lying, but I'm not sure why.
I watch her eyes slightly expand in surprise before seeing the window reappear in front of her. I nod slightly, as if to confirm that I can see it.
"You just reopened it," She then closes it again, crossing her arms. "Then you closed it again."
"Okay, well... what are we supposed to do with this? You can see other people's system windows, but you don't have one," She says, crossing her leg slightly. It doesn't feel sassy to me, rather that she's actually trying to help me make this new ability useful.
"I don't know, but I just wanted to make sure I wasn't seeing things that weren't there."
I disengage with the conversation after a few seconds of silence, leaning back in the seat and tugging at the lapel of my now well-worn jacket. I wish I had a blanket or something to feel less cold.
After a while, I start to feel a little tired and ready to nap. It's been so long since I've had just a nap, what could go wrong? Soon enough, my neck cranes downwards and the lids of my eyes shut as I sleep.
Instead of a nice dream or a dreadful nightmare, I'm greeted by a few seconds of pitch black darkness. A void that seems to have no end, devouring all that is within including myself. A second later, I awake with a jostle of the train.
I'm in a different position from when I went to sleep. The sky is dark, the moon out for any to see. Everyone is asleep in the cabin, excluding myself.
Gram is resting against Pierce, whilst I am rested against Valory. I don't know when, but sometime during my sleep I wrapped my arms around her right arm in search of comfort.
I scoot away from her, righting myself up with a yawn. It'd be embarrassing to be caught like that, whether it was a conscious action or not.
I slowly walk myself through the cabin and towards the gangway door, opening it resulting in a short moment of the wind whistling into the cabin. The door is closed behind me just as soon.
Standing here in the space between the two train cars, I lean a little against the railing and simply stare into the night. The ground whizzes past the train with every second, an indication of just how fast the train could trample me.
And for a decent while, I consider letting it. Yet despite all my sorrow and regret and guilt, I turn around and head back inside.
I take a seat once again next to Valory, leaning against her by choice this time. Maybe support isn't too terrible... besides, being embarrassed about something so silly is childish.
* * *