Life wasn't worth living anymore, I told myself. Even if I were to do it, who would care? Of course, nobody would.
I stood at the top of the building, reminiscing everything that I had to endure for the past 10 years ever since dad's death.
Today, I was turning 17 and nobody seemed to care. I was very sure that no one was even aware of the fact that I had run away from home just so I could kill myself in peace.
Once again, I peeked at the distance below. It was deadlier than I had imagined it to be but what did I care? It wasn't worth living anyways. I closed my eyes and more drops of tears rolled down my cheeks and I could taste the saltiness in my mouth. I took a deep breath and just as I was about to leave the wind to do its job, I heard a voice.
"It would be nice to see someone commiting suicide in real life. I wonder if it'll happen just like in the movies."
My teary eyes flew open and I turned to look at the owner of the voice, standing not too far away from where I stood.
He was handsome but I didn't bother to take note of any further details and for one thing I was sure about, he wasn't even staring at me or making an attempt to rescue me like anyone in his position should have.
First of all, that was rude.
However, I couldn't ponder on all that since the only thing I wanted at that moment was to be free of this life.
I closed my eyes once again.
I didn't take the last step that would lead to my death. My confidence had failed me yet again.
I couldn't do it. I didn't have the courage to take my own life.
I opened my eyes. My vision had become blurry due to the tears that clouded my eyes. Instead of taking a step forward, I took three steps backwards.
The stranger was still there and had done nothing to help or comfort me. Perhaps it wasn't just my family that hated me. Even people who had no idea of who I was hated me as well.
I dropped to the ground, as uncontrollable tears rolled from my eyes.
"God why? What have I done to deserve any of this? Is the kind of life I signed up for?" I didn't know when I had started expressing my feelings out loud.
Still, the stranger remained silent and that was what hurt me most. There was no one to comfort me. As always, I felt alone and cold.
To show the amount of hatred the world had for me, I had barely begun crying when I heard a masculine voice.
They had come for me.
"Miss Tilda, your mum has requested that we bring you back home," One of the two men in black suits spoke.
I couldn't say no. I couldn't run away. I was helpless.
Tilda, you are such a fool! You have given that woman another reason to mock you.
I sighed and quietly followed them. My mother knew me too well that she was able to find me even after all the struggle I went through in searching for a place I thought they wouldn't find me. Besides, it was night time.
From the corner of my eyes, I could see the stranger glance at us. Who did he think he was?
Once we got into the car they had brought, one of the men in black moved to sit in front and the other at the driver's seat, while I sat alone at the back seat.
I took out my phone from my jacket.
There were several missed calls from KiKi. Mother must have told her that I was yet to return home. I kept my phone back into my jacket and stared out the car glass for the rest of the drive.
*.*.*.
As we were making our way into the house, I could hear my mother's voice.
"Tilda has become something else! That girl cannot be disrespectful under my roof! Never!" I heard her say.
Of course, people like her were often dramatic and unnecessarily loud.
Once the door to the living room opened, Mrs. Olusegun, my mother turned in our direction and immediately began walking towards us.
"We found her exactly where you said she would be," One of the men said.
"Thank you very much," My mum simply replied and handed them 5000 naira each from her purse before signalling for them to leave, something they didn't hesitate to do.
Here comes the drama.
"Tilda Olusegun," My mum called. "Tilda Olusegun."
"Ma," I muttered a reply.
Just then, I saw Miriam running down the stairs and heading towards us. She must have heard my mum's loud voice.
Miriam was our house help and the only person I could confide in aside KiKi. The woman was like a mother to me and God knows how much I wished she was the one who had given birth to me.
"Ah madam, u don come?" Miriam found it easier to speak pidgin English since she didn't proceed to primary school due to lack of funds.
My mum being the woman she was, simply ignored her. She knew very well that Miriam had come to my rescue and not for anything else.
"Tilda, why did you leave this house without my permission?!" My mum thundered.
At that moment, I began to wonder if this woman was truly my mother. Maybe I was exchanged in the hospital.
Today was my birthday yet here she was, screaming out her lungs at me.
"I went to get some fresh air," I didn't have the strength to start a conversation with her.
"Fresh air? Matilda! Fresh air! From where to where?" Her eyes looked like they would pop out anytime soon, due to how surprised she looked. "So you think that you are a big now girl abi? I have breasts and you have breasts too. What else is left na? For you to start throwing punches at me, right?"
You see what I was talking about? Her drama was just too much. It was something I couldn't stand.
"Mum please, I am suffering from headache. I want to rest. Please," I sighed and started making my way out of the living room.
Maybe I shouldn't have reacted the i way I did because it didn't end on a good note. That day, I received the beating of my life and I retired to bed in pain and tears.
Miriam could do nothing to calm my mother down. All she could do was plead repeatedly with her but my mother paid her no attention and sometimes, she would even threaten to relieve Miriam of her job.
"Is she really my mother? Because if she is, I don't think she would be doing this to me" I cried as I spoke with Kiki over the phone.
"Babe na wa o. That your mama sef na character. On your own birthday again?"
If not for Kiki, maybe I would have considered killing myself in the kitchen that night.