Harry laughed, "believe me, I think the same."
"Anyway, one day I was coming back home from watching a movie and I ran into Dudley and his friends. Dudley then tells Cassy that I broke his wrist and she starts yelling at me. At this point I had managed to run into the park, and I realised we weren't alone."
Harry looked alert, "what happened?"
"A magical creature attacked. I don't know what it was but it looked like a giant dog with yellow eyes. It was as big as a bear, and it attacked us. I managed to chase it away though, luckily, and I had to alter their memories. But you know how I am with charms, so instead of simply removing the memory I ended up changing it, so now instead of them remembering me fighting a giant bear sized dog they saw me fighting an actual bear."
"Wow," Harry gasped, "that's awesome!"
Percy chuckled, "thanks, I have my moments. Anyway so yeah, there we go. Now apparently little miss sunshine over there was something off a crush on me."
Harry rolled his eyes, "obviously."
Percy nodded, "you know her well?"
"Well, when I was young. Pairs, her little brother, and Dudley were best friends when growing kind of bonded through their love of tormenting me. Cassy always stopped them though, she was nice. But eventually the Dursley's told everyone I was a troubled boy and they should stay away from me. And so Cassy and a few others did, and once again Dudley was free to torment me."
Percy glared, "I don't like your uncle and aunt, and I like your cousin even less."
Harry chuckled, "join the club."
"You know what, I don't think I'll be happy with just losing your uncle's wheels."
"What do you have in mind?"
Percy grinned, "magic."
The next week was one of the worst weeks in Dursley's entire life. Percy had been relentless, and as was Harry whenever he could help. Percy made sure that the pranks didn't seem too magical, least the Dursleys blamed Harry, as far as they knew they were just having a very, very bad week.
On Monday Vernon found that his car's tires has become so well worn the rubber had literally peeled off while he was on his way to work. He was stuck in the middle of a highway with a broken vehicle and had to take the tube to reach home.
For the rest of the week Vernon was stuck taking public transport to reach work, and Percy had struck again when on Thursday he managed to summon Vernon's wallet right out of his pocket. Percy and Harry treated themselves with Vernon's money, and bought themselves a very fancy lunch.
On Tuesday Petunia nearly had a heart attack when she opened his washing machine and found all of her clean white sheets dyed purple. Inside she found a single purple sock belonging to Dudley, Percy swore he could hear her screaming at him from his own house!
And then on Wednesday Petunia hosted her weekly neighborhood tea party. Percy used a simple switching spell and switched all her sugar with salt and watched as the woman spat out their tea in revolt. The way Petunia looked one would think she had just found out her only son got murdered.
And then on Sunday when the family went to church Percy decided on pulling an old mortal classic. He took a whoopie cushion and cast a songs charm on it. The moment Petunia and her family sat down Percy let it rip causing everyone to look around confused and Petunia to blush red.
Of course Dudley was also not spared. Percy had Harry feed him the 'fat gaining and pooping' potion and passed it off as Dudley's diarrhea. The poor kid constantly found himself in the toilet.
Just for laughs once Percy snuck into number 4 and waited by the loo. He locked the bathroom downstairs while Vernon used the one upstairs. Dudley felt the urge of poop once more, and quickly tried both bathrooms. Percy magically unlocked the loo with Vernon inside and Dudley rushed in without thinking.
Percy swore he had never heard someone yell so loud. Dudley screamed at the sight of his naked father, he fainted on the spot. But the creme dula came when the potion inside Dudley started to get agitated and took effect regardless of dudley's state of consciousness causing Dudley to shit his pants.
Harry had laughed for so long at the last one Percy was afraid the wizard was going to pull a Dudley and shit himself.
Percy and Harry now sat on a bench in the park overlooking the pond. They had a loaf of bread with them breaking off pieces to feed the ducks.
"This week has been amazing Percy, thank you," Harry said with a smile.
"My pleasure Harry. I got to prank someone who deserves it, plus it gave me something to do you know?" Percy took off a piece of bread and threw it into the water. A duck quickly swam up and swallowed the crumb whole.
"You know the best part? They didn't know it was us!" Harry laughed, "all that, and they still don't think I did it! All those times before when I didn't do anything and they blamed me, but now I really did do something and they don't know it!"
Percy grinned, "and that my friend is the mark of a true prankster. Conner and Travis told me that."
"Really? Who are they?"
Percy blinked, he didn't realise he had even mentioned his old friends. Percy sighed, "they...they were my friends. Twins, best pranksters I ever knew. Once they got into a cabin full of girls and mixed in super glue with their lipsticks! I swear they couldn't speak, but one look from them and the brothers were sent running! And then there was this time where the Stoll's broke into our camp counselor's office and filled it with rubber balls! Best playhouse ever!"
Harry laughed, "they sound amazing. You know there are a pair of twins in Hogwarts just like them! Fred and George Weasley, amazing blokes, they love pulling pranks!"