Have you ever thought about how one would fight a God? And that's capital 'G' by the way, not some suped up Spirit wannabe, but an actual, genuine God.
Well, to Noita, that is about all he has been able to think about for aeons.
And now that it's finally happening, he's not really sure what to feel. Surely he should be feeling wrathful, filled with a righteous vengeance. Or maybe anxious, fearful that his life as it is will never end, that his torment is eternal?
But no. Noita feels none of this.
He just feels...disappointed.
Ever so disappointed. In himself, in God, in the fact that he is not even sure what he was expecting.
Maybe some heartfelt, if malicious, words traded, some explanations given, concessions made? Maybe he didn't even want to fight, and he just wanted to talk to God, to ask, and understand, why the being put him through such torment.
...Though perhaps that was wishful thinking. He already knew the answer, and now that he is actually fighting God, he knows for certain that he was right.
It's simply because God.... God is a child.
He is a lone God who has never known the company of an equal, so he started treating all others as simple toys. Inanimate objects to be used for his own amusement.
Of course, understanding God doesn't mean that Noita isn't going to kill him. Not after the long line of Noitas that he has created for his own amusement. Not after the generations of torment that he has put Noita's predecessors through.
Repeating the same cycle, over and over again.
Create a new Noita, birthed from his own blood, and place them in front of a cave, standing in a world cluster carefully crafted to hunt and to kill any Noita that walks it's land. And faced with no other choice in this hostile world, the Noita would push forward.
They would pick up their Wand, and push into the cave, seeking deeper depths, each more dangerous than the last. Hoping that the final depths might hold some answers for their existence.
And they would die, that is no question. Mostly from the hostile beings swarming the world, but he can admit that a fair share of his many, many deaths were a direct result of his own actions.
Rare are the times he actually intended to kill himself, but when one is handling Spells of death and destruction without any kind of guiding hand, well, accidents are inevitable.
But after every death, The Noita would always wake up in the same spot, standing before that damnable cave, Wand in hand. Of course, it's not like he was forced to go inside the cave, but the rest of the world is just as dangerous, only far more barren.
He was both incredibly relieved and impossibly pissed off when he found that enormous pile of gold hidden away inside the walls between dimensions only after his third century.
Stupid bastard God. The world was designed such that every being that was killed dropped some gold, and gold could be 'offered' to God in exchange for Spells and Wands and Boons. Naturally, finding the gold cave made his life much easier every time he had to start over, but it was annoying that it took him so long to find.
He was exploring parallel dimensions as early as his second century, after all.
Truthfully, he has no idea how old he is, something north of a trillion years, probably. In a fit of depression, he once created a new sun and simply watched it expire, and from the notes of the Alchemists, he's pretty sure that should take a few billion years, even if it didn't feel that long.
Maybe his sense of time is skewed. No Noita has lived as long as he, at least he's pretty sure that's the case.
He knows why, of course. Both from experience and the notes of the Alchemists, who he believes were Noitas from ages past, who somehow managed to leave notes that survive the constant world resets. Their advice has been invaluable to his ability to survive this long.
Though, he could do without the halo. He has no idea how those ancient and long dead Alchemists managed to leave behind a 'reward' for whichever Noita fulfils their dreams in the future, but he really wished they would have made the halo an optional thing. He has no idea how to get it off, but, he supposes that having a glowing ring hovering over his head served him well in navigating the dark at the start of new lives.
He also has no idea how the halo managed to stay attached after he fulfilled their wish, to create a black sun, and then promptly fell into the thing and had his every atom ripped apart. Fun times
Not that he needs it now. His current life has probably been going for a couple hundred billion years. He's guestimating based off of stars' lifespans. About eight stars, he'd guess his current life has lasted.
Which is definitely a record, because again, he is certain that no Noita has ever lasted as long as him. That certainty comes from the fact that he knows what lies at the bottom of the world.
A bastard trap set by a bastard God.
When a Noita finally reaches the lowest depths of the world, not as deep as Hell mind you, that's not the same, but at the lowest reaches of the world, only there will the Noita meet Kuusilmäinen.
The giant eye monster should be a final triumph, one last battle to wage before finally getting answers, and, perhaps more importantly, liberation. Whether that means freedom, or a true death, well, that would depend on the Noita, he supposes.
He's pretty sure they all went through the stages, seeking escape, seeking a true death, indulging in pleasures or pain, anything to distract them from the reality of their life. But it all sort of wears away after the first millennium. And now? After so long? Well, The Noita is beyond such things.
He just wants to kill God, anything else can come later.
Because God truly is a bastard. Killing Kuusilmäinen brought no true liberation, or perhaps it did, to a younger Noita. But he truly believes that any Noita who survives past their first millennium would no longer seek death, but vengeance. Or at least, peace.
That is not the reward of the victor. Instead, they simply become a part of the Gold Works, and another planet turns golden, finally bringing an end to the Noita of the time, as they too, turn to gold.
And then God creates a new word and a new Noita, and the cycle starts over.
The current Noita, he took his time, he was in no rush. Because of that, when he did not die at the end, he was thankfully not disappointed, only further enraged. Perhaps also a little embarrassed too.
The only reason he even survived the Gold Works, was because he'd already accidentally modified the laws of that world such that anything that would be gold, was instead worm blood.
Then again, the only reason he survived that was because he doesn't need to breathe anymore. Dying by drowning in a literal planet's worth of worm blood would have been incredibly embarrassing, and that's from someone who has, on multiple occasions, killed himself by forgetting the blast radius of his own Spells.
Space twists around him, the empty dimension lighting up with a bang! As matter and Law comes into existence under the almighty powers of God, an entire galaxy being born in an instant.
Looking on blandly, dressed in the same billowing robe as always, The Noita watches as one of the three 'arms' of the galaxy compresses onto itself, transforming into a beam of pure destructive energy heading right at him, enough power spread wide enough it could reduce entire solar systems to naught but ash with it's passing.
The Noita simply sighs, and raises a single arm, disappointment etched into his features, hidden as they are under his deep hooded robes. Simple things though they were, just a pair of long, flowing purple robes with a simple golden belt. But after uncountable years being submerged in his tremendous magical power, they have grown so far beyond the simple robes they used to be.
Now, his robes glint like an amethyst universe, a deep violet on the outside and an impossible black inside, interrupted only by pinpricks of glistening light, like stars in the sky, infused with more magical power than an entire world could ever hope to naturally produce.
The beam of destruction, lightyears wide, finally reaches The Noita, but instead of the obvious outcome, The Noita remains unmoved, the beam crashing into his open palm and finding itself wanting, splitting around him as if a stream splitting around a rock.
It's just... so disappointing.
God has power, of that there can be no doubt. But God has no skill.
He just throws around his weight and expects the multiverse to simply do as he wishes.
No surprise really, even if it is disappointing. After all, in all of his time existing, that was simply the way of things. Never in all of Time, or even before he thought to invent Time, there has never once been anyone who could contest his power.
Until now, of course.
Space warps again, creation bringing a pair of new worlds into existence beneath The Noita's feet, the elements of life being borne into these empty worlds, only for the pair of planets to be consumed in an explosion of incredible might, fusing into a pair of enormous burning balls of light.
With a dismissive flick of his head, The Noita brings these new suns together in a mighty explosion, magic fusing with matter and compressing them beyond their bounds until another supernova brings about a new change, and thus, a black sun is born.
Bursting with an insatiable hunger, the black sun attempts to consume all of existence, and The Noita happily throws it at the centre of God's new galaxy, allowing him to truly see the scale of his creation as between one moment and the next, the galaxy before him is simply gone, only the farthest reaches of it's longest arms being free from the ravenous hunger of The Alchemists' greatest dream made manifest.
But while a black sun isn't enough to kill God, evidenced enough by how it simply disappears in another bang!, Bigger than anything before it as the black sun explodes into a whole new universe, created merely as a side-effect of their impossible power. It is, however, enough to reveal the location of the cowardly God.
Finally seeing his quarry again, after untold years of chasing his shadow, death and destruction, life and creation following in their wake, The Noita doesn't hesitate to bring out his true strength, a Wand. Taking aim, he points the Wand at God, even as the being turns to tear a new hole in this dimension, seeking to escape further.
But he doesn't get the chance, as as soon as The Noita activates his Wand, he is suddenly by the side of God, the golden being staring at him with what he assumes to be shock. He doesn't know for sure, as it seems that God cannot even speak, his existence too isolated for even the most basic of social abilities.
Not that Noita is really one to talk, he hasn't spoken a single word in many, many lives. Not that there's really anyone to talk to.
He already knows that even his most potent of Wands, each capable of reducing an entire universe into another empty dimension, will do nothing to truly harm God, at least not in any way that truly matters.
So instead, he decides to place his bet for finally ending this battle on a much more intimate matter.
The Soul.
Ephemeral though it may have been to a younger Noita, he has grown more than familiar enough with the Essence of Spirit to attempt his current plan.
And as he reaches forward, grabbing a hold of God before it can flee to the next dimension, he knows he made the right choice.
Outside, their battle comes to a halt, for the first time in a long, long time, the multiverse knows reprieve from their seemingly endless war. But on the inside, two Souls are clashing.
One, boundless and golden, filled with raw emotions and basic desires. A simple Will containing all the power of The First Being.
The other, chaotic and kaleidoscopic. A tortured Soul filled with hate and apathy, pain and comfort, creation and destruction. An unshakable Will, mighty enough to die a million times and never lose sight of its goal or its self. Containing all the power of a thousand generations of Noita, all brought together under the Will of a single Noita. The Noita.
And in the end, God finds itself wanting.
With a victorious scream, containing the combined hatred of every Noita to ever be born, The Noita rends his 'Father's' soul into dust, revelling in the anguished scream that the Almighty being lets out in it's final throes of life.
And back in the material world, The Noita watches the golden form of God still, Life that was so overwhelming dissipating into the void, leaving just an empty husk, floating in his grasp.
Finally. Finally, victory was his.
Finally.
For the first time in recent memory, for The Noita's definition of 'recent', he feels a smile grow on his lips. A barely familiar, but painfully nostalgic smile.
The kind of smile he used to wear, back when he was young. Back when there were still challenges to face, and he finally overcame them, after many a death, and many a failure.
The same smile he wore when he vanquished Unohtaa, or Nurinalkemisti, sauvojen keräilijä, Kuninkaiden Kuningas, Suomalainen or Syvähirviö. The feeling of accomplishment, of vanquishing a foe that, for so, so long, was so far above him that he could only hope to avoid their notice.
But he has won.
God is dead. And the Multiverse, for the first time, is Silent.
Finally.
The Noita doesn't know how long he simply remains there, staring at the corpse of the being who was the root cause to all his grief, but he is eventually woken from his trance by the presence of another being calling out to him.
Finally turning away from the dead God, the Noita absently notices how the universe has changed, his All-Seeing Eye allowing him to view every planet in passing. A lot of them are filled with life, at least the distant ones.
Closer to himself, there is very little raw nature, instead being filled with metal machines, such as the one calling out to him. A bipedal thing, of black and blue metal, with spindly limbs and seven eyes, three on each side and a oceanic blue centre eye staring at him with some emotion he can't discern. The being is taller than his own form, but hardly impressive in it's power.
Though, that should be obvious enough, if The Noita didn't even notice its arrival.
Ah, the being is speaking again, but he doesn't understand the words. That's a solvable problem though.
A small flex of Will, and The Noita is looking into this being's Soul. It calls itself Serasael, it- her race Voltun. A rather disappointing race, all told, seeking to genocide the universe until all that exists is machine.
He has no problem with machines, as a creation of nature, they are as natural as any life, but he does find absolutes to be a bore. Still, he isn't looking in her Soul to judge her race, so with a quick thought, he lays his Will over her understanding of language, and suddenly he can understand the words being spoken to him.
"-oooooo? Heeeeelllllloooooooooo? How long do you intend to stare at me, Anomaly! I am Serasael! I demand you answer me at once!"
When was the last time he had heard any words spoken to him? Kuninkaiden Kuningas, he supposes. The King of Kings was not much of a conversationalist, but even his threats of horrific death were a solace from an eternity of solitude once upon a time.
Of course, he soon grew weary of speaking with the Grand Master after he could predict everything he was going to say, verbatim, just through sheer repetition.
Still, it's a curious thing, communication. To convey meaning and intention through something as benign as sound. He doesn't know why God came up with such a novel idea, but he finds it a pleasant one.
For all his childish cruelty, God is- was truly a creative being, and though most of his creations existed merely to torment the Noita, there was still a lot of beauty to be held in them. Such as communication via sound.
The Noita never would have come up with such a silly idea. Sound is such an inefficient transmitter after all. If he had to use a medium to transfer intent, he'd at least use light, so it's not so slow. But, again, he'd never have even thought about it, beyond the fact that he used to use... ah, what was it called? Ah! His voice. He would use his voice to exclaim dissatisfaction or pain.
It generally made his younger self feel better, to express his suffering with a vocalisation. So he supposes it's not too weird to use sound to express other feelings.
"Heeeellloooooo!? Answer me damnit!!"
Oh, right. He hasn't replied to the female-identifying being yet. It's awfully impatient though. How should he respond?
He isn't sure. Maybe start simple and work up. A greeting, perhaps. The being's Soul didn't seem to have any experience communication without sound, so it would be best to adapt to it's custom.
"Hello. Serasael." There, greeting done. Now, she introduced herself earlier, so he supposes he should do the same. "I am Noita."
Now what? Really, why does she even exist, anyway? He was sure this dimension was empty before he got here. Unless he was spacing out for longer than he thought? That wouldn't be too surprising. He built a treehouse once, then got lost in thought and the next he looked, the tree had grown tall enough to pierce the sky, feeding off of his ambient magic to become a semi-deific entity.
Unfortunately it didn't survive the next world reset after he died again.
"Finally! Why do you take so long to answer me, Noita! Know you not who I am!?"
Tilting his head, he regards the being. It seems not as machine as he would have expected it. In fact, it seems more alive than anything God had created.
"You are Serasael." He informs her with a nod of his head.
"I know who I am!" She snaps out, making The Noita confused as to why she asked if she already knew.
The strange being falls silent, seeming to calm down, though The Noita knows not why she was agitated in the first place.
"Noita," she eventually says, voice calm and serene this time, reminding him of ocean waves, "you are an Anomaly. We have record of your existence since the dawn of our civilisation, since the moment we could peer into the universe, we saw you, and that," she jabs an arm at the body of God, still held within his grasp, "and after many millennia, you have not moved once."
It seems he really did space out.
"However, with the birth of my brothers and I, we Voltun have started conquering the universe. As a sign of respect, both due to your age, and due to the impressive power emanating from that thing in your hand, we have decided to offer you a place among us, as the rulers of all things. What say you?"
He barely even has to consider it. "I will decline."
Ruling a universe seems like a lot of effort, and he really doesn't have the patience to micro-manage trillions of lives. Besides, they are all machines, and he'd feel bad if he accidentally killed all of them with a misplaced spell. Machines tend to be conductive to electricity after all, so a single accidental spell could chain through their entire race and make them extinct.
"I don't think you understand what is being offered, Noita. You will join us, or you will die. There is no other option."
Death, huh? A previous him would have been giddy at the thought that she'd be capable of pulling it off, but now that God is dead, his next death shall be final, and he doesn't really feel like dying anymore, if he even can, really.
"I am unsure if I can die. What would you even be using to threaten me?" He is genuinely curious, as his eyes cannot pick up anything around him that could be any kind of weapon. The big metal box that the strange being came in is the only matter around them, and it doesn't seem a weapon.
"You dare?" Serasael whispers out, a growing malice in her Soul that leaves The Noita utterly confused. "I am Serasael! And I will not tolerate your ignorance any longer, Noita! Be honoured to die by my hand!"
Following her exclamation, a pair of beams of energy shoot out from her hands, coloured blue and smelling faintly of Water's Essence. He's not sure what it was supposed to accomplish though, unless that rock floating behind him offended her for some reason? Or maybe it was a distraction?
Yes, that could make sense, if it was supposed to be an attack. In fact, it's quite similar to a trick he tried against God, only to find it woefully inefficient and needlessly complex. Still works as a good surprise though.
So with some interest, he turns his focus behind him to the rock, about thrice the size of her transport box, which itself is as large as a moon, her power just shattered, expecting to see the resulting rubble take the shape of a magical formation of some kind to attack him from behind with.
But none such thing happens, the rocks just float away. Strange. Maybe it wasn't an attack after all?
Turning back to the strange entity, The Noita tilts his head at her still silence. "What was the purpose of that? It did not do anything?"
He doesn't know why, maybe a miscommunication, but his words seem to only enrage her more, as she lets out a scream that frankly sounds like she is in pain, and then...walks? Closer to him?
And when she does reach him, a weapon appears in her hand, a halberd, he believes, stored in an in-between-dimension, and she... pokes? She pokes him, in the stomach. She truly is a strange creature.
Definitely not a creation of God, which is actually rather novel. Everything he has ever seen has either been a creation of God, or a creation of his own. It's actually rather exciting, now that he thinks about it.
He tries to inject some of his positivity in his voice, in the hopes of reducing her own negativity, as he accepts her halberd, but pushes it back to her. "It's ok, I do not need a weapon. You may keep it."
Then, for some reason, after staring at him for a moment, she shoots out some more magic and distances herself from him. Did he say the wrong thing again? This is awfully confusing.
"T-t-this isn't possible! Nothing like you should exist! W-w-what are you!"
How curious. She believes that he shouldn't exist, while he himself is curious as to why she exists. That's interesting.
"I am a Noita," he politely informs her, before some worry comes to his mind that her erratic behaviour could be a sign of illness or something, maybe she needs some help? But how should he word it? "Are you...having issues...performing?"
That seems right? Only, her response was not what he was expecting, as her Soul is suddenly projecting not just anger, but also a strange, citrusy feeling that he is unfamiliar with. If he had to describe it, the best he could do would be to say that it is like a mix between joy and fear.
Hmm, strange.
"I- I am not! I am perfectly fine!" Well, that's good. He was worried. Perhaps it is just normal for these beings to act this way? She would know better than he. "Y-you are powerful, Noita! I will give you that much! But even my brothers would not face my true might easily! So prepare yourself! For True Power!!!"
Saying so, a burst of that same blue energy tainted by the Essence of Water flows out of her, dancing around for a while before congregating around her and her halberd especially. Sort of like an armour, he muses as she slowly dashes at him again.
He's pretty sure she's gotten stronger with this enhancement, but it's honestly hard for him to tell. Even with his All-Seeing Eyes, it's not easy to tell the size difference between grains of sand on the opposite end of the universe.
Yet again, she comes to a stop in front of him, her halberd poking against his chest as her power rages around them impotently. This is the second time she's come closer to poke him. Perhaps she is simply seeking physicality? He might be able to understand that, he recalls having some similar physical desires ruling him for a few centuries.
With that in mind, he lifts the halberd up and out of the way, over his shoulder, and steps closer to the strange being, before realising that he does not know what kind of physicality that she seeks. Mentally shrugging, he decides to just copy her and finally lets go of God's body so that he may use his free hand to poke her in the same spot she was poking him.
For some reason, she doesn't move again after this, simply staring at him with her emotions changing wildly.
Unknown to The Noita, that brief contact he had with her body gave her a chance to actually feel the power hidden inside of him, as his robes have started absorbing any ambient magic power of his, making this the first and only true glimpse she has had of his power.
And it is, in a word, overwhelming.
Not only that, but his hold over her halberd. She can tell that no matter how hard she struggles, she will never be able to even get close to prying his grip open, his physical strength being just as monstrous to his magical, at least, to her limited understanding.
Also unknown to The Noita, is that Serasael is the second most powerful of her siblings, who themselves are the gods ruling over their people, and even then, she can at least fight her strongest brother.
Yet, this strange being has power that dwarfs her own, that makes her seem as how she would an insect. And she wants it. Being the most powerful female in the universe, with only her siblings to match her, Serasael has never felt interest in another man. After all, what man could hope to be anything but insignificant to her?
But this man, this Noita. He has so much power that he doesn't even seem to realise she has been attacking him. Or maybe that was why he showed her his strength? To show her how fruitless her struggles are.
She has no idea what this Noita is, but to have such power...
She thought she and her brothers were the True Gods of the universe, but if they are Gods... then what is this Noita?
She doesn't know, but his display of strength and dominance, treating her greatest efforts as though an insignificant matter not worth of his attention... She has never felt such arousal. This man, she must have him. Not just for herself, but for her race. He could be their doom, or, he could be so much more. He could lead them to even greater heights, and then, he could give her children.
Children who will surpass herself, surpass her brothers. Together, they could have the most beautiful and powerful children ever seen! Yes. She must have him.
But how? How does she convince this mighty being to be hers? Or rather, how does she convince him to allow her to be his? With his power, she wouldn't dare to presume that there would be any doubt as to who would be who's, the powerful take and the weak submit after all. And she would be more than happy to submit to a being of such immeasurable power.
But how!? What could she possibly offer a being like this, that has already rejected her! She dejectedly realises. Perhaps, if he does not wish to rule, maybe he would simply prefer worship? Her people don't practice much worship, but that can certainly change for this man.
"We Voltun have clamed the universe as our own, and you are not Voltun." She starts, hoping that she might be able to convince him to become an Voltun by marrying her, so that he can be recognised as a God alongside her siblings and receive all the worship and adulation such a mighty being deserves.
Of course, that marriage would give her reason to receive his assuredly potent seed is another matter entirely. She's not even worried about the difficulties of inter-species reproduction, as with his power, she has no doubt that he could change himself to be more compatible, or even her, to suit his tastes. She wouldn't mind, not for him.
But before she can continue, he speaks up, and she dares not interrupt him.
"Oh, ok then. In that case, I shall depart."
What?
Frozen, Serasael watches as Noita turns to, what they assume to be some dead god, though the power it gives off is nothing even near hers, which is why she never expected Noita's strength. Little did they know, that not only had God been rotting for millions of years before they sensed it, but the body also lost a significant amount of power with its Soul so thoroughly destroyed.
Unmoving, she only watches with shock as Noita grabs the dead god with one hand and punches forward at nothing with the other. Only, his fist seems to his something, as space itself cracks, a perfect circle forming from nothing, through which Noita floats.
And then, the circle closes, and Noita is gone. Even the distinctive presence of the dead god just...vanishes.
No.
Reaching a grasping hand forward, Seraselbes has no idea what she thinks will happen as she reaches out, desperately pleading in her mind that this is all a dream.
No no no no no no.
This can't be right. He can't just be gone. What even just happened?! She knows not where that portal led, but she is certain that it did not lead anywhere in the universe, but that just doesn't make any sense!
Unless... there are other universes than her own?
Like a cool shower, a wave of calm washes over her as relief floods her body.
Okay. So other universes exist, and this Noita is in one such other Universe.
Then, that means that not all is lost. She can find him again, no, she will find him again. And when she does, she will convince him to mate with her, and they will have dozens of beautiful, powerful children!
She just has to find him first. And grow stronger too. She doubts she'll be able to reach his level, but she can at least close the gap.
That just leaves one thing.
How is she going to convince her brothers that other universes exist beyond their own, and that they should explore them?
Whatever the case may be, she is sure that Noita will not die, and she herself is immortal. So she has time.
And she will find him again, no matter how long it takes.
No matter how many universes have to burn.
/\/
A/N: He~llo! Dear readers!
So, I kinda wrote this on a whim in one sitting. Didn't expect over 5k words lol, I was just bored.
For those unfamiliar (which I assume is most of you lol) Noita is a Finnish made game that I have never played, but I have watched Albino play it, and it looks so fun. (also, go on youtube and search for Albino Noita, seriously I've watched all those videos multiple times over).
So, I've had the idea to have the player character form Noita for a while now, mostly cuz've seeing one of Albino's vids where he was testing out spells (I think it was the 1 quadrillion hp boss one or smth) cuz in that vid he has a teleport wand that digs through matter and turns everything into blood gold, and it made me start having more op protag fantasies (you know I love op characters)
So yeah, that's it, I just wanted a Noita mc. Might be playing a bit fast and loose with Noita lore, while also making mc hella more powerful than necessary, but eh, why not? Just kinda happened.
Also, this was going to be a fanfic originally but now it's original, so Serasael is totally-not!Seraselbes and cuz I'm lazy I just put the Noita bosses into google translated and changed them up a little lol. The Mc is still gonna be Noita tho.