"you danced with Belmont?"Eunice asked wide eyed as she prepared Missy for bed
"he's not too bad.He has no designs on my virtue "
"a man like that is never up to any good"
"he can't hurt me even if he tried .I'm determined to not ever get married and I'm not the least attracted to him.I will hit him if he tries anything"she flashed her maid a grin.Tierry had taught them both how to throw hard punches .Some stupid dandy had tried to maul her when she went exploring at a ball.She had left him passed out beside a broken vase.After she had told Tierry about the incident, he'd taught her and Eunice to defend themselves.
Eunice frowned "I don't know Missy.I don't like it"
"I will cut off all association with him if he makes me uncomfortable in the slightest"
"promise?"
"I promise"
"I worry about you Missy .You might think going to the countryside and frolicking your days away is what you want but that might not be what you need"
Missy frowned "Since when did you become wise?"
"watching you risk your neck and mine Everytime has aged me by like fifty years"
"you don't look seventy seven"
"you can't see my soul is why"
The two chuckled "I'm sorry if I make things hard for you"
"I've had more fun with you than any lady's maid deserves"
"too much fun?"
"I'm on a strict diet to avoid a heart attack Missy"
"it's not my fault I'm a danger magnet.All I've ever done is do what I wanted .You know I can't be poured into a demure dress and molded"
Eunice dragged her brush through Missy's hair then yanked at a tangle .She yelped "are you trying to brush out my brain?"
"brainlessness will do you a fat lot of good"
"maybe you should go be prudy or Beth's lady maid"
"they share one .She's on the verge of death.They work the poor girl to seizure.Them and their silly chattering"Eunice shuddered"shall I braid your hair?"
"you always braid it ,why ask today?"
"I'm practicing how to be a proper lady's maid for when you go to the country and I'm reassigned "
Missy stood so fast her chair tumbled .She winced "what do you mean reassigned?"
"I won't follow you there .Did you think I would ? The countess says she'll get rid of Susan and I'll take her place"
"but you've been my friend since ever"Eunice's mother had been Missy's nanny ,then governess , then lady's maid.The young Eunice and Missy had become fast friends.Eunice always the voice of reason and Missy, the risk taker.Eunice's ma had been deployed to the Fensworth country seat as the house keeper and Eunice had become her lady's maid for the last eight years.
"I'm not supposed to be your friend Missy.I'm supposed to be your servant"
Missy rolled her eyes "I will tell father.I won't go away without you"
"I shudder to think what you'd get up to without me"Eunice shuddered dramatically"I'm going to leave now.Goodnight my lady"she curtsied
Missy made retching sounds .Eunice laughed
"goodnight"
Missy didn't go to bed for a long time after that .She hadn't ever envisioned a world where she wouldn't have Eunice , or Tierry or Henry or Thunder her faithful stead or Wolfie , her beautiful hound.She supposed she'd been a bit selfish and childish.If she didn't want to marry didn't mean Eunice didn't.Eunice might start her own family any time soon.Thierry too .He might even leave the household.Henry was the Fensworth heir , he'd have to fulfill his obligations by marrying a society miss and having the obligatory heir and spare.She loved her mother's sister Aunt Diana who had never married.But aunt Diana had been engaged , her fiance had died during the war and she'd retired to the country and never looked back.Missy supposed her tale was that of a broken heart not a need for adventure or general boredom with society.Missy had never met a man who interested her.Sure there were wealthy , well dressed , gentleman littered about but none of them made her want to take a second glance .She didn't even believe in true love or whatever.She didn't believe in things she couldn't see.There was infatuation and mutual interest.There was respect too .But love was a well spun tale fed to women.
She suddenly felt cold.
The idea of going to Graford without the people she cared about suddenly seemed so bleak.
But she couldn't stay here.
Here, she felt constricted , judged and found unworthy.She felt misunderstood.Too unique in her own skin.Too tall , too brazen , too curious , too intelligent , too reckless and wild , too much.
Society rules were trying to contain her .Lock up her extras.
All she wanted to do was just be her .
A woman who would never be a true lady.