November 25, 2022
Theme: Identity
Comforted within the embrace of darkness, relaxed by the calming scenery of nothingness— a stagnant state of everything. Yet, for as long as everything else is not on a standstill, the head splitting pain drives me into the edge.
A blinking light pierced through the darkness. Each periodic blink reflected on the mirror placed ahead of the bed, flashing a reflection.
Who are you?
My vision erratically moved in the sight of my reflection. A throbbing headache sent shivers throughout my body. Sinking my nails into my scalp didn't help at all. The red, hot liquid dripped from my fingertips onto the bed sheets. The sudden churning of my stomach reflexively moved my hands with blood stained nails from my scalp to hugging my stomach.
Who are you?
Raising my head, I reluctantly glared at my reflection. Each flash of light the reflection gradually stretched its mouth into a smirk. Until a group of the same reflection manifested behind the original looking down laughing at my pathetic state. The once tranquil silence of the darkness was filled with deafening laughter.
Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? Who are you?
Who are you? Who are you?
"Shut up!" I yelled, throwing the blood stained bed sheets at the cell phone, covering the source of the blinking light.
The periodic blinking, although it was bleeding through the sheets, disappeared. The ear piercing laughter disappeared. The constant pain overwhelming my body disappeared. Yet nothing was permanent, I knew that. I knew that but tried to ignore it.
Panting, I stumbled on my own foot trying to get off the bed. Hitting my head on the carpeted floor. I found my footing and limped towards the mirror. Accustomed to the darkness, I could make out a silhouette of myself. It was…
It was nothing
I've grown used to wearing masks, switching personalities in situations I see fit. Changing appearances, changing my beliefs, changing… myself. Without a point of reference, I'm nothing.
"Who are you?" my parents asked with a face of disgust.
I'm who you wholeheartedly loved.
"Who are you?" my childhood friends asked during our reunion.
I'm anything you once remembered
"Who are you?" my colleagues asked.
I'm what I am at work
"Who are you?" my lover said while cuddling under the bed sheets.
I am the one you loved.
"Who are you?" a condensing voice snapped me back into reality. I stared into the eyes of the reflection, who was wearing a sneer. The uncomfortable feeling returned; uncontrollably sweating and involuntarily shaking. Hands against the wall, my eyes are practically glued to the mirror.
"Tell me. Who are you?" It sneered with eyes so empty you could see the void.
"I…" I paused, struggling to let my voice out. Forcing the vomit down my throat and letting out a long sigh, I reluctantly said.
"I am No One"
The reflection burst out in laughter, spawning copies of itself until it occupied the whole mirror. Maniacal laughter echoed throughout the darkness, ringing my ears. The mirror flashed images of my broken relationships— friends, family, lovers, colleagues. Flashed images of the masks I wore. Flashed the unimaginative life I lived. Everything I did felt pointless, living a complete copy of someone else's nature.
Yet beyond this reflection was…
"Who are you?" it mocked once again.
Grunting, I slammed my fist against the mirror, startling the reflection. With a glare, I reached for the light switch beside the mirror. The reflection's eyes widened, recklessly pounding the mirror from the inside desperately screaming at me to stop. The reflection growled at me, forming fangs and a long tongue in an attempt to frighten me. But I've resolved myself, betting everything on the glimpse I saw beyond the reflection.
"I am me" I said, flicking the switch.
The darkness disappeared and everything was touched by the light. The reflection was gone and instead… was a white silhouette; as if a doll without its features or an empty canvas— It was me. Darting around the room, everything was the same. It was a white room with only a bloodstained bed with white sheets and a mirror placed in front.
"So this is where I start," I thought, looking back at myself in the mirror.