March 5, and March 7 2022
Word: Refertence
Character: Matsunaga Tomoe
An irritating tune bounced around the confines of my unkempt abode, driving my sleep-deprived brain to the edge of anger. I attempted to block the sound by wrapping myself around with the comfortable cotton of my blanket, maintaining my composure as the warmth enveloped me in relaxation. Finally, the tune dissipated. At long last, my long lost lover has come to visit, I thought as my consciousness faded into deep slumber… yet the annoying tune returned to torment my sleepless self.
Reluctantly coming out of my cocoon, I violently snatched the box containing a library of responsibilities: a smartphone encased in thick red casing. A bright light blinded me, blocking my eyes from the screen like a vampire cursing at the sun. Characters started to make out as my eyes became accustomed to the light. Combining the characters, It was read as "little miss devil." Glaring at those characters, I swiped the "accept call" button prepared to complain like there was no tomorrow.
"Matsunaga-sensei!" a desperate screech blared through the smartphone speakers, causing me to involuntarily move the smartphone away from my right ear. "The higher ups asked me to check up on your work. They scolded me all night long through the phone, threatening to cut my paycheck. So I'm hoping for your cooperation, Matsunaga-sensei." I can imagine her twitching smile through her tone alone.
Unable to even utter a single complaint, I was already under pressure to start writing right away. "Such a devil," I whispered.
"What was that now?" her devilish breath seeped through the speakers.
"Why do I even need to use my wisdom in such an immoral way? Have you forgotten my specialties?" I complained, ignoring her threatening voice. "Creating imaginary worlds riddled with fantasy and action! You're asking me to make something that is beyond my realm of knowledge!
"The higher ups know what you are capable of, Matsunaga-sensei. I, as your editor, have faith in you" she praised, alluring my ears. " Your work captivated many of the younger generations until now— your fascinating world building, your creativity, and your easy to read writing. I assume they just wanted to know whether you could do the same for older readers."
"W-Well if you praise me that much, I might actually do something about it," I said, rubbing the back of my head.
"You. Have. To. Finish. It. By. The. Next. Week," she said, adding stress to every single word. "It's not an option to back out of this. After all, who is going to be at fault for my precious paycheck to be cut?" The phone call ended, ]making me realize how lonely I was inside of this messy room.
Woah, spoken like a devil, I thought. floor. Unlike Moses, who has the ability to split the red sea into two, I crossed the sea of rubbish cluttered around the apartment floor barefooted; small cuts from crushed cans of soda appeared on my legs as I finally made it to the other side: my work table. Sitting on top of the desk was a pack of paper, a bottle of ink, a pen, and my saving grace: an expensive laptop. Sneering at the tiresome materials, I sat on my cheap computer chair and stared at the modern era of writing with loving eyes.
Unfolding the laptop, the home screen appeared before me. It was a picture of dogs grooming each other that are living in my parent's home back in the countryside. My heart ached looking at them. I miss you guys so much, I thought. However, when I turned my attention to an application I use for work, a different kind of heartache attacked me. My eyes rolled as I reluctantly clicked on "new document" in Microsoft Word.
"Just how can I even start writing this kind of thing?" I said, pressing at the letters s, e, and x on the laptop's keyboard. I cannot imagine myself writing an erotica in any way, shape, or form. How do adults find sexual pleasure in reading a paragraph anyway? How can you describe the act in such detail that the reader becomes aroused? Just how exactly is sex so stimulating? Without any information or even experience, how can I, a twenty-three year old woman without any experience in romantic relationships, even write such a raunchy one-shot story? I begin to question my ability as a writer.
Shaking my head, I opened google chrome in an attempt to expand my knowledge regarding this sensitive topic. I researched everything I could think of on the top of my head— the pleasure you experience during the sex, how intimate could a sexual activity be, the wording in erotic scenes of various eroticas, and finally the distinction between erotica and pornography. Naive as I may be, I have never watched pornography in the entirety of my life. It may become helpful in the future. But for now, I have to read works with sexual themes.
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Even after reading so many books, I have never become stimulated, not even once. After becoming so invested in the story, the erotic scenes just became a nuisance that was unnecessary in the plot; either that or they wanted to introduce who intimate the characters were. It was romantic to say the least, but it was not at all arousing for me. From what I understood so far, an erotica can be not sexually stimulating at all. In theory, I could write an erotica that is not sexually stimulating . But the higher ups are expecting something unlike the other authors.
My only option is to turn to pornography. Hopefully I could get the answer from there. However, another obstacle blocked my path: where can I watch pornographic videos?
Eventually, after an awkward conversation with my male college friend, I was introduced to a website called "pornhub." While most videos are from overseas, there are some Japanese made videos as well. Browsing the site, it was bombarded with erotic images, overwhelming my innocent eyes. This is only for reference, I would repeat in my head. Finally clicking on a video, I watched my very first pornographic video.
I could feel a wet feeling on my undergarments as I watched the video without blinking an eye. My hand made its way under my shorts, feeling the wetness of my panties. So this is being aroused, I thought. My hand instinctively went under my panties, bumping my clitoris.
"Ah~" I moaned, covering my month in bewilderment. Regaining my composure, I stopped the video. "This is getting out of hand."
Thanks to the few minutes of porn, I was able to feel stimulated. With only those few moments, I ingrained that experience into my brain. With my new found knowledge, I tried to read the books once again to see if I could feel any different when reading it. Just like I thought, It was the writing, I thought, closing the books while my face was flushed.
I turned to my laptop and researched once more and made a new discovery: the existence of Japanese Adult Videos, or JAV in short. Browsing the outrageously long titles of these videos, I carefully analyzed each title. There was a story happening in these videos, there's even a director guiding the direction of the film. I concluded that this was just an erotica in video form.
Somehow getting my hand on one of the films, I carefully watched everything in detail— the plot, the acting, and the erotic scenes. The most important thing to analyze is the plot; the story is just as important as the erotic scenes in erotica. While it was mostly erotic scenes, the difference in how a scene would be interpreted with the plot is astounding; it determines whether the scene should be stimulating or not, while also adding factors like fetishism. In conclusion, it really didn't matter whether it was erotic or not. The plot is much more important— is it meant to be dramatic? Erotic? Romantic?
So, what it comes down to is not whether I could make the reader be aroused, it's how I could create a beautiful piece of literature. Rather than creating a new fantasy world, I stepped in a new world instead.
After a long day of tiresome research, I plopped my body on the comforts of my beddings, hoping to take a rest before getting started in writing tomorrow. However, the irritating tune returned, making me jump from my bed. Reluctantly, answering the call, the sound of the devil haunted my ears. "It has been three days, Matsunaga-sensei. Have you started working on it?" she asked.
"Three days!?" I panicked, glancing at the calendar on my phone.
"Don't tell me you haven't started yet, Matsunaga Tomoe-sensei." she said with a condescending tone, imagining her with a vein popping out.