Day 1 on my own
It has been 3 years since I got shot out of mom's front butt, and I've grown to be one ripped toddler thanks to her training, but today is the day I get abandoned by my mom to start my Journey to become the strongest, "Hey Kid there is nothing left for me to teach ya, you gotta leave now, if you find your dad test your metal and beat his ass," those were my mom's last words to me, I had many questions like was the guy she is married to not my dad, guess I would never know, also I'm 3 years old how the hell am I supposed to survive in this world on my own, I started to get a anxious again so Shrek popped in my head instinctively, which reminded me I'm an oni aka an ohger, which gave me an idea, maybe I should build a hut in the swamp.
After walking what was probably 30 miles into the swamp, I was completely lost so I decided to start gathering wood, I punched a tree and it broke giving me a log, I repeat this task untill I realized it was lunch time and I had nothing to bulk with, so I started looking for edible plants and bugs, sure enough I found a what looked to be a plam tree with giant rock solid pods, after breaking one of the pods open, I remembered watching a fruit video channel that showed something like this a "niple palm" fruit I think, but you can use them to make sugar, alcohol, and vinegar, I looked around for other niple palm trees and turns out I was in huge Grove of them, I ate 5 whole pods before deciding to get some protein but for some reason the bugs refused to come down past a certain elevation, so I look for some lizards or fish but no luck.
"Rrrrrrrib-it"
The sound of frog reverberated through old trees and made the water turn into a stormy sea of waves, I turn around to see big giant frog who looked like one of those, fat green frogs from my past life but he was 10 times the size of me.
[Alert enemy detected Alpha Chud king, threat level 100, fleeing is advised]
A voice in my head told me this chud was a threat but it didn't look scary at all not to mention my mother taught me to trust my instincts and this little chud was definitely not a threat I coiled my fist for a punch and with tremendous speed the frog got sent through several trees as a huge gust of wind was created from my fist's impact.
[enemy slane you have gained 500 experience points]
So it's like Drakon Quest I can level up and stuff wonder why none of my training gave me any experience, anyway protein time,
after lugging the frog to the material pile I realized that I need to build something to keep hold a fire so made rotisserie thingy that had the frog on it and took a tree stabed it into the ground cut a hole in the side and use an old toe nail to drill a hole in the top after that I spread some thick gray mud that is probably clay around the tree's new oriphis and clapped to dried the clay, I now had an oven and a way to smoke my frog.
"What the hell is that smoky smell, did a dragon take up residence here or something?" A familiar voice said as I finished setting the suports for my hut on a dry lump of elevated land, the voice sounded like a certain donkey that got romantically involved with a dragon in my favorite movie.
"No way Eddie Murphy got sent here too!" I extatically exclaimed as the sun started to fall below the treeline.
"Who the hell are you? And who's Eddie Murphy?" The voice asked as it came into view, turns out it was just some dude with long ears, but as he got closer it looked more and more like he had donkey head, "child why are you out here alone?" The donkey man said after I finally entered his line of site.
"My mom said I gotta become the strongest and abandoned me, what about you?" I asked with a withdrawn voice that betrayed my irritation with this world's idea of parenting.
"Really? Talk about a bad parent," the donkey man said, "And I'm out here because my wife kicked me out after she decided to divorce and get with a dragonkin she took the house and kids," the donkey continued to ramble about his horrible life for another 30 minutes by the end of his rant the frog was done cooking and I had finished my hut, "so that's why I'm out here, my name is Burro by the way," the donkey man named Burro finally finished his yapping as I ripped off a giant frog leg and handed it to him.
"Nice to meet you Mr Burro I'm Yujiro Hamna, here eat this, here's to crapy situations," I say, as Burro's eye widen and jaw hits the ground just now noticing the entire hut I had built and giant frog I had cooked,
"No way you did this all on your own," Burro stated in disbelief, to fix his assumption I punched a tree so hard it knocked down 7 others behind it.
Soon after we both decided to get some sleep
[you have leveled up (repeat 300 time)]
"What the hell!" I scream in frustration the notifications started, it's like when I used to post sexist jokes on twitter to create chaos there was no end.