Mordeu scoffed lightly at himself; he had many other questions, but the shadow of melancholy that had descended upon Cillian was more than enough to turn the wheels of his carriage; he needed to change the direction of the conversation to a lighter one.
"And that's why you didn't marry Alana, sorry, one of the reasons."
Cillian laughed.
The sound stayed with Mordeu even after Cillian stopped. He was caught in a trance, staring at the boy, listening to him laugh, watching as his sadness transformed into temporary happiness. This was what Mordeu wanted; this was what he was after. He felt very much that this was his destiny.
"You refuse to believe that a part of me could want Alana."
Mordeu shrugged and started walking ahead; his demeanor seemed more relaxed, like he didn't just hear that Cillian will be his end.
"You did say it with your mouth that you didn't like her."
Cillian nodded, though Mordeu could not see him. "Well, I didn't like her."
"I had actually thought the reason you didn't like her was because you are like Kai," Mordeu said.
That idea, that possibility, had been swimming in his heart ever since his first conversation with Cillian. Cillian's countenance had changed as if Mordeu's words had been directed at him. Even though his excuse would be that Kai was his friend and as such, he was obligated to take offense, it still did not justify why his mood would sullen in that manner.
Mordeu turned around and smiled, "But then, you told me you only desired women and that was really all I wanted to hear."
Cillian had stopped walking ever since Mordeu brought Kai up. He knew of Mordeu's utmost dislike for people who had these feelings for their fellow gender. Cillian had no opinion on Mordeu's emotions, but yes, he would prefer if Mordeu would just shut the hell up.
He forced out a smile, "I think we should go back; it's already late. It has been a long day for you."
Mordeu looked around; surely they had been walking in the dark for a while, their source of light had been the bright moon, and so Mordeu never realized how far gone was time.
Still, he didn't feel the slightest hint of fatigue. He wanted to walk further, maybe to the end of the world; he wanted to keep talking to Cillian. However, Cillian didn't share that desire with him.
Mordeu felt a certain kind of way upon that realization.
Cillian didn't give him even a minute to agree or disagree; he already turned around to the direction of his house; he intended to hide in his courtyard forever if it meant avoiding Mordeu.
But he couldn't avoid him. His desire was irrelevant. No matter where he turned to and for what reason he did, his life, his reality was tied to Mordeu's. And the only thing that Cillian found utterly terrible about it all was that Mordeu was so greatly displeased about people like that and would not shut up nor keep Kai out of his mouth.
Mordeu watched as Cillian continued walking away; his heart lurched with uncertain disappointment, the sinking feeling pulsating in his reality. Though he had come to accept that Cillian was obviously walking away, nevertheless, he thought he would be generous enough to spare him a glance.
A short, fleeting glance would be okay.
However, with long strides, a calmness from the heavens, and the air of divinity, Cillian walked away, stingily.