"And after the madness that ensued in the Parks Mall yesterday, it seems everything will be okay. The damages remained under twelve million dollars and idol Laney Lin was found relatively unharmed. It is still unclear what her involvement was exactly, but she will not receive charge as she was tied up and clearly a victim of the fiasco…"
Knocking was heard on the door to the room. It had only been a day since The Metal's competition completely totaled the local mall and it was bound to catch the attention of the media, but for some reason, he never seemed to catch the blame for these things. the others knew fully well he wasn't hurting for cash like he claimed. The Metal might have blown all of the allowance he lets himself spend, but Sentri was sure that he had loaded offshore accounts since he always seems to pull money out of nowhere whenever he needs it. Whether it was the case or not didn't matter since the three of them showed up anyway as if they really had no choice.
"So, how are we going to find a job?"
"Usually I just wait until the job finds me due to the nature of the business, and believe me there is never a shortage, but sometimes I need one immediately and there is always one place I can check to get something."
"And where is that?"
The Metal took his remote and flipped the channel over from the local news station to a different report channel all the back in the nine hundreds.
"The nine hundreds, isn't that usually where they keep all the porn?"
"Just wait."
"Welcome to Blackwatch News and this is your morning report," the announcer said in a commanding voice.
"Paranoia stations? You can't find a job from the tabloids!"
The Metal ignored his stout friend and kept his attention on the television.
"Hello my fellow foil hats, I'm Alfred Yankovic, it is breakfast time, and this is your daily food for thought."
"Wait a minute. So Weird Al hosts the paranoia news?"
"Who else would? Now shut up, I'm trying to hear this."
"First off, more evidence comes in to strike against the skepticism towards our President's nationality. It has been clear to us for months the citizenship documents were forged because you couldn't be born in the United States if you weren't even born on this planet. A residue discretely recovered from the toilet adjacent to the Oval Office suggests the homeworld is in orbit of Proxima Centauri, the closest system to our own. Orbiting a red dwarf such as PC would have a planet tidally locked with one side in a perpetual day and the other night, explaining the President's long hours and irregular naps.
Our next bit comes from a fellow foil hat in Dallas, Texas who goes by the username hoodrat04. He sent us a radioactive shard of what he claims to be a compact nuclear weapon. He tells us that he has spent many nights in his university's lab analyzing the shard and that the original container was likely no larger than a can of pop and had a payload equal to that of Fat Man used back in ole' World War Two. He says the thing that confuses him the most is that the activity suggests it went off within the last couple of months and hasn't moved much since then, but that would mean it exploded within the Oak Cliff area, but the place is still intact. He'll keep looking into this matter, but come on, some people will believe anything.
And now back to aliens and government cover-ups. We all know of every extraterrestrial visitor's favorite airport, Roswell, New Mexico, but many of us aren't aware of the many other landing sites in the area. Just today black vans and helicopters have been spotted just outside Counselor and then shortly after the city went silent. No through traffic is permitted on Route 550 and the detours extend as far as from Farmington to Albuquerque. Boy, just thinking of that place sends me back. There was this one time…"
"Pst, Al. There is a caller on the line."
"Oooooh, a caller. Patch him through! You are on the air fellow foil hat, what peaks your concern today?"
"Hey, Al."
"Oh… it's you. What do you want, Metal?"
Shocked, everyone turns over and realizes The Metal was on the phone with Weird Al. They didn't even notice that he was dialing.
"Well, I was hoping to inquire you about the story you were just on."
"Looking for money again are we, mister pandemonium incarnate? I probably shouldn't after last time after you accidentally burned down the only sasquatch den we've ever found, but the audience loved it, so if you get us some footage of what is going on in Counselor we'll pay."
"Excellent. Your foil hats will have a full story by the weekend."
*click*
"Well, you heard him. What mysteries lie behind the shade of our own shadow govern…"
Turning off the tube, The Metal hopped to his feet and started digging for his camcorder. While he was scurrying about, his comrades still sat there astonished by the situation as a whole, but partly because The Metal once burnt down a sasquatch den. He was still digging around as they slowly gathered a grasp of what happened when noticed all the gear laid out before them.
"What is all this junk?"
"Camera equipment, press badges, disguises, knives, a couple guns, some law enforcement grade zip ties, smoke pellets, some canisters of tear gas, the equivalent of a few hundred tons of TNT in compact explosives, radio earpieces with sixteen-mile radius, and pizza money."
"Why!?"
"Because it'll be a long trip and I'm hungry."
"Not the pizza money! Why do you even have all that stuff!?"
"While I'm sure he'd tell us, I don't want to know. Come on, let's load up. We need to leave now if we want to get there by tonight."
They took all the gear, very carefully at that considering the payload it contained, and securely housed it in a large spruce blue van The Metal just happened to have on his property. As per the norm, Sentri got behind the wheel and they set out to one of the states that nobody in their right mind ever visits. It wasn't that long of a trip even though they had to basically cross the entire longitudinal distance of New Mexico just to get into the state from Dallas, but Buck kept bringing up how he was born in the area despite how clear everyone made it that they no longer cared. The pizza was long gone before they crossed state lines and the gang was growing antsy. Tired, restless, and hungry, they rolled up to the blockade just as night fell. The guard stopped them at the gate they set up. He appeared to be of military in uniform, but not the national guard who you would assume would handle these matters. The Metal wheeled down the passenger window and displayed his press pass for the soldier to see. The guard examined it thoroughly before radioing his superior.
"Reverse, now!"
Not giving Sentri time to process what he said, The Metal hopped over onto his lap, shifted the van into reverse, and sped away from the checkpoint. They span 180 degrees and around and the sound of bullets bouncing off the back of the vehicle echoed in their ears. He had noticed just barely in time as the other units mounted their rifles for an attack.
"Good thing I had Pitaya bulletproof this thing or else that could have been ugly."
"What the hell was that!?"
"Oh, yeah. About that. I just realized who is in charge of that camp and he really doesn't like me."
"Metal, what did you do this time?"
"It's not my fault! I was just taking Chrysanthemum out for a test run and his gunships fired at me. I simply took defensive measures."
"What the fuck is a Chrysanthemum."
"Well, a Chrysanthemum is a genus of flowers, but in this case…"
"Eh, that is a story for another day. Right now we need to get out of here without lead poisoning."
"Heheheheheheh, get out of here. You're funny."
"Metal, listen to me. You are not getting us involved with that madman Jerome or the U.S. Air Force. We have responsibilities now, we aren't kids anymore."
"Sentri, I value your opinion more than anyone's, but look at it this way. This isn't a job anymore. If -he- is involved, you can bet someone is in trouble."
"Ugh… I hate it when you pull that card."
"You aren't seriously going to let him risk our lives like this!?"
"Sorry Buck, he's got the only point that matters."
Mr. Sable took control of the vehicle again and looked over at his longtime friend with nervous anticipation.
"We doin' this?"
"Yeah, we doin' this."
Sentri flipped the end of the gear stick open revealing a shiny red button. The Kidd, with concern on his face, swiftly hopped off the open floor and into a seat in the back, fastening his safety belt just as quickly. Buck knew not of what was going on but joined him in fastening his own seatbelt. Pressing the button with great zeal, Sentri floored the accelerator setting off the overdrive. He took the van up a naturally formed ramp and flew off a cliff face well over the checkpoint.
"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Sentri's loud hollering alerted the troops below, who opened fire upon them. The soldiers loaded into their jeeps and continued the pursuit, not relenting for a moment with the gunfire.
"Hahaha, that feature I added myself!"
"Are you guys insane, we have enough explosives in the van to level a small town!?"
"Hmm, explosives…"
"No Metal, we are here to help people, not kill."
"These goons were specially picked by Gallagher himself. All of them have done heinous acts to innocent people," he explained while grabbing a light blue canister and opening the side door. "Besides, since when have I ever killed anyone?"
"Oh, I must be confusing you with a Spectre."
The Metal flipped up on top of the automobile and waved at the opposition with the bomb in his hand. They continued firing, which he found extremely rude, so he took the canister, pulled the tab, and bowled it back to the ground forces. As the container began ticking, he hopped back in the van and slammed the door shut.
"I'd turn that overdrive back on if I were you."
"Wait, what color bomb did you throw?"
"Cyan."
"Shit!"
Just as the caravan approached it, the canister went off. The detonation itself was subtle, but almost instantly a liquid flash freeze covered the ground in highly pressurized ice. The rubber of the tires froze and popped immediately upon contact with the ice, with each jeep spinning wildly out of control on just their rims. Once they reached the edge of the frozen ground, friction suddenly kicked back in and all the soldiers launched from their toppling machines. There was no way they could follow them now, but the boys needed to get out of sight before the reinforcements arrived. The Kidd spotted a cave in the distance, so they pulled in to hide for a while.
"I swear to God, between Pitaya's crazy inventions and your homemade explosives, I'm surprised you two lunatics haven't destroyed Dallas County yet... or at the very least taken it over."
"No intention, but he did seize an island."
Everyone jerked their sights to him as if that information actually caught them off guard after all this.
"What, he was fed up that I refused to call him Lord Pitaya because he didn't own any land to be a lord. I still won't call him that; it just sounds dumb."
Before anyone could interject on the matter, a clankering was heard in the far reaches of the cavern. Not even giving it thought, The Metal geared up and ran after the noise with his companions regretfully trailing behind. It wound inward like a helix coming to a large dome in the middle. Bright lights and sparking metalloids were found within as before their eyes sat a ship built to traverse the heavens and its pilots working on repairs. They were stout, furry critters, hominid in form yet animalistic in features. Standing at around three feet high they were clearly of mammalian descent, just not any kind that was familiar to Earth. Three of them were running around in jumpsuits frantically trying to fix their evidently wrecked spacecraft. From what they could tell, two of them were masculine in gender and the other feminine. The Metal approached them without hesitating and the shorter male flipped out.
"運行地球人!" he said fleeing into the ship.
"放鬆Belry,也許他們可以幫助我們." the woman responded sincerely.
The taller man walked up to the fellows and began speaking to the boys, but they couldn't quite understand what he was saying.
"您好地球人,我可能有你的時間了一下?" he said but no one replied. "做任何你說普通話嗎?"
"Buddie, you are in America, gonna have to speak English."
"Now Kidd that's just rude."
"Ah, English. Though everyone in your system should learn the common tongue, I do remember English from foreign studies."
"Does everyone in the galaxy speak Chinese?"
"I don't know what Chinese is, but it is called Pǔtōnghuà and it is spoken amongst all planets in the Universe who wish to participate in the major trading guilds. Anyway, you guys look like some decently tough fellas; would you mind giving us a hand?"
"Sorry, we don't have any experience working on interstellar ships."
"Speak for yourself Sentri."
"No, that's okay since we are almost done with repairs anyway. The actual matter is that my father is missing. We brought him along on our road trip and when we took a pit stop here on Dìqiú he wandered off for snacks. You know how old people can be. When we went looking for him we found that he was shanghaied by local pirates and we just don't have the means to rescue him."
"Um… those aren't pirates."
"Yeah, that's actually our territory's military."
"What kind of tactless planet are you guys running here!?"
"Beats me. Listen, as an ambassador of this land, I will personally return your father to you."
"Thank you. At least there are some nice people on this rock."
"But we might need your help. Just take this radio and get your ship ready for lift-off."
The Metal and crew ran back to their van and made their way to the largest encampment just outside a local Navajo village. They commenced unpacking the back of the vehicle as their previously established deranged leader broke down as much of his plan as he was willing to share.
"Okay, so here is the deal. Kidd, you are going to take this rifle and stay up on this vantage point with Buck as he captures the entire event with this long-range camera, and provide cover fire for us in case things get too hot."
"You want me to kill those guys?" The Kidd said with an almost sick face.
"Of course not, I thought we already went over this. That mag is filled with tranquilizers whose potency lasts an hour and takes effect within moments."
"Oh good," he sighed with relief.
"Come on Sentri, let's go do this!"
"Do what exactly?"
He didn't get a reply, instead, he was forced to catch up to The Metal as he scurried down the hillside cloaked in the dark of night. They moved fast and without relent. When they came upon the ten-foot fencing, The Metal slid to a halt and acted as a springboard for his friend. As Sentri flew over he saw The Metal leaping through the air gaining on him. The men sneaked their way past the patrol and around the sides of the buildings until they reached a quickly constructed storage facility labeled: Special Clearance Only. The Metal punched the control panel and they forced the door open. Not even a second on the inside and sirens went off.
"Well, shoot."
"What did you expect to happen?"
"Just about that, only I was still hoping it wouldn't."
"Now what?"
"Take this and shoot anyone you see in either the chest or the head," he said pulling out a blue and white pistol and throwing it to Sentri while he kept a red and black duplicate. "Don't worry, they don't shoot bullets so you won't need to worry about their lives."
"Do these even shoot anything? They are light as a feather and don't even have an opening for a clip, magazine, or a single bullet."
"Hahahaha, a true work of art ain't it? I really have to give him credit this time. I told Pitaya I wanted a way to incapacitate someone from a distance, but I absolutely dread guns. Meet the Azrael and the Uriel: Electromagnetic Psionic Pistols. Instead of bullets, the EPPs used the living energy of its user to fire condensed, concussive, electromagnetic blasts based on the user's own mental fortitude. The ammo is virtually limitless, but be careful and make every shot count since your life is its source and can start to take its toll."
He was finishing up his explanation as the facility filled with armed soldiers. They ducked behind some titanium ammo crates and returned fire upon goons. It was apparent that blind firing wasn't going to get them anywhere and they needed to get into the other chamber. The Metal turned over to Sentri giving him a serious look and then breaking it with a psychotic smile. His return gesture was one of instant regret, but he took the other pistol from The Metal and followed his lead anyway. The martial artist darted out from behind cover as fast as he could, jumping on and off crates, bouncing off support beams, and distracting as best as he could while avoiding a bullet to the brain. With the focus off of himself, Sentri unwound blast after blast upon the grunts. Within seconds his arms began burning from the pressure of using the EPPs. The Metal, taking out as many units as he could barehanded, signaled his friend and Sentri tossed the guns over. Backflipping and spinning through the air, his barrage of bullets hit like a storm of hail. Sentri wasn't having as successful of a time barehanded, and while he was still managing The Metal whistled at him and tossed the guns back over. The two danced and flipped around, juggling the guns between each other and confusing the focus of the peons. They fought in sync as if they had been thinking the same thoughts, or more likely they knew each other long enough to react to the other's thoughts. It wasn't long until Sentri took the handle of the gun and knocked out the last goon.
"Um, Metal. I think one got you."
He looked at his right triceps and noticed the edge was bleeding.
"Darn, one grazed me."
They both let out a wild laugh. It had been a while since both of them had done something this crazy together. It took them a little bit to let the laughter die down.
"Yo, this just reminds me of how much I hate guns."
"Oh, because these things were definitely meant just for the guy who never seems to run out of energy."
"A gun is still a gun. Rather use my feet or fists."
"Fine, then when this is over give them to me."
"You can have them now for all I care."
He tossed the EPP he carried to Sentri and continued to the other room. Within stood a large cage with just a barrel resting in it. They looked around and saw nothing else. After a couple of seconds passing a noise could be heard. The barrel was snoring. The old man had been sleeping in there this whole time. Making the job easier, they unlocked the cage and rolled the barrel out. It seemed like a clean getaway having dispatched pretty much all the soldiers that could do anything about it. They were home free. That is until they nearly reached the front gate. Standing before them was a large man wearing a mechanized power suit that looked like its original purpose was to load and unload shipments but had been repurposed as a weapon like any other practically useful thing ever invented.
"How in the hell that I live in did I have to deal with you today?"
"Hello, again Jerome. How are your pilots?"
"Retired with medals thanks to you. I'd say hand over the alien, but it's irrelevant since I'm not letting you leave here alive anyway."
The Metal kicked the barrel and then Sentri out of the way predicting that the colonel would rush him right away without warning. He was sent flying backward into one of the camp structures causing it to collapse on impact. Colonel Jerome Gallagher had issues with both losing and anyone who didn't take everything seriously, so obviously he had many problems with The Metal. The mech rider waltzed over and lifted him up by his neck, possibly to crush it in the suit's grip. Then pulses struck his back in rapid succession. He dropped The Metal to see Sentri offering cover fire to his friend. Gallagher launched a short-range missile at him. Of course, Sentri avoided the explosive, but it greatly yielded his ability to return fire since the more he reacts the less energy he has and the larger the strain on his body using the EPPs becomes. Jerome turned back to his target of choice and received and punch to the face. The Metal let off a fury of strikes to his exposed core, nearly knocking the officer off his mechanical feet, but the machine's leverage was strong. He grabbed The Metal's leg and tossed him several yards. Jerome ran over to deal more damage but was distracted by a dart suddenly in his neck.
"What the hell," he snarled.
Upon the hill from his vantage point, The Kidd radioed into the pair of not-so-short-sighted heroes.
"Yo bro, I can't really tell if this plan of yours is working out or not."
"Just keep doing what you are doing, I got this."
The colonel released his right arm from the control sleeve to pull the dart out of his neck. He seemed a bit hazy, but the tranquilizer didn't look as potent as The Metal claimed it to be.
"Fool, I'm former Special Operations. I've been conditioned to resist toxins of all sorts. You'll have to do better than that."
"Fine. If you say so," The Metal responded as he began removing his weights.
Gallagher snickered at the idea of him removing protective armor until he was punched off his feet. The Metal hopped on his chest and pounded on it until Jerome coughed up some blood in a heavy wheeze. He flicked the fighter off him and got up. The colonel didn't look in such good shape, but neither did The Metal. Jerome sped over to sack the man as hard as he could, but he braced for it and was only forced back seven feet leaving grains in the ground from where his bare feet were gripping it. They exchanged blows, knocking each other around. Eventually, they caught each other's hands and ended up in a power struggle.
"Just give up, there is no way you can match my power suit in raw strength. You are as good as done."
The Metal grew pissed and his eyes appeared to almost turn red as he replied, "If there is one thing I can't stand in this entire existence, it is people telling me what I can and can't do!"
He stiffened his root and pushed back even harder. The hydraulics in the suit were busting and the titanium began crinkling under the pressure. In a fit of passionate rage, The Metal tore the hands off the end of the mech's arms and delivered a kick that sent Jerome into the storehouse. He changed the frequency on his headpiece.
"Head on over now."
He and Sentri pulled the old man out of the barrel, who of course was still sleeping through all this. Then, Colonel Gallagher stormed out of the storehouse and bleeding from his gut charged toward the guys. The Kidd fired off a few more darts, but nothing seemed to slow down this determined career militarian. The Metal entered the game of chicken and ran at him as well. They sprinted with great intensity and just as they were within reach a blinding light came from above. Jerome stopped to see what it was and was awestruck by the alien spacecraft. Reacting in the moment, Sentri hurled the elder traveler into the air above the confused officer. Jerome noticed what was going on and went to reach for him, but only found The Metal's foot on his face. The young man kicked up off his face after catching the alien and threw him high enough up to be picked up by the ship's tractor beam. They flew off soon entering hyper speed and all Jerome had to vent out on was the guy responsible next to him.
"This is the last time you cause me trouble, boy. I'm going to rip you apart limb by li-"
He was interrupted when Sentri chucked a pistol at the back of his head.
"You have a gun and you decided to throw it at me instead of firing. Are you an idiot?"
"Nah, I'm feeling pretty smart right about now. Don't you think so Metal?"
Jerome turned back at The Metal who had caught the EPP on the rebound. The gun was gleaming with a radiance that poured from the barrel as if it were charging up. He winked and made a click with his teeth as he unleashed a blast so big it tore the armor apart as well as Gallagher's right arm. The Metal blew into the barrel of the gun like he was in a western, tossed it back to Sentri and they headed out the main gate to join up with their other friends. On the way out they heard Jerome speak once more in his remaining moment of consciousness.
"How… how are you even alive?"
"I'm The Metal, bitch."