Navigating the city of Stalt was an affair of instinct, both in the way to go and to whom one should ask for directions. Optimally one walks in a direction that feels right and stumbles upon a well-versed local who specializes in where everything is and can tell a unique yet poignant story for even the most overlooked of places. In the worst-case scenario, the wandering wayman might call to a confident warrior with green hair and three swords, thinking that anyone so manly would surely know which way to go.
Jasson found extreme anxiety in asking random people for directions, so he tried to find the most approachable people to do so. These were largely sweet old ladies, who would indulge in a tale while giving nostalgia-filled directions to the baker on Cogswick who they swore was a freshly born baby only yesterday.
So it was that Jasson arrived at the front door of the baker on Cogswick, whose loaves were cooling beautifully in the morning sun. As Jasson watched, a man in a flour-dusted apron emerged from the back with a steaming pie and slid it onto his display shelf. Jasson's stomach rumbled, but not in hunger. Petra's cooking sat in his stomach like a greasy Atlas Stone, and the sight of even more food nauseated him.
"Excuse me," Jasson said as he held out the quest flyer towards the baker, "I'm looking for the Harrisons?"
"Eh," The baker coughed to the side and a plume of flour spewed forth, "Oh. Right next door but around the other side."
"Okay," Jasson said, watching the man wave away the cloud, "Umm…What?"
The baker slapped his hands together, spraying flour onto Jasson as he said "In the back. They're my backdoor neighbors. So go all the way around the block."
Jasson nodded and backed away before the flour-fog could engulf him. He rounded the block and tried to count the houses in an attempt to find the Harrisons. Every house looked the same, built wall to wall like some kind of medieval condominium complex. Jasson was about to ask for directions again when a kid ran up to him.
"Hey mister," the boy said, "Are you here for our quest? Mama said to look out for an adventurer. Said that they'd look weird."
The boy couldn't be more than ten, and Jasson briefly wondered why the boy wasn't in school. Then Jasson remembered what the troublemaker this morning had said. That there wasn't an education system in Stalt, and so no school for the beaming boy.
"I got this quest," Jasson held out the paper and said, "Recognize it?"
"Yeah!" the boy said, pointing at the paper, "That's our name! Harrisons."
Jasson nodded and said "Your mom told you to keep watch then? What's your name?"
"Ethan," The boy said, straining to stand taller, "It's nice to meet you, mister. Mama said to come on in. Also that she's making lunch after you finish and said you're welcome to eat with us."
"Oh?" Jasson said, "That's great th-"
"Hey, hey," The boy said, bouncing down the road, "You're an adventurer right? Have you killed anyone?"
"Nope," Jasson said, following the boy, "this is my second quest actually."
"What?" the boy stopped bouncing, "Aww…I was hoping for someone cool."
Jasson smiled as he followed the boy and thought. Yeah. I should be able to finish this. No problem.
****
An hour later and Jasson was back in the guild, burning with shame and cold fear as he tried to return the 'easy' quest. He fumbled with the tack, balancing it against the paper as he tried to pin the quest back up. Pushing, Jasson tried to force the pin through the quest but it was like the paper was made of steel. There was some kind of magic keeping him from putting it back up. Jasson could feel the eyes of Grog on him as an attendant left her desk and hurried up to Jasson.
"You can't do that," the attendant said, "only selected staff can post to the quest board."
"Then you do it," Jasson said, breathing heavily, "I'm not doing this quest. What's your return policy?"
"I'm afraid that that isn't an option," the woman said, flinching, "in order to-"
"Listen," Jasson barely kept his voice level as he turned to the attendant, "I thought that 'extermination' would be at worst giant rats. Yeah, I thought rats in the attic was a little weird but I never would have taken it if I thought-"
"Look," the woman said, "You can't just return it like some unopened toy. We have to-"
"It was a GIANT SPIDER!" Jasson said, voice cracking, "Now I may admit that I have a bit of a phobia, but it is not a terrible one okay. But this spider? It's huge! I saw it! It's the size of a dog and not one of the annoying small ones. A corgi at least. Do you call that a pest here? I need a warhead to kill this thing, not a newspaper! I don't even have a sword because I didn't think that I'd need one for bugs."
"If you didn't have a sword then how did you expect to kill giant rats?" The attendant said.
Jasson hesitated. He'd been expecting to use the Punching John app, which probably could have worked. But once the Harrisons had said 'spiders' and given him an admittedly enormous rolled-up newspaper, Jason's thoughts had had a hard time congealing. He'd followed numbly, propelled by the hopes of women and children. It didn't occur to him to get his phone out, let alone question why people would hire an adventurer for a mere dinnerplate-sized monstrosity of speed.
Instead, Jasson had pushed the trapdoor open only to see what he hoped was a prank video. One of those videos where they dressed a corgi in a spider costume and let them run around corners and such. Technically it could have been a dinnerplate-sized spider, if the dinnerplate belonged to a jolly Mexican half-giant named Jagrid from Parry Hotter.
Then it had charged. Slamming the trap door down, Jasson squealed from head to shoes as he fled. Someone else needed to complete this quest, preferably with a full set of armor.
"Look," the attendant said, "We can reprocess the request, but you'll have to pay out the quest reward yourself. It's policy to prevent quest scalping."
"Scalping?!" Jasson said, "It was one quest! And how are people supposed to take a closer look at it? Did I accept the quest the moment I took it from the board?"
There were footsteps and Jane's sharp voice came to the aid of the attendant, making Jasson flinch.
"The enchantment diminishes the moment it leaves the building," Jane said, approaching from behind Jasson, "So either pay for the quest or go out and do it. I'm on my lunch break and I don't want to listen to you whine."
Oh great. Jasson thought. I didn't even think to look for Jane. But this is different! I am not qualified or capable of completing this job.
"Please," Jasson said, turning to Jane, "I can't do this. I'm terrified of spiders. The thought alone makes me want to puke."
Jane stood, hands on her hips as she glared at Jasson. Her eyes softened when Jasson said that he was scared, and she frowned.
Jane said "I understand. But those are the rules. You could go talk to the family and get them to repost the quest. It might get done today, but if it doesn't…I can't imagine that they're sleeping peacefully with that above them. From your description, it sounds like a hunting spider. They chase down prey and bite forcefully, but rarely have deadly venom. Don't worry too much about dying from them, they do about as much damage as a dog that size with hypodermic fangs."
Jasson shivered and said, "Not helping."
Jane sighed then said "If it makes you feel better, this type of spider tends to be alone. And because they're so big you're able to put a chair between you and they won't get around. Just keep hitting them until they run away and hide, then corner the spider and keep going. They'll die before you realize it, and the Guild offers a clean-up service complimentary to all quests. You'll never even have to touch it."
Jasson nodded and stepped away from the board, then folded the quest back up and stuck it in his pocket.
"Do you need to rent a sword?" Jane said, "It's two copper pieces for the day."
It looks like she's not angry with me anymore, Jasson thought, I should still apologize later though.
"No thank you," Jasson said, "I've got a different way."
Jasson left the guild, his panic falling to a reasonable rumble in his chest. He had to do this, and he couldn't even go to the twins for help. Petra and Clara would be able to handle a spider easily, but they said to only contact them with a quest that required their skills. It was hard to imagine needing Clara's massive sword in that attic. Jasson just needed the courage to fight.
The Harrison's was a house in need, a home whose family was threatened by a horrifying spider above the heads of their children. Two girls that hid shyly behind a door. A boy named Ethan who was genuinely excited to see Jasson of all people.
Even Jasson's little siblings weren't like that. At least, not Allyxander who barely talked to him. Although, the youngest Madysyn felt pretty close to Jasson. Or at least she watched all the videos Jasson sent her.
Where it had once taken a couple of hours, it now took a bare thirty minutes to reach the Harrisons. Jasson stopped in front of their door, impressed that he'd only gotten turned around a couple of times. As Jasson looked at the building, he felt his stomach drop.
Oh crap. Jasson said. Am I really gonna do this by myself? What's my plan?
Jasson felt most comfortable with using the Light crystal, especially since MADaptation would easily destroy the spider. It had destroyed Jasson after all. But, after a few minutes of excuses, Jasson was forced to admit that shooting a missile into an attic would be a good way to make Jane angry. Worst case scenario it set the place on fire and burned down the entire block.
No, Jasson would have to make do with Punching John. It wasn't the highest damage output, but he would be able to use it from a distance without missing. Maybe he'd do what Jane said and stick a chair in the way, hitting it as it tried to attack him. Heck, maybe he could just keep the attic trap door mostly closed. The body was the size of a corgi after all, so it wouldn't fit through a one-inch gap.
Hopefully. You never know with spiders.
Jasson shivered at the thought of that spider trying to fit into the gap, long legs sliding through as it tried to pull itself further in. Closer to him.
"Ayeehurg!" Jasson flinched, ticking as he tried to get the thought out of his head.
It is a sad thing when one can't use explosives against spiders.
****
"Thank you for coming back," The mother, Elizabeth, said, "My husband Harry is still at work so we won't be able to repost the quest until tomorrow if you can't do this. I know the reward isn't much, but the children have been having trouble sleeping with all the rustling."
"I would as well," Jasson said, sweating, "I…Well, I'll be pretty noisy about it. A lot of screaming. If you hear a loud thud, please come save me I'm either feinted or dead."
The kid that had welcomed him earlier, Ethan, tugged on Jasson's arm and said "Are you scared mister?"
"Yes," Jasson said, "But it's okay to be scared for money."
Ethan nodded and followed Jasson up to the attic, sticking his tongue out at his sisters peeking from another room. Someone had cast a magical light in the attic, and it shone around the cracks of the trapdoor just like before. Jasson took a breath, then turned to the mother.
Jasson said, "Do you have a chair I can freehand?"
A couple of minutes later Jasson had a children's chair in one hand and his phone in the other. Jasson had tucked his shirt in and tucked his jeans into his socks, knowing that it was useless against a spider this big but still feeling better for it.
Now, as reasonably spider-resistant as he was going to get, Jasson pushed open the trap door and poked the chair in. Punching John was open and ready, and so it was that Jasson saw the spider first on the screen as he poked the camera around the chair.
There it was, the size of Jagrid's dinner plate, looking into Jasson's soul with evil eyes above hand-sized fangs that… didn't drip with venom. Something this evil should have dripping fangs, but these were just curved back knives of carapace. The eyes stared, waiting for Jasson to run like all the others.
Things were different this time. Jasson could move, and if he kept moving then he'd win.
Jasson prayed. He didn't know to what god, apparently there was a buffet of them here, but he prayed the prayer of the common man. Usually a husband.
Please heavens above, Jasson thought, don't let this be a jumper.