[Part 2: Finally Holidays!!! I need a break from all the fuckery going on!]
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After reading all the letters, I made my way to the Room formerly known as the Room of Requirements, to see what the founders wanted to talk with me about.
As I stepped into the familiar halls of the big-ass room, a sense of foreboding washed over me. It had been some time since I was last here, and the room did not look how I remembered it. The echoes of my footsteps seemed to reverberate off the walls as I made my way in; the portraits of the Founders had disappeared from the walls, as well as their working stations.
I made my way to the center of the hall, trying to find out if they had left behind a clue as to what I was supposed to be doing here.
"Welcome!" I heard someone's voice sound from behind my back, and I nearly jumped six meters into the air while cursing. With my senses, it was impossible for someone to get close to me without my noticing, and these old bastards had done it!!
I looked around and saw them, and I was shocked, like really shocked, in a way that I had not been shocked for ever. I mean, I had gotten used to some really insane shit. I was not bothered by one big-ass snake slithering around anymore, neither was I bothered by being surrounded by low-level reality warpers, nor was I surprised that the people around me were idiots, but this shit that I was now seeing was shocking.
These motherfucking founders had somehow pulled a Jedi force ghost!
"How the fuck are you doing this?!" I asked as I went around them and observed them, and I may or may not have checked out Rowena Ravenclaw's arse and chest in greater detail, which she most certainly took note of.
"Haha, this, you imbecile, is just the tip of our collective powers," Salazar Slytherin's annoying voice boomed, echoing off the stone walls. "It was the main reason and intended purpose of why we actually invented this whole room!"
"Yeah, but how are you doing it?!" I replied, inclining my head as if I were looking at an idiot who does not get your question. "You've already explained and boasted about how great this room is, but how have you become ghosts?!"
Rowena Ravenclaw nodded sagely, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "Well, we discovered long ago the true nature of 'ghosts.' You see, child, the soul and will, or as some call it, your sense of self, are separate entities," she said. "When your sense of self achieves a certain enlightenment or passes a certain threshold, and with enough magical saturation, you'll be able to produce and leave behind what is known as a ghost. While the soul has to move on to the afterlife, our will, our sense of self, can remain in the mortal realm if it wishes to do so under the right circumstances."
I raised an eyebrow, intrigued by this new piece of information. "So, I assume you've broken down the procedure and artificially recreated the right setting, right? You've created portraits and infused a part of your wills within them and used this room, or rather Hogwarts's location, to saturate that part of yourselves. And I further assume you would have been able to pull this trick centuries ago, but either you did not care enough to actually do it, or you are unable or unwilling to leave this room for some reason, right?"
Godric Gryffindor stepped forward, a respectful glint in his eye. "Wow! I did not get it the first time those two explained it to me, but you somehow managed to analyze it on your own."
Again, Rowena intervened and started saying, "Actually, it is a combination of everything. See, like everyone who has ever had a working brain, we all aspired for immortality, and we found out that ghosts, if powerful enough, retain most of themselves."
I couldn't help but chuckle proudly at being called a genius in a roundabout way and the sheer fuckery of this absurd situation. "Anyway, why have I been called here?!"
As for their choice of becoming ghosts rather than vampires or something else, well, honestly, I do not give a flying fuck. It is their life, and they must have thought long and hard about this particular choice. But nonetheless it is interesting how much Magic has in common with the Force maybe in a few millenia this world becomes the World of Star Wars.
"The audacity of this kid!" I hear Slytherin mumble under his beard, but still, he looks happy that I am not a moron and that I am from his house.
Helga Hufflepuff chuckled softly, her expression warm and welcoming. "We have devised four challenges, each designed to test your wit, courage, cunning, and loyalty. We believe that you possess the qualities necessary to succeed."
I sighed, running a hand through my short hair. "Very well, then. What are these challenges?"
"Huh?! No arguing back?!" Slytherin asks.
"What would be the point of that?" I question the bald ghost man. "You guys want to train me, but you need to be sure that I am worthy of calling myself your student! So you need to test me!! I would do the same if I were in your position! Can't have an idiot running around and ruin my reputation by calling himself my student and pull one stupid stunt after the other!"
The portraits exchanged knowing glances before finally smiling happily.
"Well, boy, you have already passed my test!" Slytherin says with a smirk.
"His test was the most insidious, and I thought you would fail at it, but apparently I underestimated the nature of one of his house's students," Godric says with a heavy chuckle.
"He wanted to test you by asking you if you know why you have been tested. But you show quite a deep understanding of other people's thoughts and actions," Rowena says.
"True cunning is to understand your enemies better than they themselves understand themselves. Understanding their motives, concluding why they act the way they do, and act based on these, and you have shown that you are worthy of my house," the baldy says proudly.
"BlaBlaBla!! Just confess that you hoped he'd fail! Only someone without a sex life would waste his time thinking about how he can scam some other dudes!" Godric says.
"What would you know about my sex life, you moron?! Unlike you, I did not jump on every person that was breathing and dick them down no matter what their gender was, or if they're even willing or not!" Slytherin throws back.
"You wanna fight, Baldy?" Godric shouts at Slytherin.
"A savage!! Even after death, you still remain a savage!" Slytherin says, and next thing I see, Godric's ghost tackles Slytherin, and they both start fighting like muggle children, rolling on the ground and throwing punches at one another.
I ignore the two idiots and refocus on the two remaining, hopefully sane people in the room, and ask, "What are the other three tests?!"
"Well, mine is coming up with a few ingenious new spells that I have not seen yet! Surprise me!! And don't think about going to the library and stealing from other people; we already know every spell in there!" Rowena says with a smirk, already expecting my first idea.
"Mine is 'Opening your heart,'" Helga says, which makes my eyebrows scrunch.
"How will that be working?" I ask.
"Well, I will peek into your mind and heart to see what kind of person you are, but you have to be willing to open up yourself," she says with a smile.
"And his test is besting him in a fight!" Rowena says as she points at the man on the ground who has the baldy in a headlock and is pulling his beard.
"Confess that you are my bitch and I will release you!" Godric is shouting at Slytherin.
"Your mom was my bitch!" Slytherin replies through gritted teeth.
"Well, your grandma was mine!" Godric retorts.
"I fucked your sister!" Slytherin says.
"I have no sister, you moron, that was my brother, and he was gay!" Godric says.
"Haha, my dick turned him gay!" Slytherin replies, and I see Godric starts giving the man his knuckles.
Well, this explains why the dude has gone bald if he has always gotten his head massaged by Godric's knuckles.
"Well, ...
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Hello everyone,
I am still stuck with writing exams, and as such have no time to write any chapters, but just so that you do not drop this fic here is a chapter do enjoy it!
Yours truly the BIG BAD WORLD I mean WOLF!