[Part 1: I don't have a title, so you can come up with one!]
As soon as I entered the school, I noticed that something had changed, or rather, I had changed so much that I could feel the difference now.
"I can feel the school being on guard against me," I thought to myself. The literal castle seemed afraid of my presence within its halls.
'Damn,' I mentally exclaimed. I knew Hogwarts was semi-sentient, but sensing fear from it towards me was an accomplishment I hadn't expected. Yet, here I was, making a thousand-year-old castle fear me. If this wasn't proof of me being a badass, I didn't know what was.
Even MoldyFart refrained from directly attacking the castle. But knowing I could make this place fear me was, oddly enough, insanely satisfying. While I could defeat MoldyFart anytime, it was still gratifying to have some sort of tangible proof of my power.
I entered the castle and made my way directly towards the Great Hall, where the process of sorting the children into their respective houses. Or, as I call it, the process of setting the children up against one another for the next seven years of their life, and manipulating them all into being assholes towards one another.
At this point, there are way more people in magical Britain; many have not died, and many have yet to flee the country. So, the number of children is quite high, and Magical Britain had not yet seen a decrease in population. Consequently, there are a significant number of children present. Way more than in the movies.
I opened the door with a wave of my hand, sending out a weak pulse of magic. As I stepped inside the hall, I felt all eyes zeroing in on me.
'Take in the sight of my greatness, Plebs!' I think mentally with extreme satisfaction, and due to my family magic my presence is even more, well, present and tangible to feel.
Taking in the gazes focused on me, I could sense Narcissa's stare, as well as Regulus and his fiancée's. But I also felt the hate-filled gazes of four idiots attempting to literally eye fuck me by undressing me mentally. If I were a young and innocent maiden, I'd be siriusly blushing from how Sirius was looking at me all sirius with a burning gaze filled with love and passion, well, maybe not love. But certainly with a burning, intense passion.
I could also feel Lily's gaze, a mixture of lust and hatred. Who would have thought the girl was a masochist? Her scent reached me even from across the room.
*Sigh*
'I hate masochists!!! These morons take the fun out of bullying them! Like, how sick do you have to be to ruin dishing out pain for a sadist. I don't want you to enjoy it!!' I think annoyed after seeing Lily's reaction.
After finishing my intimidating stroll, I leisurely approach the Slytherin table to take a seat, but these fools try to block me from sitting down.
It seems Malfoy has decided to play the bitch play by rallying his group of ants to mess with me. Unfortunately for him, I'm not one to tolerate such petty antics from weak-ass, insignificant individuals.
'I always wondered why these fools go the extra mile to cast spells when they have the most convenient ability of all! Sure, it is not as flashy as a Bombarda, or as deadly as the Abra Cadabra spell, but mine is simply unblockable,' I mused a few months ago before developing the single greatest spell of all time.
I call it the [Mage Choke], inspired by Darth Vader the goat himself, but with my own twist, and with Fangs input.
Focusing on the fools attempting to start a cock measuring contest with me, I simultaneously choke them all with magic.
'Impertinent ants that don't recognize Mount TAI!! Damn! I wish I could be edgy enough to say this out loud, this is such a perfectly fitting situation to throw around Mount Tai, but these imbeciles won't even know how funny my joke is.' I muse while trying to hold myself back from laughing like a madman due to my own genius sense of humour.
They struggle to reach for their wands, attempting to throw futile spells at me. What's the point when they haven't even mastered silent spell casting? All they can do is poke me with their useless sticks. As their air supply dwindles, they grasp at their throats in desperation, but it's all a futile effort against my pure will and intent.
*Sigh*
'These morons! They have the possibility to master Telekinesis just like Apparation, but they waste their potential by relying too much on a crutch called wands!!' I think disgusted by their lack of putting in any actual effort.
"This is my last and only warning to all of you! Don't start something you cannot finish!" I declare loud enough for everyone to hear, still maintaining my magical hold on them.
"Mr. Snape, please be so kind and release my students," Gandalf says firmly, his presence overshadowing mine.
"Sure, Headmaster," I reply before releasing them, but not before shoving them aside enough to comfortably take my seat.
Silence falls over the Great Hall.
"Elves, clean up their plates and bring me a clean set," I command the Hogwarts house-elves, but notice their attempt to defy me.
These little bugs think they can ignore, or defy me because I'm just a student or because the Headmaster is nearby, mistakenly believing they have a choice.
I seize one of the invisible creatures by the scruff and drag it toward me, causing cutlery and dishes to clatter around as I drag him along the table, asserting my dominance over the little fugly beings.
"Do I need to repeat myself, elf?!" I question, locking eyes with the fugly being, fully expressing my bestial nature unto him.
"No, sir! I will do your bidding, Sir. Please don't hurt Mumsy, Sir," the elf pleads, about to either pass out or piss itself, and then pass out.
"See to it that next time I don't have to get my hands dirty!" I warn it, I don't hate elves, in fact I feel truly sorry for them, but they had it coming.
I found out that a few thousand years ago, they invaded this plane, pillaged as much as they liked, and then returned back home. However, they left behind some to rule, and these individuals were eventually overthrown and enslaved. What we have now are the descendants of those defeated rulers.
'Well, I seriously hope they do not return! If they do and see what we have made out of their people, then them killing us will be mercy bestowed upon us!' I think with a shudder.
All the professors, the headmaster, and the students are shell-shocked by my atrocious behaviour.
I call it being a badass, but that is just me. I don't think the wizarding ever had the pleasure of listening to punk, otherwise my behaviour would be much more widespread.
Minutes later, I have a whole section of the table to myself, cleaned and filled with food. No one dares to approach me or even breathe too loudly. The professors are divided—some fuming, some unsure of what to do, and a few even seem satisfied.
'Sick!' I think satisfied when I notice that some even are happy that I behave the way I do, and I seriously don't care about what they're plotting.
As I observe the students being sent to their houses, I can't help but ponder the sheer ingenuity of the concept and how it has devolved into a mockery of what it could have been.
Think about it—deciding who in society has what potential, and then inventing an item to make this choice for you. But then the artifact in question takes a 180-degree turn and sorts people into houses not based on their potential, needs, or their usefulness to society, but because the damn artefact has turned into a god-damn fucking asshole.
People are now being sorted based on their individual demands, family ties, and circumstances, rather than the child's predisposition as it was originally intended. Perhaps the only students being sorted correctly are the clueless ones, like orphans, but even they are hindered by politics.
For instance, imagine a Muggle-born who is extremely ambitious and cunning, one that could bring a new glorious age. Yet he will not be placed in Slytherin because of his blood status, even though he'd make an excellent politician that would shape a generation.
These fools have destroyed a system meant to help them flourish and turned it into a mockery.
This is partly why these idiots join either MoldyFart or the Low budget Gandalf—it feels like idiocracy!
I believe the houses were created to produce leaders, warriors, scientists, and support roles rapidly. But they didn't anticipate that some people would corrupt the system by wanting their children to fit certain roles.
Maybe even they themselves lost sight of their original intentions when they created a divide among themselves, starting to bitch around about who is worthy of enrolling into the school.
*Sigh*
'Being surrounded by idiots is physically painful because I get a headache thinking about their sheer incompetence trying to understand it.' I remind myself of why I hate being in this school.
Just as I'm about to stand up and leave the Great Hall, I hear Gandalf addressing me.
"Mr. Snape, I need you to follow me to my office. We need to address your behaviour, and I have a few personal topics to discuss with you," he says with his usual grandfatherly demeanour.
('Why does this low budget Gandalf always play the "you shall not pass" act on me?! I try to come to school after a night out, he stops me; I try to go to sleep, he stops me again; I try to put idiots in their place, he stops me once again. I bitch slap a bitch, and he stops me once again! Is this guy out to cockblock me on principle?!') I think to myself as I activate my Occlumency.
"I believe my behavior was justified! If you see it differently, please deduct house points and give me detention, or write to my Legal guardian. I don't think there's anything else for us to discuss, Headmaster!" I reply before attempting to leave once more, anticipating what I knew was coming.
"You cannot dodge this one, Snivellus!" Black's voice barks from behind me.
('I knew the little dog would run to his sugar daddy to get boned! He has not enough back bone and needs his inside himself to stand up to me!') I think, amused at his antics.
"Are you thirsty, Black?" I ask with a dirty smirk, seeing his face scrunch up in disgust.
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