In the end, she couldn't ask. She didn't dare.
As their date came to an end, Andrea couldn't shake the feeling of discomfort that had crept in. The day had started with laughter and the gentle warmth of the sun, but now, it seemed to culminate in a wave of nausea.
Their relationship, though known to many, remained veiled in secrecy. Of course, because the school forbade early love.
Timothy, the charismatic former captain of the school basketball team, was a figure of admiration. Andrea's affection for him had blossomed since junior high, yet she was acutely aware of her place amidst the throng of girls vying for his attention—girls who, in her eyes, seemed to possess greater allure, beauty and intellect.
However, on this very day, a year prior, Timothy had stunned her with a confession. Andrea couldn't help but wonder: had he noticed her because of her leadership role as captain of the taekwondo team? Training hall and basketball court was long distance apart. Almost no reason for interaction. She thought he didn't even know that she existed in the same universe. But well, she didn't really care. The one she admired had reciprocated her feelings. And so, she accepted his confession without much hesitation.
Timothy exuded kindness and gentleness in their relationship. He showed remarkable patience with Andrea's strong-willed nature, endearing himself not only to her but also to her mother, who held him in high regard. To Andrea, he was the epitome of the perfect boyfriend—always there for her, never prone to anger or complaint, and fully accepting of her just as she was. She considered herself lucky to have him and felt genuinely happy in their relationship.
However, there was a notable absence of initiative on Timothy's part. Whether it was holding hands, sharing their first kiss, or engaging in more intimate moments, Andrea found herself taking the lead every time. She had even mentally prepared herself for the possibility of taking their relationship to the next level. Yet, despite her efforts, their encounters always seemed to fizzle out, leaving Andrea feeling increasingly insecure and disheartened—emotions she had never grappled with before.
She was never one that minding people's thoughts. However people said that she was like a boy, and no boy would like such a manly girlfriend, she still wanted to be her comfortable-self.
Timothy was the first person she wanted to impress. She wanted to be beautiful by his side. Even if it's only at a few occasions, she wore skirt and high heels, even learned a little of the basic make-up.
"Babe... Can we talk about... the future?" Timothy's voice trailed off as they neared the apartment.
Exhausted, Andrea deflected, "So tired... Can we discuss this another day?"
Timothy persisted, his tone serious, "Andrea, this is important. A long-distance relationship is a big deal. Even if it's just to another province, it won't be easy."
"Okay. How about we continue this conversation at my place? My mom went to visit my grandma," Andrea proposed.
"But..." Timothy hesitated.
"You said it's important, right? This won't be a quick chat," Andrea pressed.
"Alright," Timothy reluctantly agreed.
As they made their way to Andrea's place, her unease grew with each step.
Andrea racked her brain, trying to decipher what Timothy wanted to talk about. She ignored the judgmental gaze of the elderly cleaner as they passed by.
"You know I stay at my big sister's place, don't you? My parents want me to come back home and attend college there," Timothy disclosed as soon as he settled on the sofa.
Andrea fetched two glasses of water from the kitchen, her thoughts swirling. Returning to the living room, she questioned him, "Does it matter? We'll still see each other during holidays. Or... do you not trust me?"
Timothy's response was a shake of his head. "It's not about trust."
"Even if you don't, it's fine. Relax. You don't need to fret," Andrea reassured him, sitting on his lap and planting a kiss on his lips.
"You should just have to mark me," she added, her tone edged with frustration.
But Timothy gently pushed her away. "No," he said softly.
Andrea shot him a dangerous look. "So, what? Do you want to break up? Is that why you've gone to all this trouble today, trying to make me happy, just to break up with me on our anniversary?!"
"What?" Confusion flickered in Timothy's eyes.
"Ha... Ahahaha..., you don't even remember?" Andrea stood up, her laughter laced with bitterness.
"I... I'm sorry...," Timothy stammered, his apology sounding feeble in the tense atmosphere.
"Say... This is not about some bullshit long distance relationship. Is that bastard seducing you? Qilin Han? " Andrea asked, her voice barely concealing the anger simmering beneath the surface.
Timothy was caught off guard by the accusation. "This has nothing to do with him."
"So he doesn't even like you, and here you are hurting me? Tim... Do you even like me at all?" Andrea's voice cracked, tears streaming down her cheeks.
Timothy's expression softened as he realized Andrea had discovered his secret. He recalled the pictures on his phone, understanding that Andrea must have seen them all.
"I should've known! Every other girl struggles to avoid their boyfriend's advances every other day. But I... Every day, I wonder what's wrong with me? Why does my boyfriend never want me? Is it my outfit? Is it because I look too much like a boy? Am I not attractive enough? Or does he not love me anymore?! Every single time... Even if I naked in front of you, you never take the final step," Andrea poured out her frustrations, her voice trembling with emotion.
"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. You're not wrong... I'm gay," Timothy confessed, his voice thick with remorse.
She had suspected, but hearing the words felt like a dagger through her heart.
"Am I just... a cover? Why me?" Andrea's voice quivered, her words barely escaping her lips as tears welled in her eyes. Her hands clenched into fists, the urge to lash out almost unbearable.
Timothy repeated softly, "I'm sorry."