Chapter 27: 68 Whiskey
I don't remember passing out and I don't particularly remember waking up. The sun was rising, but I felt like I had definitely been asleep for quite some time. A few bums were nearby, sifting through their shopping carts full of useless trinkets. They did not acknowledge my presence. My wrist was stinging. I looked at it and saw it had been bandaged up rather professionally.
I noticed an old geezer approaching me with a cigarette in his mouth. It was a rollie. He pulled out a yellow pack of TOP tobacco and rolled me a stogie with this thumbless gloves. I used his lighter even though I had one in my pocket somewhere, probably two.
"Finally awake."
I figured he was the one who patched me up. "Thanks," I said.
"You're welcome. I learned that in the army. 68 whiskey."
We smoked without talking. I was already thinking of my next hit, simultaneously trying to think if there was any possibility I could use my willpower to refrain. The longer I thought about it, the more hopeless the idea seemed. No fucking way I could ever stop.
"Why'd you do it?"
I looked at the old man who had his eyes toward the rising sun.
"I don't know." I took a few more hits, not even feeling the nicotine buzz. "I was afraid."
"Of what?"
"Of what I had done."
"Anyone can be forgiven. The hardest part is forgiving yourself."
His words hit me in the gut. I squinted my eyes, blocking the emotions… "But what if I can't?"
"You can't change the past. Only the future. By focusing on the present."
I contemplated his words. I turned to look at him once more, to take in this kind stranger so I could remember him in my travels, but the most bizarre thing happened: he was gone. I stood up and ignored my aches and pains. I turned in all directions and did not see him. The lingering bums nearby were gone too. I was alone in that alleyway, unsure what the hell just happened. I looked at my arm and the bandage was still there, along with the rollie cigarette in between my fingers…
I checked my phone and was surprised to see I still had 28 percent of battery. Several missed calls from Kiera, 6 hours ago. I called her and heard nothing but static. I hung up and checked the messages. Kiera asked where I went, to come back and play. I was so confused. I walked back to her place, my feet throbbing with each limping step.
Gordo and Ariel's car wasn't there, but Kiera's was. I apprehensively made my way to the backyard, looking like a burglar sneaking onto the property. The sliding door was unlocked. The daylight filled the living room where I was assaulted by the girl with red eyes. I kept my head on a swivel, timidly making each step toward Kiera's room.
I saw her through the open door. She was standing and looked beautiful, her red hair damp like she just showered.
"Hey, sorry about the other day. I fucking passed out. It hasn't happened in a while."
"Passed out? On speed?"
She laughed while covering her face. She saw the appalled look. "Oh shit. What's wrong?"
"I thought you died. I was tripping balls, I could of sworn you—"
Kiera began laughing again, a maniacal laughter that frightened me. I hoped she was really there and this wasn't the girl with red eyes playing tricks on me. I didn't know what was real or fake anymore. I reached out to touch her, placing my fingertips on her hands. She blushed and interlocked her fingers into mine.
"I'm sorry for scaring you. It's not normal, I know. It's something with my heart. I think it just shuts off sometimes." I couldn't tell if she was joking or serious. I could not contain my tears. She wiped them away and told me to sit on the bed. I patted the spot where I left her and began wondering if the police ever showed up. Did I even call them? Did I dial the right number? Was I talking to nobody? I didn't want to bring it up. Fuck. What the hell is happening to me?
My thoughts were replaced with a pipe to my lips. My hands remained on the bed as Kiera lit the bowl for me, twisting the stem side to side, tilting it just right so I could get a magnificent hit. With that cool smoke exhaling my lungs, all my troubles melted away as Kiera climbed on top of me…
"I've been thinking of this nonstop…" Kiera stood up on her bed and pressed her feet flat against my face. I inhaled her scent deep into my brain.
Gordo and Ariel would be home the next morning. It would be our last night alone. Perhaps in the future we'd be able to continue our relationship. I asked if we should keep it a secret, but Kiera said there's nothing to be hidden. We weren't boyfriend or girlfriend. She made that part clear. I felt hurt, but I didn't want to say or do anything to jeopardize our relationship.