I was in bed with Lena, who had drifted off to sleep. I remained awake, lost in thoughts, dwelling on my past and my mother. The truth I'd learned about her had wounded me deeply. Since that moment, there's been an enormous pain in my heart, greater than ever before. From the day I was born, I'd always carried pain and anguish in my heart. I'd always felt a darkness within, always sensed a monster living inside me. I felt this monster trying to control me from within. I've always struggled to maintain control, and I'm still struggling. This monster lives in my heart, feeding off me, draining my blood, tearing at my flesh, and most importantly, shredding my heart.
It whispers constantly to my mind, whispering pain and tragedy. It whispers my fears, especially the fear of losing loved ones. First, I was terrified of losing my mother, and I lost her. Then I feared losing my father, and I lost him too, because of me. The monster keeps reminding me of this, making my ears ring with "HE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU!" giving me splitting headaches. Now I'm afraid of losing Lena too. Having lost everyone I've feared losing, I'm even more terrified of losing her. I need to protect her, need to do everything - absolutely everything - to keep her safe.
That night, I was thinking about our upcoming mission. It was an incredibly challenging task, but the rewards would be beautiful if we succeeded. Our lives would become comfortable, we'd finally escape this hell. But the monster kept whispering, "You'll never succeed, everyone will die, and it will be YOUR FAULT! BECAUSE OF YOU! All your friends, your loved ones will die, because of YOU! BECAUSE OF YOU!"
"No," I said, shaking my head and whispering, "No one will die because of me. We won't fail. We'll succeed, and everyone will have a comfortable life." Despite trying to convince myself, my fears wouldn't subside. I'd taken a massive risk, putting everyone in danger for my own ambitions. The weight of this crushed down on me, and the monster seized this opportunity to attack even harder, trying to break my resistance and take control of my body. I wouldn't allow it.
In the dim light of our room, the neon glow from Avalon's eternal twilight filtered through our window. The upper city's towers loomed above, visible through the transparent ceiling panels that separated the underground from the world above. These panels were more than just barriers - they were reminders of our place in this hierarchical hell, where even the sky was artificially rationed.
I needed sleep, needed to escape the monster for at least a few hours. I reached for a sleep aid from my bedside drawer - one of the many pharmaceutical cocktails that helped the underground's residents cope with their reality. Without the pills, sleep never came easily anymore. I took one last look at Lena's beautiful face, studying her features in the shifting neon light. The freckles that dusted her nose, the slight curl of her red hair against the pillow, the peaceful expression that only came in sleep - all of it seemed so precious, so fragile in this brutal world we inhabited.
As I drifted off, I entered my dream world. Everything was pure white, a stark contrast to the darkness within me. It was a dream realm created by my mind to counter the darkness in my heart, an opposite to the monster. This was a world of joy, contrary to my heart's darkness. My mother was here, as she always was in these dreams. We would spend time together, Lena and I would watch our children - here, everything was beautiful. There was no crime, no injustice, no evil corporations, no Empire. None of it existed here.
My mother waved to me, her smile creating a radiance that lit up the whole space. She was like a goddess, my goddess. I would never forgive Avalanche for what they did to her. I'd entered this job for money, but now it was personal. I would kill them, take revenge for what they did to my mother. I would make them suffer, bring their corporation crashing down around them.
As these thoughts formed, the white realm began to turn red. Everything was being consumed by crimson, and I whispered, "What's happening?" A massive eye appeared overhead, as large as the sun. It was a black eye, its size terrifying. Blood poured from it, the same blood that was staining this realm red. Creatures emerged from the blood - infant-like beings. They moved toward my mother, who wore a crown of thorns. Before my eyes, they crucified her, while I stood paralyzed, unable to move...
They were sacrificing my mother to the Eye, crucifying her before it. My mother spoke to the Eye, saying, "Please forgive his sins, he doesn't know what he's doing. Forgive him, Father." The Eye absorbed my mother's soul, and she slowly faded away. I collapsed to the ground, losing my mother even in my dream realm. I was crying, but what flowed wasn't tears - it was blood. Blood streamed from my eyes as I screamed between sobs, "MOTHER! DON'T LEAVE ME, MOTHER! DON'T GO!" I had lost her a second time, and I kept wondering why I couldn't move, why I was so powerless.
The artificial neural implants in my brain started to misfire, mixing memory with nightmare, reality with delusion. The monster's voice became clearer, more distinct - no longer just a whisper but a presence that seemed to echo through my skull, bouncing off the wetware that connected me to Avalon's networks.
It must be the Eye's fault, there could be no other explanation. I looked at the Eye, and it looked back at me, speaking as if it had read my thoughts: "I did nothing, my child. You chose not to move. You allowed them to sacrifice her, and you lost her forever. It was all your fault, child - you're simply a weak coward. Remember, remember child, recall what really happened that day. Remember what happened to your mother, remember the detail your father never told you."
I placed my hands on my head and collapsed, "no, no, No, NO, NO! NO! NO! NOOO!" I was losing my mind. The surroundings plunged into darkness, and I lifted my head. Looking around, everything had vanished into pitch blackness. Then a light appeared - my mother, I saw my mother. I tried to move toward her, but my legs seemed locked in place, I couldn't advance. I reached out my hand and could only cry "MOTHER!"
The neural feedback loop intensified, my brain's augments struggling to process the surge of repressed memories. Each synapse fired like a knife through my consciousness, the monster's laughter harmonizing with the electrical storms in my mind.
My mother looked at me, tears in her eyes, only able to smile. Her smile was as innocent as a child's, yet as powerful as a deity's. The whiteness of her teeth blinded me, the red of her lips so striking. Her deep ocean-blue eyes were beautiful. Her golden hair, combined with the green crown of thorns, created an otherworldly image. I thought to myself that my mother must be a goddess.
Then it happened - with a great silence, a sword pierced my mother's abdomen. This sword, the sword that killed my mother, was the legendary demon blade Muramasa. This katana, belonging to Avalanche's most powerful super soldier, had torn through my mother's stomach. I thought my mother was looking at me, but when I turned around, I saw someone else - my younger self. Me at seven years old.
The monster's voice grew louder, more insistent: "Look closely at your weakness. Look at what your existence cost her. Every breath you take is bought with her blood."
My mother had died protecting me - this truth had been hidden from me by my subconscious, trying to protect my sanity. Learning this made me want to vomit, my head spinning. I hated myself - my mother had died protecting me, for me. I couldn't help but blame myself, turned my head to the right and whispered, "But what could I have done? I was just a child, I was powerless, there was nothing I could do..."
A voice came from my left side - the monster speaking right next to my head: "Everything is your fault, your mother's death is your fault. Never forget, your mother died because of your mistake, and now I'll show you."
The lights went out again and returned. There I saw my younger self, my mother, and my father. They were discussing the major attack they had carried out at Avalanche, and they had acquired a holo-computer. Through this device, they had accessed restricted files about Project Ascension - Avalanche's true purpose for the consciousness uploading program.
The memory shifted, fragments piecing together like broken glass. I saw my mother's face change as she realized what the files contained. "They're not just uploading consciousness," she had said, her voice trembling. "They're building something. A god. They're using human minds as building blocks for..."
The memory cut off there, replaced by the sound of alarms, the flash of security lights, the thunder of boots on metal floors. The monster's voice merged with the memory: "You ran. You cried. You made noise. You led them right to her."
The walls of my dreamscape began to bleed, the white realm turning not just red but black, corrupted by the truth I'd hidden from myself. The monster was no longer just a voice - I could see it now, forming from the shadows of my guilt. It wore my face, but twisted, corrupted by cybernetic implants that burst through its skin like chrome thorns.
"You want to know what I am?" it asked, its voice a mixture of mine and something else, something older. "I'm the truth you've been running from. I'm the price of survival in Avalon. I'm what happens when a child watches his mother die and spends the rest of his life trying to forget why."
The Eye above pulsed, and suddenly I was seven again, watching as the legendary demon blade Muramasa sliced through the air. But now I saw what my mind had hidden - my mother pushing me aside, taking the blade meant for me. The super soldier's augmented face showing no emotion as he pulled the blade free. My father's scream of rage and grief.
And something else - something in my mother's eyes in that final moment. Not just love, not just sacrifice, but recognition. As if she had seen this coming, as if she had known this would be the price of what they had discovered.
The monster's laughter echoed through my mind: "Now you understand. Your father didn't tell you everything. Your mother didn't die just protecting you - she died protecting what she knew. And now you're walking right into the same trap, leading everyone you love into Avalanche's maw. History repeats, little Beren. The only question is: who will die protecting you this time?"
I tried to wake up, tried to escape the nightmare, but the monster held me there, forcing me to watch the scene play out again and again. Each time, I noticed new details - the way the super soldier's augments had glowed with an unnatural light, the strange symbols on the Muramasa blade, the way my mother's blood had seemed to flow up instead of down, as if being drawn into something above...
The visions kept coming, each more vivid than the last. The monster forced me to watch as the memory fragmented and reassembled, showing new angles, new truths. I saw the way the Muramasa blade had glowed with strange symbols that seemed to pull at reality itself, not just cutting flesh but something deeper – something fundamental to consciousness itself.
"Your mother discovered what Project Ascension really was," the monster whispered, its chrome-thorned face inches from mine. "Not just consciousness uploading – soul harvesting. Building a digital god from the essence of thousands. And you, little Beren, you're carrying a piece of that technology in your head right now."
My neural implants burned at those words, sending cascades of pain through my skull. In that agony, I saw something new in the memory – the way my mother's essence had been drawn upward, not just her blood but something luminescent, something that the Eye had eagerly devoured.
"The Muramasa blade," I gasped through the pain. "It wasn't just a weapon..."
"Now you're beginning to understand," the monster purred. "It was a tool, designed to harvest consciousness cleanly, to preserve the neural patterns at the moment of death. Your mother's sacrifice wasn't just physical – she knew what would happen to her essence. She chose to become part of something she sought to destroy, to hide the truth within herself where even Avalanche couldn't access it."
The Eye pulsed above us, and I felt a sudden connection – a terrible understanding. Each pulse matched the rhythm of my neural implants, the technology in my brain resonating with whatever vast consciousness looked down upon us. Had I been carrying a piece of my mother all this time, locked away in the wetware that connected me to Avalon's networks?
"Your father didn't just hide the truth to protect you," the monster continued, its form shifting between my corrupted reflection and something older, something that might have been pieced together from thousands of harvested souls. "He hid it because he knew you were the key. The last piece of code, written in your mother's dying moments, encoded in the very trauma you've spent your life trying to forget."
The dreamscape shuddered, reality bending as the truth threatened to tear my mind apart. The monster reached out with a hand made of shifting chrome and shadow, offering something that looked like a mirror shard but reflected memories instead of light.
"Look," it commanded. "See what your mother saw. Understand what Avalanche is building. See why the sacrifice was necessary."
As I reached for the shard, my neural implants screaming in protest, I realized that this wasn't just a nightmare anymore. This was a message, encoded in my trauma, waiting for the moment when I was ready to understand the true price of digital immortality – and the terrible purpose behind Project Ascension's quest to build a god from harvested souls.
The shard touched my hand, and the truth began to unfold...