Disclaimer: I don't own Highschool DxD.
Moving On
"And that's that," Joshua stood up, stretching his back and cracked his neck. "Man, that took longer than I expected," He muttered as he sighed, feeling the drain of setting the circles for his planned defenses. A youkai approached him then, passing him a cup of tea he'd asked for at that moment. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it, Joshua-sama," The white-haired woman told him with a slight bow and a smile. He was fairly sure that she was a yuki-onna. Guessing which race a youkai was from was interesting, he'd found. He'd been a little afraid of doing that loudly, but he'd found that they didn't mind. Still, he kept his guesses mostly to himself, just in case.
"Didn't I tell you to just call me Joshua?" He asked instead, raising an eyebrow at her.
"I apologize, Joshua-sama," She replied, and Joshua would swear that he saw her lips twitch. Instead of pressing the matter, he just sighed.
"So, that's the switching defense set then?" Yasaka asked, approaching from the side. "I expected more of a drain from it, I have to say," She commented.
"Well, I know you are strong enough to power them quickly, but I didn't want to risk it. Better to have an almost unnoticeable drain for a while than try to do too much too fast," He explained. "We've waited a while, a bit more shouldn't be a problem. Besides, it powers them in stages. First one switch and then it goes to the second and so on. I gave a detailed explanation to a youkai yesterday."
"I'm aware, but I agree with Kunou on something," Yasaka replied then with a nod and a smile. "Your explanations about magic are easy to understand, even compared to my own experts."
"Oh, well, um," He hesitated for a moment then. "Well, the drain should be there for a while, so, if it's too much, let me know. I'm pretty sure I calculated it right with the readings I got in your magic reserves, but still."
"Hm, I don't think there should be a problem with that," Yasaka told him, making him nod. "How fast should I expect them to start working properly?"
"Well, I made an array with five switches. First switch should start working tomorrow, even if it is on the weak side. From there, one switch more every week and it'll take another month for all of them to be fully powered," He explained before taking a sip from his cup.
"I see, that's acceptable," Yasaka said, before mimicking his actions with her own. 'I must be a little out of it, hadn't even noticed that she had a tea of her own,' Joshua mused to himself. "And about the illusions?"
"Well, that'll take a little longer while I figure out life energy for myself," He replied. "I guess you'll have to put up with me for a little longer."
"I guess I will, considering that Kunou was commenting about things she planned on doing after she finished her studies," The youkai leader commented with a small smile.
"I hope I wasn't overstepping with that," Joshua replied, suddenly nervous.
"Nothing of the sort. I'm actually quite happy that she's acting more and more as a child because of you. I wanted to thank you, in fact," Yakasa told him, her smile turning sad then.
"No need to thank me," He replied quickly. "Like I told her, I like spending time with her. I guess she triggers my big brother instincts."
"Hm," She hummed, although there was something in her expression that Joshua couldn't quite place. "I guess that must be it." He would swear that he heard someone giggle in the background. Was there something he was missing here? "I was told that my people were giving each magician a copy of the other's ideas and designs. Anything to comment on that front?"
"Well, there are some that are… not quite what I would do," Joshua replied then, frowning in thought. None of those ideas had been bad per se, but some had been… not quite as good as they could have been. "I left some ideas of my own on some of those. Hopefully they'll help make this place more secure."
"Oh, you mean that too. I guess I have to be grateful for such a dedicated contractor, then," She commented with a slight smile.
"I mean, it's become at least a little personal already," Joshua replied with a shrug. "Can't have my student in danger, can I?"
"Well, I'm still thankful," Yasaka said, shaking her head. "Truly, I am," She added then, as if to drive home that she really meant what she was saying. "Kunou is the most important thing in the world to me. Thank you for caring about her too."
"... There's no need to thank me for that, Yasaka," Joshau told her after a pause where they stopped walking. "She's a sweet girl. Anyone that doesn't care about her should be checked in the head, honestly."
"Hm, still, I just wanted that to be said."
"Ah, you finished, Joshua!" A voice called then, making them both turn towards the person they'd just been talking about. "I got the circle to form completely!" She announced, beaming proudly at him once she reached the two of them. "There was even a shimmer of the illusion before it collapsed."
"Oh? That's a lot of progress," Joshua said with a grin of his own. "You haven't been holding back on me, have you?"
"Mhm," She hummed, shaking her head adamantly. As she went to open her mouth to protest the accusation, however, he planted his hand over her head.
"Well, now I gotta see that. How about you show me?"
"Ok, come on. You too, mum," The girl said, reaching for her mother's arm and his before pulling them both towards the room they usually sat for their 'classes'.
"Brother, right," Someone muttered as they walked by.
"What?" Joshua asked distractedly, seeing the yuki-onna from before.
"Nothing, Joshua-sama," She replied quickly.
'Weird,' He thought to himself.
[}-o-{]
Back when he started with it, he'd thought training Magic Sense was annoying, what with the constant need to focus on it at the start. It'd taken a frustrating amount of time to get used to that and do it almost subconsciously. Even more so to have it always be on the edge of his mind.
Life Sense, however, was proving to be much, much worse. It actually made Magic Sense look like child's play, really. It was a reasonable thing, but that still meant he had to deal with it while he tried to get a feel for it. Furthermore, he needed to work much more on that to be able to apply what he was learning to illusions, which was the main problem, to be honest.
'Focus, Joshua,' He told himself as he sat with his legs crossed and his eyes closed. He searched for warmth once more then. Even after getting a feel for it, even after practicing for long, he still struggled to get to it again every time. It was like the energy actively avoided him. It was so vague it escaped him often.
Eventually he found it though. His own life energy pulsed inside him. Nagini's resting on his shoulders touched his, pressing against it intently. They weren't connected per se, but they were so very close they might as well be. Joshua suspected that was because of the familiar bond. He'd found similar results with the rest of them, at least, and it was different than when he'd tried while having Jeanne place a hand on his shoulder.
Everyone's life energy felt slightly different too. Nagini's was calm, contained. Morag was playful, active. Margalo was curious, exploring. Cheshire was strong, determined. Jeanne was firm, but frail, sharp, but hesitant. Joshua's… he couldn't quite describe his own, for some reason. Everytime he tried, he felt at a loss for words. Although, considering that nobody had commented on his life energy being weird, he supposed it might just be because it was his own.
Then he felt someone join him. Calm and contained, like Nagini, but curious and exploring, like Margalo. The warmth welcomed him like a house in the winter. He smiled softly, before he felt his eyes widen, surprised.
Joshua looked down at Kunou, who apparently had decided that sitting on his lap was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Especially considering that he was meditating. The girl hummed happily, as if nothing was wrong, while she pulled out a card and started trying to make it work.
Deciding to just do what he did best and roll with it, he closed his eyes and focused back on his exercise. Curious, however, he used Magic Sense to see how his adorable student progressed. Kunou was definitely getting better, that was for sure. The circles now almost always shone. Sometimes even sparking illusions, although never for more than a second. Even then, it was more of an exception than a rule. Usually it was barely some flashes of light or sound, really, but she'd get there.
She'd definitely come a long way from the girl that couldn't even make the circles shine.
Nagini watched over his shoulder, curiously keeping an eye on the practicing girl. Joshua, for his part, pulled away slightly, trying to get back to working on Life Sense. He'd have time to talk with Kunou later. He didn't want to interrupt her.
"You said we could do other things after I get better with illusions," Kunou said, breaking him out of his focus. Joshua couldn't bring himself to be too mad about it though. Instead, he just looked down at her. "What other things?"
"Don't know, is there anything you'd like to do?" He asked instead, because it seemed that she wanted to get somewhere with the question.
"Hm, I don't know either," She replied, fidgeting with the card in her hands. "What do you do with Jeanne?"
"Well, we train a whole lot, but that'd be boring. Besides, we are kinda already doing that. I've taught her to cook too, but I don't think-" He started counting, before he was interrupted.
"We can do that," She said quickly, making Joshua blink. Then the little kitsune youkai blushed and looked to the side. "The servants don't let me cook and we did it with mum a few times but she's busy. We could do that."
"Sure, that works for me," Joshua replied with a nod. "As for other things… well, we don't do much else together, really, since we like different stuff. I do like to draw though, so we could try that?" He offered with a tilt of his head.
"You draw?"
"I sure do," He confirmed with a chuckle, pulling out a card from his pocket and taking out a notebook from the Storage Spell. Opening it, he showed Kunou some of his drawings.
"So pretty," The girl commented, her fingers gracing the pages like she was afraid she'd break it with the smallest of touches. It was a drawing of Nagini the one she'd stopped at, Joshua noticed. One where the serpent's form was accentuated by Morag's threads. It was a beautiful sight, to be sure. The snake herself certainly agreed, poking Kunou's cheek with her tail and hissing something, making the girl giggle.
"She is," Joshua agreed, scratching the underside of Nagini's jaw.
"I can learn to draw like this?"
"You sure can, with time and practice, like with everything," He told Kunou with a grin. "So, you wanna do that? Maybe you can start with that when you get frustrated and need to relax."
"Hm," She hummed, a grin spreading over her face that he just couldn't help but return. "Anything else?"
"Well, I may have some other ideas, but what about you? Anything that comes to your mind?" He asked curiously.
"Not… really?" She replied hesitantly, her brows furrowed as if she were trying really hard to think of something. It struck Joshua that maybe she hadn't had much time to think about such things, with her duties as an actual princess and how those seemed to have affected her.
"Well, we can think that over. We've got the time," He reassured, placing a hand over her head and ruffling her hair. For once, she didn't protest the action, which only made his grin widen more.
[}-o-{]
"Thank you, again, for agreeing to this, Joshua," Yasaka said, making him feel more than a little uncomfortable.
"I've told you, I really don't mind," He reassured the woman, a wry smile forming on his face. "Honestly, I think I could count this as a favor for me."
"That so?"
He simply hummed at that, his eyes moving to the side, where Jeanne was sitting on the ground, with Kunou sitting on her lap. Margalo was currently perched on the older girl's shoulder, while Morag drew shapes with her webs on the ground in front of them. Cheshire, for her part, was currently walking around them lazily, from time to time skipping her way towards Joshua. As for Nagini, she was currently wrapped around him, resting her head next to his.
The girls were just talking between themselves, occasionally playing games with cards. Normal ones, for once. From time to time, they'd join Joshua and Yasaka or the other way around, but now, it seemed that they were too old or something. He couldn't begin to guess, honestly.
"I noticed that I've been… working a little too much," Joshua admitted, not sure if saying that was a good idea. Especially considering that he was talking to his current boss and a leader of a faction. "Jeanne keeps trying to get me to stop and rest but I just… I can't."
"You know that there's no pressure, right? Especially after you caught the Dimension Lost holder," Yasaka told him, sounding quite confused. "There's no need to push yourself. Our defenses have held up so far, they'll hold for a bit more. Besides, you've already set extra defenses."
"I know that," He replied, grimacing. "I just… When I start a project, I can't get it off my head until I finish it. Can't really focus on anything else."
"I see," Yasaka said, in a tone that had him thinking she really didn't. "I guess I'll have to have some servants keep an eye on you. I can't have my daughter's teacher overworking himself."
Joshua almost groaned, but that would have been a bad idea, he knew. Unfortunately for him, he was sitting next to one of the people most proficient in life energy sensing in the world. That translated to his own life energy betraying most of what went through his head for her to see. Or, at least, his annoyance must have been quite noticeable through it, if her giggle was anything to go by.
"You really are quite a dedicated person," She commented, although she seemed to have a sad smile on her face.
"You say that like it's a bad thing," He pointed out with a wry smile. For a long moment, she remained silent, staring at him. It had Joshua considering the possibility that he might have messed up somehow. He couldn't see why, but he also wasn't particularly good at reading social settings.
"You don't even realize, do you?" Yasaka asked eventually, getting a confused blink out of him. "Beneath what you are feeling right now, there's always a… despair somewhere beneath it. I wasn't going to bring it up, but…" She stopped then, hesitating.
Joshua's mind continued on its own though. She'd brought it up because he didn't even know that had been happening. It certainly sounded concerning, when seeing like that, right? Someone not even seeming to know that something like that was going on in his own mind.
Joshua knew about that though.
"I try to push that aside, honestly," He told her, his smile turning sad as emotions he usually kept at bay resurfaced. "I've gotten quite good at it, it seems." Especially if he could do it without even knowing.
"I apologize, I didn't mean to-"
"It's ok," He reassured, not even realizing that he'd just interrupted one of the youkai's leaders. "You didn't know, it's fine. I just…" Joshua trailed off then, his right hand moving to grasp at his left hand's wrist.
"Oh." He almost didn't hear her, but he did. Had she seen the scars? No, that was impossible, he always kept them hidden. It was the reason he always wore long sleeves. He'd learned to always be careful about them too. 'More Senjutsu bullshit?' He thought, wondering when he'd get good enough at Life Sensing that he'd pick up all the stuff Yasaka seemed to.
"I'm sorry," He told her, trying to keep his voice calm. Inside, however, he felt the turmoil of his emotions and he knew that she probably picked up on that. "But I don't want to talk about it."
"I understand," She said softly and he felt a wave of warmth wash over him. Senjutsu, he supposed, which he appreciated. Even when he knew it was outside interference, it helped push the bad thoughts back. "Again, I shouldn't have brought it up."
"Don't worry about it," Joshua reassured her once more with a wave of his hand.
There was silence then, but now he couldn't quite seal those thoughts away as he'd been doing so far. He almost sighed, pondering on the merits of getting himself a cup of tea. Not only would that buy some time to focus back in the present but it'd also save him from the awkward silence, that was for sure. Instead, he closed his eyes and let out a chuckle.
"My parents… they died nine months ago," He said then, his eyes focusing on his sister, his familiars and Kunou. He didn't want to look at Yasaka at that moment, lest he lost his nerve. "They were everything I had and then they were just… gone. I was in a bad place, and I almost didn't make it."
His fingers clutched at his wrist. Those scars might not have been caused by Joshua himself, but he'd long since acknowledge that they might as well have been. He knew himself and he knew that, in his other self's situation, he would have done the same. There was only one reason he hadn't just done it after waking up in that bathroom.
Something he had that his other self didn't.
"You don't give up on me, son!"
"You were trying so hard. It won't end like this!"
"You'll be alright, you'll be alright."
"I love you."
"I love you, son."
"I'm proud of you."
Still, the fact remained that he'd been that close himself.
"So much for not talking about it, huh?" He mused with a self-deprecating smile.
"Maybe you didn't realize you were ready, before now," Yasaka commented, although he thought she seemed to be making an effort to sound… neutral, he supposed would be the word. Maybe he'd caught her off guard? He always wanted to hit himself. What was he doing opening up to her like this? Throwing all of this at her as if she where supposed to do something about this.
God, he was more of a mess than he realized.
"Maybe," Joshua agreed with a slight nod. He still couldn't bring himself to look at the woman, his eyes firmly on the scene in front of him, even if he wasn't really looking at it. "Is your Senjutsu making me more calm?"
"It is," She admitted, more easily than he'd expected. There was no point in lying though, he guessed. If even he could tell, even when he could barely give Life Sensing the focus it needed for a few split seconds, then there was really no way she could talk her way out of that one. "I hope it was not the wrong thing to do," She added then, sounding like she meant it.
"I'm not mad," Joshua said, not really replying to what she'd said. To be honest, he wasn't sure about that himself. He felt better, after talking about it, but was it her calming effect or was it because of what he'd done. He couldn't be sure if it had been a good thing. "I appreciate the effort," He said in the end, since that was as much as he could tell her without lying.
He then felt the change in the air, as Yasaka let go of her Senjutsu. He felt… different. A calm that he'd previously had washed away. Negative emotions that were previously being held back flared up with a vengeance.
And still…
He felt better than he had in a while. He was not content, that was for sure. However, he could now think back, remember, the time before his… displacement. He could recall times with his mother and his father. More importantly, he could do so without feeling like he'd spiral into a depression if he dared. He didn't need to focus on Jeanne, or his familiars, or a project, to keep those thoughts at bay.
He was sad, yes. He felt the grief that he'd mostly kept at bay. And yet, he also felt… strangely free.
Joshua smiled, and while it held no happiness, it did hold hope.
"Thank you, Yasaka," He said then. "I think I might have needed to just…" Say that? Think through it? Have her help him with Senjutsu? He didn't even know anymore. However… something about what he'd just gone through, he'd needed it. "Just, thank you."
"After what you've been doing for me, Joshua, I think I don't need to be thanked," The woman replied, sounding almost amused.
"You know you are paying me for this job, right?"
"Oh? And teaching Kunou was part of the job?" She asked back, and he could almost see the raised eyebrow, even if he still wasn't looking at her.
"I chose to do that, and it's really for her more than-"
"And you think it's of no consequence to me?" She continued and his mouth clicked shut. "So, don't mention it, really. If anything, I can say the same to you. I chose to do that and that's all. I didn't know if it would help, so I actually feel bad being thanked for that."
"Guess I'll have to thank you indirectly," He said, finally turning towards the woman and giving her a slight grin. Maybe he wasn't feeling the jokes just yet, but he did feel… lighter, in a way, he supposed. "Spoil Kunou a little, she'll enjoy that."
"I guess she will," Yasaka agreed with a giggle.
"Who will what?" The girl in question asked, having approached them again and looking between them.
"I was just thinking about buying something to eat for everyone. Whatever you want, how's that sound?" Joshua asked, giving the girls and animals a smile.
"Yes!" The youngest agreed instantly, while Jeanne certainly didn't seem against the idea. "Yes, of course. Can we get it right now?"
"Sure, let's get going, yes?"
"I'll be paying for Kunou and myself, you know that right?" Yasaka pointed out.
"Hm, you said something?" Joshua asked back, pointedly narrowing his eyes when he turned towards the youkai's leader. The woman, for her part, gave him a smile before just letting the 'issue' go. They'd just been over that. As if he'd let her cheat her way out of his thanks… Or a part of them, anyway.
"Did I… miss something?" Jeanne asked, looking between the two of them, and Joshua suddenly felt danger.
"Not really, why?" He managed to say, the acting coming almost naturally to him, thankfully.
"Hmmm… I don't believe you."
'Damnit,' He cursed internally, already seeing where this was going to go. 'Please, let me be wrong. Please, let me be wrong.' Unfortunately for him, he could almost see the ideas forming in Jeanne's mind as she looked between himself and Yasaka. No, he couldn't let that happen.
"Let's go," He decided for the easy out, turning his attention towards Kunou, who looked like Christmas had come early. Yes, he could work with that. Much better than dealing with Jeanne. That way laid madness.
As he moved away from the minefield that was his sister, he had to wonder why he felt so much better. That hadn't felt like a deep, changing moment. He'd just… talked about stuff with someone. Not even someone that he was particularly close to either. No offense to Yasaka, but she was certainly not as close to him as Jeanne or his familiars.
But maybe it wasn't about that?
He supposed it was more about accepting it himself rather than the action of talking. Maybe he just needed to face what had happened for himself and talking to Yasaka had just cause that. 'Does it matter?' He had to wonder, as he started walking with Kunou.
'No, not really,' Joshua decided. The fact was that he felt better. He could look for answers later. For the moment, he would just enjoy the very welcome change.
[} Chapter End {]
(AN:Please remember that this story is not mine and will never be mine. Make sure to give thanks to the original author on fanfiction.net https://m.fanfiction.net/u/11459794/)