Individual+Knowledge=Wisdom=Unhappiness*anger.
I've been here for three months now. I can see that I talk more and I can understand better and better what the "devil" teaches me. Now I look back and I don't know whether to get angrier at him for the lie... or at me for believing it.
The first days were just getting used to the customs: I walked through the hallways following instructions in my "eye." I still don't remember losing my eye in the fight, but my teacher is right, I wasn't awake for long, he insists that thanks to the commotion he was able to reach me in time, that they (now I call them aberrations) ate part of my eye when their machines prevented it, sometimes I think he exaggerates but I don't know enough to refute.
Arguing... boy, I fought a lot at the beginning, everything I knew, that I thought I knew. Damn! (it's good to know words for these moments of despair) it's amazing how ignorant we are. I cannot understand how we believed in the existence of a mother nature, all the mysteries of creation, he says that all young civilizations sought to justify her existence, it does not console me; less knowing that they "raped" us... the device that is now my eye keeps suggesting words to complement my vocabulary, at first I didn't know what they were, now I just say "define" and it tells me: "rape: that suffers of an abuse of a sexual nature against their will, this abuse can be heterosexual or homosexual." So I have reason to be irritated. They copulated with me. I bled every 28 days... "month", well, I cut my skin every month so they wouldn't kill me. My reward was having men of all ages fornicate with me!
When I found out that it was not mandatory... I cried; I yelled at the teacher and ran away. Naturally he continued talking to me, at that moment he was the devil for me, enjoying my torture, I begged the goddess... nothing answered but his voice, him and his dictionary: "it's not that your goddess doesn't exist... none of the gods throughout the ages have been shown to exist under the terms of our perceptions" Not true! The goddess always has been and will be! The goddess always existed! Then it happened: my head emitted a light and from it came an image on what I now know is a wall... and I saw it: I saw a dirty and crazy man, I saw him harassing women in his youth, after many rejections I saw how he promised rest, how he made deals with the "Wise Men" whom the machine called merchants, I saw him exchanging wineskins for people from his tribe, what is worse; I understood that for survival they believed they were doing the right thing, the few machines they had were taken away and their devices were exchanged for more water... while I told them that it was the goddess who gave things, the faster we cleaned the world the more blessings we would receive, would give.
I understood that my faith came from a guy who raped so many women for his own benefit and that all our work was taken by the merchants, while we call our exploiters Wise Men and Patriarchs... Of course I denied what I saw! They told us that machines could do a lot, maybe they should have done more. Didn't they know how much we suffered for believing their nonsense? But I wasn't lost yet! I had a couple of tricks up my sleeve… I wish I hadn't used them.
I told him he had the "right of reply"; What I knew since I was a child is that a demon should not deceive you without showing you an opportunity to speak with your guide, my patriarch... She asked to know my reason, but I only insisted that if he was powerful enough to challenge the mother, then too. would be able to show me to my guide on earth. She sighed and changed the image; I saw an old man huddled in a corner of my house of prayer; I asked what he was doing and he told me that he was the only survivor, everyone in the village had died. He showed the photos, the people did not see them coming, exhausted after hours of sex they slept soundly, I only saw the patriarch leave and dozens of shadows entered; They were repulsive and soon they came out with everyone's bodies, the babies were taken out in sacks and the others in pieces... I asked what was happening, in response he brought the camera closer and I saw my guide with the merchant, the words came clear:
"Here is your aphrodisiac," said the merchant.
— Did you have to kill all the women? — didn't seem upset, just bored.
— Don't worry, I'll send more. Remember in two years to renew the treatment or you will not be stopped again — the merchant turned around and began to walk away.
—Couldn't you leave me at least one of the girls as the previous time? — the patriarch looked pathetic.
— I hope you take better care of her, you couldn't keep the previous one for ten seasons… — one of the hunting beasts took out a little girl and another beast brought her mother's body closer… I contemplated the similarity — she is another sterile one, if you can make one "Great girl... maybe next time this waste won't be necessary," he finished saying, while other hunters arrived, left a covered cage and joined the others who were devouring... my people.
The next night many things had changed in the village, there was not a trace of my people left, that old man prepared a good bonfire, the mother's body was there, he drained two swollen wineskins that he had inside the house of prayer; He put the liquid and the body together in a pot... the ceremonial pot, where the body of our ancestors was consumed, he finally removed the canvas... a dozen boys and girls came out of the cage in fear... and he spoke to them, I think he told me, "I fainted" more than once in that dialogue, but every time I woke up the nightmare was there again, stopped in the last image that my body registered.
I remember having eaten... and vomiting, when I was finally able to observe the scene... I felt carried away, I saw how he fed them, calmed them, told them that he had saved them, that they were sinners for not following the goddess, that he had saved them. got one last chance. It was salvation, an example of virility... and he did it while the children smelled the food and saw his erect member... the product of whatever he had drunk before taking them out.
And his night passed calmly, many nights followed. The old man took out hidden food; He calmed his anxieties by raping the only survivor, everyone listened to him at night, sometimes they saw him very scared, but finally his patience ran out and he got the better of... "lust"; That night he spoke with them; He said that the goddess had entrusted him with the task of teaching them the way of fertilizing their bodies, that she would teach everyone little by little and would make sure that every night they could ask for the mercy of Mother Nature, the poor entered the house of prayer, I couldn't see what was happening but I knew it, it was a repetition of what I experienced, with a CHINGADA!
I suspect that I lasted more than a moon without consciousness, I was comfortable in a corner; I ate reflexively; He was a lump wallowing in his waste, tears and shame... but one night the voice was heard again: "I gave you time, but I don't have more; you will have to understand or I will do without you, I will force you to fulfill your agreement," he charged me with a thing (now I know it's a machine or robot), he bathed me and presented me to him... even today his face scares me, it's horrible, it's encrusted with "metal" and he has an angry expression. The table was full of food, when we finished (I think I ate because there wasn't much when he spoke to me again), "well," he told me, "I gave you that right that you wanted, you should know that knowledge is a very powerful weapon, especially when you don't know what you're asking for it can be the greatest of tortures. I need you and I'm not lying to you. It is so true that I will know how to reward you, as if you fail me you will regret it, it is necessary that you know more and more things, some of which I am I'm sure you won't assimilate them at first, but you'll accept them, whether you want to or not."
When I asked why he had told me that he was a demon, he replied: "Would you have listened to me otherwise?"… He was right. I have been training for more than six months and still, every time I approach his rooms, a shiver of fear and anticipation runs through me.