Clarabelle POV
"Where do I start?" I mean, seriously. Where do I even begin? This entire situation is insane. What should I say? Actually, big bro, my husband is the worst cheat in existence but I still decided to sleep with him because I felt lonely and devalued, and somehow I got pregnant even though I was on a strong dose of birth control and now I'm trying to leave the father of my children because he's the antithesis of love and I can't stand the thought of Darren being around my kids. NO! That's crazy.
"Well, what exactly is going on? Are you really pregnant?" Dana says, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Yes. I am. It's been 3 weeks since I found out. I'm having a hard time still trying to wrap my head around it." I say with a nervous laugh and take a deep breath. I can sense the mixed emotions in the room coming from Noah and Dana. It's a little tense.
"Why didn't you feel like you could tell me?" Noah asks, trying to hold back his concern. I can't help but feel a little bad, Noah has always been my protector so he probably feels like he failed me.
"Noah, it's not that I didn't feel like I could tell you, I just needed time to process. I needed to figure out what to do." I say a little hesitantly.
"What do you mean? What was there to figure out?" I can feel the concern radiating off of Dana and Noah. I guess I'm just going to have to be honest. Sigh. This is tough.
"Truth is, I don't trust Darren to be a good father. I didn't know if I should tell anyone, especially Darren. But then I realized I want to be a mother, and I wasn't willing to give that up for Darren. So, I decided to divorce Darren…" I say way too fast trying to get the worst out of the way. Shock. Utter. Still. Shock. No one says anything. No one moves. I feel thirst climbing up my dry throat. I start to feel nervous.
"Is there water?" I abruptly ask, breaking the silence.
"Yeah. I'll get you some. I'll get some for everyone, actually." Dana stands as quickly as her pregnant belly lets her and makes her way out of the drawing room.
"Clarabelle? What's been going on?" Noah asks me in a very serious tone. I might as well come clean since I already let the cat out.
"Well, dearest older brother. My husband is the biggest player in the entire continent. I've never told you because I didn't want to make it too big of a deal. Most people know because he's in every major tabloid and gossip column on every popular forum you could possibly think of. Fortunately for me, you only ever read medical forums and magazines so it never occurred to me that you'd ever find out, but I was wrong. I'm sorry for not telling you sooner and I'm deeply sorry for all the lies. I'm hoping you can forgive me." I say very carefully watching every change in Noah's expressions. He just stares at me. I can't handle the nerves anymore. "Noah! Please, say something. Anything? I know you're probably very upset with me right now, but I need you. I've never been so scared in my life." He moves to where Dana was sitting next to me earlier and pulls me into a tight hug. It catches me off guard and my eyes start to water again. It's so frustrating, my emotions have been so controlling lately.
"I'm so sorry. Please forgive me, little sister." I hear him whisper agonizingly. It bursts the dam in my eyes and I start sobbing once again. "Noah, why are you apologizing? Why are you sorry? You didn't do anything wrong, I'm the one who's sorry." I just can't understand what he means. It hurts to see him blame himself for something he didn't even know about. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you against this. I should've been paying more attention. Please, forgive me?" Noah says to me in such a quiet voice I could barely hear him through my sobs. I sit up and look at my brother, who had been silently crying the whole time, and I feel a warmth in my heart. My brother has been my protector my entire life. He walked me down the aisle after our parents died, he was always there for me no matter what I needed. Once I got married I didn't want to come between Noah and his own happiness, and it felt selfish of me to want my brother around after I'd already "won" the man of my dreams. My brother is one of the strongest men I know. Seeing him cry for me is… I feel like I've made a mistake.
"Noah? Why are you crying? I didn't mean to make you upset." I feel like I'm 8 years old again and I told my brother I hated him because he wouldn't play dress up with me. I can see his 10 year old face looking at me through his soft green eyes. His eyes always reminded me of dad's eyes, they were warm and playful. Maybe it's just because I feel overwhelmed right now, but I miss my mom and dad. Being in this house after so long and everything that's happening. I wish they were here to hold me and tell me everything would be ok.
"I know you didn't. I'm not upset with you. I feel like an idiot for trusting that bastard with you. I should've known better. You, Josh and Dana are the world to me. I don't even know what to do right now to fix this." Noah says to me while wiping the tears on my face.
"Noah, it's ok. You don't have to do anything. I have a plan-"
"What plan? Does it have to do with you divorcing him?" Noah cut me off as I was trying to explain. I sigh and smile at Noah. Dana comes back into the room with 3 glasses and a pitcher of water with lemon. She smiles at us and places the glasses in front of us on the coffee table before sitting where Noah was earlier.
"So, what'd I miss?" She asks while taking a sip of her water.
"Clare has a plan." Noah immediately reiterates. They both give each other a look before turning to look at me. It's a little unsettling. I look back at them a little confused and realize they want me to tell them my plan.
"As I was saying. I have a plan. Once I found out I was pregnant I had a lot I needed to think about. It's a lot to put into words but basically, my plan is to divorce Darren and leave him by my birthday. I've already resigned from my post at the firm-"
"When did you do that?" Noah suddenly asks me. I take a breath and steel myself before telling the truth.
"Right after I figured out I was keeping my kids. So, three weeks ago." I answer and watch Noah's expressions change before he settles with a slight frown.
"Alright, sorry. Continue." He says, looking at me very seriously. I feel like he's grading every word that's leaving my mouth right now. I reach for my glass of water before continuing on.
"I resigned. I've already received my letter of approval so now I'm just waiting for my two weeks to finish. I'm not sure if the branch head told Darren or Carter, but he hasn't said anything about it yet if he does know. After I leave I'm basically just planning on hopping around the country until Darren gives up trying to track me. Which I'm kind of looking forward to because I never actually got to be on my own and just travel. Um, and I actually have a favor to ask of you." I finish and look at Noah and Dana before continuing. They've just been listening and trying to process everything I've been planning for a month now.
"There's a lot about this plan I don't like, but for now I just want to know where your head's at. What favor?" Dana says.
"I've been on birth control for the last five years. It really shocked me when I found out I'd gotten pregnant. I was wondering if you'd be able to find out how." I ask, not entirely sure of how exactly to explain this.
"What do you mean? What kind of birth control?" Noah asks, I guess he finished processing.
"Well, after the first time I saw Darren cheat on me, I decided to get on birth control. I didn't want to have kids with him because I resented him. But, I would still sleep with him whenever he'd ask and I felt lonely. I always go to a gyno afterwards just to make sure, you know. He isn't really a fan of 'wrapping' it. I just want to know how I got pregnant even though I was getting the shot. I mean, it's not like I was sleeping with him all the time, maybe once every three or so months. If that." I say still trying to make sense of how this happened.
"Do you think the shots were fake?" Dana asks suddenly. I look up in disbelief. It had been a possibility I'd thought about, but it felt ridiculous. It's only every three months. I would go every time, like clockwork. It worked out better because we only slept together every three months or longer. That's three to four times a year that we would have sex. I mean, three to four times for five years. There's no way I should've gotten pregnant unless….
"There's a good chance they might've been. What's the name of your doctor?" Noah asks me and I snap out of my thoughts.
"Maurine Leopard. She works at Red Saint. Do you know her?" Red Saint is our family's hospital. It's been around since our great great grandfather built it back during the first world war. He was a doctor before joining the Navy and was decorated after aiding in France. The name Red Saint came about because he was a Warwick fan. It was his favorite book, according to my father. He took it with him when he went to France for the war.
"I do. I can ask her about what might have happened. What was the other favor?" Noah reminds me as I push away the thoughts about my birth control.
"Darren can't know I'm pregnant." I announce. Earning me more sidelong glances from Dana and Noah.
"Wait, he doesn't know? How? Why?" Noah asks, very perplexed.
"What do you mean 'how'? It's not like I've gained any weight. If anything, I look thinner now than I did a month ago. It's better this way. If I can leave by my birthday, I still shouldn't start showing, even if I do it won't be much." I explain.
"Ok, but why? Do you not want him to know?" Noah repeats with the same perplexity.
"If he finds out I'm pregnant, do you really think he'd sign the papers? He'd probably accuse me of trying to 'kidnap' his kids and use it as an excuse to keep me here." I try to express the complexity of this situation.
"Why would he want to do that? Doesn't he cheat on you?" Noah seems even more puzzled about the whole situation than before he knew what was going on.
"Noah, I have given up trying to understand what runs through Darren's head. I wish I understood how he could do all of these things to me and then turn around and act like my leaving is the most detrimental thing to him. I don't know. He says one thing then acts however the hell he wants. I can not, and I will not, let my kids grow up around someone like that. I wouldn't be able to bear it." I finish with a sigh and I think about a world where Darren might have been a wonderful husband and father. I wish it was real. I want it to be real so bad, but I know it isn't.
"So, has he signed the divorce yet? Your birthday is the 12th of December. We're in what, October? Do you think the divorce will be processed by then?" Dana questions while pouring more water into our glasses.
"It won't be done in time, but the process has already begun. I already presented the agreement to him. I have a lawyer and my signature is already there. Besides, I don't need his signature in order to divorce him, this is more of a kindness. If he decides he doesn't want to sign I'll just petition the divorce without him and sue him for breaking our marriage agreement. I have a month and half. I've already found an apartment in a different city. Like I said, he'll be chasing after me. He doesn't know I'm pregnant now, but I wouldn't put it past him to find out. He already suspects I'm hiding something from him." I admit, and for a second all of this just sounds insane. I can't believe I'm going to be on the run from my husband.
"It'll work." I say out loud. I say it to no one in particular, I think I'm just trying to convince myself. I hate that it has to go this far, but I'm way too deep now to turn back.
"It will work. We're going to help you." Noah declares, as if it was just the most obvious thing.