In my room, I'm reading a book called Last Kiss. It's a romance novel that I borrowed from the librarian last week. The story is captivating, and I find myself lost in the pages, trying to escape from the real world. But in the back of my mind, I can't help but wonder why my mom knocked on my door. She never does that, and neither does my dad. They just barge in, giving me no privacy.
I hear my mom's voice, and I quickly put down my book, trying to hide it from her. I don't want her to know that I'm reading a romance novel. She came in, looking a bit sad, but she quickly hid it, not wanting to worry her loved ones. I always worry about her, especially when she looks like this. Are my parents getting divorced? Is something wrong?
My mom's voice breaks through my thoughts, 'Hey, what are you doing?' I look up at her and reply, 'Oh, nothing, just reading a book.' She knows how much I love books, and I can see a hint of a smile on her face.
'What's it about?' she asks, trying to make small talk. I pause for a few seconds, looking at her. I can tell that she wants to talk about something, but she doesn't know how to bring it up. I finally reply, 'It's nothing, really. You don't want to know.' I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
My mom laughs and says, 'Since it's nothing, can I talk to you about something?' I can sense the seriousness in her voice, and it makes me feel a mix of confusion and worry. 'Sure, Ma. Are you okay? You can tell me anything,' I reply, wanting to comfort her.
She sighs and shakes her hands, clearly nervous. 'I'm pregnant,' she finally says. I can see the happiness in her eyes, but I don't understand why she looks sad. I always wanted a little brother or sister. I hate being the youngest. I can't wait to hug her and congratulate her.
But then she says something that takes me by surprise, 'The problem is...it isn't your father's child.' My eyes widen, and my eyebrows shoot up. I don't know what to say. I remove my mom's hand from my cheek, and she continues, 'I'm sorry if this is not what you were expecting.'
I shake my head in disbelief. 'How could you...HOW?' I ask, trying to control my anger. My mom looks frightened, and I know I should calm down, but I can't. 'How could you cheat on Dad? I thought what you guys had was true love. I thought nothing could break that or come between you two,' I say, my voice rising with each word.
My mom looked at me with a mixture of fear and disappointment. She had never seen me so angry before. 'I thought you guys could work this divorce thing out! What the fuck, Ma?' I cursed at her, the first time cursed at my own mother. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. My father was the sweetest man alive, and I couldn't believe my mom would do something like this to him.
If I had done that back then, she would have slapped me. And just as I thought, she did. 'Do not curse at me, I'm your mother!' she scolded, her voice stern. 'And what do you mean by the divorce thing? We aren't divorcing. I didn't cheat! I still love your father!' she explained, tears welling up in her eyes.
I was taken aback by her reaction. I had never seen my mom's angry side before. She got up from the bed and continued, 'Your father couldn't impregnate me, that's why I had to go to a sperm bank. You know the rest.' She sighed, trying to calm down and explain to me. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down as well. This was all too overwhelming for me to handle.
She added, 'Your father suggested the idea.' I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was such a weird and unexpected piece of news. 'I'm sorry, Mom. I shouldn't have reacted like that. It's just...I never thought this could happen,' I said, feeling guilty for yelling at her. My mom hugged me, and I could feel her tears on my shoulder. 'I'm sorry, my child. I know this is hard for you to understand,' she said, her voice breaking with emotion.
As I hugged my mom back, I couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions - anger, confusion, and sadness. But above all, I felt guilty for not being able to understand my mom's situation and for assuming the worst.
But the truth is, I do understand. I may be young, but my mind is well beyond my years.
'It's okay Ma. I understand.' I reassure her, trying to ease her worries. I can see the guilt and sadness in her eyes, but I'm not mad at her. I know she's not to blame for this. It's just a fact of life that I have to accept. I'm going to have a sibling who may not look like our family at all. But that doesn't change the fact that I will still love them unconditionally.
My mom tries to lighten up the mood by asking if I'm hungry. She has always been the sweetest and best mother I could ever ask for. I can't stay mad at her for long. I answer her with a smile, 'Yes Ma, thanks.' She smiles back and leaves my room, giving me some time to process everything.
As I sit here, I can't help but wonder what the future holds. What will happen next? What should I do? I'm not in the mood to go back to my usual routine of reading a book. I need a break from this whole situation. I grab my phone and call my best friend, Neuvi. I need someone to talk to, someone who can understand what I'm going through.
He finally picks up and says, 'Yo?' I can tell from his voice that he's worried. 'Hey, wanna hang out? I need a break from this whole shit.' I ask him. He knows exactly what I'm talking about. We've been friends for years, and he knows how close I am with my family. He knows that this news has hit me hard.
'Sure, what's up?' He replies, concerned. 'I'll tell you later when we meet up at the cinema.' I say, not wanting to discuss it over the phone. 'Alright, see you there.' He agrees.
As I wait for Neuvi, I try to distract myself by scrolling through my social media feeds. But my mind keeps going back to my family and the news my mom just shared. I can't help but feel a little jealous and insecure. Will things change once the baby arrives? Will I still be as important to my parents? These thoughts consume me, and I can feel my anxiety rising.
Neuvi arrives, and we head to the cinema. We watch a mindless comedy and laugh our hearts out. It's a much-needed break from all the heavy emotions I've been feeling. I saw him. Lucifer. And he was not alone. He was with his girlfriend. My heart sank and I immediately regretted coming to the cinema.
I touched Neuvi's arm and he gave me a questioning look. I switched my gaze between Lucifer and Neuvi, hoping that he would understand what I was trying to convey. He didn't, but I didn't care. I whispered in his ear, 'My crush is here, they are sitting behind us.' Neuvi turned his head so quickly to look at Lucifer that I had to punch him in the stomach to make him stop. 'He looks good, you have good taste. But who is that with him?' Neuvi said, trying to be funny. I could tell he was disappointed too.
'That's his girlfriend,' I replied, feeling defeated. Neuvi tried to argue with me, saying that I should stop crushing on him since he had a girlfriend. But I couldn't help it. I knew I should stop, but I wanted him. I wanted him to notice me, to see me as more than just a friend. I sighed and rolled my eyes, knowing that I was being foolish.
'I don't want to know what you are going to do. But just remember, karma is real,' Neuvi said, trying to be the voice of reason. I just shook my head and rolled my eyes, not wanting to listen to him. I just wanted to have my fun for once, even if it meant ignoring the consequences.
But then, Lucifer noticed us and called out my name, 'Moxie? Is that you?' My heart skipped a beat. I didn't know what to do. 'Oh hey, what a coincidence! Lucifer, how are you doing?' I replied, trying to fake a smile. Lucifer smiled and said, 'We are doing alright. Eliana, meet Moxie, my friend. Moxie, meet Eliana, my girlfriend.'
Eliana. What a pretty name. And I was just a friend to Lucifer? Didn't we have a date before? I was lost in my thoughts and offered a hand for her to shake while smiling, 'Hi, Eliana. Nice to meet you.' Eliana greeted me back in her pretty feminine voice, 'Likewise.'
I could feel the awkwardness between us, as we stood there exchanging pleasantries. I wanted to disappear, to go back in time and not call Neuvi to the cinema. But it was too late. I dragged Neuvi into the conversation, introducing him as my best friend.
Lucifer began another conversation "So--" While looking at me, I had turned around, silencing him with just one look. He was taken aback by my actions, surprised that I would act in such a manner. But little did he know, this was just the beginning of what was to come.
I had been watching him closely, observing his every move as he interacted with Eliana. The way he smiled at her, the way he spoke to her, it made my blood boil. I couldn't stand the thought of him getting close to her, it made me feel a mix of emotions, jealousy being the strongest one. I couldn't take it anymore. Without a second thought, I touched Neuvi's leg with my own, a silent signal for him to stop talking to Eliana. He looked at me, confused by my actions, but I didn't care. I didn't want to see him getting any closer to her.
"The fuck? Sorry, Eliana." he's apologizing to Eliana. She seemed unfazed by the interruption and replied with a smile, "No problem, are you okay?" He replied with a simple 'Yeah, I'm fine' before turning to me and questioning, 'what the fuck is going on, why did you touch my legs?'
I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down before I spoke. 'I had to, okay. Just don't talk to them,' I said, my voice firm and determined.
'Just because you couldn't talk to Lucifer doesn't mean I'm not allowed to talk to them,' he retorted, not understanding my point of view. I looked into his eyes, pleading with him. 'Please,' I said, playing the puppy eyes card. After a moment of hesitation, he finally agreed to stop. 'Ugh, fine,' he grumbled, clearly annoyed by my behavior.
We all sat in silence, watching the movie. But I couldn't focus on anything else. My mind was racing, constantly thinking about what could be happening behind me. I heard a noise, and I didn't want to turn around. It could be anything related to couples' activities, and I didn't want to see it.
I asked Neuvi to take a look, and his reaction confirmed my fears. 'Oh shit,' he said, turning around and whispering to me, 'they are kissing.' Are you fucking serious? I already had a bad day, and they decided to make it worse. I wanted to leave so badly, but I didn't want to be seen as jealous. I didn't want them to think I couldn't handle seeing them together. So, I forced myself to stay and endure the movie.
But the noise of their kissing was getting louder, and I couldn't ignore it anymore. I turned my head to look at them, and what I saw made me furious. They were kissing aggressively, and I could see his big hands roaming all over her body. Her leg was on his lap, and it was clear that things were getting heated between them. I couldn't take it anymore. I got up from the couch and left quickly, with an angry and disappointed look on my face. I could feel Lucifer's eyes on me as I walked out of the room, but I didn't care. I needed some space to process my emotions.
Neuvi, who had been sitting next to me, let out a deep sigh. He turned to the couple and apologized, "Sorry about that, I'll handle it." He got up and left to look for me, probably to offer some comfort and support. I found myself sitting on Neuvi's motorbike, crying my eyes out. I felt devastated and jealous. I couldn't believe that Lucifer would do this in front of me, knowing how I felt about him. I felt betrayed by him, and I didn't know how to deal with these conflicting emotions.
As I sat there, trying to calm myself down, Neuvi approached me and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. He didn't say anything, but his presence was enough to make me feel a little better. After a few minutes of crying, I finally composed myself and looked up at him. He gave me a small smile and asked, "Are you okay?" I shook my head and replied, "No, I'm not." He nodded in understanding and said, "Let's go for a ride, clear our minds." I nodded, grateful for the distraction, and we took off on his bike.
As I sat there, trying to calm myself down, Neuvi approached me and gently placed a hand on my shoulder. He didn't say anything, but his presence was enough to make me feel a little better. After a few minutes of crying, I finally composed myself and looked up at him. He gave me a small smile and asked, "Are you okay?" I shook my head and replied, "No, I'm not." He nodded in understanding and said, "Let's go for a ride, clear our minds." I nodded, grateful for the distraction, and we took off on his bike.
As we rode through the streets, with the wind blowing in my face, I couldn't help but think about what had just happened. I felt hurt and angry, but I also knew that I couldn't control other people's actions. I couldn't force Lucifer to like me back, and I couldn't stop him from being with someone else. All I could do was focus on myself and try to move on from this painful experience.
My thoughts were interrupted when Neuvi suggested we take a ride to clear my head. I hesitated at first, not really in the mood for any distractions. But something about the way he looked at me with concern in his eyes made me change my mind. I needed a distraction, and maybe a ride through the city would help. I feel a little bit better. The rush of the wind against my skin, the sound of the engine, and the beautiful city lights all helped to ease my mind.
We stopped at our destination. It's a park. He said 'Come' while offering a hand for me to hold. I asked 'What are we doing here?' I held it, and he dragged me to the grass filled with flowers. He sat down and patted the spot next to him, gesturing for me to join him. I hesitated for a moment, but then I sat down, our heads touching together.
We both looked up at the starry sky above us. It was a clear night, and the stars were shining brightly. I couldn't remember the last time I had taken the time to appreciate the beauty of the night sky.
'This is where I always come to clear my head,' Neuvi said, breaking the silence. I smiled and nodded in agreement. 'When everything feels like it's falling apart, it's nice to find a place to feel peace,' I added, looking at the stars.
'Yes,' he said, 'and I'm glad I found this place with you.' His words made my heart flutter, and for a moment, I forgot about all of my worries.
Neuvi then asked me what had been bothering me. At first, I hesitated to open up, but something about the serenity of the night and the trust I had in him made me spill out everything. I told him about Lucifer, my unrequited feelings, and the news of my parents expecting a new baby.
He listened patiently, not interrupting or judging me. When I finished, he took a deep breath and said, 'Look, I know this is a lot to take in. But your parents love you, and that's never going to change. This baby is going to be a part of your family, and you have the power to make them feel loved and accepted. Don't let your insecurities get the best of you. You have a big heart, and I know you will be an amazing older sibling.'
His words hit me, and I realized he was right. I had been so consumed with my own feelings and fears that I had forgotten about the happiness of my family. I couldn't let my insecurities affect my relationship with my parents and the new addition to our family.
'I should head back,' I said, finally feeling at peace with myself. 'It's getting late.'
'I'll give you a ride to your apartment,' Neuvi offered, standing up and offering me his hand. As we rode back, I couldn't help but feel grateful for his friendship and his wise words.
As I entered my apartment, I couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness wash over me. 'Goodnight and thank you!' I said to Neuvi, trying to keep my voice from cracking. 'Of course. Night,' he replied with a warm smile.
But as I turned to head towards my room, I was greeted by the sight of my mom waiting for me with open arms. A wave of relief washed over me as I realized how much I had missed her during my travels. I gave her a warm hug and told her how excited I was to have a new addition to our family.
'I'm so glad you're okay, honey,' my mom said, pulling me into a tight hug. 'I was so worried about you.' I could feel the love and concern in her voice and it made me appreciate her even more.
'I'm okay now, Ma,' I said, smiling. 'I'm just glad to be home.' 'I'm so happy to have you back,' she said, her eyes brimming with tears. 'We've missed you so much.' 'I've missed you too,' I said sincerely. We sat down on the couch together, and I told her all about my adventures with Neuvi.
'He is a wonderful friend,' my mom said, her eyes twinkling. 'I'm so glad you have him in your life.' 'Me too,' I replied, thinking about all the memories we had made together. 'Yeah, I'm so lucky.'
We talked for a long time that night, catching up on each other's lives. My mom was fascinated by my stories and I was equally interested in hearing about her experiences while I was away. It was a heartwarming moment, just sitting there with her, feeling loved and content.