"Isadora?" A soft knock on the door sounded and I whipped my head to the direction of it. When I got up from the bed, I didn't realize that tears were dripping from my eyes.
"Wa-wait..." I said as I hurried to dry my eyes, but before all evidence of crying were wiped off, Leon's face peeked through the entrance. "Yes?" I smiled at him; blanket gathered on my lap.
"Are you alright? Were you crying?" there was genuine worry in his voice that made my heart twinge, prompting another wave of tears, but I took a deep breath and held it in. "Was it because I invited some guests to our wedding? Jane said you didn't look good when you knew about the change in wedding plans." Leon took wide strides and kneeled in front of me. He took my hand gently and massaged the back of it. From where he learned to that, I wanted to know, but at the same time, I don't even have the energy to. "I'm sorry if I didn't ask you first about it. I've been told that I'm impatient and don't ask for others' opinions first before doing anything." He lowered his head in embarrassment that I couldn't help but flash a small smile myself despite the turmoil inside me.
But in all seriousness, I placed my free hand on top of his and said, "But why, Leon?" I took a deep breath, and my shoulders slumped, leaning towards him, our faces closer now. "It was one of your conditions to wed in secret. Why did you break it?"
I stared long and swallowed hard as I wait for him to reply. Something inside me wishing that maybe this time--this time around, someone would consider me. In my world where I have to weave carefully through every situation, I just want to be considered.
I want my feelings considered. I want my efforts realized, I want my thoughts and opinions prized. I... I want to be seen as more than just a pretty face with money.
Just when I was feeling comforted by his thumb sliding softly back and forth on my hand, he placed it back gently on my lap and stood up. As he did, I saw confusion in his eyes and my heart felt even more heavier.
Oh, heavens, I thought as I closed my eyes and leaned back onto headboard. Not again.
With deep breaths, I massaged my temple. Hearing Leon's sole hit the floorboard as he paced back and forth hammered the side of my head. If he has anything to say, I don't want to hear it--I don't know if I can handle hearing it.
"Wait." I said, raising my hand. "Don't answer that. I know you have your reasons, and I know your reasons are for the better."
"Isadora..." he said in a low voice, and I felt the bed shifted so I forced my eyes to open only to be taken aback by our closeness that I had to hold my breath in. He was just inches away from me. Inches!
And the confusion in his eyes earlier? Gone.
What's this rumbling feeling in the pits of my stomach? I don't like it. The determination in his eyes were unsettling but at the same time, in the deepest corner of my mind, I'm a little hopeful, a little relieve.
"I don't want to keep you a secret, Isadora. I realized it last night that you don't deserve that after leaving the comforts of your own home to live in an island, married to a man you barely know," he squeezed my hand before clasping it between his, "I owe it to you to be able to walk proudly as my wife." I closed my eyes as I felt his rough hands against my cheek when he tucked in a stray hair behind my ear.
"And what about your enemies? The one you told me might target me if they knew. What about those?" I grabbed his hand and squeezed it so hard. I don't know why, but when I saw a playful smile form on his lips, I couldn't help but lean towards him, my forehead on his sturdy chest. "I'm too beautiful to die this young, Leon." I chuckled.
Leon giggled, saying, "There's no one more capable of protecting your beauty other than your husband, don't you think?" The vibrations of his voice from his chest were comforting. So, comforting that all I wanted to do right now is to reach out to him, wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me for a kiss, until his weight pins me to the bed, and render me immobile. But I can't.
I didn't answer him. Didn't move from my place either. If there's any better time to come clean, I guess this was it. I breathed. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale...
Deep, deep inhale... then exhale.
"Leon, I have something to tell you." I said in all seriousness as I straightened myself to face him properly. "And I need you to listen to me very well, and..." I looked down, my fingers playing with each other, "try not to judge me as much as you can," I said in almost a whisper. When I heard him cleared his throat and shifted his body to a more comfortable position, I looked back at him.
His deep silvery eyes nudging me to open my mouth and start talking.
"I... was in a relationship with a married man."
As soon as I finished my sentence, I lowered my head quickly and looked at my fingers. But when I heard Leon sounded, "Hmm..." as he leaned back, I closed my eyes shut.
You shouldn't have done that, Isadora! You shouldn't have done that! Now he's going to think you're such an easy woman with no standards whatsoever, like a commoner that you are! You could've kept it with you until the day you die. Why did you have to run your mouth before your wedding? What if he has some kind of belief about adulterous women? What if he backs out of the wedding? The least you could do is wait until the wedding is over to tell him, at least, by then, you've already sealed your married life!
But I don't want that. No, I don't want that.
Would I want to be married to a man who can't even accept me for who I am, with all my past and my messes?
"Is that it?" I heard Leon say and my eyes darted to see his expression.
That's it? What does he mean 'that's it'?
"I... I wanted to be honest about it before the wedding."
"I see." He's being so hard to read. Should I keep probing?
I swallowed hard. Words lost somewhere out of my grasp. He doesn't look like his thinking hard. No disgust in his face. No judgement in his eyes. He just looked back at me like that wasn't that big of a revelation.
I coveted another woman's husband! I had an intimate relationship with a man who already belonged to another, protected by the sacred vows of the Heavens. And he wasn't just a normal commoner. If this was back in Reka, this would've been a huge scandal with equally heavy consequences.
My heart raced.
"That's it? I see?" I looked like a fool repeating it with my own mouth. "That's all you can say?"
"Were you expecting me to say something else? React another way?" My eyes followed as Leon pushed himself off the bed and walked towards the balcony. His long hair dancing with the dry breeze coming from the sea. "Come," he simply told me and as if possessed, I quickly stood up and went towards him, my hand trying to reach his extended hand.
"I expected you to--"
"Shh..." I wasn't able to finish my sentence when his thumb glided across my lips as he gently placed his hand on the side of my neck. I thought he'd move to kiss me, so I instinctively closed my eyes, but he pulled me closer so our foreheads touched each other. "I've done far worse than you," was what he said before we separated and his hand fell down to my hands, holding it again. "What about you? Is it alright for you to marry a royal bastard with a pile of dead bodies behind him?" A hint of sarcasm colored his words, and I couldn't help but smile.
"A royal bastard and an enchantress. Won't that make us the perfect couple, Count Astor?"
"We'll wreak havoc on the path that we walked on and retreat in our little kingdom," his voice was lighter now.
Our little kingdom... I like the sound of that.
"Call my name, Countess Astor."
"Maybe I will tomorrow," I let out a short laugh and pulled away from my husband-to-be, feeling so much better. I don't even remember what I was feeling down for.
Maybe this marriage wasn't so bad after all? Was what I thought.