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Morning of November 6th.
It's amazing how nature subtly responds to the collective unconscious of humanity. At the moment when Japan faced a crisis worse than a nuclear explosion, it was as if the weather sensed it. The gray, oppressive sky weighed heavily, and everything around was steeped in an atmosphere of depression and hopelessness... Or perhaps this is just my romanticized perception, and the weather is merely a reflection of late autumn.
"You know, even though I don't feel the cold or dampness, I still don't like autumn," I said, sitting in the stands of the training ground behind the Tokyo School of Magic, turning to Kokichi, who was seated beside me.
"Were you even listening to what I was telling you?" Kokichi responded with a slight frown, his tone carrying a hint of annoyance.
"Something about Yuta's execution and the director's, too," I replied, tilting my head back and scratching my chin. "Also something about Suguru Geto's status being changed to 'alive' and his death sentence being reinstated. Oh, and some minor things about Satoru…"
"And the only thing you have to say in response is to comment on the weather?" Kokichi sighed wearily, rubbing his tired eyes.
"I don't see anything wrong with that," I shrugged. "British, despite their gloominess, are still polite and courteous people, thanks to afternoon tea and talking about the weather."
The giant robot enthusiast had no comeback, so he just shook his head, choosing to remain tactfully silent.
My gaze quickly slid over his face and posture. Even a brief glance was enough to understand what Kokichi was feeling. Despite his calm exterior, emotions churned within him, and the guilt he carried was evident in every move he made. Muta still struggled with the remorse of having betrayed his comrades, even though he did it to protect those who remained in Kyoto. Honestly, it surprised me a bit because I didn't peg Kokichi as someone who would regret his actions. Initially, he didn't, but it seems everything changed after the Shibuya incident.
"You know, compared to others, you've been incredibly lucky," I said, trying to steer his thoughts in another direction. "Leaking information to the enemy and still coming out unscathed — that's a rare feat."
"I was just useful," Kokichi replied gloomily, shaking his head. "And I had nowhere else to go, so it's logical that the higher-ups decided to keep me close, even forcing me to take a binding vow."
"Out of the frying pan and into the fire," I smirked, letting out a faint chuckle.
For a few seconds, silence hung between us. I had nothing to say, but I could tell Kokichi was the opposite—his mind was so full of thoughts that he didn't know where to start. His gaze was fixed somewhere in the distance, but it seemed like he was trying to piece together the fragments of his thoughts, which were chaotically swirling around in his consciousness. It was as if every word he could say was too heavy and significant to be spoken. This internal struggle, relentlessly raging within him, manifested in everything — from the slight tremble of his fingers to the fleeting shadows crossing his face.
I sensed that it would be easier for him to stay silent right now than to speak. But he seemed determined to find the words that could express everything he was feeling, even if those words would be sharp and painful.
"Sukehiro, everything we did… was it right?" Kokichi turned to me, his face full of doubt and anxiety.
"That's funny," I said, unable to suppress a slight chuckle.
"There's nothing funny about it!" Muta snapped, his voice rising in pitch. "Our actions caused immense suffering to countless innocent people, and even more will suffer in the future. So there's nothing funny or laughable about it!"
"You're mistaken about something," I replied calmly, despite his outburst. "What I find amusing isn't the situation itself, but your reaction to it... There was no 'right' or 'wrong' in what happened; there was only the fact of how many people we were able to save — more or fewer. And this situation is far from funny. But your reaction, that's what I find amusing. It's not about how Satoru and I decided to act during the Shibuya incident; it's about the fact that you're a traitor who leaked information to someone who, it turns out, is planning to plunge all of Japan into chaos. And to avoid thinking about that, you're trying to shift your focus to something else, something where you can blame not just yourself."
Kokichi frowned even more at that, his shoulders slumping under the weight of his guilt. Honestly, I hadn't intended to have this conversation with him, assuming he could deal with it on his own and grow from it. But it turns out Kokichi was much more sentimental than I had anticipated.
"The severity of a mistake depends on its consequences," I suddenly said, breaking the silence that had settled between us.
"What?" Kokichi looked at me in surprise, clearly not expecting those words.
"The severity of a mistake depends on its consequences. That's what my old man used to tell me," I continued, gazing up at the gray sky, and couldn't help but smile slightly as I remembered my grandfather's wrinkled face. "Your mistake is a lot more serious than a forgotten condom... But even so, the point of mistakes isn't to beat yourself up over them endlessly; it's to pick yourself up and clean up the mess you've made."
Kokichi silently processed my words, his gaze drifting into the void as if he were searching for answers in the gray sky above us. The pause between us was filled only by the rustle of the wind, which stirred the dry leaves that had found their way onto the empty stands. I knew my words had hit him harder than any reproach could because they touched the core of his anxieties.
"But what if I can't fix everything?" Kokichi finally whispered, his voice barely audible, tinged with a hopelessness that suggested he had already condemned himself.
"Then you'll have to learn to live with it," I replied, not taking my eyes off the sky. "We all make mistakes, and some of them can't be undone. But you're still alive, Kokichi, and that means you have a choice. You can keep clinging to your past mistakes and let them drag you down, or you can take responsibility for your actions and move forward. Life isn't about a path without mistakes; it's about learning to deal with their consequences."
He didn't respond, but I could see his shoulders relax slightly, and the tension in his face became less pronounced. Maybe my words had given him some comfort, or maybe they had just reopened a wound he had been trying to heal on his own. Either way, he had a lot to think about.
"Thanks," Kokichi said briefly, his voice quiet but sincere.
"Don't worry about it," I smiled at him, then gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder. "After all, I'm just as guilty, so we'll fix what we've done together."
Not that the last part was entirely true... Yes, I'm definitely responsible for what happened in Shibuya, and let's be honest, my guilt is far greater than Kokichi's. But I plan to fix things in a way that's very different from what he hopes for. Still, it's better to give him some encouragement now than to leave him in this state. Today's conversation convinced me that sometimes you need to lend a shoulder, even if the truth remains unspoken.
"You don't exactly look like you feel guilty," Kokichi smirked, watching me closely.
"I was taught to never show weakness, no matter what. Never reveal your vulnerable spots," I replied, involuntarily recalling the lessons my grandfather had quite literally hammered into me. "In that sense, you're all mistaken. I'm not made of iron, and I'm certainly no hero. I complain and whine just like everyone else; I just tend to complain about a sore heel when it's my heart that aches."
"Well, your actions say otherwise, and that's what matters," Kokichi shook his head, as if refusing to believe my words.
"In that case, my next 'actions' will definitely prove I'm far from a hero," I smirked, a barely noticeable hint of bloodlust in my tone.
"What do you mean?" Kokichi raised an eyebrow in surprise, clearly not expecting such a response.
"I'm going to have a chat with a bunch of unscrupulous officials from a corrupt regime — which, to some extent, every regime is," I smiled, trying to mask the tension beneath my words.
"Just a chat?" Kokichi looked at me with disbelief, his gaze full of doubt.
"Well, that depends on how it goes," I shrugged, the smile still lingering on my face.
Kokichi was silent for a moment, mulling over my words, but I could see the flicker of concern in his eyes. He knew that my meeting with the higher-ups wouldn't end well. But perhaps that's exactly what was needed right now — to act without worrying about the consequences, no matter how heavy they might be. Because sometimes, the only way to right a wrong is to take on the challenge, no matter how risky it is.