"Sooo, what's the problem gramps?" He was staring her down in his office that she had gotten called into, like a naughty little child. Of course, like the child Naruko in fact was, she was swinging her legs while in the seat that was too big for her.
"You promised me you wouldn't do anymore Hide and Seek." She shrugged.
"Technically I didn't." He let out a sigh.
"Naruko, you can't enter restricted areas just because it was a Shadow Clone.
"Aah, but I didn't! Hashirama-senpai did!" His face twitched. 'C'mon, you know you want to ask.'
"Yes, I'm sure Hashirama-sama revived from the dead just to walk through an ANBU base." Naruko nodded her eye with a big smile.
"I'm glad you understand Gramps!" He stared for a moment before saying,
"I can't tell if I should be impressed or worried that I can't tell that you're lying." Her smile didn't even move, if anything it grew.
"But grampsss! I'm not lying, Hashirama-senpai did revive to walk through the ANBU base." He closed his eyes for a moment, his face showing the exhaustion he was going through.
"Right. Well, going beyond that, tomorrow I'll be making a Waterfall for you at your training grounds. You need it for Chakra Control, right?" She nodded.
"Yup! Plus it'll be good for whenever I get to the 2nd step of Wind Style." An eyebrow raised in response to that. "Oh, I haven't started on that, but that's what my Affinity is gramps, y'know!"
"Your affinity is wind?"
"Yup!"
"Yet you're training in Water Style."
"Yup!" He slowly nodded. 'Clearly, he understands my genius. Gramps can be smart sometimes!'
"I see. The final thing, in the future please don't try to scare the ANBU. They're there to protect you." In response, Naruko snorted.
"It's not my fault your ANBU are so green gramps! How can a Captain be that unsettled from just that bit of Killing Intent I leaked for only a second!" At that she let out a giggle, as if amused at the incompetence. Apparently, Gramps wasn't as he narrowed his eyes and leaned forward.
"Channeling the Kyuubi's Chakra as well as what other Jutsu you probably created to enhance it, isn't just simple 'Killing Intent' Naruko. That could have killed a civilian." She stopped smiling for a moment. 'Wasn't even a Jutsu, nor was it Kyuubi Chakra. Tch. Can't explain that though, can I? This sucks, y'know!'
"Alright, alright. But sheesh, I can tell you for a fact that Naga-chan can do wayyy worse." At this, he finally broke and once again slammed his head on the desk. Then did it again.
"Naruko. You can't call the leader of Amegakure 'Naga-chan'." A grin grew on her face.
"Just did gramps. Now is that it?" He slowly nodded.
"Indeed Naruko dear, now remember on your birthday tomorrow we'll be," *POP*. "I'm sure she remembered."
-Main body-
'Oh? My clone popped how annoying. She was supposed to leave normally! Tch, now I'm gonna have to do this on the fly.'
Rolling her eyes at the 'play' her ANBU had thought up, she slowly stood up, her slitted red eyes turning into blue. 'Mhm... not quite what I'd call 0-tails, but I got the eyes to change at will. The seal isn't affected at all either. Either that's a change, or it's because I'm in control, hard to tell.' Making a handseal the Naka Shrine's hidden room would open up and she'd step out of it. 'Now, where should I let them find me? Aah, I know! Old ANBU HQ. But first...' A grin would form on her face "Multi-Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
Six individual poofs of smoke would pop out. "Alright girls, you know what to do!" One of the Naruko's turned into a cat. One turned into Kakashi, with an accurate Icha Icha book in hand. A third turned into Hashirama. A fourth turned into a female-looking Asura. The fifth turned into a deer, and the sixth turned into what could only be called an 'eldritch abomination'. "Well, you all have fun." She strolled off intending to go to the 'totally secret' base that younger her had found when she was five. Aah, she truly was a little rascal!
She started humming, 'Wolves asleep amidst the trees, bat's all a-swaying in the breeze. But one soul lies anxious wide awake, fearing all manner of ghouls, hags, and wraiths. Captain o' Captain. Will today be your wake?'
-Cat Clone-
"Mirrrrrr." Staring down the ANBU that was blocking her from her prey, she'd leap between his legs, slash at his balls, snap up the mouse, and scurry down the alleyway. 'It won't be that easy!'
-Kakashi Clone-
Book held in both hands, he was kneeling in front of the Memorial Stone, tears streaming down his eyes. "Ta-taichou?!?"
Looking up with his one eye he'd sniff horrifically. "Yana-chan just died!" Crying even harder he finally managed to get out, "She's not here Leopard. Just me, and Yana-chan!" More tears streamed down his face, and in response Leopard hurriedly said,
"Yes, Taichou!" He left in a hurry after that.
"Maah, Naruko-chan that was quite cruel of you. What will people think of my reputation?" The dog at his feet said with a voice far deeper, and far smoother than a dog's voice should be.
"I don't know what you mean Pakkun. I'm Kakashi, and you're my summon, and it'll stay that way for the next few hours if you want me to use my puppy-dog eyes on Jiraiya."
"Of course, of course. It was a bit disappointing that he didn't realize that you 'forgot' I was here though. Hey, is that Icha Icha real?" Kakashi-Clone nodded, flipping a page before tears fell once more.
"Yana-chan, how could you DIE?!?"
-Hashirama Clone-
Staring down at the Coyote-Masked ANBU that was below her, she crossed her arms under her chest, with an imperious look. "My Grandaughter? Niece?"
"Great Grandniece." Coyote's voice was drier than the Sahara desert as she stared at her.
"Right. My Great Grandniece, you dare stand against me? Very well then! Wood Style: Wood Chip Jutsu!" She literally just threw a branch at Coyote. She caught it of course.
Then it exploded.
-Asura Clone-
"Who is this based on?" Raising an eyebrow as Danzo walked into the teahouse Asura regally waved a hand to the cushion across from her.
"Asura Senju. The Ancestor of all Senju." He purposefully raised an eyebrow before sitting down. "Not going to ask me how I know that?" He picked up a teacup before pouring himself some tea.
"Either Minato told you from inside the seal, or he or Kushina left you clan information." She slowly sipped at her tea, not answering so he wouldn't catch out on a lie - she wasn't good at controlling a henge as her real body after all.
"Reasonable answers. I'm surprised you know that I know about my parents."
"Of course. You display far too many traits akin to Minato not to be either purposefully or subconsciously mimicking him to either inspire awe or terrify others. Your sadism also runs far too close to Kushina's own brand of it." 'The Shadow of the Ninja World indeed... I didn't know that about mom though.' "What I am surprised about is you not running."
"There would be no point, you aren't Coyote." He nodded his head at that before taking another sip.
"Explain your reasoning?" There was a hint of curiosity, which of course she knew was there on purpose. The man was far too good of a true Shinobi to actually showcase any of his real emotions.
"Her Chakra Control is far too unrefined for a Shinobi of her caliber. Her chakra surges too much when she uses it breaking any form of chakra concealment. When she moves at top speed around the village she shows a lack of dexterity. Overall, she's coasting on Senju Genes and luckily awakening Wood Style. In all honestly, like most of the members who are recruited to ANBU blatantly are." 'That barrier situation was disgusting at the Chunin Exams in canon.' A touch of a smile graced Danzo's lips but he didn't respond for a minute or two before asking out of nowhere,
"How should she improve?" Asura took a long while to respond before finally saying,
"Seal most of her chakra, make her work her way up while in the village. Start from Leaf Concentration, Tree Walking, and Water Walking. Go onto Waterfall Walking, and then go into Water and Earth Style Exercises. End it with Wood Style Exercises, I'm sure there are enough people to think up what they should be. Train in some Yang Release as well."
"What if her level of prowess is a ruse?" She'd shrug.
"She'd be a useless ANBU if it wasn't. I guess the real question is, would one of the few remaining Senju in the village be allowed to be useless?"
"Interesting. I wonder, is this your real personality? Or another act?" A soft regal smile would appear on her face.
"The greatest lie is being honest." With that said she'd poof out of existence.
-Abomination Clone-
"No." A torrent of fire immediately incinerated her the second the ANBU laid eyes on her.
"You CAnT STOP mE." The abomination blurred off into a Shunshin at horrifying speed, its twenty eyes all slitted red.
-?????-
"Who let her see Kushina's journals after she met the AyBee Duo?" The smooth feminine voice filled with a hint of laughter was left unanswered. Letting out a chuckle she'd take a sip of her Sake.
-Kakashi Clone-
"This is kind of disappointing, to be honest." The dog on Kakashi-Clone's lap raised a brow. "I changed my henge an hour ago for the back of my flack jacket to have 'I'm a fake' on the back of them." The dog snorted.
"I know, my paw prints have been leaving 'Help me I'm a hostage.'" They fell into silence.
"How much do you want to bet that most of these ANBU have falsified missions by someone, but they don't know it, but have enough surface skills to work on most missions that don't require critical thinking?" The dog sighed.
"You really hate any ANBU that isn't a Captain?" Kakashi-Clone shrugged.
"Not all, just most of them. The Yondaime's Guardian Squad is good. So are Elephant and Cat. There are a few others as well, but I hate all of the newbies, yes. You should see how often I have clones just stand by them invisible and they don't notice. Their clearly Chunin level ninja that will never reach Jonin level besides maybe in one field."
The dog burrowed his head into his paws. He hummed. "That's why this is happening after all." Kakashi-clone raised an eyebrow.
"I'm surprised you know. I figured no one else realized it."
"Of course, it was quite obvious. Most of them either got greedy, lied in our faces, or were so arrogant they oversold their capabilities. Might as well use them for some free guard work while we pull out the rats."
"You know you're not supposed to be telling me this much?"
"Mind's Eye of Kagura is too invaluable in rooting out any spies in the future. Besides we both know you're only in the Academy because of the rules requiring age. All of the Captains realized you were hiding your skill the second you found the new HQ again." He did a little doggy shrug. Kakashi-Clone's eye narrowed. 'If all of the ANBU realized it then...' He pet the dog on the back before scratching his cute little chin. After saying that he'd stand up.
"Neko got on duty and instantly found us, y'know."
"Mhm... He'll probably be Captain after I retire from ANBU soon." 'Border Command? Kakashi is one of the Godaime Hokage candidates after all.'
"I still say you should just demote all the Captains to regular members, kick out most of the regular members, and only let S-class Shinobi be Captains."
"Maah, how hurtful Naruko-chan. You want me to be demoted?" She snorted as her henge broke from the earth now wrapping around her.
"Unlikely. I know you've gone on wartime training." The dog shifted into Kakashi Hatake and instantly had an eye smile.
"Maah. You're so smart Naruko-chan! So is my Kouhai." He ruffled her hair. In response? She exploded.
-Main Body-
"They're definitely worse than regular ANBU, y'know." Thumbing her chin Naruko would finish setting the last trap. "Now to watch the show... You got any popcorn old man?"
"I'm afraid not Naruko." She turned towards him with a pout.
"How cruel Gramps, I should report you to the Daimyo for unpaid child labor, y'know." In response, he chuckled.
"What if I took you shopping in our next meeting after your birthday?"
"Deal! I'm getting you to buy that orange nail polish this time, y'know!" A soft grandfatherly smile graced his face.
"Of course, it's only fair I pay you properly for your first mission."
-Flashback-
"Just did gramps. Now is that it?" He slowly nodded.
"Indeed Naruko dear, now remember-" their eyes met. She slowly nodded. 'Mission received, Hokage-Sama. Play Hide and Seek. Use Shadow Clones. Lead them to the old ANBU Base. Don't use offensive Jutsu, but piss them off as much as possible. Make them question their reality, and get them off balance. Figure out if ANBU Captain Boar is the actual Captain Boar. Never show your real body, any one of them might be there to assassinate me.'
His eyes gleamed with satisfaction.
-Main Body, Current Time-
"What did you do to them?" Gramps's voice was a mix of curiosity and horror.
"My cat clone mauled three of their balls and groped Parakeet. My Kakashi clone led 7 of them on a wild goose chase around the Village. My abomination clone I used some Killing Intent on them before growing a few hundred eyes. As for my Hashirama clone, I just threw tree branches at them until Coyote finally found me and my Asura clone did nothing." There was a bit of trepidation as Hiruzen asked,
"What about the deer clone?" Naruko went eerily silent.
"Don't ask."
"I see. Where did you get so much glitter by the way?"
"Sasuke owed me a favor and apparently his cousin liked to use it on non-lethal takedowns."
"Shisui was indeed quite fond of it..." He hummed a far-away look in his eyes.
"With how it sparkles and draws the eyes, he realized that if he could manage to imbue his Genjutsu into it practically everyone would fall for it, even if they knew not to look at it." They stayed silent after that. Even if she didn't know his fate, it would have been obvious by how he spoke about him.
An ANBU with a Fox Mask in the famous White Cloak indicating they where a Captain would appear beside Hiruzen for a few moments before disappearing.
After a few minutes, Naruko hesitantly asked, "Boar?" His face turned into a stone-cold mask.
"Dead." She didn't reply, her face turning somber.
Eventually, one of the ANBU came stumbling into the HQ glitter all across his body, tears in his outfit, and mask chipped. She stood up. "I'll be off now Gramps, I suppose you got the rest of your spies?" He nodded. A gleam of satisfaction mixed with sadness in his eyes.
"Indeed, thank you for the help Naruko." She grinned,
"No problem Gramps! Feel free to recruit me for some more Hide and Seek anytime!" She disappeared, showing that she too was in fact a clone.
-True Main Body-
Naruko blinked slightly. "It seems my time to leave is over Shikaku-sama. Thank you for offering your hospitality while I helped root out the traitors." He stretched while sitting groaning slightly.
"Of course. Not many people can play five-layer Shogi. As long as you don't act troublesome you can come by anytime." She nodded, a peaceful smile on her face. Not an insane one, a fake one, or a wide one. Just a small, peaceful smile.
"I'll do that. I should be off now. It's getting quite late, and if I don't get back to my apartment in time someone might stumble into my pit trap."
Standing up she smoothed out her Kimono before walking off. For indeed - the reality was that her Deer clone was the one in the ANBU base. She remembered well Kakashi's first teachings in the manga. Too always look underneath the underneath. Yet, it appeared as if no one else did. Not even Gramps. 'Good old subterfuge. But which of them knows that for some time my real body was in fact the Icha Icha book?' She began to contently hum at a job well done. 'Well, at least if I'm stuck in the village for most of the war, I'll be able to root out spies and corruption. Still, I can't believe that Boar was a traitor...' She sighed.