"Oh, goodness!" Fil gasped as she planted her hands on the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. "I can't believe I'm really doing it."
It was crazy of her to even say that to herself. After driving them together in Vincent's home, knowing they would do something crazy, it was ridiculous for her to realize that now.
'I should've agreed to do it right there and then!' she mentally screamed, because now she was getting all nervous. Fil swallowed a mouth, hearing her gulp echo in her ear. 'He was right. If I agreed immediately while the tension and impulse are high. I probably wouldn't feel so nervous.'
'Oh, Vincent…'
Just as Fil was suffering from an existential crisis at the decision she had made tonight, her best friend's voice suddenly rang in her mind. Her shaky and teary eyes slowly calmed down, looking at herself in the mirror.
"Why…" her lips quivered as tears pooled in the corner of her eyes. "... are you hesitating now?"
Her decision might be out of impulse; maybe, out of pain and determination to rebel. All her life, she had done everything she could to please people. She never broke the rules, studied hard, and did everything others wanted just to be the perfect daughter, girlfriend, and friend.
This rebellion was a break from that character.
'He said he liked the way I dressed, how I always look prim and proper, and how predictable I was…' she recalled, assessing herself from up and down.
Her dresses were all like this. A long dress with a long collar that reaches the bottom of her neck, its sleeves reached her elbow. Although her wavy hair hazel was now a letdown, it was originally tied in a clean, low bun. Unlike her best friend, Marianne, who followed the fashion trend, Fil often received strange looks with the way she dressed.
It didn't matter before, because this was what Vincent liked.
He was the only one she needed to please. As long as she was pretty in his eyes, what others thought of her sense of fashion was not important.
A proper lady.
"That is what he wants," she murmured to herself, recalling the haunting memory of her fiance and best friend doing the unspeakable. "But now, I realize that wasn't what he wanted."
What Vincent wanted was not a proper lady, but a foolish one. A woman who would live and breathe for him. Someone who would trust him blindly so he could fool around behind her back. He liked how predictable she was because that would make his cheating easier.
"Hah!" Fil clasped her chest as her tears streamed down her face, hand on the sink to keep herself from falling. "Predictable? Let's see if you can predict this."
Fil clenched her teeth, now overwhelmed with anger. Her eyes shone with malice, taking off her clothes angrily and throwing them to the side. Instead of just brushing her teeth, she stepped into the shower and cleaned herself from head to toe. As she did so, she didn't notice the scratches on her body while scrubbing her skin.
Why hesitate?
No matter how embarrassing the mere thought of standing bare in front of a stranger, that was the entire point of it. If Vincent and Marianne could do it behind her back, then she could as well. It might be foolish and it might be a loss for her in the end, but she didn't care anymore.
She simply wanted to forget.
And if surrendering her chastity would make her forget, then she would grab it in a heartbeat. Even for a night… she would do it. It was stupid, and it was an undeniable mistake as a result of an impulsive decision, but at least, for once, she would allow herself to make mistakes.
*
*
*
"That was a nice shower." Jackson felt at home, walking around in only a robe and a small towel to dry his hair. "I already spent a long time in the shower. I hope she finished whatever business she needed to do."
When he returned to the living area, he arched his right eyebrows. He slowly set his eyes on the open door of the master's bedroom, sniffing this faint scent that was coming from it. Slowly, he made his way to the master's bedroom to check if she was done.
A smile turned up on his face, leaning his side against the jamb of the door, and crossing his arms under his chest. "You showered too, huh?" he raised his brows knowingly, eyes on the woman sitting on the edge of the bed.
Just like him, Fil was only in a robe. The tip of her hair was still slightly damp.
"I'm… ready." Fil's voice cracked as she turned her head in his direction. "I won't make excuses anymore."
"Heh," Jackson smirked, peeling his side from the jamb and marching at her. When they were toe to toe, he cocked his head to the side. "So, brushing our teeth is merely an excuse?"
"No." She puffed her cheeks and slid her eyes to the corner. "I'm really worried about what your mouth touched before. I'm not judging, but it seems like you're the type."
He chuckled, offering his hand to her. Fil raised her brows as she slowly gazed at it. Looking up at him, she caught him raising his brows briefly. Thus, she clasped his hand and rose from her seat.
"How about now?" he asked. "I showered, brushed my teeth, and even scrubbed my body. Are you still worried about that?"
She shook her head. "Let's do it." Her eyes shone with determination, fighting off the nervousness that was resurfacing in her heart.
"You really have the talent to make things awkward for me," he remarked huskily, cupping her face and lowering his head.
As his face leaned closer to her, Fil shut her eyes and held her breath. She held her trembling fist on the side, standing frozen on the spot.
Jackson stopped. "Open your eyes," he whispered, watching her brows crease before her eyes cracked open. The moment she did, his tantalizing eyes instantly locked with hers. "Keep them open until you loosen up."
As soon as those words rolled out of his tongue, he leaned his face closer.
And then she felt it.
The softness of his lips against hers, his breath caressing her upper lips, and the faint mint flavor of his mouth. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her closer to deepen his kiss.
Fil clasped his shoulders tightly as her body pressed against him. His body was sturdy and its temperature seemed to rise. The hand that was initially cupping her face stretched down her neck, and strangely enough, she felt her body burning at his gentleness.
Unlike what she expected, his touch was much gentler. His careful movements made her feel like he was holding something so fragile it needed to be handled with care.
'So, this is what it felt like to be kissed,' she thought, closing her eyes ever so slowly. 'It feels… nice.'