DISCLAIMER: This chapter contains elements of torture. Reader discretion is advised.
The ape saw the change in my expression and fear grew in its heart. With a sadistic grin, I grabbed the defenseless ape's jaw and ripped it clean off, discarding it in the snow to my side. This wasn't enough to kill it, no, I wanted it to suffer like the people it had brutalized and killed. The ape made a garbled scream before coughing on its blood.
I walked over to one of the ape's limp hands, grabbed the pinky finger, waited until the ape was looking at me, and then dislocated it joint by joint. No, it wasn't just dislocated, I had torn the connective tissue as well. The ape renewed his screams. I glided skillfully from joint to joint, dislocating them and tearing the tendons. From the pinky to the index finger and finally the thumb, then proceeding to the wrist and up the arm, then repeating the process on the other arm. I moved at a methodical pace, allowing the ape to get used to the new pain before applying more. The ape may get free of the temporary paralysis I inflicted on it, but it would be in too much pain to do anything.
By the time, I had reached the last little toe, the ape had given up on screaming and was simply sobbing, of course, the dislocated ribs may have played a role in its decision to stop screaming. The appetizer was complete, now it was time for the main course. I giggled, but the look on my face was far from funny. The grin on my face, and my bloodshot eyes, were far past rage. They had crossed the spectrum into madness. I scooped the ape's eyes out with a dagger. The screams returned. Before I wanted it to see the pain it was about to receive, now it would be blind and fear of the unknown would be mixed with the pain. By now the ape had passed out a couple of times, I kept it awake with a wisp of qi sent to its mind.
Next, I slammed my palm into its ribs, shattering them and sending shards to puncture the lungs. I was on a timer now, but the ape would soon be dead anyway. I began thinking of the torture I was about to unleash and heard a whimper behind me. The whimper was like an ice bath on my wrath-filled brain. I turned and saw Rosie shivering on the ground, paws covering her face.
Rosie was shivering and whimpering and then suddenly she would snarl and bite at the air before returning to shivering and whimpering. She was been affected by my wrath. It was my heart that protected Rosie from the corruptive influence other demonic beasts succumbed to. But right now my rage-filled heart was far more corruptive than her demonic bloodline. I cut off our connection immediately. It was a temporary solution. Rosie was still struggling, she had already taken far too large a dose of my corruption.
I dispatched the distraction by stabbing my hand into his waist and pulling out his beast core. Normally a beast core nourishes the beast's body. However, since the ape's core had been removed and he was still alive, a reverse effect occurred. The ape's qi began being pulled towards the core, worse its muscles and organs were withering and being converted into qi as well. Given the circumstances, it was the most miserable death I could give the ape. I needed to help Rosie.
I already knew how to help Rosie, the problem was doing it. I needed to reconnect with Rosie, but I needed to do so with positive emotions. My thoughts were still filled with hate and anger. It wasn't something I could just turn off now that it had been unleashed, even with the death of the ape. If anything the suffering Rosie was going through, made me more angry.
I couldn't calm my emotions anytime soon so what could I do? Could I simulate a positive emotion instead? My thoughts turned to when I had been driving long hours in my previous life and started falling asleep at the wheel. Back then my solution was to simulate fear or anger, which would give me a kick of adrenaline. You may be thinking, that I was conjuring scary or hateful images to trigger the emotion, but no. My method was much much more direct than that. I had memorized the feelings of fear and anger and could simulate the biological response directly.
Conjuring images was too slow. Rosie needed help now. So could I simulate a positive feeling instead? I hadn't memorized those feelings. I hadn't experienced enough of them. Wait, was that true? Maybe in my past life. In this life, I had a loving family. Aside from the pain of my cultivation, this life has been nothing, but positive. Every night I snuggled up with Rosie and and Vivi. There was that warm peaceful feeling, and not from being squeezed between two literal heaters. That warm feeling made the soul feel unburdened. I did know that feeling. Now to simulate it.
I imagined the stress in my shoulders being relieved and a warm feeling in my heart, I imagined my thoughts becoming more ordered and peaceful. My rage dissipated. It worked! Now I could focus on my genuine feeling of love for Rosie. I restored the connection between me and her as I held her trembling form, not minding the occasional snarl. The restored connection hit my heart like a hammer. I began feeling Rosie's fear, her worry, her uncertainty. All of this was trying to turn into a mindless rage that Rosie was resisting. My own anger was almost rekindled, and I quickly began simulating the feelings of love and happiness again.
For the next hour, an invisible battle of emotions raged. Simulating emotions was not an easy task. I wasn't really feeling the emotions; my true emotion was worry. I was burning through endorphins my body didn't have. Back when I used the trick to forcefully use my body's adrenaline, it would cause a searing pain near my heart. It may have even been a contributor to my eventual heart attack. And I never used that continuously. As I maintained this simulation of happiness, a deep mental exhaustion was setting in. As the battle of hearts continued, I tried to focus as much as possible on kindling the genuine feelings of love and happiness, a difficult task in this situation.
Gradually my efforts paid off and the fear and anxiety in Rosie's heart began to subside while my simulated happiness began to dominate. Her snarls quieted and her trembling became less severe. My worry was finally appeased and changed instead to the genuine emotion of love. The remaining negative feelings were rapidly purged. The crisis had passed and Rosie had fallen asleep in my arms.
I cuddled Rosie for a few minutes while recharging a bit. But I couldn't cuddle her long. I placed her in a sling carrier I had gotten, knowing that Rosie was a pampered princess who didn't like to walk far. Then I got to work. I placed the human corpses in the back of the carriage, what was left of them anyway. I couldn't leave them here like this. I grasped the arms of the carriage and began the long journey back to town.
I had a problem. My thoughts turned to the anger I had just experienced. That was practically poison to Rosie. I didn't feel in control when that rage possessed me. Yeah, I wanted that ape to suffer for what it had done, but the torture I had just committed with my own hands, was too far! Why did I do it? Why did I know how to do it? It was like an incarnation of pure rage had possessed me. And despite the strong feelings, every move I made was calm, cold, and calculated. It wasn't normal.
Why did it suddenly occur now? Wait was this the only time? I recalled when I lost control while fighting Rosie's mom. No this wasn't the only time. So what triggered it? Strong feelings of anger. Both times I had gotten angry on my own before being possessed. And it wasn't just any anger, if Li Kai annoyed me, I didn't suddenly turn into a little rage machine. So to avoid triggering this, I would have to avoid getting exceedingly angry. I don't think I have that kind of control.
I decided to check my system for hints. I found two new entries. One was the skill I utilized to save Rosie.
EMOTIONAL MASTERY LVL MAX
The system had to be mocking me. I knew very well this wasn't true emotional mastery. It was a sham. If I had true mastery, then I wouldn't be so worried about this anger management problem. The other entry appeared to be my problem child, but it didn't tell me much.
S
It was my first and only ability, but the system appeared to have trouble interpreting it. The only semi-clear word was "wrath." I already knew that was the problem, but what was the solution? I don't think I'll get an answer until the system interprets the rest. I'd just have to try to remain calm until then and cut off Rosie if I sensed that I was losing control.
I stopped walking a few miles away from where ... where I tortured the ape. I had to be honest with myself. No matter what ability was influencing me, I had wanted that. Some part of me was beyond sadistic. I had to either confront that or embrace it. There was no avoiding it. I set the carriage down. Then set up camp.
I took a moment to look at my bloodstained hands and robes, none of it was mine. I engraved the sight and smell into my memory before cleaning up and changing my robes. Rosie didn't wake up until dinner was ready. A little trauma wasn't going to keep her from a delicious roast.
I apologized to Rosie until she was sick of hearing it, which was the first time. She was smart enough to know I didn't mean to harm her and barked at me to shut up before curling up in my lap to be fed like royalty. She forgave me, but since I was feeling guilty, she may as well take advantage of it.