Author's Note by penola.s:
Hey everyone! Thank you for joining me on this journey with Anaya and Rudra. This chapter dives deep into the emotional struggles they face in their secret marriage, highlighting their desire for connection amid the challenges of their circumstances. Anaya's determination to break through Rudra's walls showcases her strength and resilience. I hope you feel the tension and vulnerability in their interactions as they navigate this complicated relationship. Your support means the world to me!
Until meet tomorrow!.🎀
PENOLA.S
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__________AUTHOR POV :~~~
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Anaya stood in front of the large window in her room, gazing out at the night sky, the cool breeze brushing against her skin. The stars twinkled like distant hopes, yet they offered her no comfort. It had been a month since her secret marriage to Rudra Singhaniya, a month of shared spaces yet separate lives. They both understood why their marriage had to remain hidden—business, family reputations, the lurking dangers of Rudra's powerful enemies—but knowing the reasons didn't lessen the emotional distance that seemed to grow with each passing day.
Anaya sighed, feeling the weight of her solitude. Was it only the business keeping Rudra away? Their agreement to avoid emotional entanglement felt increasingly hollow. Each moment spent together felt like a missed opportunity for connection. The warmth of his presence did little to chase away the chill in her heart.
She reached for her phone, its screen lighting up in the dim room. A message from Ria, her best friend, blinked at her.
Ria: Anaya, are you okay? You've been quiet lately.
Anaya typed a quick reply. "I'm fine, Ria. Just tired." She didn't want to worry her friend, but the truth was she felt exhausted—not just physically, but emotionally. The constant pretending, the silent meals, the unasked questions weighed heavily on her.
Placing her phone down, she took a deep breath and turned back to the room. It was a comfortable space, but tonight it felt more like a cage. The walls echoed with unspoken words, a reminder of what lay between her and Rudra.
The door creaked open, and Rudra stepped inside. He was clad in his usual dark attire, his sharp features illuminated by the faint light of his laptop. He moved purposefully toward his desk, his back turned to her, immersing himself in work as if it were a shield against the world.
Anaya's heart raced. Maybe tonight was the night to break the silence.
"Rudra," she called softly, trying to keep her voice steady.
He paused, then glanced over his shoulder. "What is it?" His tone was clipped, as though her presence was an inconvenience.
Her heart sank at the coldness in his expression. "Are you working all night?" she asked, her voice cracking slightly.
"Yes," he replied curtly, turning back to his screen. The air between them thickened with tension, and Anaya felt a familiar sting of rejection.
Desperate to bridge the growing chasm, she forced herself to continue. "You've been working a lot lately. Maybe you should take a break?"
Rudra didn't respond. Instead, he focused intently on his work, fingers flying across the keyboard, seemingly oblivious to her presence. Anaya pressed her lips together, frustration bubbling beneath her calm exterior.
As the silence stretched on, she felt the weight of her loneliness. She turned toward the balcony, where she had placed the book she borrowed from the library. With a sigh, she picked it up, hoping to escape into its pages. But even as she opened it, her mind drifted back to Rudra, who remained ensconced in his work.
Outside, the night air was refreshing, but it couldn't compete with the turmoil inside her. She sank into a chair on the balcony, trying to read, but the words blurred as her thoughts spiraled. Why did he always push her away?
After some time, the gentle breeze whispered around her, but the chill didn't reach her heart. Instead, it felt heavy and trapped in a web of confusion and desire for connection.
The soft clicking of Rudra's keyboard punctuated the silence, a reminder of the life he was immersed in while she felt so detached. She closed her book, frustration boiling over. Was this really all there was to their relationship? Two people sharing the same space yet drifting further apart?
With a resolve to confront the situation, Anaya stood and walked back inside. The cold air was stark as she stepped back into the warmth of their room. Rudra was still hunched over his desk, his face lit by the glow of the screen, the lines of stress etched deeply into his features.
"Rudra," she said again, this time with more determination. "We need to talk."
He paused, finally looking up, surprise flickering in his dark eyes. "About what?"
"About us," she replied, her heart racing. "About this marriage. About why we're acting like strangers." I mean... We are strangers yet we are.!
In this moment, Anaya's expression reflects a mix of determination and vulnerability. Her heart races, but she stands her ground, showing courage in the face of Rudra's resistance. As she steps closer, her eyes convey both urgency and sincerity, signaling her deep desire for connection.
Anaya's behavior is assertive yet measured; she speaks firmly, challenging the emotional distance between them without raising her voice. Her willingness to confront the reality of their marriage indicates her growth—she is no longer the timid wife but a woman ready to demand the intimacy they both lack. Her frustration with their situation is palpable, and she refuses to accept a mere transactional relationship, emphasizing her need for a genuine partnership. Overall, Anaya embodies resilience and hope, eager to bridge the gap that separates them.
Rudra's expression hardened, walls rising again. "We have reasons for this arrangement, Anaya. You know that."
"I do know," she said, taking a step closer. "But that doesn't mean we have to ignore each other. This is supposed to be a partnership, but it feels more like a business transaction."
He sighed, running a hand through his hair, the tension in the room palpable. "It's complicated."
"Complicated how?" Anaya pressed, her voice firm. "We agreed to keep things professional, but you don't have to shut me out. You're not just a businessman; you're a person. I want to know you, Rudra."
His gaze faltered, and for a fleeting moment, she thought she saw a glimmer of vulnerability. But it vanished as quickly as it appeared, replaced by the cold mask he wore so well. "You don't understand the risks involved. Keeping this marriage a secret protects you—protects us."
"Protects us from what?" she shot back. "From feelings? From connection? I'm tired of living in this shadow of silence. You can't keep pushing me away."
Rudra's jaw tightened, and he turned back to his desk, a clear dismissal. "I have work to do."
Anaya felt her heart sink, but she refused to back down. "This isn't just about work, Rudra. This is about us. You keep saying it's for protection, but it feels like you're the one hiding."
"I'm not hiding," he snapped, turning to face her, frustration boiling over. "I'm protecting what matters. I have responsibilities you don't understand. You think you can just waltz in and fix everything with words, but it's not that simple."
"Then help me understand!" Anaya pleaded, stepping closer. "I wont to be part of your life with forced on you, not just a footnote in your business dealings. If we're in this together, we need to share more than just a contract. " — If you let me?.
The air between them crackled with unspoken tension. Rudra's eyes flashed with something—anger, pain, fear? Anaya couldn't tell. But he looked like a man caught in a storm of his own making, trapped between duty and desire.
"I can't," he finally whispered, his voice strained. "You don't know what I'm facing. The people I deal with... they won't hesitate to use you against me. Keeping you at arm's length is the only way to protect you."
"By shutting me out?" Anaya countered, her voice trembling. "Is that really the only way?"
Rudra's expression softened for a moment, and Anaya felt a flicker of hope. But he quickly masked it, his features hardening again. "It's for your safety, Anaya. I can't risk your life because of my choices."
"Your choices?" she echoed, frustration bubbling to the surface. "What about my choices? I didn't ask for this arrangement either, but here we are. I want to be more than just your shield. I want to know you—your fears, your hopes, your dreams."
Rudra's silence spoke volumes. He seemed to be wrestling with himself, the tension in his shoulders hinting at the internal struggle he faced.
"I can't let you in," he finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's too dangerous."
Anaya felt a pang in her chest. "But you're isolating yourself. You're isolating us. This isn't living, Rudra. It's survival."
The air grew thick with the weight of their emotions. Anaya took a deep breath, steadying herself. "I don't want to be a pawn in your game. I want to be your partner. If we're going to do this, we need to do it together."
Rudra's gaze met hers, and for a brief moment, the distance between them felt smaller. She could see the battle waging within him—conflict between duty and desire, fear and hope.
"Please," she urged, her voice softening. "Let me in. Let me help you carry this weight."
He stared at her, and she held her breath, waiting for his response. Finally, he sighed, running a hand over his face, the tension seeming to ebb slightly.
"I don't know how," he admitted quietly. "I've always handled everything alone. I've never allowed anyone to get this close."
"Then let's figure it out together," Anaya said, her heart pounding. "We can take it one step at a time. Just... let me in, even a little. I promise I won't push you beyond what you're comfortable with."
Rudra's gaze lingered on her, uncertainty written all over his face. "You might regret it."
Anaya took a step closer, her heart racing. "I won't. I want to be here for you, Rudra. I want to understand."
The silence that followed felt different—charged with possibility. Rudra looked away, the walls around his heart seemingly beginning to crack.
"Okay," he said finally, his voice low and as Anaya lay in bed, the familiar sounds of Rudra's typing filled the room, a constant reminder of the chasm that seemed to grow deeper between them. The clock on the wall ticked rhythmically, each second amplifying her loneliness. She stared at the ceiling, thoughts racing, her heart heavy with questions that seemed to hang in the air, unanswered.
Rudra's dedication to work was admirable, but she couldn't help but feel that it was also a barrier. He was a man consumed by duty, his sense of responsibility overshadowing everything else, including the fragile relationship they were trying to navigate.
In moments of silence, Anaya often replayed the earlier conversations in her mind. Each interaction felt like an attempt to reach out, only to be met with coldness. The agreement they had—a marriage built on necessity rather than love—was constantly at odds with her growing desire for connection.
The Next Morning—
Sunlight filtered through the curtains, illuminating the room with a soft glow. Anaya awoke to find Rudra already at his desk, deep in thought. The laptop screen reflected on his face, accentuating the tension in his brow.
"Good morning," she said softly, hoping to break through the morning silence.
"Morning," he replied, still focused on the screen, his voice devoid of warmth.
Anaya felt the weight of the previous night settle heavily on her shoulders. She pushed herself to sit up, determined to make today different. "Do you want breakfast? I can make something."
Rudra finally looked at her, and for a fleeting moment, she thought she saw a hint of appreciation in his eyes. "I'll grab something later. I need to finish this first."
His gaze returned to the screen, and Anaya felt the familiar disappointment wash over her. She got up and made her way to the kitchen, trying to suppress the nagging feeling that their marriage was slipping further away from her grasp.
As she prepared breakfast, the sounds of sizzling filled the air, but her thoughts remained focused on Rudra. She needed to reach him.
After a while, she plated some eggs and toast and carried it back to their room. "Here," she said, placing the plate on his desk.
Rudra looked up, surprise flickering across his face. "I told you I wasn't hungry."
"You might not be, but you need to eat," she insisted. "You can't keep running on empty."
He hesitated, then glanced at the food. "Fine," he muttered, taking a bite.
Anaya watched him, a sense of triumph filling her chest. Small victories mattered. Maybe this was the start of breaking down some walls.
Later That Day—
After breakfast, Rudra resumed his work while Anaya decided to go for a walk around the estate. The gardens were beautiful, a stark contrast to the turmoil in her heart. As she walked among the blooming flowers, she thought about her friends, the vibrant laughter and carefree moments they shared. She missed that part of her life.
Her phone buzzed again, pulling her from her thoughts. It was Ria.
Ria: "Hey! Want to grab coffee later? I haven't seen you in ages!"
Anaya felt a wave of longing. She typed back quickly. "Yes! I'd love that. Let's meet at our usual place."
Feeling a sense of excitement, she decided to change into something more casual before heading out. She wanted to enjoy this time with Ria and perhaps clear her mind of all the stress surrounding her marriage.
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Later that evening, Anaya returned home, her heart lighter but still burdened with the weight of unspoken words. She found Rudra at his desk once more, the laptop illuminating his features in the dim light.
"Hey," she said, trying to sound upbeat.
"Back already?" he asked, barely glancing up.
"I went out with Ria. We had a great time," she replied, hoping to spark his interest.
"Good for you," he said, his tone still flat.
Anaya's heart sank. "Rudra, can we talk?"
He looked up, surprise evident in his eyes. "About what?"
"I just… I feel like there's so much between us that we're not saying. I want us to communicate more, to be a team."
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Anaya, we have our reasons for keeping things as they are. It's safer this way."
"Safer for whom?" she pressed. "You keep saying that, but it feels like I'm the only one bearing the weight of this secrecy. I want to know you, Rudra, not just the businessman."
Rudra's jaw tightened, and Anaya felt a chill settle in the air. "This isn't about emotions; it's about security and responsibility."
"I understand that," she said softly, trying to keep her tone calm. "But can't we at least try to share this burden together?"
He looked away, clearly struggling with her words. For a moment, Anaya thought he might relent, but then he shook his head, the walls going back up. "I need to focus. We'll talk later."
Anaya felt the familiar sting of rejection. "Fine," she said, turning away.
She left the room, feeling lost once again. How could she break through his defenses when he refused to let her in?
A Sleepless Night —
Lying in bed, Anaya stared at the ceiling, thoughts racing. The night felt heavy with silence, and she missed the connection they once had, however fleeting it had been. She wanted to scream, to shake Rudra out of his self-imposed isolation, but she also understood that forcing him wouldn't help.
Sleep eluded her, and she got up, deciding to wander to the balcony. The night sky was clear, stars twinkling like tiny diamonds. Anaya leaned against the railing, taking a deep breath.
Maybe she needed to give Rudra space, but the thought made her heart ache. Their marriage was supposed to be a partnership, yet it felt like she was on one side of an invisible wall while he stood behind another.
Suddenly, she heard footsteps behind her. Rudra stepped onto the balcony, his expression softening for a moment when he saw her.
"Can't sleep?" he asked quietly.
"No," she admitted. "I was just thinking."
"About what?" he probed, his curiosity piqued.
"Us. This… distance between us," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I just want to understand you, Rudra."
He leaned against the railing next to her, looking out into the night. For a moment, they stood in silence, the weight of unspoken words hanging in the air.
"It's complicated," he finally said, his voice low.
"Complicated how?" she pressed gently.
Rudra turned to her, the vulnerability in his eyes catching her off guard. "I don't want to drag you into my world, Anaya. It's dangerous."
"Then let me choose," she replied, her heart racing. "Let me decide what I can handle. I'm not afraid of your world. I want to be by your side."
He looked away, conflicted. "You don't understand."
"Help me understand," she urged, taking a step closer. "Let me in."
For the first time, she saw the flicker of something in his eyes—fear, uncertainty, and perhaps even a hint of longing. But just as quickly, it faded.
"I can't," he said, his voice steady but pained.
The rejection hit her like a physical blow. She stepped back, feeling the familiar distance envelop her once more. "Then I don't know how to do this, Rudra."
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's not that simple. I'm trying to protect you."
"But what about what I want?" Anaya countered, her voice rising slightly. "I want to be a part of your life, not just a secret."
Silence fell between them again, heavy and suffocating. Anaya's heart raced, the tension palpable.
Finally, Rudra spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'll think about it."
"Please do," Anaya said, a glimmer of hope sparking inside her. "Because I can't keep living in this silence."
##To be continue...**