You bow, you die. You bow, you die. You bow, you die.
Walking through the night, Belili repeated Master Jas'ar's words in her head like a chant. To succeed on the path of the magus, she had to overcome everything she had ever learned as a slave. It was the last advice he had given her. And the only one. Then he had spoken some words in a language she didn't know, handed her his staff, and sent her on her way.
Reaching the foot of a little rise, she stopped and looked back. Several hundred paces behind her, she could see the main camp's fires as little flickers of light. Over there Saras and everybody she knew would be huddled together, trying to find some sleep.
She felt alone.
Belili hadn't felt like this since her mother's death. Back then she had been much younger but she still remembered the cold emptiness in her belly. Hesitation and doubt well up in her, she forced herself to turn away.
Hiking up the slope, she held on to the staff with both hands, careful not to touch the carvings on its upper third. At first, she had been afraid to take it but now the weight of the solid wood gave her a little comfort.
Silly, she thought. As if I could stop anything, swinging the staff around. She had neither the skill nor the strength to wield it to defend herself. But having it with her made her feel like the magus was by her side. And why does that make me feel better when everybody else is afraid of him?
Belili carefully placed one foot in front of the other. Having been sent off without a light, she only had the stars to find her way over the uneven ground.
When a stone gave way under her foot, her right leg slid out from under her and she fell forward. Taking one hand of the staff, she managed to catch herself but lost some skin on her hand and knees.
What am I doing here? She thought, gritting her teeth against the biting pain. I scold Saras for his foolish dream. What would he say if he saw me stumbling through the night? And all on the word of a man she had known for only a single day.
All her life, Belili had been good. She completed all her tasks diligently and was scarcely ever punished. And when it happened it was usually Ninkar striking out in a temper. In general, she tried to stay out of the way of the adults. The other women had explained the fate of a female slave to her early on and she never had any illusions about her future. The only thing she had prayed for was to not be separated from Saras. But she knew, as they grew older it became more likely that one of them might be sold.
Taking a deep breath, Belili pushed herself back to her feet. She couldn't say what it was, that drove her forward. Something changed, she thought. And I need to understand it. I must.
Master Jas'ar's confusing explanations hadn't helped. If anything, they had given her more questions the magus hadn't been willing to answer. Instead, he had offered her a challenge – a challenge that might be her end if she failed.
The obedient slave girl Belili had been all her life would have run from it without hesitation. She never had any dreams - any ambitions.
The person reaching the top of the rise with scraped knees, carrying a magus' staff that was way too long for her, was somebody she barely recognized.
Looking around she could only see different shades of black and grey and the countless stars above.
Down there should be fine, Belili thought. A nice even space. When she asked the magus why she had to walk so far away, he said he was tired and didn't want his sleep to be interrupted.
Slithering down the slope on the other side, she stumbled a couple of times but managed to reach the foot of the rise without falling. She walked a couple of steps, testing the ground with the butt of the staff. It was hard earth but with a little pressure, the staff's butt broke the surface, leaving a line.
Following the magus' instructions, she began to draw a circle wide enough that she could sit in it without the staff reaching over the edge. It wasn't easy to draw a circle of size evenly in the dark but Belili did her best, orientating herself on the larger rocks lying around here and there.
When she was done, she stepped inside and began shuffling along the line, scratching symbols into the earth. Master Jas'ar had drawn them into the sand for her, explaining that they would fortify the circle, protecting her. I was afraid I would not remember but this is actually quite easy.
And then she was done.
All preparations had been made and it was time to begin with the dangerous part. I should go back, she thought. I could wipe out the circle, run back, and find someplace to hide and sleep until the morning. Tomorrow, I tell Master Jas'ar that I failed. That nothing happened.
But then she would never know.
Belili walked to the middle of the circle and took a seat, crossing her legs. She placed the staff in her lab and started to speak the words the magus had given her.
"Insu, great goddess, protector of the herds, I call on thee. I call on thee in the name of Jas'ar of the Circle of Nemki."
For a long moment, Belili just set there, frozen in place. Too afraid to move, only her eyes jumped right and left, searching the darkness.
Nothing. The darkness, the silence of night, and the stars above – nothing had changed.
Maybe nothing was going to happen? Maybe she wasn't meant for this? Slowly a feeling of relief spread inside her stomach.
I called on a goddess, she thought. Not in prayer. I summoned her to appear in front of me. Who am I to do such a mad thing? Not even Saras would try such a thing. She hesitated. Well, maybe Saras would.
Then Master Jas'ar's instructions came back to her. He had warned her, it may take a while. Belili was to repeat the words three or four times and wait.
She swallowed.
Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. "Insu, great goddess, protector of the herds, I call on thee. I call on thee in the name of Jas'ar of the Circle of Nemki." She repeated the words another three times. When it was done, she just sat there and waited.
Time passed by. Had it already been an hour? Belili found it hard to tell.
Again, she felt a flicker of hope. Maybe nothing is going to happen? She thought. But what do I do then? Master Jas'ar hadn't given her any instructions for that eventuality. What if she left the circle and then something appeared? I could wait till right before dawn.
Zabu wanted to leave before the first light, so she would have to run.
Distracted by her thoughts it took her a while to notice the distant tapping noise.
Belili strained her eyes, peering into the darkness. Is that a hoofbeat? Walking next to a horse all day, she found the sound familiar, if a little heavier.
Fear crept back into her. In the darkness and so far away from camp, she would be a helpless prey. She would never be able to outrun a wild beast.
As the sound drew closer, she was able to identify the direction it was coming from. The rhythm was slow and even. Whatever it was that walked toward her, it wasn't in a hurry.
Eventually, a shadow began to stand out against the darkness. The beast was four-legged. It didn't stand as high as a horse but was much broader in the shoulders.
This close, Belili could hear it huff from now and then.
Less than a stone-throw away, the beast stopped. The shadow began to wobble and contort until it eventually settled into the outline of a human.
'Why did you call me here so far away from my herds?'
Belili held her breath. The voice had come from inside her head. It was similar to the time she had touched the carvings on the staff but back then the voices had flooded into her head from all sides, drowning out her own thoughts. This was just a single clear voice. The beautiful voice of a woman.
The figure walked slowly toward her.
'Answer me, you impertinent fool!'
"Yes," Belili said hastily.
'Who are you? Damn, I cannot see anything. A little light if you will!'
Suddenly, the glow of several stars above seemed to intensify, bathing Belili in a dim bluish light, making her squint.
Protecting her eyes with her hand, she was able to make out a woman wearing a wide dress in vibrant colors. A long headscarf fell over her shoulders and golden jewelry adorned her neck and naked arms.
Spotting Belili, the woman paused for a heartbeat. Then she picked up her dress and hurried toward her at twice the speed. Reaching the edge of the circle she pointed down at Belili. "Who are you?"
The force in her voice made Belili shrink back. She immediately lowered her head, not daring to meet the woman's eyes.
"Speak!"
"I…I am Belili."
"You summoned me?"
Having been a slave all her life, Belili could hear the raised eyebrows in the woman's tone without having to look up. She kept her eyes on the ground. "Yes."
"Where is that bastard?" the woman asked.
Gathering her courage, Belili hesitantly raised her head just enough to peer up at the stranger. Her eyes were slowly adjusting to the unnaturally starlight.
Above her loomed the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. Tall, with long black hair, dark eyes, and a perfect figure even the elaborate dress couldn't hide. It was impossible to guess her age. While her face wasn't blemished by a single line or wrinkle, her eyes had the weight that came with the maturity of age.
A shiver ran through Belili.
"Close your mouth girl," the woman said, looking around. "I recognize that staff. Is the greedy fool dead?"
"I…" Belili broke off, her voice shaking too much. Her instinct pushed her to lower her gaze, but she was afraid this might anger the woman too.
"Goddess Insu…" Belili's voice broke and a moment of silence followed.
"…are you asking?" The tone in the goddess's voice hinted at danger and Belili quickly lowered her eyes again.
Insu began to slowly walk along the line of the circle. "Is Jas'ar making fun of me? Calling me away from my herds in the middle of the night. He shall pay me tenfold for every single beast that falls to the wolves while I am absent."
Talking mostly to herself, some of the pressure the goddess seemed to radiate fell away and Belili had a moment to gather herself. Hearing the magus' name had reminded her of his instructions. You bow, you die, she thought, recalling the point he had emphasized the most. Gods didn't like to be summoned or bargained with by lower beings. It was demeaning to them. To survive Belili had to be strong and firm.
"I am Belili," she said, mobilizing all her strength. "Master Jas'ar sent me to call on you, great goddess Insu, protector of the herds."
Insu stood slightly turned away as if she had lost interest in the girl sitting in the circle. Now looking sight ways down at Belili, her gaze carried disdain.
Feeling herself wilt, Belili closed her eyes and focused on her instructions. "The great goddess…owes master Jas'ar three favors. He wants to exchange one of them for a protective blessing." Afraid to falter, Belili had rushed out the words as quickly as she could. Waiting for the answer, she held her breath.
Did I do it right? She went over the words one more time in her mind. "For me. The blessing is for me," she blurted out, horrified.
The goddess raised her eyebrows. "Yes. Who else is here?" She waved her hand in an elegant gesture that encompassed their surroundings. "Where is he? Where is your master, little mortal?"
Belili hesitated. Master Jas'ar hadn't prepared her for this question. He only said to be strong and firm and to insist on the bargain. Here sitting under the goddess' eyes those words seemed ridiculous.
"The master could not come," she said, carefully. "He sent me."
Insu tilted her head. "He could not come to see me in person. And so, he sent you instead. And who," her voice enunciated every word, "are you, girl?"
Belili felt her throat dry up. "I am Belili."
"And who is Belili?" Insu asked, her tone growing an edge.
The pressure of her presence – her attention - was back, pressing down on Belili several times heavier than before.
Something in Belili gave way. "A slave," she whispered.
"Speak up!"
"A…a slave from Zabu's farm," Belili said.
The goddess whirled around facing her, eyes suddenly glittering with anger. "He dares to call me far away from my herds in the middle of the night and does not deem it necessary to be here in person but instead sends a slave clad in rags. Where is he? Where is that shameless man?"
"He is…" Somehow Belili managed to stop herself. Maybe her dry mouth helped, buying her an extra heartbeat to think – to gather a little bit of will. You cannot say, she thought. Master Jas'ar was asleep and he was hurt. What would happen when the goddess attacked him in this vulnerable state?
"Answer me!" The goddess's eyes began to change. From one heartbeat to the next, the dark pupils disappeared and the white started to shine.
Simultaneously, the unnatural starlight grew brighter and brighter. The pressure was so great, that tears welled up in Belili's eyes.
You cannot.
Belili threw herself on the ground, the staff rolling to the side. Cowering on all forth before Insu, she made herself as small as she could.
She felt like the very young orphan again, cowering in the corner of the kitchen before a raging Ninkar. Only this time Saras wouldn't console her afterward and hug her until she fell asleep. This time she was going to die. Alone and far away from anybody she knew, she would be stomped on by something so much greater than herself. Why did I come out here? Why did I do this? She thought. I am nothing. Nobody.
Shaking in fear, she pressed her forehead against the ground and waited for her punishment.
"Ah!"
The shout was colored more by surprise than pain.
"What the…," Insu said, irritation mixing with the anger. "It seems that man took precautions."
There was a pause only filled by the silent rustling of cloth accompanying the goddess' movements.
Belili didn't move. She couldn't.
Eventually, she heard footsteps walking away and the feeling of pressure on her disappeared. Even with her eyelids pressed shut, Belili noticed when the light around her winked out.
'Tell him I shall not forget this insult,' Inu said in her head, causing a cold shiver to run down Belili's spine.
Then she was alone again.
The pressure of the goddess's presence, the light – all was gone as if it had never been there in the first place.
Slowly, Belili dared to raise her head just enough to glance to the side. The starlight had destroyed her night vision for the moment and it was hard to make out anything in the darkness. Carefully turning her head a little more, her eyes were drawn to a small glimmer of light.
An arm's length away lay the staff, partially agleam with the amber glow of one of the symbols. Up close, it looked as if the lines were burning into the wood, a tiny column of smoke rising into the darkness.
It looked the same as it had in the courtyard when Master Jas'ar had called forth his powers to strike at the chariot.
Watching the glow grow weaker, Belili realized what Insu had referred to – what had stopped the goddess from killing her. He protected me, she thought, tears welling up in her eyes. As the glow slowly died, she began to sob.