Shit...!!! Shit...!!! Shit... !!!
I cursed myself in my head.
You can't even control your emotions!!! Hell....!!!
I closed the door slowly and rubbed my temple in frustration.
What Shivi would be thinking about me!!!! FUCKKKK!!
But this bloody emotions...!!
I raised my hand to hit the wall but instead of wall hit in the empty air.
KARTIKKKKK!!! Are you insane??? Are you out of your mind!!!!
Shivi would get scare!!
Ahhhhh....!!!
FUCKKKK!!! FUCKKK!! FUCKKK!!
The start of morning was terrible!!
The tears of shivi....
The way she broke into my arms....
The way she cried.....
The way she screamed.....
The way she clutched my shoulder with his little hands in pain...
And her eyes....!!!
I saw doubt in her eyes today!!
Doubt for whom???
HIS FUCKING KARTIK....!!
Yeah I know she's just a kiddo that's why she let go things this easily....
But to me...???
Last few hours are still haunting my all the senses.....!!!
She would have forgiven me but I can't forgive myself!!!
Never...!!!
And beside that I tried to.....!!!
Ughhhhhhhh....!!!!!!
But I can't stay away from her....!!!
I just can't.
I don't know but because of these all things which happened, I am craving more for her....!!!
I NEED HER....!!
I WANT TO FEEL HER....!!!
I JUST CAN'T BEAR EVEN AN INCH OF DISTANCE BETWEEN US....!!!
But okay, if she's not comfortable.... Than her happiness, her comfort is my priority.
And she's too young for this too.
I can understand.
I totally can understand.
If I'll not understand what she wants or what she wish for or if she's comfortable or not than who would!!
But, Can I just dieee???
For hell sakeee I need to behave myself!!!
After that my heart didn't allow me have any bite of food.
And food???
My conscious is not even allowing me to have a drop of water....!!
And how can I???
Because of me, My sweeta was all thirsty and hungry!!
I can't!!!!
Thank God to Raj that she was distracted.
Or else I didn't knew how to explain her.
I reached shivi's room and went straight to washroom.
I can't go back to my room!!
I don't know why!!
But I just can't!!!
She must need some time after what I did and I too need a little time...!!
I really need to wash off all the thoughts!!!
I need to smile and be happy in front of her.
I don't want her to shed any other tear....
Because of me Or because of anyone just anyone!!
And tear???
I can't even bear her sad face..!!
I turned on the shower and took a quick bath as she must be waiting!!
I changed into my pjs.
I want to spend as much time I can with her...!!
That's why I kept off for office too.
Office can wait.
Work can wait.
Everything can wait.
But my sweeta!!
Nahh!! Her happiness is important.
If she wants me, than no matter if I am on death bed.
Kartik would come for Shivi!!
I looked at myself in mirror.
Smile Kartik Smile....!!!
You have to smile...!!
Haaaah!!!
I threw towel on the couch.
Shit!!!
I rushed to couch and picked it up and kept it neatly.
Phew!! This is shivi's room!!
She would get angry...!!
Anyways Am safe...
I turned back and walked straight to Kitchen.
Sorry Shivu baby! Am sorry!
Your ice cream delayed...!!!
Just two minutes.
I reminded myself.
Though!! Doctor said no but little much won't effect I think.
Would it??
No it won't!!
My shivi is strong!!
I'll give her warm water after this.
I looked at ice cream and add one scoup of it in the bowl....!!
Ummm... It's enough!!
I turned back and stride towards our room.
I stopped outside the room and took a deep breath.
Hahhhh! Kartik Smile...!!
I reminded myself again...!
I opened the door and ufffff!!!
Now I don't need to fake any Smile....!!
I looked at her and she was laying on her stomach and swinging her legs.
She was giggling and playing with kitty.
I looked at her and it feels like someone moved a magic wand and took away all my tension, my stress my everything.
All I want to do is to stand here and adore her.
"Kitty, and you know what bhai made breakfast for me todayyy" She told kitty excitedly.
"It was too yummy, I never knew bhai could cook but it was yummmm" She added creasing kitty.
"Achaaa ji and what about Kartik hmm???" I asked walking towards her.
She looked at me and gasped.
I looked at her confused and sat beside her.
She too sat with kitty in her arms and she took bowl from my hand.
"Ice cream" She said excitedly.
"Yeahhhh ice cream!!!" I said with same excitement and chuckled.
I filled spoon with it and stretched my hand towards her.
When she opened her mouth, I pulled my hand back.
"Ahh---aaa" I said.
And she huffed.
"This is the last one okay!! No more ice creams till your exams get over" I said strictly looking at her.
Because she gets ill too fast!
I don't want to but I have to!!
And she made a pout.
I looked at her raising my eye brows and asked again, "Okay"
She looked at me for a second and replied, "Okay Okay, but itssss melting!!!"
"Ohh sorry sorry" I said and streched spoon towards her.
She ate it, joy and happiness was clear on her face.
Sometimes I feel jealous from this ice cream! How happy my sweeta feels eating this little thing!!
No No No!! Am not jealous because she's happy!
Not at all....
Am jealous because why am not the reason for her this big smile...!!
All I always gave her is tears!!
No matter how much I try.
"Kartikkkkk" She said looking at me. And I came back from my thoughts.
I smiled and gave her the other spoon filled with her favorite ice cream.
Okay! I don't mind from where happiness is coming!
At least she's happy.
I gave kitty ice cream too and then let her eat it.
Because Okay, she can eat everything from my hand but her ice cream!! She wants to enjoy it herself!
I shaked my head and smiled looking at her enlightened face!!
Uffffff My kiddo!!
I just sat aside and looked at her enjoying every bite of it.
Hamara toh dekh kar hi dil bhar jata hai...!!
Koi itna pyaara kese ho sakta hai!!!
Haayeeeee....!!
________________________
"Okay baby, Break fast done!
Ice cream done! Playing with kitty done!" I said and she counted on her finger and nodded on every done.
I looked at her and folded my arms.
She looked at me and then giggled.
"Okay Okay serious" She replied.
"Yeahh!! Thankyou madam. Time for studies now" I added.
She looked at me with puppy eyes and started fidgeting her fingers.
I thinned my eyes and looked back.
Puppy eyes ain't going to work in this topic sweeeta!
I thought inside actually I reminded my inner self not to melt.
"Okay fine" She said slowly.
"Pass me the books please" She added.
"Myyy Good girl" I said and stood up.
I picked her books up and gave her on the bed.
Kitty was still in her laps.
I sighed.
And tried to pick her up.
But she took her before me and turned to other side.
"Not her kartikkkkkk" She said.
"Shivii" I said and tried to take her. I know she would get distracted.
"No No No please!! I'll study seriously pakka promise" She said and lowered her lips so cutely.
Here I melted.
But still, I tried to keep stern expressions.
"Okay, but Am watching you" I said and touched her nose.
And she smiled and noded.
I sat on the couch and opened my macbook.
There are too many pending mailes. I don't know where Ruhi is lost these days!!
But she is not into work!
I replaced Adwait with Virat for Shivi.
But from now on, I'll keep my eyes too twenty four into seven.
I can't trust anyone with Shivi now.
I wanted to Kill that bastard for what he did.
But I cross checked the hospital and his mother was seriously injured.
I can be strict and rude but Am not cruel.
I made sure her mother would get best treatment.
But what Adwait did was not right! I can't trust him again.
Where Shivi's safety is the topic, I can't take risk...!!
And if we talk about Ruhi,
Her family conditions aren't good so I can't fire her.
Besides that, it's her first mistake so I thought of giving her a chance.
I didn't wanted to!
I really didn't wanted to!
As she didn't informed me, if she would have then this would had never happened.
But fault was mine too!!
I hadn't asked!
So that's why, A last chance to her.
I sighed and looked up.
"Shivi Am looking at you" I said authoritatively.
Damnn!! This girl is doing something on her phone.
She flinched and kept it on a side.
"I am studying only" She said writing something on her notebook.
Haaah!!!
I opened my mails and a voice came.
"Kartikkk" She said politely.
"Hmmm" I hummed checking mails.
"I just remembered something"
She said slowly.
I looked up at her.
"And that's what sweeta?" I asked.
She looked at me with her doe eyes and blinked innocently.
Okayyy!! Something is coming!!
Be prepared Kartik...!!
"Say baby what happened" I asked softly.
"Are you busy??" She asked again.
I closed my macbook.
"For you?? Never. Tell me what happened" I asked.
"Actually, we needed to complete an assignment before exams"
She said fidgeting her fingers.
I looked at her confused.
"So??" I asked.
"Haven't you completed" I added.
She looked back at me.
"Suno tohhh" She replied.
"Okay Okay sorry sunaiye ji" I asked.
"In that assignment, we need to make presentation about any successful businessman from whom we are inspired" She said looking at me.
"Hmm I see" I replied.
She stood up from the bed and walked towards me.
"Anddd" She continued.
"Hmm-Hmm" I hummed.
She stood beside me, still fidgeting her fingers.
I looked up at her.
"You are my inspiration" She added.
I looked at her confused and then chuckled.
"Ohh That's my honor baby!!!
So what's problem in that hmm" I held her hand and made her sit on my lap.
She looked up at me and then leaned her head on my chest.
"But I don't know much about your business and all" She said disappointed.
"Ohhh so that's the problem??"
I said tugging her hair behind her ear.
She nodded in yes.
I creased her hair.
"You know what Sweeta, I never had given such interviews telling my business things and all" I replied.
She blinked her eyes looking at me and made a sad face.
Before I say something else she sat straight and replied,
"It's okay! No problem! I'll write about someone else"
My eyes darkened at that thought.
But I closed them and softened my gaze again.
"And I'll let you hmm?? Why would my girl write about someone else when she have me?" I asked looking at her eyes.
"But you don't like telling about your things to other naa" She said.
I cupped her face and pecked her lips softly.
"I said others, OTHERS! Sweeta, are you some other person? You are my part! Actually not part..!! My life starts with you and it would end with you!! Baby"
I said creasing her cheeks.
She looked at me for a second and then smiled.
"Does that mean you'll help me??" She asked excitedly.
"Of course I'll" I replied.
"You are the best" She threw her arms over me and wrapped me into a hug.
I hugged her back and rubbed her back.
"Okay ask what you want to ask" I said and she pulled back the hug.
She again looked down.
I looked at her and asked,
"Abhi kya hua meri jaan"
"I need to study too" She said sadly.
I thinned my eyes and looked at her.
Okay I got what she wants!!!
I suppressed my chuckle.
Okay Guys!! This all is a drama!!
"Awww sweeta, than your assignment??? " I asked giving contribution to her nautanki!!
(Drama)
"You said you are free??" She said with doe eyes.
"Hmm hmm yeah I am" I said nodding.
"Will you please make my presentation?? I'll read ut thoroughly pakka promise. You just have to write about yourself" She said with puppy eyes.
Seee! Told you!!
I raised my eye brows and looked at her.
"Please Kartikk, I have exam also" She said dramatically.
I sighed.
Can I say no to her??
And that too when she is asking this cutely???
Even though I know it's a drama!!!
But still....!!
"Ab aap aese please kahenge toh hum kese mana kar payege" I replied and she jumped happily and stood on the couch.
"Thank youuuuu!!! I loveee youuuu!!!" She said happily.
I shaked my head and smiled.
But returned back to strict expression.
"But only if, you'll study seriously" I said looking at her.
She smiled and replied, "Okay Okay promise"
I sighed and chuckled.
Ufffff Ufff Ufff!!!
My kiddo!!!
She went back to bed smiling and returned to study.
I looked at her for a while to make sure she is studying seriously.
Okay Kartik!! Business presentations too can wait!!
Assignment of Shivi is important!!
What is the fun of being A CEO if you can't be handy in your girl's work??
If she hadn't pulled this much emotional blackmail and just said me to do this, then too I have did it!!
But well.... My advantage..!!
I got to see some cute harakatein!!!
I smiled and started making her presentation.
I keep on checking her too in between and my baby is studying seriously!!
Kitty too is sitting beside her silently watching her.
Yeah!! She's a bright student I know and I don't want her to get distracted because of me Or any other thing!!
Evil eyes off!! One day she'll be more successful than me....
Even more than anyone else in this universe too...!!
I don't know about others but I have trust on my baby!!!
_______________________
It's evening, and she's still studying.
My baby!!!
I completed her presentation hours ago.
But I wasn't able to do anything else.
I was busy adoring her.
I was too much captivated by her.
I love watching her when she's in her world.
I love capturing her every gesture, her every action.
She is too much into it that she even was denying to have lunch.
But still I made her eat that while she was watching her lecture.
She is getting too week these days!
I can't let her skip her meals.
I know exams and all but still food is important.
And it's okay if she is careless towards her health!
If she need to take care of herself for what purpose I am for?
I am here to take her care!
I am here to make sure she's having everything on time!
I am here to make sure she's healthy!!
I am here to make sure that nothing bother her.
I am here.
I'll always be!!!
"Okayyy sweeta, Let's have a little break" I said closing her books.
She is studying since morning!!
A break is necessary!!
"Kartikkkk, let me complete it first" She said looking at me.
"Complete it later on kiddo! Will you join me for a walk for now???" I asked looking at her.
"A walk???" She asked standing on the bed.
"Yeahhh a long walk" I said smiling looking at her.
"Am always ready" She said happily.
"Waittt!! You aren't coming like this" I said pulling her hands back as she was ready to step down.
"What's wrong???" She said looking at her from up to down.
"It's cold outside bachaaa! Change into your hoodie and trouser" I said cupping her face.
She pouted.
"It's not that coldd" She replied.
"Yes it is sweeta" I replied.
"Kartikkkk" She said.
I sighed.
"What about matching matching hoodie??" I asked.
She gasped with surprise.
"Really??? You'll match with meee???" She asked looking at me excitedly.
I nodded smiling.
"Aaaaaahhhh!!! I love youuu" She screamed happily.
"And I loveeeee you moreee" I replied ruffling her hair.
That was easyyy!!!!
She's happy!
She's wearing hoodie!!
Win Win situation!!
Only I have to now match clothes like college going teenagerss!!
But Okayy It's Okay!!
Mentioning again!!
Shivi ki khushi ke liye kuch bhii...!!!
And I walked towards the my wardrobe.
I picked this set last time when we were buying outfit for her because she smiled and said how cute to a couple wearing matching clothes.
I grabbed it and came back.
She is Looking so happy!
Now I am getting why people says, small things matters.
Yes small things do matter!!
I made her wear them and wore it myself too.
And ufffff!!!!!
My little panda!!
I took a step back and looked at her from head to toes.
Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!
She moved around and showed me her outfit excitedly.
I swear no more cute creature have ever existed in this universe.
It's a hoodie of black and white panda coloured.
I know, I must be looking like a joker but look her herrrrr!!!!!
She asked shyly, "How am looking"
And then I blame myself to loose control!!!
How could anyone not loose control when The one in Front of you this thisss kuchuu muchuuu cutiee cutieee!!!
These wordsss!!!
These words are just made for her!!!!
My cutu little panda!!
Her cheeks are getting red looking at my constant gaze and she looked down.
I can't utter a word.
Why she's soo cuteeee????
If for this....
For thiss.....
I have to give away my reputation and step out like a joker kind of panda, Manzoor hai!!! Sabh manzoor hai!!!
Lekinnnn hayeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Inhe dekhiyeee!!!
Mar hi na jayeee hmmm!!!!!
I grabbed her kajal from my drawer.
Her most of the accessories and things are in my pockets and drawers!!!
And wasting no time applied on the back of her ear.
"Nazar na lagee" I said.
And she blushed.
But then she took that kajal and applied on my ear too.
"Shiviiii what are you doing" I asked confused.
"Youuuu are looking so cutee!! And sundar sundar!! I don't want people to ogle on you." She replied.
I pulled her closer to mine.
"Is my baby jealous" I asked softly.
And she started gazing down.
I kept my finger underneath her chin and made her look up.
"Are you jealous sweeta" I asked again in a tease voice.
And she shaked her head in no.
"No am not!! I am just saving you from evil eyes" She said and stepped down from the bed.
"Now come we are getting late" And she rushed towards the door.
"Oooiiiii waitttt!! Am coming" I ran behind her.
She giggled and rushed down stairs. "Catch me if you can" She said.
"Ahm ahm, baby If I'll catch youuuuu thennn..." I said
"Then what Mr. Kartik" She said standing behind the couch.
I reached down stairs and said,
"Thennnnnn"
She rushed and giggled asking,
"Thennnn whatttt????"
"Nothing, then I'll buy you
jilmil wale ballons" I said innocently and stood at a side.
"Ohhhh really??? " She asked excitedly.
"Yeahhhh really" I replied.
"Okayyy then I am happy to get caught" She said and stood at a place.
I raised my eye brows and looked at her.
"Really???" I asked.
And she nodded like a baby.
"But I don't want to catch you now" I said and started walking towards the door.
She huffed and stood there folding her arms.
"You are too bad" She replied.
I chuckled and pulled her hand towards me.
And pecked her head.
"I know I know, comee let's go" I said and squeezed her hand with a warm touch in mine.