He never talked to me in this way.... He never said me that I am busy right now... Why he wouldn't say!!! Of course he'll be like this because I have hurt him.... I made him sad.... The one who always helped me is hurt because of me..... How can I be this idiot and selfish.... He gave me love... Care.... Home.... Shelter... and everything I want just in one say.... Even if any wish is just in my heart he complete that too... And I did this to him....
Tears collected in my eyes..... But... Ahhh!! I wiped them off and walked towards the main door... I should not be here.... I think I am the problem.... No one deserves me.... Isiliye toh bhagwan ji ne sabhi ko cheen liya mujse..... !!!
I walked out of his home..... I should not live with him... All I'll give him is sadness am not worthy of his care... His love.... His friendship... Am sorry Kartik!!!
I was too lost that I don't know where I was going.... Suddenly I heard a loud horn.... I realized I was in the middle of the road....
One man in the car said "marne ka shok hai toh kahi aur jaake maro"
"Sorry bhaiya" I apologized and
Stood at the side of the road....
"Kaha jaun mei??? Koi bhi toh nahi hai mera is duniya mei" And tears started flowing from my eyes...
Why Krishna ji??? Why??? Didn't I even deserve anyone in my life??? Why you take everyone from me??? My parents left me... Bhai left me.... And now Kartik is also disappointed... I have no where to go in this big universe.... Am I this unworthy of love????
And I started taking slow steps again... And am starving now...
Kartik had locked himself in room.... He was always there when he need me but me???? I can't even console him because am the Only reason of his sadness.... He too must have not eaten anything........
Then I remember how he make sure that I had my food on proper time.... How he care about my little things.... He even feed me with his own hands... He is a billionaire but still cooks for me and treats me like his little baby... No no... Kiddo.....
And I smiled.... But!!! I ruined it all... And tears left my eyes.... My heart is tearing inside.....I curled up at the side of the road and started crying......
After some time someone kept her hand on my shoulder... And said with concern "Shivuu what are you doing here in the mid of the road"
When I looked up.... She was no one but my badi maa.... The lady of our orphanage... Where my parents left me when I was a baby of just some days....
Seeing her familiar face and touch..... I broke into more cries.... "Badi maa" I cried and hugged her tight.....
She creased my back "Shhh shhhh bachaa be quiet am here hmmm... Shhhhh" And consoled me a little..... But I can't hold myself....
She cupped my face and wiped my tears.... " What are you doing here hmmm where's Yuvraj??? " She asked.....
I was too broken at that time to speak anything...
"Ok ok first shhhh be quiet shabashhhh you my brave bachaa right shhh good girl" She said in motherly voice..... I always see her as my mother....
"Badi maaa please take me with you please" I managed to speak between my sobs....
She creased my cheeks a little and said "Okk hmmm first be quiet" And she made me sit in her car and said driver to drove to orphanage... She too lives in orphanage with all the kids...
I kept crying all the route.... Tears were not stopping... It feels like all the tears I was holding from all ago have finally left my eyes now... But my heart was still aching!!! Am already missing Kartik
Badi maa tried to console me but my heart wants to go to Kartik.......!!! I can't hold back my tears.... Am trying but its not working....
When I reached orphanage....
Badi maa tried to ask me what happened.... But am not is state of telling anything,... She was both worried and concerned about me so she didn't pushed me further as more and more tears left my eyes with that question.....
I locked myself in the room for Whole day and curled myself in the corner....... I hadn't went outside the room neither I ate anything.... Badi maa and other children called me many times but I can't eat when I know Kartik too have not taken anything.... And must be worried.... Angry and hurt at this moment... From me.....
I layed on the floor and it's dark outside now.... My body heats up again...... Am feeling cold.... My head is aching.... My eyes are burning....But the pain in my heart is much more than this physical pain.....
And then my heart twitched.... I can feel something... I can feel someone's presence...
And I heard a knock on my door.... "Shivuu.....bacheee open the door... See I am here.... Now please come outside meri jaan hmmm" Kartik said in a sad but worried voice....
Ahhhh!!!! Why he is here... Yes am dying to run to him and hugg him tightly and never leave him... But I can't hurt him more in my selfishness.....
No one deserves a girl like me....!!! Am not even capable of being his friend...!!!
"My little dove please open the door... Aur mat tang karo apne kartik ko hmm please sweetaaa... " He again said in pleading voice....
And my stomach twitched badly... My heart ahhh!!!.... The pain is unbearable....... Am sorry Kartik..... I curled on the floor....And new set of tears left my eyes...
"Am so sorry meri jaaan Am Really sorry I swear I'll never hurt you again I promise.... Please..... Ahhh.... Please open the door.... Shivuu.... " He again said in voice which seems like he is crying.....
Ahh Krishna ji!!! Why you are doing this!!! Why??? I can't hold back anymore.... I tried to stand but ahhh!!! My legs are trembling..... The moment I stood up I fell back down with a thud...
"Ahhhh" I winced....
"Sh.... Shiviii you fine??? Baby.... Can you listen me..... Bachaaa????? " He said worried and next moment he kicked the door with full force and it forced open...
He saw me sitting on down on the floor and I can see concern.... Hurt..... Worry... Tension... Love... Relief.... And almost mix of everything in his eyes... And damnnn!!!! More tears left my eyes....