Auri breathed in through her nose and felt her dress bite into her skin as her lungs tried to expand. She let that air out. She took in another breath and let it out through her mouth. She breathed in again. The air went into her lungs which pushed out her chest. Her dress cut into the expanding skin and she breathed out. She closed her eyes counted to three and opened them. Her skin felt clammy and her hands were slightly shaky.
"You have confidence," Auri told herself under her breath as she shook her hands and waited for her cue to get in position.
"Be confident," she balanced on one dangerously tall heel as she shook out her leg.
"You are confident," her eye caught that of a stagehand who lifted his index finger at her.
That was her signal to get in position. She sashayed to her spot and waited for the next cue.
I am confident, she thought to herself. I am beautiful.
She was in character now. Despite the nerves threatening to overtake her, she knew she had it in her to walk that stage. She was beautiful. She knew she was beautiful. That wasn't where her discomfort stemmed from.
What if I stumble? She wondered. What if I fall? What if I'm not good enough?
She looked down at her dress. She didn't need to worry about tripping on it. She had practised on the heels until her feet were an extension of them. She should have been more confident but she was not. She needed a boost.
Think of Mara, she told herself. Remember why you are here.
She raised her chin. The memory of her best friend broken in the hospital came to her. Mara did not deserve what she had gotten. She deserved better than what she had. The person who had played with her delicate emotions needed to pay. They needed to feel what Mara had felt when they had hurt her. She fisted her hands as determination hardened her eyes. She needed to get a better hold of herself. She needed to be more controlled. Everything depended on her being just right.
She felt her confidence begin to waver but she locked her knees and maintained her pose. She would be a goddess on that catwalk. Important people would be watching her. She would not mess up this gig. She would be perfection. She would be the girl every man wants and every woman envies. She had the body for it. All she needed to do was walk. But walking wasn't just walking. She knew that. She had put a lot of work into being where she was now. She could not fail. She would not fail.
The lights flashed twice. That was her cue. She took a deep breath.
This is for Mara, she thought and then began walking.
She took a few long strides and she was exposed to her audience. She posed with her leg bent making sure to highlight how the dress made her body look more beautiful.
You're just an animated mannequin, she reminded herself, showing off the dress.
She began walking the runway each step perfectly in sync with the music and the red material flowing behind her. It was a long gorgeous gown that was designed to make her look like a death goddess. She made sure her steps were smooth so that her movements were a fast glide to the music.
Her eyes remained straight ahead but she wanted to scan the crowd. She wanted to know if he was here. She had to believe he was. Sharon had assured her he would be.
Weave your web little spider, she told herself. Your fly is here.
She reached the end of the runway and smirked at a spot in the distance. She reached with elegant movements behind her, grabbed the tail of her dress, and waved it forward as she turned sideways. She looked over her shoulder, smirk gone her face serious and serene, and turned again so that she was facing the way she had come. She walked confidently to the beginning of the runway, stopped and turned to face her audience again making sure the fabric of her dress flew as she did so.
This is my best, she thought. I am doing my very best, Mara. I will make them pay. A fraction of your pain is what they deserve.
She felt her gaze become hard, angry and unforgiving. She turned her back to the audience and strutted out of their view. She went into the dressing room and let herself deflate. She hoped the last expression on her face had gone unnoticed.
I did it! She thought with her heart beating fiercely in her chest. I did not stumble. I was perfect.
She had a few minutes before she had to go back out there. A few minutes to feel the shoes pinch her feet and the dress bite into her skin.
Beauty is pain, she reminded herself. Mara is in more pain than this. It's the least I can do.
Noticing she was in the way of designer's assistants rushing around with dresses and pins. She did not want to be run over so she went over and stood where the other girls were grouped. Out of the way.
They all had blank expressions on their faces. They were in pain. She knew they were in pain. They had been tightly strapped into corsets that she knew from experience chafed. Some of the dresses had straps that had been tied so tight they were cutting off circulation. The shoes… The shoes were never meant for comfort. They were painful things that Auri doubted most of them would wear by choice. Topping off their pain was the fact that they could not sit. It would wrinkle the fabric of their clothes. They could not lean their heads into anything. It would mess up their hair. No touching faces as it might mess up the intrinsic makeup.
Auri hoped that her pain would pay off sooner rather than later. She thought she should be in a bigger show but her agent had assured her the people who needed to notice her would be here. The designers were not big people but a small group of recent university graduates who were not paying much for the models. Auri looked around the room and saw the designer of the current line bent over a model with pins in her mouth. She was making last-minute adjustments to the fabric draped on the pale skinny girl.
"I can't wait for the night to be over," one of the other models said as she balanced on one foot and lifted the other slightly off the ground.
"Tell me about it," another drawled, "It would be better if they'd let me smoke."
Auri felt her eyes widen in surprise.
"You smoke?" The question slipped out before she could hold it in.
She had been told by her agent that smoking and drinking were off the table for serious models. She stood by those rules. Her body was now an image she sold. It was perfection it would not get her far if she ruined it by harming it with bad habits.
"You got a problem with that?" the model drawled back a brow lifting.
"No," Auri said meeting the other girl's eye.
She could do what she wanted with her body and Auri could think what she wanted. She would not back down from a conflict but she hoped she would not be in one this soon. She usually preferred to watch and not be the centre of attention. Now everyone had their eyes on her. Their eyes were looking to take in any hint of drama.
Please lord make them look away, she mentally let out a prayer.
She did not need this. She was not fighting for whatever their end goals were.
"But doesn't that mess up your teeth and stuff?" another model asked cutting into the tension.
All eyes left Auri's form and she sighed in relief.
"I'm retiring soon," came the drawled response, "I will eat want I want, smoke what I want and never have to wear these awful shoes again. Not unless I want to."
The other models tittered. Ari inwardly nodded in agreement. This had not been her first chosen career. She was here for the only family she cared for. Mara needed her here.
"But we'll be sad to see you go," one model cooed and the others echoed their agreement.
Auri kept her mouth shut. She knew only those who had a real connection to the girl meant it. The others did not care. If they did, it was because there was one less girl to worry about. It was a game of who got to the top first. It was vicious but calm and serene at the top.
"It's not making me a living," the girl drawled as she put her foot down with a wince and lifted the other one.
"I want to get married soon," she explained her voice bored, "I want to have babies and put this part of my life behind me."
"Well, good luck Bea," one girl said with a tender smile on her face and the others echoed her.
"Girls!" A voice said and they all turned towards it.
It was the stage manager with his clipboard. Auri felt her back straighten. It was time to go back out there again.
"Line up for the final walk," he commanded and the girls moved to do as he said.
They lined up and waited for the headliner to come back. When she did, the music changed and so did the lights. The models began to file out onto the runway again. Auri patiently waited for her turn. She stood in a line like a schoolgirl. The nerves came back in full force. In her mind's eye, she saw images of herself falling flat on her face and people laughing her off the stage.
You look gorgeous, she told herself, you're the sexiest thing alive right now. You will not stumble. You never stumble. You are a graceful swan. You're an angel of vengeance.
Focus on that, she thought as the pain in her foot made itself known.
Focus on you being the sexiest ass in the house. Focus on Mara.
When the girl in front of herself walked onto the runway, she lifted her head confidently and glided onto the stage in front of the runway. When the girl reached the end and turned, the lights flashed reminding Auri it was her turn. She began moving to the beat of the music. Her dress did its floating business behind her. She felt sexy. She channelled sexy. She was sexy, damn it! She gave a seductive smile at a spot in the distance.
As she reached the end of the runway, she reached for the skirt and flung it as she turned. She gave a glare at that spot in the distance and turned again so that she was walking back to the beginning of the runway. She reached the end and joined the girls standing in a file. Striking the pageant pose and holding it. A smile on her face. That smile hid her internal pain. She wanted out of these shoes. She knew her feet were bruised. She hoped she would not be limping around the next day.
She had done good though. She was sure she had left a mark on the audience. Sadness overtook her as she remembered that it should be Mara in a spot similar to this one. Her place was in the audience watching supporting. But she was here and Mara was in a hospital bed. In pain. With machines breathing for her.
Smile, she told herself as she felt the urge to grimace, we're almost done.
That was a lie but her body needed to hear it. She was closer to being done that a few minutes back.
The headliner model came out and walked the runway. Her movements were smooth and her body owned the music. Her dress bounced beautifully behind her. Her smirk as she walked off the runway said she knew she had killed it. She had. Auri could see why she was the headliner. She had the looks and the grace. She was beautiful. She reached the end of the runway and waited expectantly.
Mara had been the headliner of a much bigger show. She had been better. She had been unique. She had been full of life and joy. Until she had not.
Lights flashed and Auri reminded herself of where she was. Her smile felt plastic. She took a deep breath and focused on what she was doing. She needed to not blow it now. She was almost done. She could not blow it. She would not blow it.
The designer came out and the headliner took her hand. Auri and the rest of the girls clapped as the headliner escorted the headliner down the runway. The designer, who was a short brown-haired girl with large spectacles over her face, took a bow and shyly walked back.
She got off the stage and the models followed her.
It's over! Auri thought as she got off the runway, I'm free!
But she was not free. Not yet. She had to wait her turn to be stripped out of the dress she was in. She wanted to cry. It was taking too long for them to get to her. She could not strip out of the dress on her own. If she ruined the dress, she would have to buy it. It was a beautiful dress but she did not want it making a dent in her wallet. Where would she wear it?
She did not dare take off the shoes because that would crush the bottom of the dress.
"Aurelie!" she heard her name being called and her head turned.
It was her agent, Sharon. The woman was waving for her to join her. She was talking to two well-dressed men and she had a big smile on her face. There was also an excited gleam in her eyes.
Auri went over to her agent and stood by her. Sharon put her hand on her back.
"Aurelie, meet Mr Nicolas Leroux and Mr Oliver Knight," Auri's eyes widened.
She knew those names. They were big names in the fashion and modelling industry respectively. One of them was the reason she was here.
The fly is in your web, little spider, she thought and fought off a triumphant smirk.
Aurelie looked up at the men and her breath caught in her lungs. The heavens were smiling down at her. She could almost hear cherubs sing. Nicolas Leroux had dark hair that ran down his neck and brushed the collar of his leather jacket. He had piercing green eyes that were studying her intently. She could see why any woman would fall for him; Why Mara had fallen for him.
Oliver Knight had blond hair that was neatly trimmed and styled. He was wearing a tux that looked like it was worth more than four months of her rent. His blue eyes were bored as he surveyed the models in the room and Auri despite her discomfort, was glad she was still dressed. He had been Mara's boss. He had tried to protect her. He had failed.
"Good evening," Auri's voice came out breathy and husky.
It was time for phase two.