I don't know if he was behaving strange or it was just me angry from his past deeds that I could not see that he just wanted to talk to me and was being angry just because I was not talking properly. But, I wanted this talk to be gentle and not out of anger. I didn't like the way I received hhe taunt.
The whole thing became worse on chat. This made me tell him that I didn't love him because of the past. I was trying to cope with this feeling and move on. I was staying just to give ourselves a chance but there was a thought through which I was going, every second of my life that this man betrayed me, lied to me, broke my trust, played with my feelings and almost cheated. He got to understand my importance after destroying everything and I could give the whole trust and comfort in just a second, especially to this person.
This conversation took a very different turn and I realised that there is a very crucial need for me to heal and have a break from everything I went through. I decided to breakup once again. I stepped back because now I couldn't trust him. I needed to decide that should I actually have to give him a chance to see what he does or should I never turn back?
So, it was the time for me to go on a break. Love myself. Get to know me. Actually feel what I need. Then I would try if I could give him one more chance. If things actually work out, it will be great. But if something keeps on to go wrong, I would permanently step back from his relationship.
This time I kept a hold on myself. I didn't listen to him because it was his duty to stop me from leaving and so he did.
The small conversation turning into a big fight actually gave a me a chance to learn more and take time befor rushing into anything. The harsh words I used with him or the harsh behaviour he did which I think he did would fade away and we will do a fresh start.
I needed healing so badly that I cut off myself from going outside. I stayed at home. I didn't even go the gym. Although, I was doing work from home but it was not a pressure on me. I enjoyed my work and I decided to stick to it.
But still I know that it will always bother me that he cheated.