There was something in front of me, cold and bright. A frantic sort of light, piercing through that suffocating darkness. My body felt heavy, like I was chained down deep underwater with a dozen tumbling mountains pressing me down.
Then it came: suffocation.
My chest tightened, my heart raged and my lungs seemed to squeeze out the air out of me. The light flared but the darkness pressed in with renewed vigour.
Oh shit. Panic set in and I could no longer feel. My limbs flailed desperately, reaching for something, anything to hold onto. The lights flickered, I lunged towards the light, afraid to fall into that coldness. Gradually, my breaths slowed, reduced to shallow gasps until, finally my heart calmed. The heavy weight seemed to lift, and I collapsed, drenched in sweat.
"I'm alive"
I repeated the words out loud needing the sound to reassure myself. I moved my hands around tentatively. A bit stiff but otherwise fine. Good enough.
I sat up slowly, leaning on the bed post for support. The silence filled the room, broken only by my soft gasps. I stared out the open window in a daze, recalling what had just transpired, as tiny dust particles filtered into my room along with the sunlight.
Sigh
Relief washed over me. But a part of me burned with disappointment, wondering why it ended so soon, wondering why I'm still- stop! I forced my thoughts to a halt, intend on steering clear of those thoughts.
'The only time I'm alive,' a hollow chuckle escaped my lips, 'is when I'm on the verge of death- or in my case an anxiety -induced-verge-of-death-state.' I scoffed at that, the corner of my lips curling up into a bitter smile.'Hope your proud of the person I've become', I mused as I pictured their reaction. That plunged me into a laughing spree untill I ened up in dry coughs.
Either way it's only these walls that stand witness to every battles I've fought, enclosed in that thick cold cage. And it'll remain that way.
I'm terrified. I'm thrilled. I'm indifferent.
I feel too much. I feel until it hurts.
'AHHH!', I screamed desparately in my head, dragging my sweaty hands down my face.
"It's 7:30! WAKE UP!! ", Mom's voice cut off any other gloomy thoughts that were about to pop up.
'I can already tell how today's gonna be- just not sure how bad it's gonna be', I groaned in annoyance.
I took a deep breath before yelling back, " I'M AWAKE!!". My body struggling to get off that cocoon of comfort.
"Ugh, so annoying", I grumbled under my breath, a mirthless smile blooming on my face that soon turned into irritation as my sister barged into my room.
"Welcome to the land of the livi- what the hell!!?", she froze mid step, silently creeped out but trying to put up a brave front, "what are you smiling at, you weirdo!?"
"The usual", I replied with a lazy smirk.
Her annoyed glare pointed out my success in irritating her. Her gaze flickered with concern before she turned around with a huff, that warmed my heart. She resumed her search, her navy blue uniform lay aside crumbled at the edges.
"What are you looking for?" I questioned eventually, unable to hide my curiosity.
"My sports jersey; 'cuz I have practice today", she replies with a 'duh' tone, puffing up her cheeks in frustration.
'Sassy much', I thought as I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.
"It's upstairs", I helped out hoping she'd leave quickly.
She turns around, glaring at me with what she called the "death stare". Sadly, it was anything but intimidating.
" You could've have told me a bit earlier, don't you think", she snapped back through clenched teeth.
"Oh my, I didn't know", I shot back, my voice thick with sarcasm.
"I don't wanna deal with your shit first thing in the morning!", she hissed.
With a silent sigh, I walked out of the room before she could get another word in.
'Gosh, does she have to be this annoying? '
I found myself in the bathroom, tracing my worn out reflection. Dark circles framed my eyes, proof of yet another sleepless night. Another sigh charged in, as the fatigue sunk in.
"It's another day", I told myself. Sports Day. College. Social interaction. Mentally draining as always.
I shook my head, trying to get rid of the negativity. A splash of cold water on my face, jolted me awake. A deep breath and set out, bracing myself for what today has to offer.
By the time I reached the dining room, dad was already rushing out.
"Bye bye, see you", he called out rather enthusiastically.
"Bye", I responded flatly. Not that he noticed, or ever did.
I glanced at the clock. 7:45. Enough time, I suppose.
Stepping onto the balcony, I let the early morning air brush against my skin. For a moment, there was peace. Just me, the birds, and the stillness.
Until my sister shattered it.
"I'm leaving!" she yelled, rushing to slip on her shoes.
"Damn, what were you doing all this time?!" I called out, half-amused, half-exasperated.
"The food wasn't ready," she mumbled, not meeting my eyes.
Mom chimed in from the kitchen, "More like you wasted time dancing in the bathroom!"
Ah. That explained it. I chuckled softly.
"Bye-bye!" My sister bolted out the door like a guilty child avoiding scolding.
Mom and I shared a look before bursting into laughter. Moments like these were rare but comforting.
Then Mom reminded me: "Take a bath!"
"Do I have to?" I grumbled, stepping into the garden to delay the inevitable.
That's when I noticed something was wrong.
My baby—my beloved plant—was missing. My heart sank. Frantically, I searched every corner of the garden. Ten agonizing minutes later, I found her under the mango tree, wilted and surrounded by a deathly aura.
"Oh, my baby," I whispered, my chest tightening as I knelt beside her. "What happened?"