The remainder of the day seemed to go by quiet and slow. I kept replaying the morning events in my head. Was I over reacting? No. I had the portrait under control till he scared me. He made a valid point about Yuri though. If I had fallen of my own accord, who would have known? I could argue that they were coming with breakfast but I didn't know that. I'm used to children needing me for only eight hours not twenty-four. I had no children of my own...no husband for that matter. My younger brothers, sure, but they weren't infants when mom and dad passed. I also had Levi's help...Levi. I stared down at Yuri in my arms.
"I'm sorry. I'll be more mindful in the future." I said. I kissed her little forehead. Had I come to terms with this situation too fast? What if I screwed up again and he moved me from Yuri's side? Would I live the rest of my life in a foreign country?? Alone?? How come these thoughts had never come to mind till now?? Shock?? Was I still in denial that this was all happening?? Levi..he would have to be sole guardian to the boys. Tears began to pour down. I pulled Yuri in closer. "I'm sorry, Levi. I screwed up...I didn't mean to leave you with such a heavy burden." There was a knock on the door. I quickly moved Yuri to her bed. "Come in" I answered barely audible. Quickly, I wiped the tears from my face.
"Master is on his way over from the main house to have dinner with you." said Mai. I gripped the railings on Yuri's crib.
"I'm not hungry...please just tell him to leave and to let you leave." I answered through my gritted teeth.
"Lena...you know it will be the same as earlier.." answered Mai. I turned towards her. Even though the only light was coming from the hallway and a nightlight in the room, for easy night time feedings, Mai must have been able to tell I'd been crying. "Lena..I'll tell Master you're just putting Yuri down and you'll be out in a bit." she said quietly. Then she closed the door. It would be like this morning. Mai would be forced to stay. I rolled my eyes as I wiped my tears. Least she gave me an out to regain my composure. Finally after calming down a bit, I made my way to the dining room. I really wasn't lying though. My appetite was very low. I spent most of the time pushing my food around on the plate.
"The food not to your liking?" asked the horseman. His words startled me a bit after eating in silence for so long. I shrugged.
"Just not hungry." I answered as I stared at my plate. I could feel him staring at me but I didn't meet his gaze. "Are you going to come here for all of your meals?" I asked. There was more answer for awhile.
"Yes. At least for breakfast and dinner. That is until I'm shipped out again." he answered. I gave a nod.
"Why don't you hold or ask about Yuri?? You seem more worried about me then your own daughter? I have no children of my own, so I won't pretend to have immense knowledge of the subject. But...I do have younger brothers who I've practically raised since their toddler years and I know that I miss them like crazy. Going without any contact from them is heartbreaking." I added. I didn't even know if they were OK for that matter. The two younger boys go to a school by Levi's community college. I never had a chance to try and contact them before I was shipped off.
"It's not that I don't want to...it's just every time I've came she's been asleep. And I don't want to disturb her routine." He answered.
"She's what? Just under a month old?That's all they do at this age is eat, sleep, and dirty their diapers. So picking her up during sleep isn't going to disturb anything." I replied. I finally looked over at him. His focus was now on his plate and there was silence again. A sigh escaped my lips as I stood up from the table and began to walk away. I heard his chair move.
"Where are you going? You haven't ate yet?" He asked. I shrugged at his question though I knew quite well what I was doing. When I reached my room, I picked Yuri up out of her crib and walked back to the dining room. Horseman was still staring at his plate. I cleared my throat to get his attention. His eyes moved and met mine. Then I moved towards him and placed Yuri in his arms. At first, he seemed scared like he was worried that he would hurt her.
"You're doing fine, I promise. Just relax a bit. I know she seems fragile but she's not." I said as I placed my hand on his shoulder. I could feel the tension in his shoulders leave with my words. There was a half smile on his face as he stared at Yuri. "Good. That's better. I'll leave you two be. She should be good for a little bit yet." I added. As I began to leave, I felt his hand clasp around my wrist.
"Wait. Eat some food. I can't have you passing out while caring for Yuri due to not eating." He said staring at Yuri. I looked down at his hand. Quickly, he released me. I shook my head. "That was an order not a question." He added. Slowly I sat back down. I think he was more afraid to be left alone with her rather then worried if I ate or not.
"Why do you eat your meals here...with me? Why not in the main house?" I asked. It really didn't make sense to me. Yuri doesn't eat solids yet, so it's not like she could have meals with him. Plus if he wanted time with Yuri, why not come at other times? I'm sure a part of that must be work schedule. Besides that, what a pain it must be for the servants. The most important of all though, why is Yuri out here and not in the main house all together?? However, I didn't have the courage to ask that one yet.
"I told you before, didn't I? It's stuffy in there with..." he began but I put my hand up to cut him off.
"With your relatives, yes. But I don't think that's it..." I answered. He adjusted Yuri a bit in his arms.
"What? Do you want the truth?" he asked as his eyes narrowed. There was a change in atmosphere. What truth? Did he read me like an open book?? I sat stumbling on what to say but alls that came out was...
"What truth?" I blurted out but I quickly tried to cover up my screw up. "Are you trying to avoid another betr.. " I stopped mid word. What in the hell?! All I could think was, I'm dead. I shook my head and took a drink of my water. Then I thought of something. "It's not for the meals, but to gain my trust. For what though? I'm of no importance in my country. It's not like I'm a politician or an engineer or anything like that. I'm not even a soldier of any kind." I paused. "Maybe not trust then, but to make check ins on your war prisoner less...obvious, maybe?" I added. He burst out into laughter.
"You know, I was gonna stop you. But you were spiraling so fast. I have to admit, it was fun to watch." He said as he tried to catch his breath. My heart that was beating so hard began to quiet down. I didn't know how to respond. I stared down at my plate. Yuri began to stir in his arms. There was no hesitation as I hopped up from the table to make her a bottle and grabbed stuff to change her butt. Not even the sound of him calling after me did anything. It wasn't until I took Yuri from him and headed to the living room that I finally heard what he was saying. "Lena!" He yelled. I looked up at him as I sat on the floor with Yuri to change her before feeding her, since she was somewhat calm. "There. I thought maybe your hearing was gone or I had broke you."
"No. I just...to be honest, I'm tired... in all aspects. And Yuri is gonna be ready for bed as well so..." I answered. My hope was that he'd leave after that but he didn't. Instead he asked for something unexpected.
"Will you show me how to feed her? I'm not sure how much time I'll have before I'm shipped off again. Could be days or months. But either way, she won't be this tiny long. I'd at least like some memories of it." He asked. Why was he talking like he wasn't coming back? I gave a nod to his question and then placed Yuri back in his arms. Then I explained the steps of feeding and burping to him. I moved to the couch beside the rocking chair he sat in. Before I knew it I had fallen asleep.
I woke up to hearing Yuri cry through the baby monitor that was placed on the end table beside me. As I sat up a blanket fell down from my shoulder. He put her to bed and covered me up? I looked around but no one was there. He must have left. I went to my room to grab Yuri. As I sat on the bed with her, I felt something under me and it began to move. I jumped up and turned toward the bed to see horseman asleep in my bed?! I had sat on his hand! He began to mumble in his sleep. For being a soldier, he wasn't very in tune to his surroundings seeing as he didn't wake up. I laughed a bit. He still had his house shoes on. After I fed and got Yuri back to sleep, I decided I would leave him there but I removed his house shoes and his suit jacket. Then I covered him up. I hadn't realized how handsome he was, even in sleep. Maybe I had noticed when he had appeared before us in that field. Riding in on a horse out of nowhere in his uniform. What in the world was I thinking? I shook my head as I picked the baby monitor up and went back to the living room to sleep on the couch.
The next time I woke up, he was gone and it was only Yuri and I in the house again. I decided to lay back down in the bed for awhile this time. I was woke up by Mai knocking on my door and announcing that there was breakfast in the dining room. I walked out there expecting to find horseman but he wasn't there. Just the servants and a bunch of food.
"Is he not coming this time?" I asked Mai. She shook her head. I nodded and began to eat. I looked over at the head of the table chair that was empty. Why did my stomach turn at seeing the empty chair? "Mai, can the other servants leave? I'd hate to hold you all up." I asked as I nodded at the others. Mai nodded and said something in their language. The other servants left the house. "Why didn't he come today?"
"He took a personal day miss...there was mention of another blind date from his mother last night. I'm guessing between that and the late night here, he just needed a day to relax." answered Mai. I nodded.
"Sit down and make a plate for yourself Mai. I would like to continue our conversation from yesterday morning"