All my life I've craved affection like my life depended on it. I found it in my parents love for me. I found it in my siblings love too and I thought I found it in my friends also but how do i explain what is happening now. I always knew Ric liked me alot and that he does alot for my sake but I thought that's what friends do, that that's how they show love for each other. A harmless affection. It never crossed my mind that it could go wrong or that he could love me more than he should. In a different situation or if we were different people then there wouldn't be a problem. But there's no different situation in this reality.
Normally in a situation like this I have Ric to turn to but then Ric cannot be here for me this time so where do I start from?
Ash opens the door a few minutes after I knocked. It was late at night and I know this might not be a good time but I didn't want to go home and pretend that everything's alright when nothing is. Besides, telling Lay what happened is a big no.
"Hey Bee, how comes you're here this late" she says when she sees me but immediately raises her hands to her mouth with her eyes going wide.
"Don't tell me you went to ask him" she asked shocked.
"You adviced me to" I say striding past her into the apartment. I head to her brand new comfy sofa, lying down I fling my bag to the ground.
"It never crossed my mind that you'll go today. I actually thought it will take you a while to agree to talk to him" she continues.
"Surprise then " I say
"And?"
"And what?"
"And what happened" she asks.
"You were right Ash. I was the blind one" I sigh
"I feel so ashamed rightnow. I can't believe I didn't see it. The signs where all there you know but I ignored everything like a fool."
"You are not a fool Bee" she says sighing " So what are you going to do then ?"
"I don't know Ash" I say not knowing what else to do.
"I really don't.....know." I say with my voice breaking. The tears I thought where gone came rushing down suddenly and I try to wipe them off my face forcefully. Ash reaches for my hands to stop me then she pulls me to her, hugging me while patting me on the back. I try hard to pull myself together but her actions make me cry more.
"I don't know what to do Ash" I say again
"I told him not to contact me. That we need to stay away from each other" I explain.
"I had to do that Ash" I say
"I just had to. There wasn't any other option." I say still holding unto her. I didn't want to let go. I needed all the support I could get from her right now.
" You know I don't feel that.....way about him" I say " I only see him as a friend and nothing more" I try to explain. "So how could his own be different."
"I know" she says not saying more.
"But I blame myself for letting it come this far. If only i noticed early, maybe all this wouldn't be happening now"
She just stays with me like that for a while. I really needed this. I felt at peace right there and didn't know when I fell asleep.
I wake up to a very quiet apartment and I look around to see that I was covered with a blanket and had a pillow under my head. I guess Ash already left for work. I look around and noticed she left me a note on the table beside me that says;
"Sorry I had to rush to work. I made breakfast so try to eat when you see this. Don't think too much. You did the right thing."
I read the note over and over again while recounting everything that happened yesterday. How I wish it was all a dream.
I left Ash's place early after having breakfast. I head home to meet an equally empty place. I guess Lay's out too. I shower and change into something different and comfortable and decide to spend my day indoors. I plan on binge watching a series I'd been following some weeks back.
Minutes later after I get comfortable on the couch watching TV the front door opens to reveal Lay coming in. I guess she didn't go far then.
"Hey Bee. Ash called to say you where with her last night." she says heading towards me.
"Ooo" is all I manage to say.
"Are you okay?" she asks
"Yh, am fine. What made you ask?" I say my eyes looking anywhere but her. I don't want her getting into my head this morning.
"Nothing. Just looking out for you" she says smiling "I'm your big sister remember." she gives me a very big smile that is do unlike her. I wonder what's up but I try to not think too much about that. I smile at her too. Accepting all the love I could get. Then I suddenly begin to wonder how Ric is doing this morning. I wanted to pick up my phone and give him a call but I know I can't do that. It's for the best I say to myself again. What I did was for both of us even though am well aware it's hard. I remember his expression yesterday and I know he would take everything back if he could. But he can't. What's done is done right. I decide to plan ahead for my trip and wonder if I can bring it a bit earlier than planned. I need to be out of this environment as soon as possible. I pick up my phone placing a call to the manager, I ask if I could travel earlier and he approves. I start packing my bag for the trip making sure I had everything I'll be needing. After a few hours I head out with my luggage after I inform Lay about going. As I breath in the air outside I close my eyes, opening them again I can't help but hope that everything goes back to normal when I get back.